by Kitty Wilson
‘Okay, nothing like them at all. Nothing at all.’
‘Anyway, don’t try and divert me with talk of the cutest, most handsome and cleverest baby in the world. You should see how sweet he is when he feeds; he took to it like a natural. His little hands all bunched up and… no, no, stop me now or I’ll turn into one of those mums that can’t talk about anything without bringing it back to how perfect their offspring are.’
‘Well, he is pretty perfect.’
‘True. As it seems is Mr Choudhury. I don’t buy this “we’re so different” malarkey. Has anything happened yet?’
‘No!’ Pippa’s face showed her outrage. ‘We’re colleagues. We’ve got to work together. I’m not looking to start a relationship with him. I can admire his good qualities and maybe… um… daydream now and again but I can hardly jump him over the water tray, and I’m not going to.’
‘True. Do you see each other out of school? Oh, look you’re doing that thing again with your hands and looking up to the right. That’s supposed to be a sign that you’re lying, or about to. Don’t even try it, madam. I’ve not worked with small children for fifteen years without being able to spot someone being a bit shifty. Don’t even think about fibbing. Do you see him out of school?’
‘No.’
‘No?’
‘The first night we went to the pub, but we haven’t been back since. And I’ve bumped him to him when I was out and we walked back to the village together. But that’s it. Promise.’
‘Promise?’
‘Arggh. Yes. Although…’ Pippa paused for a bit and decided honesty was the best policy. ‘We do text each other in the evening.’
‘Okay. So, you and I text in the evening. Like that?’
‘Not exactly. We’ve never said anything unprofessional but… um… well… I don’t really get butterflies when my phone pings and it’s you.’
‘But you do with him?’
Pippa bit her bottom lip and nodded.
‘Okay and what about when that James fellow messages?’
‘Urgh. I ignore him a lot of the time but definitely no butterflies. Shed loads of irritation though.’
‘So, with the evidence presented, it’s fair to say that you don’t in fact have just a little crush, but rather a fairly massive infatuation?’
‘Oh no, I wouldn’t say that. And anyway, I’m not doing anything with him. You’re not listening!’
‘I am listening and you don’t need to say it. I have. I’d be really happy for you. You deserve to be with someone good and all I’ve heard about this Kam chap indicates he’s one of those. But you don’t need me to tell you that sleeping with colleagues is a really bad idea. Really bad, especially in such a small community. So hang on to your crazy I’m-never-going-to-find-the-perfect-relationship beliefs for the time being.’
‘My beliefs aren’t crazy; they’re how I feel. I’m not ready to settle down with anyone yet. And I’m not going to sleep with Kam!’
‘Oh, hush with the faux indignation. All of us in this room, even nameless genius baby, know that you want to have sex with the supply teacher. And you’d be wise to carry on not doing so for now, but don’t close yourself off to it in the future, when you’re not working alongside him any more. As to this not ready for forever stuff, we never think we’re fully ready for things in life. They creep up on us and then we discover we are.’
‘Hmpf! Why haven’t you named your baby yet?’
‘Nice distraction but I’ll go with it this time. Dave wants to call him something ridiculous. You know what he’s like with the medieval stuff. Athelstan, Silas and Boswell have all be mentioned and then last night when he held him for the first time he tried to call him Galore and see if I minded. I minded. I don’t give a monkey’s about its meaning; I’m not having my son called Galore. I’m hoping that it’s just part of a convoluted plan to trick me into being madly grateful when he agrees to a far more acceptable historic name, like Tom or Richard or something, but I’m not hundred percent sure. I think there’s a strong chance my husband really is that daft. Galore! For goodness sake.’
‘I think he recognises his name.’ Pippa giggled as the little baby began to make snuffling waking noises.
‘Right, yup. He’s awake. Now you’re welcome to stay but this feeding is more complicated than I’ve made out. If you stay there’s a good chance you’ll get sprayed in the face by my milk.’
‘Look, I’m a game gal, but there has to be some limits.’
‘Limits? That’s not the Pippa Parkin I know,’ Dave boomed as he came through the door, loaded with food and even more magazines. ‘Glad to see you’ve met Galore Egbert Rowe.’ Pippa chuckled at the outrage on Lynne’s face as he turned and tried to defuse the situation. ‘I brought you pâté and blue cheese. Don’t know if you can have it with the feeding and all, but I know how much you’ve missed it so figured it could do no harm to wave it under your nose, just in case it took your fancy.’
‘Hello, Dave, congratulations, he’s gorgeous but I’d better get back. It’s Thursday so it’s—’
‘Family dinner,’ Lynne finished the sentence for her. ‘I’m going to start that tradition too. I like it.’
‘That’s because you’re the mother,’ said Pippa, tongue in cheek. ‘Shout if you need anything and I’ll nip by in a couple of days although you might be home by then.’
‘Should be. Thanks for popping in.’ Lynne partially raised herself, babe in arms, to give Pippa a kiss on her cheek. And as she headed to the door couldn’t resist adding, ‘Don’t sleep with him, not until I’m back in the classroom!’
Chapter Twenty-one
‘Hello darling, boys are in the shed,’ called Jan as Pippa let herself into her parents’ house. ‘Been to see Lynne and the new baby?’
This village was ridiculous, although it wasn’t outside the realms of probability that her mum had had a tracker fitted to her car.
‘Yup. The baby’s super cute, very well behaved. Here, my hands are full, can you hold the bin open for me? Tatters, lovely to see you but get down a minute.’ She smiled at the lurcher, all gangly limbs and gazelle-like jumping the minute his favourite family member came through the door. He had very good taste.
‘Why?’ Jen headed into the kitchen. ‘Oh my goodness, don’t drop any of that on my carpet. You are a filthy little toad. Shoo, Tatters.’ She flapped a tea towel at the dog to try and prevent him from unbalancing her daughter.
‘I am not. I’m just a little messy. But I read a couple of articles that all said it means I’m terribly bright and have a tendency to be creative.’
‘Huh! That’s just the sort of nonsense that people who can’t clean up their cars properly say. I’m still traumatised by your childhood bedroom. It’s a miracle you didn’t have rats nibbling your toes on a nightly basis.’
‘Aw, that’s cos I had a mum who is super good at cleaning.’ Pippa leant, with her trash from the car still piled perilously high in her arms and pecked her mum’s cheek.
‘Hmpf! You might be bright and creative but that doesn’t mean you can’t whisk around with an anti-bacterial wipe now and again. Quickly, get that stuff in the bin before you drop any of it. Honestly Tatters, get in your basket.’
‘Ta, mum. Hello, baby.’ Pippa did as she was told and then bent down and made a fuss of the dog, notably not in his bed, before she turned back and addressed her mum. ‘Shall we have a cup of tea before the boys come in? I wanted to talk to you anyway.’
‘I need to talk to you about something I heard as well. Don’t go without reminding me! But what you’ve just said sounds ominous, so you best go first. Oh, or is it good news?’ Jan suddenly stopped looking worried and started to clap her hands excitedly. A bit like a seal, but with considerably less natural ability.
‘Oh no! Don’t you dare. Stop clapping!’
‘I knew it, I knew it. I’m going to get to buy a hat, aren’t I? Oh Pips, I can’t tell you how happy this has made me. Karen and I used to daydream about you t
wo giving us grandbabies together. This is awesome. Let me call your dad!’
‘Oh my goodness. Mum! Stop!’ Pippa felt like she was about thirteen again and knew her bottom lip was sticking out with teenage petulance. ‘Will you listen? I am not getting married to James, and as to grandchildren, they are not on their way anytime soon. But it is James I need to talk to you about.’
‘Well, if he hasn’t proposed yet, he will do soon. I just know he will. You were spotted out on Bank Holiday Monday, you know. I can’t tell you how excited I am.’
‘You don’t need to. You already have. It’s clear with every breath. And the heart biscuits you keep leaving in my house. But I need you to sit down and let me speak. I want to be honest with you. But you need to be willing to listen, okay? Let’s have a nice cup of tea. You can tell me your thing first but then you must listen to me.’ Pippa took charge, made a pot of tea in the see-through teapot that Jan had got for Christmas and, putting it on the little table in the kitchen, encouraged her mum to sit down with her.
‘Now, here you go. I never tire of watching the tea swirl out as it diffuses.’
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I know it’s a silly thing but I love it so much. It’s a bit like a fire, or cloud watching, it can be quite hypnotic. Okay, I’ll tell you mine very quickly. You know how much I loathe that Marion woman. She fainted in the Londis today and I happened to be there. I’ll never forgive the rude things she said about the WI. Hot blooming yoga indeed, most of us are battling menopause, the last thing we need is more heat. But I am worried about her. I’ve never seen her like that before. Luckily, Lottie was working and gave her some tea and I sat her down for a chat. Now we all know there have been rumours about her marriage floating about but she was actively gaunt, she really didn’t look well. I don’t think she’s eating properly, and the most concerning thing of all was that instead of snapping my head off, she cried. Real tears. Like a proper human. She seemed really vulnerable and it scared me. She kept mumbling about how she had lost him – I assume she meant Richard – how he had missed the last two family holidays, and she sobbed, great big sobs that shook her body, Pips. It broke my heart. So, you see her in school most days, will you keep an eye on her? Be aware she may need a friend or two, a real one, not those fake ones who follow her around. Will you?’
‘You have the biggest heart, mum. I do love you. I guess I’ll have to. She’s an evil old cow but yeah, everyone has their stuff, don’t they? I’m not promising to be her best friend, but I’ll keep an eye on her, okay?’
‘Thank you. Now what did you want to talk to me about? Those boys will be back in a minute.’
‘I think you know.’ Pippa fixed her mother with a stern look. If she was promising to keep an eye out for Marion then her Mum could at least play ball with this.
‘Is it James? I think you’re being difficult about this when you don’t need to be. I just don’t think you’re thinking any of it through, my love.’
‘Thinking what through, Mum? I think I’m old enough to decide who I want to spend the rest of my life with.’
‘Well, yes of course you are. But it’s like you have this wall up, a wall that’s stopping you taking those first steps, and I’m worried you’re going to end up lonely.’
‘I’m not lonely, I’m surrounded by people all day and I share a flat with Lottie and her gruesome menagerie. Plus, I’ve got you guys. It’s cute that you’re worried, but honestly there’s no need. And I don’t have a wall up; I’ve had relationships, but they didn’t work out. That’s quite normal. I know what I want and I’m just going to wait for it. I think that’s sensible. I also think everyone should stop having a go.’ Pippa meant it, she was getting a bit fed up of this now, what with Lynne yesterday and her mum now. It would seem James coming back to the village had triggered some kind of let’s-attack-Pippa barrage.
‘I’m not trying to have a go, love. You know I love you to the moon and back, but I’m worried you’re jeopardising a chance to be happy. Companionship can bring great joy. I mean look at me and your dad. We’ve been together forever and he’s my rock, my talisman, my inspiration.’ Jan was interrupted by her inspiration coming through the kitchen door from the shed with their son, no doubt a rock-in the-making, following behind. ‘Oh, for goodness sake, I’m trying to have a mother and daughter chat here. Could you sod off back outside until I call you in? Really. Always under my feet.’
Pippa could feel the grin on her face displace her irritation as she said, ‘You were saying? Look, I want what you and dad have, really I do. I would love that Happily Ever After but it’s not with James and right now I haven’t met anyone who I could live with forever, male or female. Let’s face it I haven’t met anyone I could tolerate for even six months. And when I make a commitment and consider having children, both things I would like in my future, I want it to be with the right person. Not someone I’ll regret a couple of years down the line. When they come along you’ll know. Everyone will know. But for now, I’m happy as I am and I’m not settling. And certainly not for James.’
‘All I’m saying is that you haven’t experienced the joys of being in a stable relationship yet. You seem to throw the towel in before you’ve even tried. I am scared you are missing out by waiting for a perfection that may not be achievable. No one is perfect. It doesn’t exist. James is a good bet. You’ve known him all your life and we know the family. For goodness sake, his family is our chosen family. He works hard and makes money to provide a home. And Pippa, he’s very good-looking. I might be getting on a bit, but I can tell handsome when I see it and he is a very handsome young man. That makes for good babies. You tell me one thing wrong with him and I’ll back off.’
‘I think he could be a sociopath.’
‘No, I meant one real thing.’
‘I think that is pretty real, mum.’
‘Only this week me and Karen went and had a good look around Debenhams for mother of the bride and groom dresses. I found the loveliest floral dress, I’ll show you on the website after dinner, if you like. And Karen found a nice navy number, very flattering. I mean, Karen and I are already very organised. James is obviously keen; we just need you to hurry up, stop being so afraid of commitment and play ball.’
‘Do you know what sociopath means, mum?’
‘Stop saying that silly word, as if James is the sort of person who chops women into little bits.’
‘No, I think you mean psychopath or serial killer, and that’s not what I’m saying. He seems to lack any kind of empathy and certainly doesn’t ever think he does anything wrong. It’s not right. What I’m trying to say, Mum, is that I really don’t like him. I don’t ever want to touch him, and I certainly don’t want his children, which means we can’t have a relationship. His desire for me is all about ego. He only wants me because I don’t want him. If I were attracted to him and I agreed to all this, he would go off me so quickly it would make our heads spin. His crush has nothing to do with me; it really is all about him. I don’t want to see—’
‘You’re talking nonsense. Love, true love, is often a grower. I’ve lost count of the amount of happily married women I know who hated their husband on sight the first time they met him, honest to goodness, hated on sight. And yet they’re all very happily married now, so I think you might be wrong about this. You’ve just got into the habit of being defensive, love. And besides think about the grandbabies, your children. You’d have such beautifully blue-eyed blonde children. You could set them up to model and all sorts, what with his good looks and your style.’
Polly bounded into the room, never short of an opinion and currently sporting jet-black hair.
‘Pippa’s bottle. She’s not a real blonde, so she’s not likely to have blonde children. You should know the colour of your own children’s hair, Mum. When’s dinner? I’m starving.’
‘Exactly, Pippa really likes blonde. So she’d want blonde children. Honestly Polly, I’m trying to have a very important talk here to help your sister on
the path to eternal happiness, and she’s being very resistant. I’ll call you when I’m ready to serve up.’
‘Is she still trying to get you to marry James? Ha!’ Polly laughed, laughed hard at her sister’s facial expression as Pippa rolled her eyes and slumped her head onto her folded arms, resting on the table. She was never going to win this battle. Why was she fool enough to think she could have an adult conversation with her mother and make her see that she was no longer going out with James just to please her? Why had she ever gone along with it in the first place?
‘It’s not funny,’ Pippa muttered, muffled by sleeves and adolescent-like hopelessness.
‘It is. It’s hilarious. Mum, why are Dad and Pete waiting outside? And Pips, don’t marry him until he’s sorted me some VIP tickets for Glastonbury. No point having him in the family if he can’t pull his weight.’
Oh, my mum’s been a nightmare today.
Only today? Lucky you! I thought you were going to see Lynne?
I did, baby’s super cute.
Cool. What did your mum do now? Did she bake you more biscuits?
Don’t take the mick!
Pippa started to answer fully but realised Kam was the last person she wanted to discuss the Nightmare-That-Was-James with. Kam was a James-free zone at the moment and the only one it seemed not to be weighing in on her life choices. She was going to keep it that way. She decided to distract.
And anyway it impacts you too.
Your mum?
Yep. She says Marion is vulnerable at the moment and I’m in charge of keeping an eye on her at school.
I didn’t know they were friends. And how does that impact me?
They’re not. We are. Therefore, if I have to do it, you have to do it. And I’ve got to make Marion my New Best Friend.
