Phoenix

by Linda Warren

  “What’s wrong?” Rosie asked. “Why is he upset? Did I do something wrong?”

  “No.” Phoenix got up and squatted in front of Rosie and Jake. “It’s okay, son. Daddy’s here.”

  They went back to eating and nothing else was said. Rosie even got Jake to drink milk out of a glass. She had a way with him. That was easy to see. Jake’s eyelids began to droop, and Rosie laid him on the sofa and covered him with a blanket. Dixie jumped up and made herself comfortable beside him.

  Phoenix sat on one end of the sofa and Rosie on the other. There weren’t many places to sit in the trailer except for a comfy chair next to the sofa.

  “What was that about?” Rosie asked.

  He told her about Jake’s greatgrandmother and how much Jake missed her. “Obviously she must’ve made him macaroni and cheese.”

  “That’s so sad. You have to tell him his greatgrandmother is dead.”

  “Oh no, I can’t do that. It will break his little heart. I’m just feeling my way right now and not equipped to handle something like that.”

  She shook her head, almost in disgust. “Who would you like to tell him such a thing?”

  “I don’t know. He’s two years old and I’m hoping he’ll just forget it.”

  Rosie’s blue eyes stared steadily at him, and he wanted to squirm. He could do a lot of things, but the sad emotional stuff he knew he wasn’t able to do. Most of the adults in his family took on that role. He was left with the easy stuff. That was a hell of an explanation and he didn’t even buy it himself.

  “Okay, I’m being a jerk.”

  “A scared jerk. Just tell him and maybe some of the sadness and the grief will leave his heart.”

  “I think you bring out the best in me.”

  She straightened the blanket over Jake. “I hardly know you.”

  “But we connect. I feel it and I know you feel it.”

  “Phoenix…”

  “Okay. We don’t need another problem here. I’ll tell him when he wakes up, and you’d better be here to comfort both of us.”

  A smile touched the curve of her mouth and he was mesmerized.

  *

  FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER, Phoenix sat on the sofa with Jake on his lap, sipping milk out of a beer bottle. Phoenix had tried a glass first, but once again Jake refused loudly. After Jake was through, Phoenix took the bottle and handed it to Rosie. She lifted an eyebrow, urging him on.

  He placed his hand on Jake’s small chest and it covered the whole area. He could feel Jake’s heartbeat thumping against his palm. “Son, Daddy wants to talk about… Ma Ma.”

  “Ma Ma.” Jake looked around.

  “No, Ma Ma’s not here.” He took a moment and prayed for the right words. Words that would not hurt his son. “Son, Ma Ma has gone to heaven to be with Jesus.”

  “Jes-us.”

  He was surprised when Jake said the word, but he remembered the CPS lady telling him that Mrs. Green took Jake to church. He knew the word and Phoenix hoped he knew a whole lot more, even at his young age. “Yes, Ma Ma is with Jesus and you’re with Daddy. I’ll always be here for you. Do you understand that?”

  “Ma Ma.”

  Phoenix took a deep breath. “Ma Ma is gone. Jake is with Daddy.”

  Jake turned in the circle of Phoenix’s arms and rested his face against Phoenix’s chest. That’s when the sobs came. Phoenix felt them all the way to his soul. In some ways Jake understood, and Phoenix just held him and let him cry for his greatgrandmother.

  Rosie sat beside him and put her arms around both of them. It was a bonding moment, and Phoenix wanted to stay in the circle of her gentle embrace because he knew with Rosie he had found a soft place to fall.

  Chapter Eight

  Several times during the afternoon, Rosie told herself it was crazy for her to be out with Phoenix and his son. She was a McCray and he was a Rebel and they shouldn’t even be speaking to each other. But when Phoenix looked at her with those deep, dark eyes, she forgot who she was. The only thing that registered was the way he made her feel: warm, excited and all woman.

  He was so gentle with Jake. When he told the boy about his greatgrandmother, all her defenses weakened. She didn’t even think twice about going shopping with him. Little Jake hooked her right from the start, and it was very clear Phoenix needed help. They went to Walmart first and bought the sippy cup. Jake wasn’t having anything to do with it until they found a SpongeBob one. He was all smiles then and wouldn’t let it go. They bought other things she thought Phoenix would need. From there they went to a Western wear store.

  Phoenix bought boots, jeans, shirts and a hat for Jake. The boy was very good about trying on clothes, except there was one problem. The jeans kept falling down. They had to buy a belt, and Jake shook his head at every one the salesclerk brought out.

  Phoenix squatted in front of his son. “You have to have a belt to hold up your jeans.”

  “No!” Jake shouted. It was the first time he’d misbehaved all afternoon, and she could see Phoenix was at his wit’s end about what to do.

  She squatted by Jake. “What’s the matter? Don’t you like belts?”

  “No! Dad-dy.”

  She couldn’t make sense of that and neither could Phoenix. “Okay. Tell us what you want.”

  He pointed to Phoenix’s belt.

  “Yes, Daddy wears a belt, too.”

  “No!” Jake shouted again.

  Rosie glanced at Phoenix. “Your turn.”

  “Son, show Daddy what you want.”

  Jake leaned over and pointed to Phoenix’s buckle, and then it dawned on both of them. Jake wanted a buckle on his belt like his dad, but he didn’t know what to call it.

  She and Phoenix shared a secret smile as the salesclerk brought a buckle and put it on Jake’s belt and then looped the belt around his pants. Jake was all smiles again, except when Phoenix tried to take the clothes off him. He threw a fit and cried loudly in the store.

  “Okay, you can wear them.” Phoenix gave in.

  “The jeans really need to be washed,” the salesclerk said.

  “Don’t worry,” Phoenix told her. “They’ll be wet in no time.”

  Jake walked out of the store between them, staring down at his boots. He tripped three times but refused to let Phoenix carry him. Once Phoenix put him in the car seat, Jake continued to stare at his boots.

  “I think he loves the boots,” Rosie said as they drove away.

  “Yeah. That’s my kid.”

  “I’m amazed that you’re so good with him.”

  “I am, too.” He laughed. “I have to admit I didn’t know how this was going to go or how I was going to raise a kid, but I have a handle on it now and I can do this. I know I can do this.” He glanced at her with a twinkle in his eyes. “With your help.”

  “You know it’s crazy us being together.”

  “Yeah, I’ve always been a little crazy.”

  “I know that for a fact.”

  “Hey!”

  She laughed, and it almost felt alien to her since it had been so long. A life without laughter was like a life without sunshine. And that described where she’d been emotionally—locked up in a dark existence without any light or warmth. Thanks to a dark-eyed man, she’d stepped out of the boundaries of the past and enjoyed the sunshine on her face and skin, breathed in the fresh air not tinged with grief or sadness, and welcomed the joy singing through her veins.

  “I’m buying dinner. You choose the place.”

  She didn’t even bother with a refusal, which would’ve been her way of staying to herself. Tonight, she didn’t want to be alone.

  They ate at Olive Garden, and she was enthralled as she watched Phoenix cut up Jake’s spaghetti. Jake loved it and got spaghetti on his cheeks, his fingers and all over the high chair. Reaching out with his hand, Jake touched Phoenix’s cheek and left spaghetti marks. Rosie had the urge to lean over the table and lick the sauce from Phoenix’s roughened male skin. She’d never had urges like that before,
and the feelings stunned and excited her at the same time. Phoenix Rebel was just irresistible, especially with his son. Or maybe all her hormones were kicking in—finally.

  They arrived back at the trailer a little before six, and Rosie invited them in because it would be so lonely without them. That was a sad truth she hated to admit. But she was clinging to this time as long as she could. She couldn’t explain it to herself so she just went with the moment.

  Jake immediately started playing with Dixie, chasing her around the trailer. Phoenix sat on the sofa.

  “Would you like some coffee?”

  “No, thanks. I have to go pretty soon. My family’s probably wondering what happened to me.”

  “Do you always stay in contact?”

  “Nah. But my mom is a little antsy about Jake.”

  “You’re doing a great…” Jake was trying to crawl to Dixie and having a hard time in his boots. He’d lost one and was dragging the other on the linoleum. “Wait a minute, Jake.” She squatted and removed his other boot and placed both of them on the table.

  “You’re very good with kids,” he remarked.

  “I guess I was about nine when my brother Gunnar’s first son was born. I carried him around on my hip forever.”

  “You miss your family.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

  For a brief moment she wanted to lie and say that she didn’t, that the McCrays meant nothing to her anymore. But she was a McCray and she always would be, as she’d told Phoenix once before.

  “I miss my mom and Maribel.” Even saying the words created a hollow feeling in her stomach.

  “Didn’t your mom die a few years ago?”

  She shifted uneasily and drew her knees up into a more comfortable position. “Yes. I was told not to come to the funeral. I wasn’t welcome.”

  “That had to have hurt.”

  “Yeah.” She stared down at her hands that she’d curled into fists, hardly believing she was telling Phoenix about her family. But then there was so much in her she needed to say, and he was listening. And easy to talk to. She’d probably lost perspective about twenty-four hours ago.

  “What happened to your marriage?”

  She closed her eyes tight, trying not to think about that time of her life. But it was like a sore inside her needing to bleed to heal. Before she knew it, words tumbled out. “When I was eighteen and graduated high school, the ranch was in financial trouble. My dad went to several banks and they wouldn’t loan him any more money. He was so angry he accidentally slammed his hand in his truck door and broke two fingers. I drove him to another bank in Austin so he could talk to someone about a loan. That someone was Derek Wilcott. His family owned the bank.”

  “That’s the man you married?”

  “Yes.” She opened her eyes and watched as Dixie tugged on Jake’s jeans. Jake rolled over, laughing. Happy. It was a beautiful sound and warmed her heart. Every child should be happy.

  “Rosie?” Phoenix murmured in a low voice as if to console her in some way. She turned her attention to him.

  “Derek liked me, as my father put it. He and my father made a deal. He would give the family a large sum of money for my hand in marriage. That is, if I was still a virgin.”

  She looked into Phoenix’s eyes as she said the words, and she didn’t see pity or sympathy. All she saw was concern, and it gave her the courage to continue. “I couldn’t talk my dad out of it, so I begged my mother to intervene. She refused. She said the bank was going to foreclose on the ranch if I didn’t. The whole family would have nowhere to go. I had to do it for the good of the family. I’d live in a mansion, have servants and my life would be good. She didn’t see it as a hardship for me. She saw it as a fairy tale.

  “It was a nightmare. My wedding night was horrific. Derek’s idea of foreplay was to hurt me and to make me cry out in pain. He started beating me from the start and there was nothing I could do about it. He had me watched twenty-four hours a day, and I was in hell. Pure hell, and there was no way out. I…”

  Phoenix scooted across the sofa and wrapped an arm around her, and she rested her face on his chest, feeling comfort like she’d never had before. “You don’t have to say any more.” He stroked her hair away from her face; his gentle touch was the healing power on the scars of her life.

  She raised her head and wiped away an errant tear. “I have to say it all. I’ve kept it inside for so long, and I need to say the words out loud.” She rested against him, loving the strength of his chest, the power of his arms and the soothing comfort of his presence.

  “I got pregnant right away and I thought he would leave me alone then, but he didn’t, and I feared for the safety of the baby. That’s when I made the decision to leave. I started saving the money he gave me. I didn’t know where I was going, but I was leaving before the baby was born. I was about eight months along when he came in one evening drunk. The gardener was still outside, and Derek accused me of having an affair with the man. He beat me senseless. I woke up in a pool of blood and managed to crawl to the phone and call 911. I was so worried about the baby, but I knew the truth before we reached the hospital. My baby was…my baby girl was dead.” Another tear slipped from her eye, and Phoenix held her tight. She prayed she wouldn’t start crying like she had so many other times.

  “I’m sorry. That’s why you were looking at all the baby girl stuff in Walmart.”

  “Yes.” She sniffed into his chest. “I can never resist when I go into a store with baby things. I guess I’ll always do that and wonder what my baby would have been like.”

  “What happened to your husband?”

  “He was drunk upstairs and still had blood on him—my blood. He was arrested. His family tried to make me out as a slut to get him off, but I got a shark of an attorney and she went after the family big time. I was granted a divorce, and the family settled out of court with a lump sum of money.”

  “What happened to Derek?”

  “He received an eight-year sentence but only served two years before the family’s attorney got him out.”

  “And you used the money you received to start a new life?”

  She pulled away from him, needing to get perspective once again. “No. I saved a little to start over, but the majority of the money I sent home to my dad. He had told me in the hospital that I had betrayed the family and I wasn’t welcome at home.”

  “After what you’d been through? How could he say that?”

  “The Wilcott family pulled the plug on the financial support for the family after Derek was arrested, and the ranch was in jeopardy once again. My father said that I was selfish, thinking only of myself, and that I should have been a better wife, supporting my husband and learning to please him. I wanted to throw up.”

  “Then why send him the money?”

  “My mother was there, and I didn’t want her to lose her home because…because of me.”

  “Did you talk to your father after he received the money?”

  “No. I’ve never heard a word from him, but he cashed the check.”

  “Oh, Rosie.” His arm tightened around her, and the feel of it made her stronger. “I’ve never liked Ira McCray, and today I like him even less.”

  Outside the sun had snuck away and left darkness in its wake. Rosie shivered. Usually at this time of night she felt a little afraid.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  It felt strange to have someone to talk to, and she snuggled closer to Phoenix. “I’m not fond of the darkness. It hides all the bad and the unknown. When Derek was released from prison, I stayed awake at night and slept in the mornings. I bought a gun to protect myself in case he came looking for me.”

  “Did you have contact with him?”

  “No. I heard he got married six months later, and his family moved him to Florida, where they have banks, too.”

  She sat up and straightened her hair, which had come undone and tumbled down her back. “I can’t believe I’ve talked so much about myself.” />
  He brushed her hair from her face, and she trembled from the pleasure of it. The darkness wasn’t daunting at all with Phoenix beside her. As the thought ran through her mind, she realized she was getting involved too fast. She was starved for emotional contact, and she had to back off to save her own sanity. She couldn’t allow herself to be hurt again.

  She got to her feet. “I think you’d better go. It’s getting late, and didn’t you say your family would be worried about you and Jake?”

  “I’m more worried about you now.”

  She straightened her backbone. “Phoenix, I do not need someone to save me. I’m capable of doing that on my own.”

  “Whoa.” He got to his feet and stood way too close. She wanted to take a step backward, but she wasn’t that weak. “Where’s that coming from? We were just talking like friends do.”

  “We’re not friends, Phoenix.”

  “Rosie.” He sighed. “Let’s don’t go back to being enemies. We’ve taken a giant leap forward. Let’s stay there and explore the possibilities.”

  She grinned. His charm oozed from him like fluffs of whipped cream, and all she had to do was lick it up.

  He leaned in, and he dipped his head to kiss her briefly. At the touch of his lips, a bolt of fear shot through her, but she didn’t move away. Phoenix isn’t Derek. He waited for her to step back, to resist, but she found she couldn’t do either. The touch and taste of him on her lips were tempting, not frightening. And she wanted more. She looked up and he covered her mouth with his.

  And just like that, she fell into his arms and was completely lost in the sensual feeling of her body against his. This was the way love was supposed to be between a man and woman: gentle, consensual and exciting. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held her body as close to him as she could. His muscles pressed into hers, as did his belt buckle, which oddly was an erotic sensation. The cowboy was taking her breath away and he’d just branded her with the biggest buckle in the world.

  His lips trailed from hers to her cheek to her neck and lower to her breast. The world started to spin away as emotions too long denied swamped her. She couldn’t think, could only feel. And the feeling was everything she ever dreamed it would be. Just when she thought his touch would take her away, a little voice interrupted.