I looked down at the table, picking away at a broken piece of the wood. “It was a shock.”
“I’m sorry that our presence has caused this rift between you and Op.”
My eyes shot up. It was the last thing I was expecting her to say and her words were so genuine. I shook my head. “You and Harlyn are absolutely not to blame, I would hate for you to think that.” I swallowed. “I’m happy that you’re here, and Optimus gets to spend time with Harlyn. He and I, that’s something I can’t really explain, but knowing he had this huge secret just made me realize that maybe we weren’t as close as I thought.”
She sighed. “Unfortunately that’s Optimus to a tee. He’s a protector. He has the weight of the world resting on his shoulders but refuses to share his burden with others. He keeps it locked away and apart from his brothers, everyone is maintained at a safe distance.”
It seemed like this should be awkward, meeting Sugar, the woman Optimus had once been deeply in love with. But it felt strangely comforting.
“Is it weird that this,” I gestured between the two of us, “isn’t weird?”
She laughed, it was light and soft and I couldn’t help but smile. “Optimus and I both know exactly where our feelings lie. I love him because he’s my daughter’s father. There was no messy breakup or vileness between us, we just realized that we weren’t meant to be.” She looked me directly in the eye, still grinning. “And now I think I know why it never worked.”
I blushed. “I don’t know about that. There’s only so much rejection a girl can take before she gets the point.”
“Stubborn bastard,” she murmured, rolling her eyes.
“How’d the visit go?” I almost shot out of my seat hearing Wrench’s deep voice rumble behind me.
“Jesus Christ!” I gasped, covering my racing heart with my hand.
Wrench placed both hands on the table and leaned in. I caught Sugar look up at him with a shy smile before she set her attention back on the table in front of her.
“As to be expected. I believe the words ‘disgusting,’ ‘disgraceful,’ and ‘biker trash’ were used.” Her shoulders slumped like she had been utterly defeated. “I don’t know why I thought telling them that they had a grandchild would have made them feel any different.”
Wrench’s jaw ticked as he clenched it, obviously trying not to say anything.
“I’m sorry, this is your parents?” I asked in awe.
Sugar nodded, her gaze finding me but clearly trying to avoid the hulking man who stood over us. You could feel the anger pouring from him as he just stood there, watching her.
“My parents wanted me to marry a lawyer or a doctor, something that would look good for our family.” She fiddled with her burgundy hair, tucking it behind her ear as the wind whipped it around her face. “I wasn’t one to think I was better than others because I came from money. I learned fast that people were attracted to my status, rather than my personality. Then Optimus came along and introduced me to the club and everything felt real. These guys, they aren’t fake. They don’t feel like they need to impress you. They are who they are and fuck it if you don’t like it.”
I laughed and even caught a twitch in the corner of Wrench’s mouth as my eyes flicked between the two of them. I was trying to figure out what the feeling was that was sparking the air around us.
I cleared my throat and chuckled lightly. “Ain’t that the truth?”
“So they don’t even want to meet Harlyn?” Wrench spat, clearly not impressed.
I heard a high-pitched giggle and we all looked over to see Blizzard carrying Harlyn upside down over his shoulder. “Tell me, where you hid the ice cream,” Blizzard demanded, his fingers hovering over her, threatening a tickle attack if she didn’t give him the info he wanted.
“Never!” she cried in between fits of laughter.
We all laughed as he proceeded to ‘torture’ the ice cream location out of her.
“Harlyn has everything she needs already. It doesn’t matter if they want to meet her or not. She’s happy,” Sugar murmured as she rose from the table. Wrench placed a hand on her shoulder as she passed by him. She stopped briefly, and they shared a look that only lasted a second but said everything that needed to be said before she rushed off.
“I’ll save you, Harlyn,” she called in a dramatic voice as she ran toward them smiling.
Wrench stood silently and watched her go.
“You know Optimus would kill you, right?” I warned softly.
He didn’t even flinch. “Somethings are worth the risk,” he muttered before walking away.
Don’t think I’ll be mentioning that one anytime soon.
I watched as Blizzard chased Harlyn around the playground. Blizzard was like a big fucking kid. He could be serious at times almost scary but, for the most part, he liked to joke, flirt and have fun.
The weather was beginning to feel warmer even though autumn was still in full swing. I almost had the urge to take off my jumper that I’d thrown on over my workout clothes. Just as I was about to pull it over my head, there was mind-blowing explosion. My body instantly dropped to the ground and my ears began to ring. I didn’t know what was going on. There was chaos all around me.
I lay still, watching as Blizzard threw a crying Harlyn over his shoulder and sprinted for the doors of the clubhouse—Sugar right behind him. He tossed her inside before ushering Sugar in quickly behind her. His face was frantic as he spun around. I could see his mouth was moving, but the ringing in my ears was blocking out any other noise. I just stared at him in shock and confusion until I felt my body being lifted from the ground. I briefly recognized Neil’s face as he ran with me toward the clubhouse doors, my body jostling and jumping with each stride of his legs.
There were men everywhere, scowling faces and orders being thrown left right and center. I was in a daze, my body in complete shock. Optimus appeared momentarily. He placed a hand on my cheek and I caught a second of what I thought was fear cross his face before he was once again gone. Neil carried me to my room. At this stage, my hearing was beginning to come back and Harlyn’s crying filled my heart with pain. Neil dumped me on the bed and I attempted to climb off, needing to make sure everyone was okay.
“Stay there, Chelsea,” Neil growled, pointing to the bed. “Optimus needs you in your room until we figure out what the fuck is going on.”
I nodded, as much as I wanted to run out there and help, he needed me out of the way so he could concentrate on what he was doing. He didn’t need me running around wailing.
Neil slammed the door closed and I pulled myself up to the head of the bed, climbing under the covers and wrapping them around myself, needing some sort of comfort.
Shit had just gotten serious and I had to admit – I was scared.
It took over an hour before I heard a soft knock at the door. I cleared my throat before calling out for whoever it was to come in. Optimus slipped in and shut the door quietly behind him. His face looked ashen and almost defeated as he stared at me. I wanted to get up and go to him. I wanted him to hold me and soothe the fears that plagued me. But instead I just watched him as he came closer.
“Your car,” he said gently. “It’s gone.”
I scrambled out of the blankets. My car was old, it was nothing flash. Why someone would want to steal it, I didn’t know. “Can we get it back?” I asked, my voice croaky.
“Chelsea. It’s gone. It fucking blew up.”
I shot up then, climbing to my feet and scrambling to find the words with all the ‘what the fuck’ feelings going on in my head.
That was the loud bang. That was the noise that had made my ears ring. Someone had made my car explode.
Was it meant for me? To hurt me? Or was it just an attack against the club?
“There were some photos left at the club last night.” He folded his arms across his chest, but his posture slumped. “They were of us.”
“Okay…So what does that mean?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the
answer.
“It was a warning, they were showing that they knew you were important to me.” His eyes met mine and he held my gaze before he continued, “You could have been in that car, Chelsea.”
I shook my head and took two quick steps to him. I reached out and touched his face with my hand, my eyes never leaving his. “I wasn’t. I’m here. I’m okay.”
His eyes blazed. “For how long? This time they got it wrong. But trust me, they’ll try again if they think you’re the key to bringing me down.”
I shook my head, we were back to this again. “Don’t say it. Don’t fucking push me away again.” I tried to keep my voice steady, but it wavered.
“Do you want to be fucking killed?” he boomed. “This is not a game. This is life or death.”
“I don’t care. You’re pushing me away just when I thought things were about to change between us. I want you! I want to be with you, and I know that’s what you want too.”
“So I’m just supposed to risk your life because I want you? You want me to ignore your safety so that we can play a happy couple?” He stepped away and walked around me. “I’ve watched people I cared about, people I loved be hurt because I chose what I wanted over what was right. Do you know what that does to me every single day? Knowing they aren’t here because I took the selfish route and thought about myself first.”
My heart broke for him. He’d lost both parents and blamed himself for their deaths, thinking he could have done something to prevent it.
“You can’t change the past, Op,” I told him softly, following his movements as he paced.
“No, but I can do what’s right now. And if that means putting a barrier between us in order to keep you alive, I’ll fucking do it.”
Tears built up in my eyes. Just when I felt things start to shift, here we were, back at the same place once again.
“I’ve spent my whole life running when things got hard and for the first time I had a reason to stop. You gave me a reason to stay.”
“I’m not asking you to leave,” he said, confusion causing his brows to crease.
“Tell me you care about me. Tell me you want me. I’m sick of being that girl who sits around and waits for the guy to realize what he’s got,” I pleaded with him, unable to stop the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. “Show me that you need me.”
“I do need you!” he growled, taking hold of my shoulders harshly and pulling me close. “I need you so bad that I can’t breathe when you’re not near.”
“Then stop pushing me away,” I cried, throwing my hands at his chest in frustration. “Stop pushing me away!”
“Chelsea! There’s someone watching us. They see our every interaction and it just shows them exactly what they want—that they could use you to destroy me and the club. They are telling Anthony DePalma everything, and if they get wind of how strong our connection is, they will hurt you,” he choked out. His hands moved from my shoulders up my neck to my cheeks. His thumbs brushed at the tears that continued to flow steadily.
I laughed, the noise sounding foreign in my throat. “So until then I just have to be a good little club girl, hang around, watch you rub against other girls and pretend like I’m not suffocating.”
He frowned. “I need to be able to protect you—”
“I don’t want you to protect me!”
“That’s not your choice to make,” he snapped.
“Well, I’m sorry, but for once I want to make a choice.” I pushed away from him, stepping backward so there was some space between our bodies. I sighed as I attempted to gather enough courage to say what I needed to say. “My parents chose to protect me. A crazy man came into our house with a gun. They said all he wanted was to steal shit that he could sell so he could get his next fix. When my dad tried to stop him, he got shot. Dead. Straight through the heart. Then the man came after me and my mom.”
Optimus reached out for me, but I moved, putting even more space between us.
“My mom chose to put me out a window and made me run. My mom decided for me that day that I was going to live, and she was going to die. She chose that path for me. I didn’t get a fucking say in that!” Anger burned in me, it flourished like a deadly flower.
I was done.
I wouldn’t let anyone control my life anymore.
It was going to be my choice.
“Blackbird … stop,” Optimus pleaded quietly, his face full of anguish hearing the story I’d never shared.
“No! Maybe I didn’t want to live! Maybe, just maybe, I would’ve rather died with them, than spent the rest of my life moving from foster home to foster home, hell to fucking hell, without them.” I picked up a textbook off my desk and threw it across the room. “I never got given that choice!”
I breathed deeply, trying unsuccessfully to calm my emotions, to get a hold of myself, but it all just spilled out.
“I didn’t get stories read to me at night. Nobody walked me to school in the mornings or picked me up after. Nobody taught me how to ride a bike, nobody clapped for me when I graduated high school, nobody was there for me when my first boyfriend broke my heart. Nobody!” I screamed, my body shaking uncontrollably.
“Baby, it’s okay,” Optimus whispered. I tried to escape as he came at me, but there was no way out. He wrapped his arms around me and cocooned me in his hold.
I fought against him, slamming my fists into his chest. “They never let me choose!”
“Shh.” he took the hits, his calming tone never changing. “Baby, stop. You’re killing me, please.”
I fought for several minutes before I finally gave in, allowing him to comfort me as I broke down. We sank to the floor together and he pulled me into his lap, my legs straddling his and my face tucked into his neck as he ran his hands up and down my back.
I licked at my chapped lips, tasting the saltiness of my tears. It was strangely refreshing.
“Please.” I whispered, gripping his cut in my hands like it was my last life line. “Please, let me choose.”
He sat still and silent, his hands still moving up and down my back. “I can’t,” he said carefully. “I need you to be safe. And if that means you’re safer without me, then so be it.”
I sat back so I could see him. “I don’t want you to protect me. I want you to love me.”
He swallowed harshly. “Blackbird—”
“Don’t keep me out. Let me in. Let me be there for you. Let me be yours.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Not right now, not while it’s so dangerous.”
Tears began to fall once again.
My heart ached.
It was crying out with pain.
It was breaking.
“Then let me go.” My voice broke, but I steeled my back, knowing that this was what I needed. I needed to take control of my life and stop letting other people rule it. “I can’t do it, Op. I can’t sit around and pretend like every thing’s fine. I can’t pretend that I’m okay seeing you every day and knowing I can’t touch you. It hurts, Op. It hurts so bad.”
“I can’t—”
“Let me go.”
“I can’t—”
I shoved at his chest, forcing his hold on me to break and climbed to my feet. He quickly followed. “Please! If you can’t give me this, then just let me go.” My fists clenched at my sides and I struggled to hold myself back from him, but I knew in my heart that this was something I needed to do.
He sighed and scrubbed at the scruff that covered his jaw. “I’ll tell the boys that you’re no longer a club girl, but that you’re still under the club’s protection. I’ll stay away, you won’t have to see me and I won’t use the other girls. Then when all this shit is done—”
I shook my head. “No.”
He frowned. “Chel, there’s only so much I can do.”
“You don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“You need to let me go. Let me leave.”
His face morphed from confused to surprised. We both
stood there for what seemed like forever. Just staring at each other.
“No.”
“I can’t do this, Op. I need to go.”
He took a step toward me, his face serious. “No. No more fucking running.”
“That’s not your choice to make,” I said, throwing his words back at him.
I turned and moved to my closet. I sank to the floor on my knees, pulling out a large bag and began to stuff it with whatever clothes I could find.
I wasn’t angry anymore.
I wasn’t upset, or scared, or sad.
I was numb.
Club girls weren’t obliged to stay. We could walk away whenever we wanted, but the moment we did was when the club stopped paying and supporting us.
It would be hard—probably hurt like hell to leave the people who had been my world for so long. But I was done. If he couldn’t show me that he was willing to lay everything on the line and prove he wanted me, then I wasn’t willing to sit around and wait any longer.
“What are you going to do when the Mafia track you down, Chelsea?” He shot sarcastically. “The club can’t protect you if you’re God knows fucking where.”
I continued to pack, shoes, jeans, shirts, underwear. “You said yourself. For me to be safe, it’s better if we pretend not to have something going on.” I zipped the bag closed and pushed off the floor. “Well, now we don’t have to pretend.”
The words stung even me.
“This is fucking ridiculous. Where are you going to go?” He fidgeted, his body rocking back and forth like he wanted to come at me and tie me to the bed so that I couldn’t leave.
“Doesn’t matter,” I murmured as I slipped my feet into my shoes. “I don’t belong to the club now.”
This time his body gave in and he rushed toward me, gripping my face in his hands before I had a chance to look away. “Don’t do this. You can stay, the club will keep you safe.”
I placed my hand over his as it cupped my cheek, leaning into it and enjoying the rough feeling against my face. “Op, I’m in love with you,” I told him softly before closing my eyes. “I have been for a long time. I can’t be a club girl anymore with the feelings that I have, and if you won’t claim me, then my time here is done. It’s time to move on.”
Chelsea (The Club Girl Diaries Book 2) Page 12
