Mattie's Pledge

by Jan Drexler

  When they reached the camp, they were surrounded by Mattie’s family and friends. All Mattie saw after she slid down from the horse’s back was a blur of faces until Mamm held her tight.

  “I’m so glad you’re home and safe,” Mamm murmured in her ear. “So thankful.” She held Mattie at arm’s length, tears glistening in her eyelashes, then hugged her again.

  Jacob was surrounded by her brothers and the other men.

  His voice rose above the others. “What happened? Did Bates come here last night?”

  Elias Hertzler nodded as everyone became quiet at Jacob’s question. “Ja, he did. He tried to steal the horses, but Andrew, Isaac, and Josef stopped him.”

  “What did you do?”

  The men exchanged glances. “He got himself into a real mess. In his hurry to untie the horses, he got tangled in the lines and was injured. We fed him breakfast, but he won’t accept any other help from us.”

  Mattie looked from the men to Mamm, who nodded toward the man hunched on a log near the fire, with one of Mamm’s quilts around his shoulders. His head hung between his knees. Cole was a pitiful sight, but Mattie’s stomach twisted with fear in spite of it. She turned her back on him and listened to the men’s conversation.

  “What will we do with him?” Jacob asked.

  “Isaac and Andrew took two of the horses and started back toward Angola. They’ll tell the sheriff there about him.” Daed stepped closer to Mattie, putting his arm around her shoulders. “I’m glad you’re safe, daughter. I’m thankful Jacob found you.”

  Mattie’s eyes filled with tears again. Mamm, Daed . . . they were all treating her so kindly, and she didn’t deserve it. She glanced again at Cole, still sitting on the log, seeming to take no notice of the people around him.

  “I’m sorry I caused such trouble.”

  Daed squeezed her shoulders. “You go with your mamm. She’ll take care of you.”

  Mattie obeyed Daed, glancing at Cole again as she passed by him. This time she felt a wrench of pity for him, but shuddered. She would never forget how it felt to be at his mercy.

  By noon, the sheriff from Angola still hadn’t arrived. Dinner was stew, made from some rabbits the boys had trapped, and noodles made from the dwindling store of flour.

  “I’ll take some to Cole.” Mattie held out a bowl for Magdalena Hertzler to fill.

  Johanna’s stepmother hesitated. “Are you sure? He isn’t a very friendly man.”

  Mattie’s chin tilted up. “I know. But I need to do this for him, after everything that happened last night.” She swallowed, her confidence wavering. “I’ll be fine here in the daylight, in the middle of our camp.” She smiled at Magdalena and took the bowl to the bench by the fire where Cole still sat.

  He didn’t look up as she approached. She sat next to him and held out the bowl.

  “Here.”

  “What?”

  “Have some stew. You must be hungry.”

  He sat up, letting the quilt fall off his shoulders. His right arm was bound against his body with strips of cloth. He reached for the bowl with his left hand, then drew it back.

  “Never mind. I can’t eat it anyway.”

  “Do you want me to feed you?”

  He met her eyes then, the black lights gleaming under his brow. “You would do that for me?”

  Misgivings made her stomach swirl, but she lifted the spoon. After all, he was only a man in need. He opened his mouth and she stuck the spoon in, feeding him as she would one of her baby nieces or nephews.

  His eyes didn’t leave hers until the bowl was empty.

  “Thank you, Mattie-girl.”

  His voice was low and intimate, and he gave her a slow smile. Mattie looked around the camp. Everyone was busy except Jacob. He watched them with a frown.

  “I wouldn’t want you to go hungry.” She stood. “The sheriff will be here soon. Maybe you should get some rest.”

  “You could do something else to help me.”

  “What?”

  He beckoned her closer and she leaned toward him slightly. “Talk with me. Don’t make me sit here alone.”

  She almost laughed at that. “You are surrounded by the whole camp. You aren’t alone.”

  “Nobody talks to me, though. They act like I’m invisible, except for the stares.”

  “All right.” She started to sit next to him again.

  “Not here. Can’t we walk or something? I need to be on my feet. I’m not used to just sitting like this.”

  Mattie wavered. Once the sheriff took him, he would probably never be free again. He would be punished for the murder of the freighter and spend the rest of his life in a jail cell.

  “I’ll walk with you, as long as we don’t leave the camp.”

  He stood and she led the way toward the meadow where the horses and cows grazed. Jacob watched them. When he moved to follow them at a little distance, the twirling in her stomach slowed. She would be safe, even this close to Cole, as long as Jacob was watching out for her.

  In the middle of the meadow, Cole stopped next to one of the horses.

  “It’s too bad.”

  “What is?”

  Cole glanced at her, then turned back to the horse. “These really are the finest horses I’ve seen. It’s too bad I won’t be able to use them to give me a start in Oregon.”

  “But they aren’t your horses. You are very quick to forget that.”

  He smiled. “But they could be mine, if luck had been with me.” He turned to her again, keeping his voice low so the words wouldn’t carry to Jacob. “You could be mine too. It isn’t too late.”

  Mattie felt her cheeks heat, and the clenching swirl was back. “I’m not yours, and I never will be.”

  “Mattie-girl, think what you’re giving up.” He took a step toward her. “Oregon, the mountains, the ocean. Think of the adventures we could have.”

  She pulled her lip between her teeth. The old dream. She turned it over in her mind, but it held no allure for her anymore.

  Cole continued. “All we would need to do is walk a little farther, a little faster, and leave all these Amish behind.” His voice was silky, pulling her into his gaze. “You and I, Mattie-girl, off to the west, as free as birds.”

  In the high branches of the trees, a mockingbird started singing, its musical repertoire catching her soul, tugging at her. But she stepped back from Cole, shaking her head.

  “No. I won’t help you escape, and I won’t go with you.” Like a perfect stitch sewn in a seam, her words fell true. “I don’t want to go west.” The seam strengthened. “I know what God is calling me to do. I’m going to stay with my family and my faith. I’ll never see the mountains, but my life will be so much better than you could imagine.”

  A twisting darkness passed over Cole’s face, but she was no longer held captive by his gaze. His eyes narrowed. “You’ll regret this. You’ll always be sorry you settled for the safe route and didn’t take this chance with me.”

  He turned with a jump and started running toward the edge of the meadow. But Jacob had been watching, and he was after him, tackling him like a greased pig just before he reached the trees. The two tumbled over in the grass and weeds, startling the horses. More men rushed past Mattie, and soon Cole was standing upright again, his face pale as he clutched his right arm. Strangers stood on each side of him. The sheriff and his deputy had arrived from Angola.

  They shoved the struggling horse thief between them toward the road. As they passed her, Cole twisted around.

  “You’ll regret this until the day you die. You’ll always wish you had taken your chance.”

  Mattie watched him go. Jacob walked up behind her, laying his hand on her shoulder. She reached to grasp it as she watched the sheriff direct Cole to mount a horse and then tie his hands to the saddle horn. Cole didn’t look back as they headed down the road toward Angola.

  Jacob squeezed her shoulder and she turned around. “Will you regret not taking the chance, Mattie?”

  Ma
ttie took a deep breath and smiled as she let it out. “Ne, I won’t. I’m just thankful I don’t have to regret making a terrible mistake.”

  He glanced beyond her toward the busy camp, then tugged her behind a couple of the horses, smiling as he pulled her close.

  “One thing I know is that this isn’t a mistake.”

  As Jacob folded her close to him and kissed her, she melted into his arms, thankful to be home.

  26

  Even after the wakeful night they had, the whole group agreed that they were anxious to get to their destination. So although Mattie wished she could sleep the day away under a shady tree, she helped Mamm get the wagon ready for the day’s journey before she made a pallet for herself on top of some packing crates and slept.

  It was noon before she woke, groggy and hungry. She brushed the wrinkles out of her clothes as best she could, then combed and twisted her hair before putting on the extra kapp she had brought. She would have to make a new one to replace the one she had lost.

  When Mattie poked her head out of the wagon, she saw they had stopped in the middle of a town. The shady town square had become their noon camp. Mamm had gathered the little ones on a blanket spread on the grass, and Naomi sat there with Davey, the boy’s head lying in her lap.

  She turned to climb out of the wagon, and Jacob was by her side, his hand supporting her elbow as she jumped from the wheel spokes.

  “How are you?” He didn’t smile as he spoke, and his mouth was pinched with worry.

  Mattie smiled to reassure him. “I could have slept longer, and I’m a little sore, but I’m fine.” She looked across the street at a collection of buildings, including a bank and a general store. “Where are we?”

  “Springfield, Yost said. He expects we’ll reach the Amish settlement in Newbury Township early tomorrow.”

  Mattie bit her lip. Yesterday she had hated the thought of settling here, but after her experience with Cole, she had no desire to be anywhere but with her family. She looked up at Jacob, who was watching her closely.

  “It will be good to stop traveling.”

  “You think so?” His eyebrows lifted in surprise. “What changed your mind?”

  Mattie hugged her arms close. “Can we walk a bit? I don’t want the others to hear us talking.”

  “Ja, for sure.” He led her across the street to the board sidewalk that ran in front of the buildings.

  They walked in silence past the general store and the milliner’s. Then the sidewalk ended, and they stepped down into a dusty trail in the grass at the side of the street. Jacob stopped in the shade of a tree in front of a white frame house surrounded by a picket fence. Mattie touched the top of one picket, then the next.

  “Last night, you said . . .” She stopped with a sigh. How could she get Jacob to understand they could never marry? “You said that you would die for me.”

  He took her hand. “I would, Mattie. I would do anything for you.”

  She shook her head, pulling her hand away. “I’m not worthy of that. I’m not the right girl for you.” She turned away from him and rubbed the top of the picket with her thumb.

  “What do you mean? Is this about wanting to go west to Oregon or someplace? We can work that out.” He kicked the dusty path behind her. “When you were lost—when I thought you had gone with Bates—it about killed me. The thought that you would leave me, your family . . . I had to try to get you back.” He pulled her elbow around so she faced him. “I knew then that I would do anything for you. I would even go west, if that’s what you want.”

  Mattie’s throat closed. “All I want to do is crawl in a hole and hide.” She swallowed her tears down through the choking pressure. “I’m nothing, don’t you see? If you hadn’t come to find me, Cole would have taken me away. Maybe that is what I deserved.” She pulled away from him again, turning her back so he couldn’t see the tears. “I’m not worthy of being part of my family, or part of the church, and certainly not your wife. I’ve thought and done terrible things.”

  He jerked at her, pulling her around to face him again. “Mattie, tell me. Did Cole . . . did he hurt you?” She shook her head and the hands gripping her arms relaxed. “Then what have you done that is so terrible?”

  “I wanted to go to Oregon. I wanted it so badly that I even thought about what it would be like to go with Cole. I was tempted, don’t you see? I . . . he said I came to find him last night, and that’s why I stumbled into him.” She hiccuped. The tightness in her throat loosened as her confession spilled out. “And perhaps he was right. I was so angry when I left the camp to find water that maybe I did go to try to find him. All I could think about was what I wanted, not about my family, or you . . . or the promise I made to you.” She looked into his eyes. “I was wayward and prideful. I’ll never be a good wife or church member.”

  “But you didn’t go with him.” Jacob’s eyes brimmed with his own tears. “You’ve learned something, haven’t you?”

  Mattie twisted the edges of her apron between her fingers. “I’ve learned how dreadfully sinful I am.” She wiped at her eyes. “I know I’m only here today because of God’s mercy. I don’t deserve to be safe, at home with you and my family.”

  “Anything else?” His voice, soft and tender, tugged at her heart.

  “I learned just how foolish my dreams have been. I’ve been fighting against God and his will, but this—” She searched for the right word. “This surrender to him . . .” She sighed, her spirit as sore as a healing burn. “I finally understand what it means to face your own emptiness.”

  “And once we see how unworthy we all are, then the only place to turn is to God.”

  A tear trickled to the end of her nose and she wiped it away with the hem of her apron. Jacob was right. “He’s all I have left.”

  “Not all.” Jacob rubbed her arms with his thumbs.

  Finally he asked, “Do you still want to go to Oregon?”

  She shuddered, her throat full again. “Don’t speak of Oregon. It makes me think of him, and I don’t want to think of him ever again.”

  He smiled, and lifted her chin with one finger. “Do you think you might learn to be content with me?” He lifted one eyebrow. “I’ll try to make life interesting for you, even here in Indiana.”

  Mattie smiled at the comical look on his face. “How would you do that?”

  Encircling her with his arms, he pulled her closer, and the soreness eased. “For one, I can make you laugh.” She had to nod at that. “And I’ll keep you busy chasing after little ones all day.”

  “Whose little ones?” She relaxed in his arms.

  “Our little ones.” He gave her a quick kiss. “Dozens of little Yoders with socks to darn and britches to patch. You’ll be too busy to get bored with your life.”

  She melted into his next kiss, one that banished all other thoughts from her mind.

  The next day, Mattie walked with Jacob behind the green wagon. Even though their hands never touched, Jacob felt like he could have been walking arm in arm with her. The camaraderie he had missed was back, along with something else. When he looked into Mattie’s eyes, he saw a peace that had been absent before.

  Farms lined the road, with rough cabins and split rail fences, but some of the settlers had already built barns of sawn lumber. In the afternoon, one of the farmers hailed the lead wagon in the group.

  “Yost Bontrager!”

  Yost’s return greeting told Jacob that the two men were old friends.

  “More than old friends,” Mattie said when he asked her. “That’s Solomon Plank, one of our neighbors from Brothers Valley who immigrated here last year.”

  Andrew jogged down the line of wagons. “We’re camping here tonight. Solomon said to settle in the meadow there behind the house.” He waved toward the spot with his hand, then went on to the rest of the wagons.

  “We’re here.” Mattie caught Jacob’s hand in hers. “We’re home.”

  She went to help her family set up their camp while Jacob and Jose
f unhitched the wagon and picketed the horses. No need to worry about horse thieves, now that Bates was in jail and they were in settled country again. Jacob rolled his shoulders, glad to be relieved of that burden of worry.

  The Plank family joined the emigrants around their campfire for supper that night, Solomon contributing a young pig for roasting. After the meal, the entire group gathered around him, eager to hear every detail about their new home.

  “Several new families have moved into the settlement since you were here last summer,” Solomon began, nodding toward Yost and Eli. “After we arrived in the spring, another group from Holmes County came in the fall. There were several families, and they almost doubled the size of the community here. They settled in Elkhart County, after we had decided to settle here in LaGrange County.”

  “Does that make a division in the community?” Elias Hertzler asked.

  “It’s only natural that folks want to live near people they know, their friends and family. But there is a difference between us and the Holmes County families. They seem to be more change minded, settling near the Mennonites and such, but nothing will come of it, I’m sure. We worship together and support each other as a church should.”

  “We’ve seen quite a few farms along the way,” Yost said, “many more than there were last year. Is there still land available to buy?”

  “There is plenty, but of course, the choicest lots have already been sold. Some of the holders of the original land grants from ten years ago are ready to make a profit from their investment and move on farther west. Between here and Elkhart County, south a few miles in Eden Township, there is some nice farmland for sale. A little to the west of there, along the Little Elkhart River, the land tends to be marshy, but it could be drained to make fields that will be more fertile than you can imagine.” Solomon unrolled a map on his knees and all the men leaned closer to look at it. “I got this from the land office in Ft. Wayne last spring, and I’ve marked off the parcels that have sold since then.” He pointed to several areas with his finger.

  As Solomon talked, Jacob’s mind was filled with the plans for his farm that had kept him occupied through the long winter. Solomon Plank’s farm looked nothing like the settled farmland back in the Conestoga Valley, or even in Holmes County. But Solomon and his family had only been here since last spring. The small log cabin and lean-to barn were enough to house the family and animals while Solomon had worked to clear the fields. The spot where they were camping had been cleared in the last month, from the fresh-cut look of the stumps that dotted the space. Jacob noticed the corded muscles of Solomon’s forearms in the firelight. Clearing his own farmland wouldn’t be easy, and he had promised to clear Daed’s land first. He had a lot of work ahead.