Believing Binda

by Khloe Wren

  "Can we please go? I just want to curl up somewhere warm and sleep."

  Zane was fairly certain she wasn't meaning between him and Baxter. Although that would keep her more than warm.

  "Sure, Binda. We'll head back to our chambers."

  He rose and attempted to take Binda's arm to help her up, but she pulled away and marched out of the room on her own.

  She's furious. We can't just neglect our jobs! How the hell are we going to get this to work?

  Let her sleep tonight, and in the morning we'll tell her about our plan to train others to help with our work. Explain that she is the center of our lives and we will do whatever we need to do to keep her there.

  By the time they reached their family room, Binda had stopped stomping and was looking so worn out she must be struggling to stay on her feet. Zane took her face in his hands as Baxter moved in behind her and rested his hands on her hips.

  "Binda, you are our Desired. The center of our world. I know our jobs make that hard to see at the moment, and we'll discuss that in the morning after you've rested. I also know that you want to sleep alone tonight, but we can't let you do that."

  Her face went hard, and her eyes narrowed at him. He pressed his thumb over her lips before she could speak her mind.

  "Two of the rogue dragons are still on the loose, beautiful. We can't risk it. But you'll have the bed to yourself. Baxter and I will sleep in dragon form on the floor."

  At the mention of the rogues her gaze lost its fire, and she nodded. "Okay. Yeah. I understand the need to be safe."

  He leaned forward and tenderly pressed his lips to hers. She responded but didn't open her mouth to allow him in. He pulled away and stepped free. Baxter pressed a kiss to her neck before he, too, released her. She slowly walked up toward the master bedroom looking so tired and down. Zane had to lock his legs in place to not run after her. He needed to comfort her but knew she wouldn't welcome it just at the moment.

  "Give her a few minutes to settle in, and then we'll go in. It's going to be a long night."

  "Yep, being so close yet not touching her is going to drive us crazy by morning."

  "Hopefully being in dragon form all night she'll feel the pull as she sleeps and be more relaxed with us in the morning."

  ****

  Binda slowly opened her eyes. Sunlight streamed in the window highlighting the two massive guard dragons in the room. Not wanting to wake either animal she very carefully rolled onto her side so she could have a good look at them. They were so damn big. Their large bodies were all muscle, covered with healthy looking shiny scales. The deep green was so vibrant. With their wings folded neatly against their bodies and their snouts tucked in behind their tails, which were wrapped around their side, they looked almost feline.

  Even as they slept she felt drawn to go to them. As if her life depended on her being near them. She struggled to fight her instincts that were screaming at her, but she couldn’t give in. She would not throw herself at either brother, whether they were in human or dragon form. She was not that girl anymore, the one who did whatever it took to get a man to notice her. She could do life on her own. Plus, now she'd started researching in the library, she had a project to keep her busy. She really wanted to get back to her books and learn about the Great Wind. She’d started to wonder if there was a way to control it.

  She gasped as a large blue eye opened and focused on her. Both dragons raised their massive heads and looked at her. Caught in their gazes she lost all ability to resist them. The pull was too great. She slipped from the bed and walked over toward where they lay. She managed to gain control over her feet as she stood between them. She crossed her arms, trapping her hands under her upper arms, holding them tight against her ribs. It was the only way to stop from reaching out to them. Why couldn't she resist them?

  "This is insanity. I should have control over my own damn body!"

  Two bright flashes had her stumbling backward in shock. She landed on her butt on the thick carpet, and a sob broke free. I can’t stay here. She scrambled to her feet and bolted for the safety of the bathroom before either one could reach her.

  She jammed the door with the toothbrush again before she stripped out of her nightshirt and got in the shower. The hot water pouring over her helped ease her body, but her mind was being stubborn, hanging onto all the turmoil. Her tears mixed with the water and flowed down the drain. She let go of her restraint and allowed herself to fall apart in the privacy of the bathroom.

  She wept out all the chaos in her mind. Her anger at herself for her stupid choices in men that made it impossible for her to give in to her attraction to Baxter and Zane. Grief for the loss of her parents and everything she knew back on Earth. Relief that Becky and Eilagh had been rescued in time, before the rogue dragons could hurt them and that Carina had finally woken up.

  Her body shuddered beneath the warm spray as she let it all drain away. By the time she was wiping herself down afterward, her eyes were dry and she felt strangely hollow inside, almost detached from her emotions. Like it was the chaos that had been filling her out. Now all those dramas were neatly stacked on a shelf in the back of her mind and no longer all tangled together in the center of her brain.

  ****

  The bathroom door creaked a little as it opened, and his beautiful Desired stepped out of the steam that billowed from the open doorway. Zane was sitting next to Baxter on the mattress and was sure they both looked as miserable as they felt. Neither had slept well knowing she had been so close yet so unattainable. He frowned at the blank expression on her face as she all but glided into the walk-in closet wearing nothing but a towel.

  "Something's wrong with her, Baxter."

  "Yeah. I saw. Almost looks like she's in shock. Let's take her to breakfast. Hopefully a stomach full of food will help."

  Zane winced as he voiced his concern. "She doesn't want to want us. What if she rejects us for good?"

  Baxter gripped his shoulder firmly. "It's not an option. We have to win over her heart."

  Looking into his brother's determined gaze, Zane could almost believe they would be all right at the end of all this.

  "I'm going to meet with Dimitri today about recruiting help. I'm sure he'll understand our position."

  Binda coming into the room ended their conversation. Zane stood taller and grinned as he took in the stunning green and blue gown she wore. Finally, she was in their colors, and she looked resplendent.

  "You look amazing, precious one. Shall we go have some breakfast? Your friends are all probably there by now."

  She didn't look either of them in the eye as she nodded and headed to the door.

  Fear had a vise grip on his heart as they entered the dining hall and allowed Binda to choose a seat. He frowned as she sat a ways down the table from the other females.

  Warriors, is there something wrong with Binda?

  Dimitri's concerned voice in his mind had him even more worried. It wasn't his and Baxter's imagination if Dimitri could pick up on it from across the room.

  We're not sure, Dimitri. With all the injuries and monitoring Carina we haven't had much time with our Desired.

  Yes, that has been most unfortunate, Baxter. I believe we need to begin recruiting others to assist you both. I know you've turned me down in the past, but now you have a Desired.

  I was going to speak with you about that very thing later today.

  Both of you start writing a list of those you think suitable. I'll do the same, and we'll meet later today to confirm who we'll approach.

  Thank you, Dimitri.

  Zane kept out of the conversation, letting Baxter as the eldest take on the task of conferring with Dimitri. Plus, he was busy watching how Binda was acting. She had a spacey looking smile on her face as she slowly ate.

  Baxter, I think she's gone into emotional shock.

  I guess that's not so surprising. All these females have had a few very eventful days.

  We need to get her talking, right?
/>   I think we need to help her feel safe first. Then help her open up. Remember, touch is important as well.

  Can we use the library? She was totally engrossed there yesterday. Maybe that will help ground her.

  Yes, with what she told you about how she worked with books back on Earth, they would definitely form a familiar atmosphere for her and help her feel safe.

  Well, she's finished eating. Let's go with her. We can find the medical books about females and their health issues. We're going to need to brush up on our knowledge about a lot of things now.

  Baxter lightly slapped him on the back. Excellent idea, brother.

  "How about we head to the library, Binda?"

  She hummed a little as she rose from her seat and headed out the room. Zane watched her walk down the hallway ahead of them. He sent up a prayer to the Goddess that they could break through the shell she'd created around herself. He and Baxter rarely spoke of the time after the liaths had released their disease. It was a time they wished they could carve from their memories. But neither of them would ever forget.

  They had tried to cure the illness as they watched their precious mother pass away before them, and then their sister was gone. Back then, the clan had been considerably bigger. They'd had four female healers that worked alongside them. But even with all six of them looking, they couldn't find a cure. They could barely keep up with dispensing pain medications as the illness ripped apart their females from the inside out. The elderly were dying but at a faster rate as their weakened bodies couldn't take the torture for as long as the younger, healthy females could.

  Zane knew, deep within him, that neither he nor Baxter would survive losing another female they cared for. They wouldn't last the weeks it would take for insanity to take them over. The pain of their hearts and souls dying would finish the job so much faster.

  ****

  Feeling like she was floating, Binda entered the library. She took a few deep breaths of the leather scented air before she took her seat in the center. The book she'd been about to start yesterday rested on the table, and she gathered it up in her palms. It was so heavy in her grip. She looked down at the cover and waited for her hazy vision to focus. For some reason her world was all slightly foggy since her shower.

  She curled her legs up under her as she opened the first page and began reading. For a while the words didn't make sense. Her brain refused to recognize them. Then about halfway through the second page, some switch clicked, and it all made sense. She was reading about the Goddess. This first part was describing what she looked like. With golden skin and hair, the color of her sacred honey, her eyes black as night.

  She certainly sounded like she'd be a stunning woman, and Binda idly wondered what she'd wear or if she just waltzed around in the nude. Turning the page to the next chapter she began reading all about bees and the mythology behind them. Apparently they did more than simply make honey. Created from the Goddess' tears, they kept her protected where she lived in Neamh. They could move among the natural world, Neamh, and the underworld. According to what she was reading, it was bees that escorted departed souls to their final destination. That certainly lined up with what she knew of various ancient Earth mythologies that stated bees were the symbols of immortality and resurrection. She was suddenly very grateful for all the hours she’d spent researching various cultures on Earth.

  She moved forward to the next chapter, which went into the importance of honey, beginning with explaining how lips anointed with honey would receive the gift of eloquence.

  "Wow. Never gonna look at honey the same again."

  "What was that, beautiful?"

  Binda nearly dropped the book as she gasped in shock. She'd completely forgotten she wasn't alone. Feeling her cheeks heat she tentatively glanced up to see both Baxter and Zane sitting across from her. Each had a book in their laps, open part way indicating they'd been reading with her. She smiled a little as her heart softened toward them. Unlike all her past boyfriends, they didn't get frustrated with her getting lost in research. They’d simply chosen a book for themselves and sat with her. She frowned as she felt the neat rows of emotions in her mind shift on their shelves. She couldn't release all of them. There were too many. Slamming the door shut on them all, she focused back on what she'd learned.

  "Ah, I'm reading about the link between the Goddess and bees. I didn't realize how much mythology is based around the insect. On Earth we see bees as honey makers, and that's about it. Well, aside from their stinging ability. I'm allergic to beestings, so I've always stayed away from them personally."

  "Here on Feury, bees are most scared. They are vital for pollination of crops and plants, but they are also seen as cleansers. That's why the orchard is where it is. After the liaths were dealt with, the land where the Great Wind left them was seen as being tainted by evil. No one would go near it. Apple trees were planted and beehives erected at the end of each row. Even after the orchard grew to maturity, not many would venture down there. Guessing now that it's the place that brought us five lovely females, we'll have dozens of warriors sitting down there waiting for their Desireds to be brought to them."

  Baxter finished with a chuckle, and Binda had to admit the thought of a heap of big men sitting around waiting for the Great Wind delivery service would be more than a little funny to see.

  "Why'd you pick that book, beautiful?"

  Zane's question threw her for a moment. Why had she started reading it?

  "Ah, yesterday when I was walking around the room, I was running my fingers over the books when I felt a jolt up my arm. I pulled the book out and started reading. That one was about the creation of Feury, Earth, and Dubhghlas. When I finished, I was curious about the Goddess's link to the Great Wind. Why she allowed the liaths to use it for evil, when previously it was used to save."

  "I haven't heard that story since I was a young child. We should all read more often. We could have been missing important information all these years simply because we've been telling ourselves we're too busy to sit and relax with a book. Will you share with us if you find the answer? You've spiked my curiosity with where this research could lead us."

  "Sure. What are you and Baxter reading?"

  "We're reading medical texts. We need to brush up on our knowledge of how to treat female illnesses."

  She felt her cheeks heat again. Of course they'd need to refresh their knowledge. It had been several years since they'd had any women to worry about.

  Suddenly both men stiffened, and their eyes glazed over with rage. She sighed heavily, another damn telepathic message no doubt.

  "Not again."

  Zane moaned the words as Baxter rubbed the bridge of his nose.

  "What's happened this time?"

  Binda was starting to wonder if her friends were jinxed. She didn't remember any of them getting in so much trouble on Earth.

  "Skye and Carina went for a walk this morning, and they've gone missing."

  Binda stood in a rush and went to move to the door. Her petty jealousy fell away as concern for her friend’s safety overrode it. Before she took two steps she was pressed between the two men. Their heat and scents enveloped her.

  "No running off this time, precious one. Six dragons are looking for them. From the air, it won't take long. We can't risk you getting lost, too."

  That shelf in her mind was cracking. She shook her head trying to clear it. She squeezed her eyes shut as she moaned. She desperately needed to keep everything bottled up. Especially now, there was no time to deal with her internal crap. She couldn’t detain these two wonderful men when they’d no doubt be needed to treat her friends when they were found.

  Chapter Four

  Zane's heart ached as his Desired moaned in pain. He cupped her face in his palms.

  Her skin is pale and cooler than normal, Baxter.

  She's fighting to keep her calm. We're cracking open the shell she's been in, and she's scared. We've both seen this before.

  Zane kept his win
ce inside. They'd seen a lot of it after the liaths were killed. So many strong men doing all they could to survive without their Desireds. They'd tried to turn off their emotions, but it didn't last. So much unnecessary death. But Binda would not meet the same end. She had two males who would always give her everything she needed.

  He feathered kisses over her face, across her closed eyelids, down her nose. He pressed his mouth to hers gently before he lifted away.

  "It’s okay, Binda. Let go of it all. Baxter and I will catch you."

  She opened her eyes and gazed up at him. The pain in their depths cut Zane to the bone.

  "But you have to catch everyone in the clan. Not just me. You need to stay focused until Carina and Skye are found. They’ll need you more."

  Zane had no words. His brain had frozen up on him. Baxter gently turned her around so she faced him.

  "You will always come first, Binda. We're going to start training up more healers, so we'll have more time to spend with you. Before you came, we didn't mind being the only healers. It kept us busy so we didn't have time to dwell on past regrets and pain. But that's all changed now. We want to spend all our time with you, precious one."

  Carina has been found and is physically unharmed. Skye is still missing.

  Zane looked into his brother's eyes after hearing Dimitri's message with a little hope in his heart.

  "You just got another silent message, didn't you?"

  "Yes, from Dimitri. Carina has been found and is fine. They are still looking for Skye."

  "That's good. Carina's been through enough. I hope Skye's all right."

  "I'm sure she'll be found soon."

  Baxter's brows lowered in concentration, and Zane knew he'd been contacted directly by one of the dragons. Zane scooped Binda up in his arms and moved to sit in the seat she'd been in earlier. He hoped she wouldn't focus to Baxter's sudden mental withdrawal. He moved her so she was curled up in his lap. He released a sigh of pleasure as she rested her head on his chest and the tension began to drain from her body. He ran his palm over her arm.