Phoenix

by Linda Warren

“Don’t you usually help each other in the chute with the bull rope and such?”

  “Yeah, but I was hoping Jake would stay with one of the cowboys.”

  She shook her head. “Cowboy, you haven’t thought this through, have you?”

  “My game plan is to improvise as I go along because I’m not leaving Jake back at the ranch.”

  She patted Jake’s back. “I’ll take care of him.”

  He stared at her. “So…so what about the Rebel/McCray thing? No more doubts about us?”

  “Oh, still lots of doubts, but I’m a sucker for this little guy.” She kissed Jake and smiled at Phoenix. “His dad’s not too bad, either. Later, cowboy.”

  She walked off, and Phoenix watched the sway of her hips. His day had just gotten a whole lot better.

  Chapter Ten

  Rosie had every intention of staying away from Phoenix. But once he and Jake left on Wednesday, she’d felt as if the sunshine had gone out of her world. It was lonely, and she kept listening for the sound of Phoenix’s truck the next day. She didn’t understand why she was depriving herself of something that made her feel so good. The Rebel/McCray feud had nothing to do with her. Her father had disowned her and she had a right to make her own choices.

  The moment she saw Jake running toward her, she knew she wanted that little boy and his father in her life. She was willing to take a risk to make it happen. Then she saw Phoenix’s worried expression. He needed her help, and no one had ever needed her like that before.

  Rosie hurried to her trailer and dressed for the night. Then she made her way to the rodeo and rushed to get ready for her race. Lady knew what to do. All Rosie had to do was guide her. She blasted out and made the run in fourteen point six seconds. She would have to do better to win in Vegas. Everyone’s attention was now on the National Finals Rodeo.

  After taking care of Lady, Rosie hurried back to get Jake so Phoenix could bull-ride. Jake was half asleep on Phoenix’s shoulder.

  “He’s tired and sleepy, but he hasn’t eaten yet.”

  Rosie took the baby into her arms. “I’ll take him to my trailer and get him ready for bed. Where are his pajamas?”

  Phoenix held up the diaper bag. “Everything’s in here.”

  She hated she had to miss Phoenix’s ride, but there would be other times. Right now Jake needed to go to bed.

  An hour later, Phoenix tapped on her door and came in. He brought the cool outdoors and a whole lot of sunshine, even though it was dark, into the small trailer.

  She’d changed into shorts and a tank top because she’d given Jake a bath. The sofa made into a half bed and that’s where Jake was curled up with Floppy, his SpongeBob blanket and Dixie. The moment Jake saw Phoenix he sat up and called, “Dad-dy.” He’d been asking for Phoenix ever since she’d dressed him in his pajamas. Once again she admired Phoenix and his gentleness with his son.

  He sat on the bed and gathered Jake into his arms. “Hey, buddy!”

  Jake rested his head on Phoenix’s shoulder. “Dad-dy.” In minutes Jake was sound asleep.

  Phoenix gently laid him on the sofa bed and covered him with a blanket. “Thanks.” He looked at her, and the fire in his eyes lit a fuse in her that had been dormant for a long time. “I could not have done this without you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  She sat in her chair, which was inches from him, and curled her feet beneath her. “I’m not going to criticize because I admire what you’re doing. Most cowboys I know would have left Jake with their mothers.”

  Phoenix glanced at his son. “I’ve got one more rodeo before the finals, and then I’ll have to think about quitting. Jake comes first, and he needs to be in bed by nine o’clock.”

  “You can do it and I’ll help. It wasn’t too bad tonight. Jake just got tired.”

  He grimaced. “Do you mind if I pull off my boots? I’ve had a shower, and now I just want to relax.”

  “Sure.” There was something intimate about a cowboy removing his boots in her trailer. That signified an intimacy they hadn’t reached yet. But they were getting close, and Rosie wasn’t afraid. She just knew she could trust this cowboy with her heart.

  He scooted back and rested his head against the sofa, his eyes on her. “You look different tonight.”

  “I had to change clothes to give Jake a bath.”

  “How did you do that in a shower?”

  “I have a handheld nozzle to save water. I just soaped him up and rinsed it off. He thought it was fun. He giggled a lot when I sprayed water over his head. Dixie barked the whole time.”

  “They make a team, don’t they?” Phoenix glanced toward Dixie, who was curled up against Jake.

  “Do you remember much about Jake’s mother?” She didn’t mean to change the subject so abruptly, but she was curious.

  “Not much, I’m ashamed to say. It was just sex, and that bothers me sometimes. The responsible part kicks in every now and then.”

  “My daughter was conceived the same way and I loved her with all my heart, so I don’t think it matters.”

  He leaned forward and brushed hair away from her face. “I’m sorry about your daughter.”

  “I bought so many baby things and…” Tears clogged her throat and she couldn’t go on.

  Phoenix slipped into the chair with her. She scooted onto his lap and leaned against him like a child needing comfort. And she should have been past that.

  “Would you do something for me?”

  “What?” she whispered into his chest.

  “Stop being sad and rejoice in the fact that you had a child to remember. A child you loved. It’s time to move on, Rosie. It’s time.”

  She lifted her head and stared into his dark eyes. “I was thinking the same thing. My baby is in a secret place in my heart and she will always be there, but the rest of my heart is still alive and needs…”

  He placed his hand above her breast, and she felt her heart beating against his palm like thunder, loud and frightening. “Needs what?”

  “Needs to feel again.”

  With his other hand he threaded his fingers through her hair and tucked it behind her ear. His lips gently touched hers, so gently that it annoyed her. She didn’t want him to be patient and understanding. She wanted him to treat her like the girls he’d dated. The girls he wanted to make love to. That’s what she wanted: to feel all those emotions she’d heard about. To feel them with Phoenix.

  “You’re so beautiful, and I love your hair.”

  “I’ve hated my hair all my life.”

  “Why? It’s gorgeous. Long and straight and a coppery color I’ve never seen before.”

  “Phoenix…”

  She knew what he was doing, giving her time to think or maybe change her mind. But she knew what she wanted.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him boldly and without shame. He kissed her back with equal fervor. He tasted of peppermint and orange juice…

  “Orange juice,” she whispered between kisses.

  “Mmm. I drink a lot of OJ.”

  His lips covered hers and all other thought left her. Wonderful dizzying feelings flowed through her. New and unchartered emotions made the blood sing in her veins and her heart dance in a crazy rhythm that was driving her wild.

  He rested his face in the warmth of her neck, and she knew she needed to tell him some things before they went any further.

  “You taste like chocolate,” he murmured throatily.

  “Jake wanted a chocolate chip cookie and I ate most of it.”

  “Mmm.”

  “Phoenix…”

  “Hmm?”

  As he nibbled on her earlobe, she forgot what she wanted to talk about. But then it came roaring back. “I… I don’t enjoy…sex.”

  He lifted his head. His dark hair was tousled across his forehead and his eyes were full of passion. “What?”

  “Sex was awful with Derek and I was always glad when it was over. I never enjoyed it like a woman is supposed to, and I worry t
hat I may never…”

  “Shh.” He placed a finger over her lips. “We’ll take it slow and easy and if you want to stop, we’ll stop. You just need to relax and stop worrying and let it happen.”

  She nestled her face against his. “There’s this little seed of doubt in me that says I shouldn’t be doing anything with you but showing you the door. I ignore it most of the time.”

  “I feel the Rebel/McCray thing, too. I don’t give it much attention, either. Yesterday I was holding Jake and felt his heart beat against mine and realized how much I loved that kid. At the same time I thought about the night before when I held you and felt your heart beat in perfect rhythm with mine. A powerful thing is happening between us. I’ve never been in love, Rosie, but what I feel for you I think is love. The real thing. Like one hundred percent.”

  “Oh, Phoenix.”

  “So let’s just take it slow and live in the moment and be grateful we found each other.”

  “Life is not that simple.”

  “No, but love is.”

  She threw back her head and laughed, a bubbly sound that rushed through her whole body like sweet, sweet wine, reviving her dormant senses.

  Phoenix rained kisses all the way to her chin. “What’s so funny?”

  “You and your positive attitude. You make me laugh and you make me happy. I just want to keep on laughing because I’ve been silent for too long.”

  He tickled her rib cage, and she squirmed and giggled like a teenager who was over the moon in love. His hand slipped to her breast and cupped it.

  “Phoenix.” Her breath caught in her throat at the exquisite sensation. “We’re going to wake Jake.”

  “Nah. Once he goes to sleep he’s out for the night.” He stood and threw her over his shoulder, patting her butt. “This is our time.” He stopped to lock the door and put on the safety chain, then strolled with her to the small bedroom. She had no objections.

  A part of her was eager and the other was hesitant, but she knew she wanted to experience sex with a man she cared about. She was twenty-eight years old and it was long overdue. She didn’t know what to expect, and she tensed as his naked body touched hers. But only for a moment. The minute she touched his whipcord muscles, her body ached for something more than what she’d known.

  His touch was gentle at first as if he was memorizing every curve, every intimate part of her. And she enjoyed it. She enjoyed being touched, being with a man of her choosing. In turn she touched him boldly and wanted to keep on touching, stroking his hard muscles. This was the way it was supposed to be between a man and a woman. Needing. Loving.

  When he kissed her deeply, she kissed him back with all the fervor that was in her heart. It was drugging, yet uplifting, and she ran her hands through his hair and then down his chest just to feel his heart beating strongly against her.

  He rolled onto her and she welcomed him. She didn’t shy away or beg him to stop. And what happened next was unlike anything she’d ever experienced. Her muscles didn’t tense. The two of them made love just like it was supposed to be made. Just like she’d heard about. And when the pleasure came, fireworks seemed to dance in her mind and explode along her nerve endings. It was the best feeling she’d ever felt in her life. She clung to Phoenix because she needed to hold on to something strong and powerful. And all man.

  He held her for a long time afterward, gently kissing her and stroking her skin. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m on top of the world, so you’d better pull me down before I float away.”

  He laughed into her throat. “That good, huh?”

  “Like fireworks on the Fourth of July.”

  He snuggled further into the bed and wrapped his arms around her. “Let’s make every day the Fourth of July.”

  She sighed and kissed his lips slowly. “I love you.”

  He pushed her long hair away from her face and kissed the side of her face. “I love you, too.”

  Rosie drifted off to sleep with those words playing like a song in her head that would keep her happy for the rest of her life.

  *

  PHOENIX LAY AWAKE a long time after Rosie went to sleep. For the first time in his life, he didn’t think about himself or his pleasure. He thought about Rosie and wanted it to be special for her. Her ex had done a number on her, and she deserved to know sex the way it should be. Not with violence and hatred. And it was just as she’d said. Like fireworks. He’d known it would be that way the moment he’d looked into her blue eyes. Their connection was strong and he wanted it to stay that way.

  He’d been with a lot of other girls and that bothered him, but he couldn’t go back and change it. He knew, though, Rosie would be his last. He would be faithful to her just like his dad had been to his mother. When a Rebel loved, he loved forever. His dad had said that to him and his brothers so many times that it was like a brand on his brain. Now Phoenix knew what it meant.

  He slowly gave in to the tiredness pulling at him.

  A long time later, Rosie woke him and rained kisses along his jaw. He turned to her.

  “Are you asleep?” she asked shyly.

  “Not anymore. You know, I’m the match and you’re the flame. You can light me up anytime you want.”

  She laughed and they started the party all over again.

  The next time he awoke, he crawled out of bed and reached for his underwear.

  “Where are you going?” Rosie asked.

  “To get the little guy. If he wakes up and I’m not there, he might be upset. He usually crawls into bed with me about five.”

  She sat up. “That’s what I love most about you—your devotion to your son.”

  Phoenix gathered Jake into his arms, carried him back to the bed and laid him between them. The boy never woke up. Dixie jumped up beside Rosie, and Phoenix pulled the sheet over them. He snuggled down to get a couple more hours of sleep.

  Jake curled into him, and Phoenix reached out and stroked Rosie’s cheek. She kissed his hand. He thought if life could stay this way, he would be happy. But he knew that was wishful thinking. Sometime soon he would have to broach the subject of Rosie with his mother. The younger, immature Phoenix would shy away from that. But the new and improved Phoenix had to face her and explain that he’d fallen in love with the niece of the man who’d tried to kill him as a boy. He’d fallen in love with a McCray.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rosie was happier than she’d ever been in her life. She’d forgotten what it was like to feel joy and love for someone else. After their father had kicked her sister, Maribel, out of the house, all the joy in Rosie’s life had disappeared. She’d cried herself to sleep for a solid month, but Maribel never came home. Her mother cried, too. Her dad never changed his mind, though.

  Maribel had gotten pregnant in high school, and their father had called her trash and told her to leave unless she told him the name of the father. Maribel had refused. The day her sister had left with a small suitcase was the day the sun started to dim in Rosie’s life. A few years later her father had married Rosie off to Derek, and the sun had completely disappeared.

  But now…

  A smile threatened her lips, and she had an urge to break out into song. She was happy. And it was the best feeling in the world.

  She and Phoenix spent every moment of the weekend together, rodeoing and rushing back to the trailer to be alone. Haley stopped by on Saturday afternoon when Phoenix was lazing on the sofa bed with Jake. She was startled to see Phoenix there but Rosie didn’t feel any embarrassment. She didn’t mind that people knew they were together. Haley left quickly, and Rosie fell onto the sofa beside Phoenix, laughing.

  “Everyone will know now,” Phoenix said. “Do you mind?”

  “No.” She straightened up and Jake crawled onto her lap.

  “Horse.” He showed her the toy animal in his hand.

  “Yes.” She kissed his cheek and resisted the urge to giggle. Happiness was turning her into a silly teenager. She welcomed the feeling of being unin
hibited and free and doing exactly what she wanted. And what she wanted was Phoenix.

  Sunday morning was bittersweet as they packed up to head home. They shared a long kiss inside the trailer, saying goodbye. They kissed so long that Jake wedged himself between them, wanting attention.

  Phoenix swung the boy up into his arms. “We have lunch with Mom, and I’ll call you afterward.” One more quick kiss and he was gone.

  The trailer was lonely and quiet again, and the sun had temporarily vanished. How had she lived by herself for so long? She wanted to run out the door and beg Phoenix to come back. But she resisted. She would see him again and soon. She held on to that as she secured cabinets and put everything away for the trip home.

  *

  THEY MADE IT home in time for lunch with the family, and Phoenix was antsy. He wanted to get it over with so he could go see Rosie. He’d been away from her only for about three hours, but that seemed too long.

  Jake sat beside him in a high chair, picking up pieces of roast with his fingers. John sat in another high chair on the other end of the table, doing the same thing. John soon grew tired and wanted down. He held his arms out to Leah.

  “Momma. Momma. Momma.”

  “No,” Falcon said. “Stay in your chair. Eat your lunch.”

  John stuck out his lip and wailed, “Momma! Momma! Momma!”

  “Falcon?” Leah appealed to her husband.

  “No, Leah. He stays in his chair. He has to learn discipline.”

  “Daddy?” Eden joined John’s bandwagon.

  Falcon pointed his fork at his daughter. “You stay in your chair, too.”

  Phoenix noticed Jake watching all of this, his eyes on John. Suddenly he pointed a finger at his cousin and said, “No!”

  Everyone laughed and Jake laughed, too, although he had no idea what everyone was laughing about. Suddenly he turned to Phoenix. and said, “Beer, Dad-dy.”

  The room became so quiet, Phoenix could hear himself breathing. Words rushed to his throat, but before he could voice any of them, his mother spoke up.

  “Phoenix, are you giving this baby beer?”

  “Of course not.” He got up and went into the kitchen to get Jake’s sippy cup and milk.