Desire Disguised

by Lynn Rae

  He mulled over greeting her with the standard “hello” or “how are you?” but before he could make up his mind, Mat bounded over to them, microspecs dangling from a strap around his neck, white box crushed in his grip. He glanced between them and grinned with pure pleasure.

  “Hi, Cara. Hi, Ben. Did you see my jumbo nano?” Not pausing for an answer, he kept going like a fully engaged rotoengine. “Did you see it take out that little green one? Blam, gone! Amaze! Ermil and I programmed ours to work together, and we had seven confirmed kills.”

  Cara nodded and reached for the box in his hand. She smoothed out the wrinkles and opened it to squint at the contents. “It sounds as if you had a great afternoon. Is your device in here?”

  “Sure it is, use the microspecs.” Mat whipped the pieces off his head and thrust them at his sister. “Hey, Cara, may I go talk to Ermil really quick before we go home?”

  “Make it fast, I need to cook.” Cara held the specs up to her eyes and tried to focus them one handed as she balanced the box in her other hand. Ben reached out and steadied it for her, and she gave him a quick look through the distortion of the lenses before ducking her head and peering inside the box.

  “Thanks. I just want to make sure it’s here. He’s spent a lot of time on it.”

  Her fingers brushed against his and he almost flinched. Standing this close to her, Ben felt his heart rate accelerate and his breathing grow shallow. He reacted to her as if she were a threat. All because he’d made a regrettable advance on her and wasn’t able to come up with any sort of explanation for his actions that made sense.

  Mat zoomed back to them. “Cara, I’m really hungry.”

  She handed him the box and specs and gave a sigh. “I know, Mat, let’s get going.” She patted her brother’s back and turned to walk toward the barracks. Mat reached out and grabbed at Ben’s arm.

  “Come on, Ben. I want to show you the specs for our next project. I have to design some hydraulics—”

  “What?” Cara stopped walking and glanced from Mat to Ben with a frown.

  “I invited Ben. You said I could.”

  “No, I said he might be busy.” Cara narrowed her eyes at him as if hoping he’d speak up and confirm it. So, the invitation hadn’t come from Cara and judging by her expression, she wasn’t too thrilled her brother had included him in their dinner plans. Well, he hadn’t exactly been looking forward to it, so this was an easy way out.

  “Mat, I don’t want to intrude. We can have lunch some time later this week.”

  “Cara. Invite him to dinner.” Mat raised his chin and glared at his sister. She tightened her lips and glared right back but good manners won out. She wrinkled her nose at Mat and turned to him, her gaze ricocheting off his and landing on some point in the middle of his chest.

  “Ben, please come to dinner with us.”

  It was early evening and Ben was stretched out on a lounger on his terrace, brew in hand and feet up, trying to forget most of his day. He’d dealt with the latest in a series of breakins plaguing residences in Pearl, tried to comfort the victim of an assault while his patrol officers scoured the settlement searching for the perpetrator, and spent most of the afternoon troubleshooting a malfunctioning fire suppression line. Not one of those tasks had been completed; the assailant was still at large, there were no leads on the thefts, and the pressurized hoses still released foam at a mere trickle.

  His old shoulder injury ached with the tension he’d been carrying around all day, and he wondered if he should have gone for a run instead of trying a more sedentary means of relaxation. Perhaps he should go in and mess around on the piano for a bit. A scuffling sound caught his attention, and he concentrated his hearing to catch it again. Could someone be trying to break in to the barracks?

  A nearby door opened and he rolled to his feet, putting his bottle down as quietly as possible. It sounded as if the noise originated one terrace over. Cara and Mat’s. All his frustration melted away as instinct kicked, and he eased closer to the neighboring outdoor space. There was silence, but he noticed a shadow moving through the privacy screen between their living areas. He peered in through a crack and saw Cara, her body a tightly held line as she stared at the low skyline of Pearl slowly disappearing from sight as evening fell.

  “I can loan you my long view specs.”

  Her whole body shook, and she spun around to stare at the screen. Damn, he’d startled her.

  “Sorry about that. It’s just me.” Ben walked to the edge of the deck and peered around the barrier. She stared wide-eyed at him, her arms tightly crossed in front of her. She huffed out a nervous laugh.

  “I’m jumpy tonight.”

  “What were you looking for?”

  “Mat.”

  “He’s missing again?” Tension returned with a vengeance, filling him with adrenaline as he immediately went into response mode. “How long has he been gone? Why didn’t you call me?”

  Cara shook her head and held up a hand as she walked his way, standing as close as she could behind her own railings. She smiled and held his gaze, and Ben took an appreciative breath. She was so pretty it amazed him. “No, no, not missing like that, thank the stars. He’s on a sleepover at the Healy’s and fine. I hope.”

  “You couldn’t see her place from here even with my specs. There are a few buildings in the way.” Ben had no idea where his pathetic attempt at a joke had originated. He wasn’t a naturally humorous person. An overnight with the Healys was marginally less dangerous than wandering off into the jungle at night, so he commanded himself to dial back a notch.

  Her lips pressed together, and she glanced back over the town before turning back to him. “You’re right.”

  “And you’re worried.”

  She nodded and leaned against her railing, her arms angled his way. “My head knows he’s safe and having a good time, but my heart keeps skipping beats. We haven’t been apart overnight before. I’ve always been able to check on him whenever I was worried.”

  “You aren’t going to be able to do that much longer.” Ben tried to sound lighthearted, but thinking about Cara losing sleep and checking to make sure her brother was still there and alive at night filled him with pity for her. What sort of childhood had she experienced?

  “I know. He’s getting older and doesn’t want his sister mothering him anymore. It’s just…I’ve been doing it his whole life, and it’s a hard habit to break.” She sighed and leaned her head against the privacy screen. She was about a meter away, and Ben suddenly realized that was too far. She was lonely.

  “So, what did you chop up today?”

  “Tomatoes. Soy sheets. Lots of parsley and cilantro.”

  “No strange organisms?” He tried to make her smile, to erase some of the melancholy he saw on her pensive features. Cara sighed out a breath and curved her lips.

  “Not today. But tomorrow I’m supposedly prepping lingon. I looked it up, and it seems like an odd thing to eat. Have you had it?”

  Ben nodded his head. The native animal was an odd cross between a fungus and a sponge. It grew in long strands in the small ponds and was fairly chewy. That was about all he knew, but if she wanted to discuss it, he’d do his best.

  “How about you? Did you deal with any organisms today?”

  Ben shook his head. All the work worries he’d been thinking over had floated out of his mind over the last few minutes of conversation with Cara. Despite their mundane topics, he was struck again by how much he liked and felt at ease with her. It was because he knew she was here short-term and he’d probably never deal with her in an official capacity. Neither she nor Mat were going to get drunk and break up bar furniture, or drive a cart into the side of a building. The Belascos weren’t part of the future he had to manage here on Gamaliel.

  “Would you like to come over for a brew?”

  She shook her head and glanced over the dark forest outside their terraces. Some phosphorescent flivvers had started their night flights, and she watched for a moment.
So much for that invitation. He was stupid to have extended it.

  “He just left, and I keep thinking he’ll be right back. Our quarters seem so quiet and empty. Would you like to come over here? We made some snacks for him to take over and there are leftovers. Sweet potato dumplings with lime chili glaze, roasted chickpeas, brownies.” Cara made the offer with a slight wiggle of her eyebrows, and Ben’s mood lifted. Teasing Cara was back.

  It sounded like an excellent idea. Something to eat and he could keep her company for a while as she relaxed into the idea of Mat being gone. As he nodded, Cara smiled and backed away. “I’ll go get the door.”

  “No need.” With a pull of his arms and a push from his legs, Ben stood on the terrace rail, gauging how to make his way over to her. Without much of plan he’d decided to make his way to her from the outside. He’d never tried his hand at climbing the exterior of the barracks, but in theory it should be possible.

  She gasped when he reached for a conduit attached to the wall and swung out to hang there momentarily: his feet braced against the side of the building as he stretched out to another handhold and clambered onto her terrace. It worked, too easily. He hopped down from the railing and realized he needed to evaluate security on the exterior of the barracks.

  Cara stared wide-eyed and with a squeak, she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders and burying her head against his neck.

  “I thought you were going to fall. I was so scared.” Her soft voice was muffled as she spoke into his shirt, and Ben reached up to pat her back. He couldn’t help but react to how close she was. Maybe it was the rush from clambering across the wall and not falling and dying, but his heart thudded, and he felt about twelve degrees warmer than usual. He knew he shouldn’t have been showing off, but the realization she’d worried about him pleased him in some elemental way, and he smiled.

  “I’m fine. Sorry I scared you.” Rather than say anything else, Ben simply pressed his nose to her hair and breathed in her scent. Warm and musky, he knew he’d recognize her unique fragrance forever. “Nothing happened.”

  “Something will.”

  “Not tonight. Everything will be fine tonight. No surprises or worries.” He had no business making her such a promise, but with Cara’s soft body pressed against his, Ben needed it to be true more than anything he’d ever said. When he felt her mouth press against the skin of his neck, his whole body tensed to attention, and he realized he didn’t want a quiet evening anymore. He wanted Cara.

  He tasted as good as she’d remembered. The incredible satisfaction she felt when he’d touched her had obliterated the fear that had filled her when she’d watched him hop into the air to get to her. As if to convince herself he was actually here, alive and undamaged, she’d pressed her mouth to his neck and felt his pulse throb against her lips. That bare human contact vibrated in her with a primal echo, shivering her nerves, loosening her muscles, and making her aware of his scent, his breathing, his body in a way she’d never experienced before.

  No one ever held her. Mat only infrequently patted her back or gave her a complicated handhold, and the companions had only ever touched her to prevent an injury. Certainly no one outside their limited circle had ever made contact with her. But Ben’s nearness, his solid and quiet presence, drew her in, and she stepped too close, clutched at him, and now pressed her lips to his skin. Soren would be horrified, but Cara hadn’t felt this alive since, well, since Ben had kissed her a few days ago.

  His arms pulled her tight, and his breathing grew more ragged. Time to stop; he was probably wondering what the galaxy she was up to. She moved her mouth away and took a deep breath, ready to apologize for making a mistake again. She didn’t know what she was doing, only that being close to him made her dizzy and alert in the strangest combination.

  She risked a glance up at him, and he stared back at her without letting go.

  “What’s going on here?”

  “I don’t know.” Cara sincerely didn’t. She’d never behaved this way before, and the strength of her impulses frightened her.

  “I thought we weren’t—”

  Ben made a sound low in his throat and narrowed his eyes, all while his hands slid here and there against her back, arms, and waist. Hot tension filled her body, and she shook against him. “What do you need from me, Cara?”

  “I’m aching inside.” It was the only rational thing she could come up with. It was the literal truth. She wasn’t sure if it was worry for Mat, or confusion about her feelings, but whatever the cause, she hurt.

  “Oh, Cara, I’m sorry you’re missing him.” Stroking his fingers against her arm, Ben leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

  Cara remembered that earlier kiss and turned to touch her lips to his. He stopped moving for a second and then fit his mouth against hers with soft pulls and nudges. Her pulse pounded so loudly she couldn’t hear. Stars, she was kissing Ben Zashi again as she’d hoped for so many times. His tongue slid against her lips, and she opened her mouth as she’d seen others do on the dramatic shows. The sensation of his tongue touching hers flared through her like a sudden burst of light. She worried she wasn’t doing the kiss correctly, but Ben kept touching her, kept holding her close, which was reassuring. He drew away and stared into her eyes as his hands shifted to cup her cheeks.

  “Cara. I’m not sure what to do here.”

  “Me neither.” Should she tell him about her inexperience now? Did that even matter after only a few kisses? Not for the first time, Cara wished she’d had a mother or female friend to talk with about these matters. Instead, she’d had a younger brother and old men. Was this dizzy, overwhelming need to be near Ben normal?

  “Tell me what you want.”

  Cara swallowed and knew better than to blurt out she just wanted him to keep touching her. She’d read a few books, surreptitiously watched a few videos, and had an intellectual understanding of the process, but being held by an enormously attractive man blurred her thoughts. “I want to…I want you…to…”

  Ben made a hmm sound and leaned in again to kiss her. What a relief; that was exactly what she wanted. As their mouths adjusted against each other’s, Cara felt her knees wobble, and she clung to him. Ben’s muscled shoulders and hard arms held her up for the moment it took him to lift her to the lounger where he lay her down and leaned over her to press kisses to her cheeks, her eyelids. When he nibbled at her neck, Cara tensed as a bolt of cold heat coursed from the spot where his mouth met her skin, to her breasts, and between her legs. She moaned and lifted her knees up. Ben stroked his hand down her side to curve it around her hip, and she turned to him, begging for something more.

  He knew what to do. Ben always seemed to know what to do. Kissing, touching, pulling away to look, and then bending to her again, he touched her in places that shouldn’t have felt so good from his attention. Her earlobes, her hands, the skin at her waist where her shirt had ridden up, all tingled and glowed with every kiss and stroke of his gentle lips and fingertips. Her breath rattled in and out in rapid puffs, and Cara was suddenly sure she didn’t want to be wearing clothes. She wanted him to kiss and touch her everywhere, make her whole body feel as if she was going to burn up from the inside.

  “I want to go in.” The groaning sound of her voice would have startled her if she wasn’t already so disoriented. She lifted herself up from the lounger, and Ben rocked back on his heels to watch her, his dark eyes fixed to hers.

  “You want me to go.”

  “No. Come in with me. Please.”

  She stood up, sure she wanted more from him but not outside where the flivvers could see and other residents could hear any uninhibited sound she had a feeling she might make. Ben held her arm as she swayed on her feet, her legs momentarily disconnected from her control.

  She struggled with the door until it finally opened, and she reached out a hand to his to pull him inside. The touch of his skin against hers steadied her, and she kept walking un
til she reached the sofa where she collapsed in a heap and pulled him down. His expression was cautious as he leaned over her. Cara slid her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on her own.

  “We don’t have to do this,” Ben spoke against her lips, and the movement made her shiver.

  “I know.” Cara searched his eyes for any sign of reluctance and saw only Ben wanting to please her.

  “We can talk if you’re worried about Mat.”

  “I’m not.” Feeling daring, Cara moved her mouth to his neck, to the spot she’d felt his pulse just moments before. She licked and sucked in imitation of what he’d done to her, and Ben’s distance disappeared. He lowered himself over her, sliding one of his thighs between hers as he pressed his hips inward. The weight of his body thrilled her, and Cara pushed herself against him as hard as she dared. More skin, more skin was her only thought as she tugged at the fasteners of her shirt to open it and expose more of herself to Ben’s mouth. His fingers pulled at her tank as his mouth teased against the top curve of her breast.

  Exhaling a shaky moan, Cara flung her head back against the sofa cushion as Ben nuzzled aside the cloth barrier and took her hard nipple in his mouth. His hand cupped around her breast, and she clenched her fingers against his scalp to keep him on target even as bolts of pleasure rocketed from her breast to her toes and came to rest between her legs where a tremendous ache grew.

  She didn’t know she’d been moaning his name until he released her nipple and gazed at her, his lips wet and a flush over his cheekbones.

  “What’s wrong, Cara?” he gasped and swallowed hard as he studied her.

  “Nothing, nothing. Please help me.” She didn’t know the next step, only that she had to have him touch her. She’d done it to herself on occasion, but the idea of Ben’s hand on her in a similar fashion made her shake with desire. She slid one hand down to her hip, her fingertips brushing against her sex and stared up at him, hoping he’d understand. She didn’t look away as he breathed hard and frowned slightly.