Guardian's Joy #3

by Jacqueline Rhoades

  He knew she’d heard the story from the Daughters of Man. But she needed to hear this one, too. She needed to understand.

  “We are Guardians of the Race,” he told her. “It is our duty and our privilege to protect our people from the demon host. It is a noble and honorable profession that dates back to the Great Flood.” He paused. “We are not thugs.”

  JJ’s head came up and her mouth opened. To say what? That they hadn’t acted like thugs? They had. How many times as a cop did she want to give some bastard a beat down for whatever offence he committed? And yeah, most times it was on a domestic call. But she didn’t do it. Her badge wasn’t a license to punish offenders. Tonight, she’d done just that. She’d let the things that were roiling inside her take over.

  Nardo thought JJ was going to argue. Then her mouth snapped shut and he saw the color rise in her cheeks. He kept his hands balled into fists to keep from reaching out and telling her it was okay. They’d all done it at one time or another. Even old Broadbent lost it every so often. Now wasn’t the time for sympathy. He needed to keep her off balance.

  “Up.” He rose to his feet in one fluid motion. He didn’t offer her a hand. He turned his back on her and went to the wall where their equipment was shelved or hung in neat and orderly rows. He’d originally planned unarmed combat, but he didn’t want to remind her of the lame ass biker. He chose two lightweight staves, something he was sure she hadn’t seen or used before.

  He spun and tossed one to her without warning. Her hands came up and caught the pole firmly before it hit her in the chest. It was instinct more than ability that saved her from being struck. Good instincts could save your life.

  All the praise she got from Nardo was a nod. He tapped a pole exactly like hers on the space beside him where he wanted her to stand. From there he took her through series of moves, one by one. When her stance or movement was incorrect, he stamped his foot lightly on the mat and said, “Again.”

  He never criticized or showed disappointment, not even when she lost her grip and almost whacked his shin with the out of control staff. He merely blocked it, lightning fast, and said, “Again.” The only sign she got that told her she’d done something right was a slight nod of his head and the move to something new.

  JJ lost whatever anger and resentment she’d brought to the gym. She relaxed and began to enjoy the workout. Each time Nardo nodded, she felt her confidence grow. At first, she paid close attention to his moves because she thought his intent was to humiliate her, but that wasn’t the case. She should have known he wasn’t the type to be petty or vengeful. As the session progressed, she found herself watching for the nod. She liked the way his approval made her feel.

  He showed her each position and movement over and over and when she finally finished the routine with only nods, he bowed to her, a very Old World and courtly bow, and she beamed with pleasure.

  She was soaked with sweat and ready to quit, but when Nico stuck his head in the door to tell them dinner was ready, Nardo shook his head.

  “We’re not hungry. Tell Grace we’ll get our own when we’re done here.”

  “Nice of you to ask me,” JJ said when the door closed.

  “You’re not in charge,” he replied. He threw her a bottle of water from the fridge in the corner and sat with his back against the wall. He patted the floor next to him. “Sit.”

  “I’d rather stand,” she said. She knew what was coming; the lecture about beating an innocent, a human not involved in demon activity. Except that guy was no innocent and as far as she was concerned, he wasn’t quite human either.

  “I didn’t ask, so sit,” he told her and when she hesitated he added, “Or I will make you sit.”

  “Fine,” she huffed as she flopped down beside him. “Get it over with.”

  “You’re the one wasting our ten minute break.” He saluted her with his water bottle and drank deeply. “Do you have any questions?”

  No lecture? It caught JJ off guard. “Oh, well yeah. You don’t really use those things, do you?”

  “No,” he replied seriously. “But it teaches you that anything you find on the street or in an alley can be used as a weapon. Carrying one of those through town would draw too much attention. So would getting into a brawl.” He paused and gave her time to connect the dots.

  JJ understood immediately. She didn’t like it, but she had to admit it. “What I did tonight could draw attention, too. Not when it happened, but that guy will remember me and recognize me if he sees me again. So will the girl. Dov should have thumped him and the girl and been done with it.”

  “Where did you learn about thumping? And by the way, the proper word is erase.”

  “One of the twins must have told me,” JJ said. It wasn’t true, but how would Nardo know.

  “No, they didn’t,” he said sternly. “You knew before that.”

  He remembered. There was no point in lying. “I knew the first time I saw you. You came to pick up Hope and her sister. You did it to John, my partner and then you raised your thumb to me and I knew. You were going to erase my memory and I couldn’t let that happen again.” She’d drawn her gun and he’d let her go.

  “Again?” Nardo looked at her with raised eyebrows, waiting for more.

  JJ slumped back against the wall, her head tilted against it. Again. Somewhere in her buried past, it had happened before. She closed her eyes and said through clenched teeth. “I don’t know. I can’t remember. I can’t remember anything from my early teens. It’s like I went to sleep when I was twelve and woke up at sixteen.” She wouldn’t tell him where she’d woken up or how. This was more than she’d told anyone but John.

  “Of course you can’t,” he said reasonably. “You’d been thumped. Though that in itself is a mystery, because according to Manon, Daughters can’t be thumped. Grace can’t. Hope can’t. It stands to reason you can’t.” He looked at her speculatively and raised his hand thumb out. “Let’s experiment.”

  JJ’s eyes widened and she pushed back against the wall. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. Nardo rolled up on his knees to face her.

  “Joy,” he said with quiet firmness, “Joy, I won’t hurt you. I’ll only take a minute, maybe two and I’ll fill in whatever I take. I promise.”

  No, no, no, no, no. This was what he planned all along. He was going to take this place away from her, just as the other did. She’d wake up in an unfamiliar alley with months or years gone from her memory. She couldn’t let that happen, not again, not ever again.

  Her heart thundered in her chest. Her breath caught in her throat. The roaring in her ears drowned out his words. She threw herself to the side, ducked under his arm and kicked out with her legs. Her feet connected flat against his chest and she shoved with everything she had. Nardo’s body barely shifted, but the power of her legs propelled her away from him. She tried to rise, slipped in her panic and scrambled away on all fours. She felt a hand grasp her ankle and a strength greater than hers pull her back. She kicked with her unfettered foot and clawed with her hands against the slippery floor. She was flipped to her back and he was crawling up her body.

  No, no, no, no, no. Not again. Not again.

  Chapter 21

  This wasn’t going the way Nardo planned. Yes, he wanted to keep her off balance, and yes, while they sparred with the half staffs, he planned to bombard her with questions until she was too overwhelmed to hold back. He wanted her as angry as the young Nico had been. He never meant to induce such terror.

  “I won’t hurt you,” he said, over and over. “I won’t hurt you.”

  But Joy was beyond hearing. Her eyes were wide and unseeing. Wherever her fear had taken her, it wasn’t here in this gym. She fought some unseen attacker, a ghost from her past. This was worse than the night he’d carried her up the stairs, much worse. Her mouth opened and closed, but no air was passing in or out. He crawled up her body, pinning her flailing legs beneath his and grabbing her wrists at her shoulders to keep her from breaking the delicate bon
es as she slammed her fists against the floor.

  She was trapped. She was trapped. No matter how hard she fought, she couldn't escape. He was going to kill her. Joy did the only thing she could. She screamed and screamed and screamed.

  The door to the gym slammed open. They were all in the hall.

  “What’s going on?” Canaan demanded.

  “Nardo, no!” Grace pushed past her mate and Nico.

  “Nico, get them out! Close the door! I won’t hurt her,” Nardo shouted. He heard a brief scuffle at the door and then it slammed shut.

  Joy’s head was thrashing back and forth. Her screams faded to whimpers, little mewling cries of fear that tore at his heart. Pinning her hands beneath his elbows, he brought his hands to her face and stroked her brow. He kissed her shut tight eyes, her nose, her cheeks.

  “Shh, baby, shh,” he whispered. His lips hovered over hers. “It’s me, Nardo, the one you can trust. Not him, not him, not the one who hurt you.”

  Joy’s heart still pounded and her breathing was still heavy, but her shoulders relaxed and her eyes were more naturally closed. He continued to whisper against her lips and when he lifted his elbows from her hands, she held them in place and didn’t fight.

  “That’s right, baby. I’m here and I’ll keep you safe. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”

  Ever so gently, he slid his body from hers, and lay down beside her. He slid one arm under her neck to pillow her head and cradled her to him. She was stiff against him at first, but as he stroked her hair and her back, she began to relax. He stayed there with her until her heart resumed its slow, steady rhythm and her breathing settled to normal. When he tried to shift his body away, she clutched at his shirt with her free hand. Nardo felt the clutch in his heart.

  She was so strong and yet so fragile, so hard and yet so soft. She was not the woman he’d always dreamed of and yet, holding her like this in his arms, he couldn’t picture anyone else taking her place. Fantasies failed him. Sticky with sweat, her nose red and her face streaked with tears, she was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. She was his Joy and whoever had caused her such pain and terror, he would find and destroy.

  He laid there on the floor, cushioning her body as best he could, watching her sleep the sleep of emotional exhaustion. He winced every time a flicker of pain creased her smooth, silken face. He whispered soothing sounds against her temple each time she stirred and was gratified when she eased at the sound of his voice. It was all he could do to protect her from the suffering of her dreams. At last, she settled peacefully against him. Still, he watched and knew the moment her consciousness began to rise from the depths of slumber.

  JJ had been cold for so long. It had been that way in all of her memories, as a child and as an adult. She could only assume the same was true for the missing years. It didn’t matter what season it was or whether she was heavily or scantily clothed. She was cold.

  She shifted her body until she was as close to Nardo as anatomy would allow. As much as she hated this act of dependence, she relished the heat from his body as it thawed the coldness in hers. The comfort of his arms around her was something she longed for yet never expected to find. Still, she caught herself from succumbing completely and lifted her head from his shoulder.

  Nardo chuckled at her resistance. His fingers combed over her temple and through the fringe of hair over her ear. Three times his fingers passed, soft as a whisper, over the tender skin of her hairline.

  “It’s okay, you know. Accepting a man’s comfort isn’t a sign of weakness.”

  “I know,” she murmured. It would be so easy to give in. Experience had taught her, however, that lines like that were a dime a dozen and such comfort was fleeting at best. Better to be without.

  “No,” he said firmly. “You don’t. But you’ll learn. I’ll teach you.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Besides, it’s too late to have second thoughts. You’ve been snuggling up to me for hours now.”

  “It couldn’t have been hours.” She tried to sit up, but his arms held her firmly against him.

  “Yes, hours. You snore, you know. It was kind of sweet.” He snorted, long and loud followed by a drawn out whistle.

  “I do not snore,” she said indignantly.

  “All right, you didn’t snore,” he laughed, “But if you did, it would have been sweet.”

  “Then it would be the only thing about me that is.”

  “Ah,” he laughed again. “Fully recovered, I see.”

  “Yes, and it’s late or early.” She shook her head still sleep confused. “It doesn’t matter how you look at it. It’s time for me to go.” She tried to rise again.

  “No,” he said as he pulled her back. “We’re not finished. I’ve been laying here watching you sleep, thinking about what I wanted to say and I want you to listen carefully, Joy Justice.” He tilted her chin up until he could look into her eyes. “You’re mine. You were meant to be mine. I was meant to be yours.”

  Before she could open her mouth to reply, he touched his thumb to her forehead.

  JJ felt a pulse of energy, a slight pressure pass through her head. She blinked and it was gone. At least it felt like a blink. Her body stiffened and she yanked her arm back, her hand fisted to strike. How could he do this to her after he all but said he loved her?

  “You’re mine,” he’d said. “You were meant to be mine. I was meant to be yours.”

  Oh, goddess! What had he said after that? What had he erased? How much time had she lost? Nardo covered her fist with his hand.

  “What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked.

  “You said I was meant to be yours,” she whispered, afraid he would laugh and tell her that was hours ago and she’d forgotten all that fell between then and now.

  Nardo did laugh. “Damn, that’s the part that should have been erased. Now…”

  He said something else, but she didn’t hear it. She was paying too much attention to her heart as it plummeted down and settled somewhere in her gut.

  He’d only said it because it was something shocking and distinctive, something she’d remember. And if she didn’t remember? No big deal. Right? Nardo thought it was funny. He tapped her nose and she could see his blurry face smiling into hers. Her fucking eyes were watering and she didn’t know why.

  “Hey.” He kissed the spot he’d tapped. “That was a joke.” He wasn’t laughing now. “Aw, baby. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I don’t care what those guys say.”

  JJ pulled away and started to rise. Damn, they must have been there on the floor for quite a while. Her muscles were stiff and her hip hurt where it rested on the floor. There was no rising gracefully to stand. She had to roll to her hands and knees before she could push to her feet.

  “Number one,” she told him when she finally gained her footing, “My name is not baby. Number two, I’m not crying. And number three; I don’t know anything about guys saying anything.” She started for the door.

  Nardo had no problem lying for hours on a hard floor. He slipped in front of her as she reached the door and leaned against the door frame.

  “Number one, you are my baby. You always will be my baby and if I ever hear any other guy call you baby, well… I’d probably do something stupid and we’d both be sorry, but he’d be sorrier than me.”

  With the tip of his finger, he wiped the moisture from under her eye and held up the evidence for her to see. “Number two. These are tears and when they dribble out of your eyes it’s called crying. I didn’t mean to make you cry and I’ll try not to do it in the future, but I have to admit it’s kind of a relief to see that you care enough about me to cry. And three, the guys I was referring to are the twins who will definitely give me hell. This will provide an unending source of amusement for the two of them.”

  JJ blanched. Of course they’d find it amusing, hilarious, in fact. Soft, feminine and beautiful, the other women in the House were the ideal compliments to their men. And here she was, a tall, muscular s
tick of a female. She should tell the twins about the men who took her to bed thinking a good fuck would cure the lesbian. That should be good for a laugh or two. Or maybe she should tell them about the nights she laid in bed thinking maybe those guys were right about her being a lesbian since she couldn’t seem to get off on a man. It would really be a giggle to tell them about the gay bars she’d visited. She was a failure there, too.

  Nardo was right about one thing; she did care about him. She cared too much to see the look of disappointment on his face when he uncovered the bag of bones between his sheets. Cared too much to witness his humiliation and her own when her body didn’t react the way a woman’s body should.

  “I need to go,” she said. “Please. Let me go.” She sounded like she was begging and she hated herself for it. JJ firmed her quivering jaw. She put her hand to his chest to move him aside.

  Nardo stared at the face that suddenly became an emotionless blank. The slight trembling of her fingers against his chest told him the fire was still there, banked by self-discipline. Something had happened in the last few minutes. She’d been shocked when he thumped her, but she wasn’t angry. It was something else, but he’d be damned if he could figure out what it was. She looked as if he’d slapped her. He couldn’t let her go. Not until he figured out what he’d said to hurt her.

  “We still need to talk about your memory,” he argued a little desperately. “Who did it? How did they do it? I think we should talk to Manon. She’s been around…”

  “We won’t be talking to anyone,” JJ snapped. “There’s nothing to talk about. My past has nothing to do with who I am and what I do. You’re my trainer. Our session is done. Now get out of my way.”

  Nardo was suddenly behind her, his arms wrapped around her middle, under her breasts. It was pointless to struggle against his iron grip. He bent his head to her ear.

  “Heaven or hell, our past makes us who we are. When you find the courage to face your personal hell, Joy Justice, I’ll be there to walk through the fire with you. I’ll catch you if you stumble and I’ll carry you when you can’t take another step. I won’t let you fall. You can believe in me.”