by Kitty Wilson
‘Excellent, I’ll pencil that in then and you two can ensure they’re okay on that stall.’
Pippa flashed Marion her fakest smile. ‘Will do, also I was wondering if you’d like me to run a vintage clothes stall. I could donate half the proceeds and I have some lovely pieces at the moment. I have an original Alexander McQueen bustier for a st—’
‘No, thank you. It’s a May Fayre, not a jumble sale, or a chance for shameless self-promotion. Do try to think of the community.’ Pippa’s mouth dropped open and she saw Rosy shoot Marion her scariest warning look. Marion tittered before carrying on. ‘Now, Sylvie, I understand you are happy to stage a maypole dance with all your little ballerinas, such a wonderful opportunity, and such a shame my own dear boys haven’t got a place in your classes yet.’
‘Yes, I’m sorry about that, Marion,’ Sylvie didn’t look particularly sorry. Pippa smiled across at her. Her colleague was oh-so-dainty and used it to get away with murder. Pippa often vowed to tone down things herself and take a leaf from Sylvie’s book, but she never seemed to last more than thirty seconds before her natural, more ebullient self kicked right back in again and opened its mouth!
Marion carried on running through her list: Rosy and Matt were to man the plant stall and offer a gardening advice spot; Alice and Amanda from Class Four were tasked with the running of the toy stall under the caveat that this year it was not allowed to become a dumping ground for everyone else’s tat; cream teas were to be staffed by Sarah, and Alison was trusted to take charge of the Pimm’s stall; Davinia, from the local stables, would be bringing in some pliable ponies for pony rides around the edge of the field, and Harmony was told she should be able to manage the hook-a-duck because, as far as Marion was aware, plastic toys didn’t have feelings; Sarah Fielding and her TA were put on the book stall with the same caveat as the toy stall. Other parents had signed up for a bran tub, penalty shootouts and the tombola. Marion was very clear about the type of donations she expected for tombola and had already briefed Sheila, the school secretary, about putting out a newsletter with her minimum requirements. It would seem that a bottle of brown sauce or a tin of beans were no longer welcome.
‘I think we should be grateful for anything we receive, Marion. Not every mother has a cupboard full of Clarins going spare. I shall talk to Sheila and take that bit out. Penmenna prides itself on being an inclusive school and I pride myself on seeing that maintained.’ Rosy was quite firm and Marion respected her enough not to mutter about a socialist state, but everyone sat around that table, and most of those forced to stand, could see her thinking it.
‘Of course, you are the head. I’m merely in charge of the PTA and acting chair of governors. And after all I’m a firm believer in a level playing field…’ Pippa snorted on her caramel shortbread so hard that Kam had to pat her back. She wondered if she could try faux choking if she got him on his own? He was great fun in the classroom, but she wasn’t making much progress on moving them on from friendship. She reminded herself sternly that she was only meant to be daydreaming, not trying to turn the fantasy into reality. Plus, imagining the Heimlich manoeuvre in a romantic way was not normal and probably all sorts of wrong. She should concentrate instead on what Kam had told her about sorting out his career before he could think about romance, and try to stop having such thoughts in the first place.
‘…when you’ve finished Miss Parkin. My own dear boys have achieved so much this year. I was thinking they could be in charge of a stall. They’re very responsible with money. Rafe never seems to run out, despite his generosity. And did you know they are all nearly fluent in French, fluent. And dearest Rufus is beginning to speak a little Russian. Why, did I tell you—’
‘Yes.’ The whole school staff chorused unanimously and Pippa thought she saw a flicker of amusement in some of the PTA mums’ eyes, a flicker of amusement was the first step to revolt, or at least so Pippa hoped. Surely this meeting couldn’t go on for much longer? She wondered if she could get away with zoning out until it was time to return to class.
It would appear she could, only to be awakened from her daydream by Kam using her name.
‘Miss Parkin and I can do that. I love those things. Can I put us both down for that?’
Miss Parkin cocked her head on one side to assess Marion’s reaction to whatever she was being volunteered for. Surely she wasn’t going to let Kam and Pippa spend time together, not when she was so keen on getting her own fuchsia-painted talons into the new teacher whilst her husband was away?
It would seem that Pippa was wrong.
‘Thank you, Kam. That’s very kind. We often have trouble getting people to volunteer for that. The children can get a little excitable and it is all the way across on the far side of the field. But with your natural authority – she looked him up and down in a fairly salacious manner – I’m sure you’re going to be just fine.’
Was Rosy not going to say anything? That look was virtually sexual harassment in action. But it would appear the esteemed Miss Winter was too busy giving Kam a look of her own which Pippa couldn’t quite decode.
Surely the meeting had to be over by now?
‘Right, well done, everybody. I think that brings us to the end, unless anyone has any questions or further suggestions.’ Marion’s face clearly stated she didn’t expect any. Fancy saying her beautiful bustier, in fact all of her clothes, were only fit for jumble. She really was a cow. Pippa raised her hand tentatively.
‘Just before we go, I was asked to pass on a message from a highly esteemed local artisan who, at this time, would like to remain anonymous, but would like to donate a one-off, truly unique piece of… ahem… art. Perhaps you could put it down for the raffle?’
* * *
We’re on space hoppers!
I know, right. So excited for this.
We’re going to make a cracking team.
We are already a cracking team.
Mind you, we’re up at the end with Davinia’s horses. It could all go horribly wrong. Do you know much about horses?
Nope. But I know that if we’ve survived Marion today, we can easily survive that.
Bet I can go fastest.
Pshaw. You don’t stand a chance.
What art were you offering?
Ah, that might have been a bit naughty. You’ll have to wait and see.
Are you up to mischief?
Well, I’m not exactly sleeping. My phone keeps beeping.
Point taken. I’ll leave you to sleep.
No! You don’t understand. Lynne’s waters have broken. She’s having her baby! Oh my! Hang on a minute.
Oh goody, let’s hope she falls so desperately in love with motherhood that she never comes back.
Yep, Dave just texted and said that she’s seven centimetres dilated. Does that mean it’s nearly here?
My sisters made me watch animal videos but they didn’t teach me about childbirth! Can I guess and say probably?
I think it does. This is soooo exciting. And oi, don’t think I’m letting that slide. I like working with Lynne!
But you like working with me more.
Chapter Twenty
The news that Lynne was in the hospital and had given birth meant that the school was practically buzzing with excitement. Pippa could picture the whole community of Penmenna lining up outside the maternity unit in Roscarrock, piled high with balloons, teddies, flowers and nappy stacks.
Rosy let everyone know that all was well and the baby was a boy, and then suggested that everyone give Lynne a little bit of space, with all well-wishers waiting until she was safely home before the congratulations, gifts and offers of support trooped over.
She then pulled Pippa aside and added a little more detail – eight pounds five, ten fingers and toes and Lynne suspected she no longer had a vagina left – and added that she was the only one, other than Rosy herself, allowed to visit the hospital. In fact, Lynne was demanding she got over there as soon as school was finished.
Pippa didn’t
need telling twice. The minute the bell rang she jumped into her car, threw aside some chocolate wrappers and empty drinks bottles, promised herself she would get around to sorting it out soon and dashed to the maternity unit.
Having been buzzed in and taken through the squeaky-clean corridors, Pippa was led into a side room where Lynne was sitting in bed leafing and oohing and ahhing through a sheaf of celebrity magazines. Lynne had an addiction to celebrity news that it seemed even childbirth couldn’t dim.
When Lynne had learnt that Angelina, a national celebrity famous for ornate hair and temper tantrums, was moving to the area Lynne had floated on cloud nine for days at the thought of bumping into her in the Londis. She still broke out into a hot sweat when she spent time with Rosy’s partner, Matt. Not only was he now a national treasure in his own right but he was also Angelina’s brother, the double whammy of celebrity meaning she could be relied on to hyperventilate for a short period before saying hello.
Although the biggest star of her world was currently lying in a little see-through plastic crib next to her and he was the sweetest-looking baby Pippa had ever seen.
‘Oh my goodness, he is so gorgeous.’
Lynne looked up from her flicking and squealed. ‘Oh, do come in. I’ve just sent Dave away because he was beginning to drive me potty. But isn’t he?’ She looked across at the crib and her face was alight with love and joy. Pippa suddenly felt emotional as she saw how deeply and utterly in love her friend was. ‘I know everyone tells you that you never feel anything like it, but, Pippa, I just can’t tell you what the love feels like. I thought I loved Dave, and was quite good at mildly tolerating him, but this love, this is something else instead. I feel like the fiercest wolf in the pack, and the proudest. I spent most of last night just watching him breathe; for some reason I was scared he might stop and I simply couldn’t bear it.’
‘I’m not surprised, and I think that’s perfectly normal, although that’s coming from a woman who’s never given birth. but that grin on your face and light in your eyes is enough to convince anyone. I’m half tempted to rush out right now to try and make babies.’ Pippa winced as she realised what she had said: Lynne had had such problems conceiving that she should have watched her words a little more carefully. ‘Oh, sorry, that was a bit flippant.’
‘Don’t be so daft, you’ve got nothing to apologise for. I know I’m going to repeat myself but it really is the most amazing feeling. Never ever could I have imagined it. I mean look at his dear little fingers, and the way he’s making that little sucky face in his sleep. I could watch him all day and I suspect that’s how I’m about to spend the rest of my life.’
‘I expect so, although please don’t turn into my mother. Honestly, I love her but if she could sit by my bed and watch me sleep she’d probably still do it. What’s cute at six months gets a bit creepy when you’re over thirty. Anyway, tell me about the birth.’
‘Do you know what? I’m going to save that for another day. I don’t want to terrify you and if I give you the gory details you will never have sex again. And as a woman who is definitely never having sex again I want to hear all about your adventures and live vicariously through you instead. The village grapevine tells me you are a very popular young lady at the moment.’
‘Does it? With whom?’ Pippa was surprised, not surprised that the jungle drums of village gossip were in full swing – that was par for the course – but that she was supposedly very popular. ‘Oh god, you don’t mean James, do you? That’s nothing.’
‘Chuck those things off that chair and sit down, your hovering is unnerving me. You look like you might kidnap the baby and run.’
‘I promise I won’t do that, but okay.’ Pippa sat down.
‘So, spill. I want to hear all about this James fellow, and I also hear you have a massive crush on my replacement, four and half weeks in the classroom and you’re smitten.’
Lynne rubbed her hands together in anticipation whilst casting glances at her sweetly sleeping bundle of treasure. Pippa felt herself blush with embarrassment. She never usually blushed. How on earth did Lynne know about her feelings for Kam. She hadn’t even been in school!
‘James is an irritant. He won’t leave me alone. He’s turned up in the village after years away and Lottie reckons he’s some finance superstar, higher profits than anyone else in the game, but from what I can work out he’s just an arsehole. Completely self-obsessed, no moral compass. Unfortunately, he’s also decided that I’m the girl he must have to fulfil some weird childhood dream, but it’s got nothing whatsoever to do with me; it’s all about his ego and the fact that I’m not interested. We had lunch the other day, I made it quite clear nothing would happen and he seemed to get it. I feel so embarrassed because I did actually sleep with him once before, when I was eighteen, and now it makes me feel just urghh. Not the most romantic story in the world.’
‘Oh, bless you, love. Our eighteen-year-old selves don’t always make the most sensible decisions. Am I right in thinking he has delivered a floral basket or gift of some kind every day for the last week and a bit?’
Pippa sighed, ‘How do you know that?’
‘If you will live in the middle of a village…’
‘Fair point. Yes, he does. To be honest I’ve never eaten so much fruit in my life. And the flowers are at least masking the smell of Lottie’s formaldehyde. I still wish he’d sod off. Like I say, we had a semi-reasonable chat at lunch, I thought he had got the message, and he went back to London. But then he started sending gift baskets, so he obviously hadn’t been listening. Mum thinks it’s all wonderful.’
‘He’ll get bored eventually, but you could always get Lottie to dig a bit deeper. If he’s as vile as you think she might be able to find something that will shut your mum up. I heard about her new hobby by the way, the animals.’ Lynne made a face. ‘I’m sure it will be a passing fad but if not, if you get her investigating you may get a bit of a break.’
‘Hmm, I do hope so.’
‘So this James is no good, now tell me about new Mr McDishy.’
‘Mr McDishy?’ Pippa’s laugh flew out of her mouth making the baby startle. Both women froze, but the best-behaved baby in the world ever merely sighed and carried on sleeping.
‘Yep, don’t be coy. I hear everything, you know.’
‘Oh, I know.’
‘So, go on then. Spill.’
‘Well, I don’t know what you want to hear. We work really well together.’
‘Are but are you playing too? Oh, my goodness, look at you going all quiet. I’ve known you do and say many things that most people wouldn’t dare to, and now here you are, all shy, fiddling with your buttons – nice dress by the way – and not making eye contact. You’ve got it bad.’
Pippa brought her hands back to her side and then shoved them under her bottom on the seat so they didn’t give her away any further. Lynne giggled even more.
‘Oh, there’s nothing I like in life as much as a little bit of romance. This is great. But I can see that now new shy Pippa Parkin’s in the room I’m going to have to ask questions if I want any decent answers. Was that a groan? Wow!’
‘I don’t know. What do you want me to say?’
‘Okay, I’ve seen him. He wasn’t what I had pegged for your usual type, but he did have the most beautiful eyes. Even a happily married woman could get lost in those.’
‘Oh my god, yes. They’re gorgeous, all brown but flecked with amber, warm, you know? And his eyelashes, I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like he has three sets there are so many. It’s just not fair. And when he laughs, I can’t help but smile every time I hear it. I don’t even have to be in the same room; it still makes me grin like a lunatic just knowing he’s happy and on the other side of the wall. You should see him with the kids. He’s so sweet. I was a bit worried that having a male teacher would mean he was a bit less forgiving, and I was worried about how it would pan out, especially with the babies in our class, but I was so wrong. He is patient an
d kind; he doesn’t make judgements plus he designs the most amazing things with them in the construction corner. You should see the marble run he made with Billy, Harry and Alfie out of cardboard tubes and Sellotape. It took over most of the classroom. I have never seen those boys so engaged. They sent cars down it as opposed to marbles. It was awesome. And for the May Fayre we’ve been put in charge of the space hopper races and I know we’re going to have such fun and I can’t wait—’
Pippa stopped as she saw Lynne’s face, eyes big and mouth open.
‘What?’
‘You’re besotted. Absolutely besotted. I never thought I’d see the day that commitment-phobe Pippa Parkin opened her heart.’
‘No, I’m not! And I haven’t opened my heart. You do say ridiculous stuff. And I’m not a commitment-phobe. What is it with you and Lottie? You know that I just want to be sure. I want to get it right and that takes a lot. I can’t see that happening with Kam. We’re too different.’ She cast an anxious look at the crib, aware that she her agitation had made her a bit loud. ‘Oh, shhh sorry. Your baby is really good at sleeping.’
‘He’s really good at everything. He’ll be speaking Russian by the time he’s two.’
‘Ha! Like Marion Marksharp’s boys.’
‘No, nothing like Marion’s boys. Say that again and I’ll ban you.’
