It was time she started preparing what she had to do to hide this pregnancy. It would be some time before she was showing to the point where questions would be raised. A reason for returning to her estate had to be created and implemented—something that looked unforeseen and natural.
This child could not be raised under the Greve name and would be safer thus, considering its true heritage had to be kept secret. On the estate, that would not be a problem. With the number of people living there, an extra child could go unnoticed. It wasn't ideal, but she saw no other way.
As much as she hated to concede it, a husband would perhaps be a solution, someone who would free her up to spend time with her children, but unfortunately, any husband strong enough to face life at court naturally had an agenda that served some house other than the House of Greve.
It would be too big a risk. She would be at the mercy of this person and couldn't guarantee that they had her children's best interest at heart. No, she dismissed the idea.
The idea of a plague entered her mind and she laughed, something that would require her to go home and make her unwelcome back at the citadel for a good amount of time. A sickness on her estate would also keep others at bay. Who wanted to fight for a diseased piece of land? Really? Wasn't inventing a plague a little outlandish? Absolutely, but it might also work. She would actually have to give her ludicrous idea some thought.
There was still time to plan, and she was going to give herself the opportunity to think everything through.
Pacing the room, she wished her stomach would settle. This constant nausea was getting tiresome, but there was little she could do about it. With a child in her belly, she didn't trust any potions. She wasn't entirely sure she could trust any food at all, in case Amethyst decided to seek her revenge in the way of killing she liked—poison.
Perhaps she had to start getting her food straight from the estate, rather than the kitchens here. The evening functions were alright, because it would be impossible for Amethyst to distinguish her food from everyone else's and Raufasger was so paranoid, the food he consumed was triple checked for poison.
Tonight, was a night she particularly wasn't looking forward to. The night after the one that was, the one when she'd attacked Lorcan. Amethyst might go in with the insults, but Ashra didn't really care. What Lorcan would do was more of a worry. Perhaps it wasn't a night to go off on her own. Although that hadn't helped the last time Lorcan had been upset with her.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, competing with the nausea as she prepared for the evening, dressing in a darker gown. It seemed appropriate and for some reason she felt more protected. Darker gowns would also help later when she became a little round. Darker, matte material hid such things nicely, until it got too extreme, when hopefully she would be called home to deal with a spreading sickness that needed quarantine. The idea really was growing on her.
Leaving her apartments, she made her way to the evening's festivities, but she didn't get far as when turning a corner, she was confronted with Lorcan standing in the middle of the hall, his hands clasped around his back. He wore his usual severe black, his blond hair tied back in a queue. He was obviously waiting for her, having guessed her route. She should have been smarter than this, than taking the most direct route to where she needed to go.
Stopping, she surveyed him, making out little from his expression. He looked calm as if going for a stroll and having stopped to observe something of tolerable interest, but she guessed that belied how he felt.
"Lorcan," she said, slowly moving closer. It wasn't as if she was going to turn tail and run. The run-in with Lorcan was inevitable and he apparently wanted to have it sooner rather than later.
"Lady Greve," he said, his voice crisp and sharp. Again, it sounded like she had just stumbled across him going for a stroll, although his stance showed he'd been waiting.
"You would have done the same in my position," she stated.
"We both know that's not true. But this makes everything more interesting as you've now moved against me."
His eyes pierced her and she had trouble keeping eye contact, feeling an urge to look away, but she swallowed her discomfort and held herself straight. His hands let go of their grasp and moved slowly. For a moment, it looked as if he moved to touch her, but changed his mind. Anger or something else simmered through his features, before the expression was wiped away.
"You understand why I did it," she said, hoping he would be reasonable.
His eyes regarded her, having returned to their cool state. There were no emotions in them now, certainly not the anger she'd seen the last time she had upset him. This was a different Lorcan. They were enemies now. She knew that instinctively. Whatever friendship, or whatever twisted form of lovers they had been, was over now.
"I do understand, but I cannot leave it be. Someone who has moved against me, even if for the reason of moving against Amethyst, will have to be brought down. There will be consequences for what you've just done. I just haven't worked out how yet."
Which meant he hadn't managed to work around her alliance yet.
"I suppose there is no use in asking you to let it go," she said quietly. "My quarrel was never with you and in light of the crime, it wasn't even on par."
He didn't answer for a while, just stood there watching her. "But you did involve me. It was my land you took." He chuckled. "You know you're the only one who has dared take land from me," he said, almost disbelievingly. "Now everyone is watching. I couldn't even avoid retaliating now even if I wanted to. Such a move cannot go unpunished. And let's be clear: I have no intention of letting this go. Can't have people thinking they can strip me without there being consequences—grave ones, too."
"Naturally, I will have to protect myself."
"Naturally. But then I am a lot better at playing this game than you are."
Any sinking hope that Lorcan would be reasonable evaporated. He understood exactly what she had done, but he wasn't prepared to forgive her for it. Much of her resources would have to be spent shoring herself up against him. It may even put her plague strategy at risk as he didn't care. He was out to hurt her.
With a last lingering warning in his eyes, he stepped away from her and walked away. Ashra watched him go. The worst part was that there was still a part of her that felt such heady desire for him. But it had always been wrong; it had always been dangerous. Desire would not get in the way of his vengeance, and it could absolutely not be a distraction for her. This was war.
After swearing profusely along the way, Ashra found the hall where the evening's entertainment was. Lorcan was there, his back to her, talking to someone. Who was it? How could he leverage them? Panicked, unbidden thoughts speared through her mind.
If he'd wanted to make her paranoid, then he'd succeeded. Holding herself high, she walked toward Lord Ackerle. If she had any chance at succeeding in this, she had to harden her nerves. A big part of his game would be playing with her nerves and she needed to be stronger, unflappable, cool and analytical. That part wasn't a problem; it was more dealing with the fact that someone was definitely, and openly, coming for her.
Chapter 31:
* * *
It was inordinately difficult to avoid someone in the citadel as they were called together at various points during the day and night. Ashra took some time to clear her head by walking in the garden, unable to escape the fact that she was actually in view from the Lorcan apartments.
She missed Tabain and needed to put some thought into her plan of faking an illness on her estate in order to return home. The difficulty was that Raufasger had spies everywhere so it really did need to look like an illness.
If only she could just walk up to Raufasger and lament that she didn't want to be there, pack up all her things and go home. If only life here was so easy. What had Amethyst done to be sent home for a good few months? Nothing had been mentioned about that, but she had displeased Raufasger. Or could it be that Raufasger knew that she had murdered one
of the courtiers?
Now that she thought about it, she wondered if that was the case. It also meant that Raufasger knew and the justice served was that Amethyst was sent home like a naughty child. The liege could not be depended on for justice or vengeance, it seemed. At least she had been served a harsher punishment the other day, although nowhere near what she deserved. The problem was that Ashra wasn’t of mind to actually inflict violence in return. It wasn’t the kind of person she would allow herself to be.
The skies were gray and the wind howled relentlessly, as if the universe was angry at the infestation that Raufasger and his world order was. It was a ludicrous notion, but sometimes it felt as if the universe disapproved of what was going on down here.
Sitting down on a bench, she tried to regroup. She could feel the child taking root inside her, the pouch that could be felt, but not yet seen. In time, it would grow larger and larger. It was a luxury to be joyous about another child joining her family. No doubt, it would be a troublesome thing, just like its father, but she would love it until it was a happy and contented child. Provided she was given the chance. Wringing her hands, she tried to think of all the things she needed to achieve in order to make that happen.
Happiness was in short supply. In fact, she saw none of it here. Even a pause in the pressure of this place would be nice. Taking on Lorcan meant she hadn't bought anything of the kind, in fact, she had probably ratcheted it up and he was now actively plotting to retaliate.
It was harder and harder to see a good outcome coming her way. It was now a matter of surviving the next day, then worry about the one after. That was her life now and she needed to learn to find calmness and balance in the moments in-between.
Perhaps she could find some way of bargaining with Lorcan once he calmed down. He was a pragmatic man after all, or at least she hoped so. The one thing she would not bargain for was this child. He cannot know about the child, because he would take it. There was no doubt in her mind. He would rip it out of her grip and hide it away, made to take on the mantle of his much needed heir.
She also couldn't give into Lorcan and align herself with him, because Tabain would be lost in the process. Lorcan cared nothing for upholding the Greve estate. If she didn't guard it, he would absorb it and Tabain would be pushed out. And Ashra would not have the bargaining power to avoid it. Accepting Lorcan's protection came with the price of giving up the Greve estate. A price she would never pay.
*
The evening's entertainment was nothing extraordinary, a card tournament. They were all gathered in one of the halls, tables strewn across the space with people either playing or milling around. It was the perfect event for gossiping, a multitude of fans covering conversations, eyes darting around the room.
Still feeling slightly morose, Ashra wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, least of all any of the sharks circling the room. Lorcan sat playing cards with some of the other gentlemen. She did not pay attention to whether he was good at it or not, but she assumed it suited his disposition well. Cards had never interested her.
A cracking sound brought her attention and she saw Amethyst standing not far away, her fan deployed to announce her arrival. She wore her hair elaborately and a large, light-blue silk gown. Jewels hung around her neck. It seemed Amethyst had gone all out with her appearance that night. There were even pearls in her hair and what Ashra would say was a self-satisfied smile on her rouged face. Her eyes sparkled with malice.
Obviously, Amethyst had some cutting remark she had been planning all day long and she was just about to deliver it, which would no doubt result in some shock and laughter from the watching audience. Sarcastically, Ashra thought she couldn't wait to hear what the woman was prepared to insult her with.
This was how Amethyst conducted warfare, snide remarks and social disgrace. It was no longer things that worried Ashra. It was not where the real game was, but not all understood that.
With her skirt swaying, Amethyst advanced, Fiedra and her sister at her side.
"Hope we're finding you well this evening, Lady Greve," Amethyst said sweetly. "Not playing? Not much for placing your bets on the table?"
"It is not a game that interests me."
"No, I'm sure not," Amethyst stated. "But then some like to place their bets in other ways."
Ashra wished she could just walk away, but Amethyst's purposeful approach had garnered attention.
"Some like to do their scheming in other people's bedrooms. Shocking, isn't it?" Amethyst's eyes glittered with malice.
Did she know about Ashra's missteps? Had Roisen told her? Her eyes traveled to him, but he was still focused on his cards, seemingly uninterested. Were husband and wife, so discordant otherwise, aligned in their attack on her? No, Lorcan would not be hiding in the shadows, he would still be showing his approval as barely perceptible smugness, but he seemed uninterested in his wife's antics.
No, he would not have told her. Amethyst wouldn't be here regaling the tale if she herself was the victim. Bullies never portrayed themselves as victims and she wouldn't like the rift in her own marriage publicly acknowledged, even as every person in this room knew. Perhaps she was trying to suggest that it was she who had pushed Tilley to rebel against Lorcan by way of bedroom antics. That would be mildly embarrassing, but it ultimately meant very little to Ashra. Or was it someone else she was accused of sleeping with?
Ashra didn't know what to say, how to diffuse this situation that Amethyst was obviously intent on. But a bully only backed off when there was a bigger bite to worry about. Stepping closer to the woman, they stood toe to toe. "No one has turned up dead following my misguided attention."
It was an unfiltered accusation and Amethyst knew it. Ashra was warning her that there were much bigger crimes to discuss if need be. The woman's jaw was set stubbornly and her mouth pursed. "Simple conjecture."
"But then, people are so very interested in the truth," Ashra warned.
Amethyst stepped back, inviting as much attention as she could. "As if anyone would believe the words of a cheap harlot."
The room had quietened and eyes were drawn their way.
"Don't think it hasn't gone unnoticed," Amethyst accused, making a show of it. "The little touches to your belly, the constant need to excuse yourself when you're looking a bit green around the gills. What's the matter, feeling a bit nauseous? Don't think we haven't guessed. It's obvious."
"Don't," Ashra warned with as much seriousness as she could. This couldn't happen. Ashra had been adamant she'd done a good job hiding it.
"All these subconscious cues. Can't hide those."
"Don't do this, Amethyst. I beg of you."
"Greve's little harlot has got herself with child. Been creeping around bedrooms of this castle offering herself, hoping for favor." Amethyst was exceedingly enjoying this, the vanquishing of an enemy.
Ashra's eyes shot to Lorcan, who sat at the table, the card he was laying frozen above the table. There was absolutely no hope that he hadn't heard that. Even if not, it was mere minutes before everyone heard the sordid tale. While no one else did, he knew whose heir she was carrying in her belly. Slowly, his cool, blue eyes shifted higher to pierce her with their intensity. Her secret was not secret anymore.
"Out of wedlock, too. How many of your bastards are we to have running around the halls? Do we really want someone like that around, who is trying to entrap the guileless male members of this court to better her position? We don't really want people like that around, do we?"
"Amethyst," Lorcan warned, but Amethyst didn't care.
Amethyst looked pleased as punch, while Ashra felt her world falling apart. No, it wasn't over. He had no claim on this child. They were not married and this child was officially and exclusively hers, and he had no rights whatsoever. It was incidental that he was the father.
All eyes were on her, watching for her reaction. What was she supposed to do? Deny it? It would be a fruitless thing considering she actually was pregnant and everyone in the enti
re citadel would be watching for the signs of it now—and they would appear. She could pick up her skirts and run from the room like she wanted to, but that would be weak and she could not afford to be show weakness.
Pulling herself together, she straightened her spine. "Any relationship I have with any member of this court is none of your affair."
Amethyst laughed, a tinkling sound that seemed to echo off the walls, comfortable in her victory. Yes, she had scored an important point, but this story was much more sordid than Amethyst knew and she may well have opened a larger set of problems than she had intended.
Chapter 32:
* * *
Ashra was growing tired of pacing, her feet ached and she wanted to rest, but her mind wouldn't let her. Thoughts flittered through her head, most of them refusing to settle and it was the same thoughts over and over again and there were no answers. Her secret was out. Well, not all of it, but Lorcan knew all of it—the most shocking part of it.
No doubt the court was abuzz with gossip about her and who the father was. People would be making all sorts of assumptions and allegations. She dreaded to think who people were aligning her to. Amethyst was probably making it worse, flinging her accusations to anyone who would listen, with as much malice as the woman could muster.
She also dreaded to think of what would happen if they all knew Lorcan was the father. What would the implications be for her alliances? Would they see Lorcan having a claim on her and make it too difficult for them to continue with the alliance? There were no answers to these questions.
And there was no point going to whatever the entertainment was scheduled that day, where her presence would achieve little. It might actually stir things up. Her absence would perhaps add weight to the idea that she was in fact pregnant, but then she was, and was there any point in denying it? She would probably look more of an idiot if she denied it and it in fact proved true, which it eventually would.
Dark Court: The Summons Page 17
