When It's Cold I'd Like to Die
Page 26
"No! not without you!"
"Your not without me silly! I'll meet you there at our "special place" remember? Wait for me, even if I take too long!"
"Don't worry Amanda, I'll wait..."
"Ok! Now go! Hurry!"
*Jack runs down the hallway, past the gathered crowd*
SEVENTY NINE
*Jack sits waiting on the bench*
"G,God it's freezing out here! where are you Amanda? I've been here for hours, it'll be getting dark soon..."
(This is pathetic! how much longer will you continue this charade?)
"Shut up! I'm not listening to you anymore! I don't need you!"
(How do you know you don't need me, when you clearly don't even know who I am?)
"I, I don't care... "
EIGHTY
"F-Freezing..."
Watching, waiting... I was always doing both. I wasted all this time... all my life doing it. What was I even watching? who was I waiting on?
Amanda...
... I spent so long thinking I could trust no one, and in the end, it looks like I was right after all. Typical.
*Amanda suddenly appears, shouting and waving over in the distance, Jack sees her*
"Amanda? Amanda?! my angel! Finally! there you are!"
*Amanda shouts as Jack stands up*
"... JACK!!!"
"AMANDA!!!"
*Amanda runs sprinting towards Jack, he catches her, spinning her around in a loving embrace*
"I love you Jack!"
"I love you too Amanda! I love you with all my heart... I've always loved you, ever since the moment we first met all those years ago!"
*Jack and Amanda smile and kiss as they continue to passionately embrace, as snowflakes start to fall from the heavens around them*
"See Jack! I told you it would snow!"
"I know, baby, and I always believed you!"
*They hold each other tight for a while as they turn slowly, dancing together in the falling snow*
"... mmpfh."
"Jack? are you ok? is something wrong?!"
"No, it's ok Amanda... I'm alright, it's nothing... It's only the people inside my head..."
"Jack, you can forget about them because we're together now! it's only us here, ok?"
"Yeah, I know. Amanda I..."
"...Jack?"
"Yes, Amanda?"
"...Aren't you cold?"
EIGHTY ONE
*Jack is slumped on a bench alone, it is snowing.*
*cough, cough*
"A-All is q,quiet, all is s-still. I h,hate the cold..."
You get to a point where you just can't run anymore, no, not because you're tired of running, but because there's nowhere left to run to. You can't fight who you are... and you can't fight your own nature. Some say that life is what you make of it, that is wrong, because the truth is... life is what it makes of you, life is both completely miserable and pointless. There is no point getting attached to anything, unless at some point you can recognise and deal with the fact you are inevitably going to lose it... and all that will be left are the memories, because once it has gone, it will be gone forever, this includes even yourself, no, especially yourself. I feel like a part of me was left behind somewhere, I don't belong in this world...
I never believed that anyone could ever love me, not for a second, why? well, because, I never had it in life, I never felt it, just like kindness, not even once... and because of that, I never gave any of it, but only because I didn't really know how... well, until recently that is, and look where that has gotten me...
In the end I was right, I didn't deserve it, and so it took me all this time and all that pain and misery to finally figure it out. He's definitely got a sense of humor, even if it is a little dark...
I even remembered the day. In my mind it's been forty one short days since I first slept with you, I think...
I never believed in fate until recently, but just as I have learned that believing in something doesn't make it true, in turn, you do not have to believe in something for it to be real, in other words, I learned that along with your nature, you simply can't fight your own fate... you can't do it, and so much as trying to do so will only inevitably set things in motion, there are no coincidences, and it took me a long, long time to realise that. Through all the pain and heartache it's the same as swimming against a never-ending tide, you can only fight it for so long...
Even if you stumble through life blindfolded and broken much like I have up to this point, your journey will still only take you to your predetermined destination, this I know, but only because I am supposed to, because I am at the end of my journey... Through all the loss and failure I have finally reached my destination, and all it took was my entire life to realise it, but then again, this is exactly as it is supposed to be.
In the end, I learned that hate gets you nowhere ...nothing, and yet, the same could also be said for love. There's... there's something else I learned as well... I learned that life is far too short to spend all of your time locking yourself away, because you're completely fractured from all the falling, and still far too afraid, damaged, and tired to risk being hurt further.
However, just because you can come to this great realisation, and even if you learn to stand up and walk once again, it does not mean that you won't keep on falling down...
I-I don't even know what's worse anymore, the cold I'm feeling from the weather, or the cold I feel when I'm without you...
"G, God it's so cold. I hate the cold..."
(... am I dreaming?)
The End
2014 © Copyright K.G. Laurence