Guardian's Joy #3

by Jacqueline Rhoades

  “How could you?” she shouted. “You said I could trust you. You said I could believe in you. You opened the door, damn you. You opened the fucking door.” A small box had fallen from the larger pile when the door slammed against it and she kicked it across the room. Nardo’s cringe made her feel better. “Canaan won’t let me patrol.” She’d wanted to stay, here in this House, and now there was no way she could. She spun to face the door.

  Nardo reached around her to the door, tapped it shut, locked it and said to her back, “Can we talk about this? Will you let me explain?”

  She whirled on him. “No!” She shoved one of the larger boxes with her foot. Its slide unbalanced the boxes on top and they toppled to the floor. There was a satisfying crunch from one of them.

  “Stop it!” Nardo gripped her shoulders and held her still. “That’s expensive equipment.”

  “I don’t give a flying fuck.” She drew back her fist and snarled when Nardo caught her wrist and held it. “Going to break it again?” she hissed.

  That one hurt, but he didn’t let it show on his face and he didn’t let go of her wrist. Anger he could handle. This was a tantrum and Nardo didn’t do tantrums. “You obviously don’t give a flying fuck about the Guardians, either.” His voice was harsh. “What happens when you come face to face with a vampire and you freeze? What happens when a demon comes over the wall while you’re having a panic attack?”

  “It’s not a…”

  “It is! Your heart’s pounding in your chest, you can’t breathe and you can’t think of anything but getting away. And it’s happening more often isn’t it? Not the big ones, the little ones. How many times a day do you sweat, do you blank? How many times do the headaches come? What happens when you get hit with one out there? How are you going to feel when your partner dies because he’s looking out for you?”

  Her face lost all color and her eyes turned glassy. The knuckle she jammed into her mouth couldn’t stifle her wail of pain. Her body buckled at the waist and her knees gave way. It was only his hands that held her up. By the Nephilim, he’d gone too far.

  “Oh baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

  That’s what she’d said, too, the night John died. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Over and over and over again.

  “I didn’t know,” she whispered. “I’d seen them before. I knew they were out there. I thought they were part of the other craziness in my life.”

  The tortured look on her face was killing him. This wasn’t about the Guardians. This was something else. He collapsed with her to the floor and gathered her into his lap.

  “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. Tell me what you see. It can’t hurt you now and I won’t let you go.” He could feel her heart pounding in her chest and she was breathing heavily, but in a normal rhythm.

  JJ closed her eyes and shook her head against his chest. “It’s not that kind of memory, Nardo. This one’s from a little over six months ago and I wish I could wipe it away.” She took a breath, “I don’t want to remember killing John.”

  Nardo pulled her closer. He knew it wasn’t true. “You didn’t kill him, Joy. I looked it up.” He felt her body jerk, stiffen and relax and when he heard the soft sigh of what he hoped was tolerant exasperation, he kissed the top of her head. “You wouldn’t talk to me,” he said by way of explanation.

  JJ nodded but didn’t smile as he hoped she would. “Computers can’t tell you everything. The COD was a fatal stab wound to the heart. The type of weapon couldn’t be identified. The best they could come up with was a narrow blade, possibly a stiletto modified to the perpetrator’s specifications. The weapon was never found. Neither was the killer. The record also doesn’t show that there was an eye witness. Me.”

  He should have known. Why hadn’t he seen it? With all the unsolved killings he double checked, why did he miss this one? “Demon,” he said. Some demons had an extra claw at the wrist, like a dog’s dew claw only these were thin, straight and razor sharp. They often broke off during a battle and it was theorized that only young demons carried them.

  JJ shifted a little so she could see Nardo’s face. There was concern, but no pity. He waited patiently for her to go on.

  “It was after second shift. Before work I’d dropped my car off for an oil change and John was driving me home. It was stupid. I could have gotten it changed before work, but I was lazy. Anyway, it was early June; one of those nights when it’s just warm enough to make you believe summer is on the way. John gave me a hard time about opening the window, said he didn’t want any street dust in his car. I said his car smelled like a high school locker room and rolled down the window. John started grumbling. You know, not mad, just tired, pissy. He’d wanted me to spend the night at his place, but I’d said no.

  “We were stopped at a light on Third and I thought I heard a scream. I told John ‘Shut up a minute’ and there it was, a scream and a woman calling for help. John’s out of the car and running. He didn’t even close the goddamned door. I’m wasting time, unbuckling, finding my phone, grabbing my badge and weapon out of my bag.

  “You don’t have to do this, Joy,” Nardo said quietly. “Reliving it won’t change the outcome.”

  His hand was sliding up and down her thigh. She found it comforting. “I know it won’t, but I need to say it,” she confessed. “I’ve kept it to myself for so long. There was no one I could tell, no one who’d believe me. I need it say it once, out loud, and then maybe I can let it go.”

  JJ rested her head on his shoulder. It was a good shoulder to lean on, a strong shoulder and feeling its muscle and bone beneath her cheek made her feel small and safe and protected. She liked that he didn’t argue with her, only settled them more comfortably on the floor and waited silently for her to continue.

  “I ran after John into the alley. Most of them along Third are dead ended, but on this one the fence was torn away and it opened up onto a lot over on Fourth where they’d torn down one of those old tenements. The place was fenced off everywhere but that alley. There were piles of brick and concrete rubble everywhere. It looked like a bomb site. John had his weapon drawn, looking around for the screamer. I saw the monster, the demon, come up from behind a pile of concrete. I saw it, Nardo, and I froze.”

  JJ’s breath was coming fast, as it had that night in the lot. She could see it all, every little detail. John’s right front shirttail was pulled from his pants and the two bottom buttons were undone. One eye was partially closed and his left hand was reaching up to rub it. He must have gotten caught on something or fallen. That was why she saw the monster and John didn’t.

  “I must have made a sound or said something.” Her voice faltered and she paused. She was losing control like she had that night and she couldn’t let that happen. Never again. She took a deep breath.

  “And another,” Nardo instructed above her. “And again,” he said when she released the second breath. “Good girl. You go on when you think you’re ready.”

  How did he know she needed strength not sympathy?

  “John looked at me and started to say something and that’s when the demon hit him. Whatever he was going to say turned into a scream and then he was falling and the thing was standing there staring at him as if it was as surprised as John and then it turned toward me. It smiled, Nardo. I swear it smiled. It took a step toward me and my hand came up and blue lightning shot out of my fingers. I didn’t know what it was or where it was coming from. I jerked my hand and the lightning grazed the demon’s leg. It screamed and ran and I stood there like an untrained civilian and watched John die.”

  “You didn’t kill him, baby. The demon did and second guessing won’t change it. If I had, if I hadn’t, if he had, if he hadn’t. You need to dump it all in a box labeled Shit Happens. John was a dead man the moment he ran down that alley. You can’t blame yourself for not knowing about the power in your fingers.” Nardo spoke softly, but firmly as he ran his fingers lightly through her hair.

  “But I did know about it,” JJ confessed bi
tterly. “I had to have used it before because after that night I could call it up at will and control it.” She placed her hand on top of the one stroking her hair. “It was in there buried with all the other things I can’t remember. And you know the scream? The one I made him stop for? It wasn’t a woman at all. It was a goddamned fucking parrot. Its owner had his window open, too. John died for a fucking talking bird.”

  “And that’s another thing for the Shit Happens box,” Nardo said as if his decision was final. JJ found that comforting, too.

  “What happened afterward? How did you explain it?” he asked.

  “I sat holding him for a while, a long while as it turned out and then I called it in. They were kind. I was in shock. All I could say was I’m sorry. They took me to the hospital to make sure I was okay.” She smiled without humor. “Or to get me some drugs so I wouldn’t freak out. It was almost noon before they started asking questions again.

  “I told them about hearing the scream and John running from the car, not waiting for me. By the time I caught up, he was dead. They wanted me to talk to a shrink. All that would get me is locked up. I took a six month leave to get John’s affairs in order – he didn’t have anyone but me – and to get my act together and figure out what I was going to do. I resigned from the force on the day we met. It wasn’t a snap decision,” she said as if Nardo had questioned it. “I only stayed as long as I did because of John.” She sniffed a little, but refused to let herself cry.

  “You loved him.” Nardo’s expression was sympathetic but there was an undertone in his words that JJ couldn’t grasp.

  “I guess I did. Since I… uh… woke up, I’ve only had one friend and that was John. He knew about my amnesia and my magic. I knew how to do the little things like making a flame dance in the air; things I learned before… ah, before the missing time. I’d light his cigarettes from across the room and make him jump. It drove him nuts.” She laughed and then winced. “He knew my papers were fakes and I was a witch. I knew he was gay and an alcoholic.” She tapped her nose. “He couldn’t lie to me. Of course, everybody knew about the booze. It was how we became partners. Nobody wanted to ride with a drunk who regularly fell off the wagon and I wasn’t the nicest person to spend eight hours in a car with. So…” She shrugged and spread her hands. “Two rejects evenly matched.”

  “They didn’t know he was gay?” Nardo asked, trying to keep the relief from his voice. “I thought the force accepted that nowadays.”

  “It was John, not the force. He’d spent his whole life in the closet and he just couldn’t open the door. Anyway, we became friends. I kept him from drinking and he kept me from… being lonely.”

  Her sad smile broke Nardo’s heart and he was ashamed for finding happiness while she suffered.

  “People thought we were a couple and our captain pretended he didn’t know so we could stay partners. The arrangement worked for everyone.” She looked up into Nardo’s eyes. “John left me his house and enough money to last me for years. If Canaan changes his mind, says I can hunt, I can pay my way.”

  This time he ruffled her hair and laughed. “Room and Board is free and you get a share of the House monies if you patrol. There’s some hinky stuff going on with our finances right now, but no matter what happens, we’ll make it work.” Nardo groaned and stretched his legs.

  JJ scrambled to her feet. “Goddess! I’m sorry. Every time you turn around, I’m making you sit on the floor. You’re going to dread seeing me…”

  He rose to his feet. “Not even close.” He laughed and reached for her.

  JJ stepped away, suddenly embarrassed by her weakness for a second time. She’d never wanted or needed a man to lean on. Two slips of her resolve didn’t make a habit, but it could very easily become one. She began to right the boxes she’d knocked over earlier.

  Nardo grabbed her hand and rather than pull her to him, he stepped into her. He stole a quick kiss and slipped his free hand about her waist.

  “Oh no you don’t,” he said, touching his forehead to hers. “You don’t curl up with me, share your fears and sorrows, make my heart ache and my legs cramp and then walk away as if nothing happened.” JJ tried to pull away and he tightened his hold, but not too much since she hadn’t put much effort into her bid for escape.

  “I’ll hold you and comfort you and make love to you and mate you, but I won’t be your pillow to cry on and then toss away.”

  His mouth came down on hers, not kind or gentle or whispery soft. His lips were firm and demanding. Her lips were crushed beneath his and her mouth opened in surprise and pleasure at the sudden surge of heat running down the center of her body.

  Nardo took advantage of this small breach in her defenses. His tongue pierced through the opening of her parted lips and waged a frontal assault on her teeth which succumbed as quickly as her lips. His invasion of her mouth was complete. While teeth clashed and tongues battled for supremacy, Nardo lifted her to the table where he was rewarded with a soft moan of surrender instead of the counter attack he expected.

  He sucked her lower lip between his lips and worried it gently with his teeth. Damn but her lips were as soft and inviting as he remembered. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and when he covered her mouth again, she leaned into the kiss, relishing it as he did. His hands went to her waist and he pulled her shirt up from where it was tucked tightly in her jeans. When it was free, she wrapped her legs around him and lifted her arms.

  At the pounding on the door, they both froze.

  “New rule,” Dov shouted on the other side. “No sex in public rooms. I couldn’t finish my workout this morning wondering which mat you guys used and now I’m supposed to put that stuff you ordered together. How am I supposed to work not knowing which surface you used to do the nasty? You both have bedrooms. Use ‘em!”

  “I’ll turn him,” Nardo snarled.

  “Not if I turn him first,” JJ laughed.

  Chapter 24

  The first four stops yielded nothing. The first address was an abandoned building and the downstairs tenants were pretty sure the guy on the third floor had left for warmer climes. The humans passing along the info were pretty high at the time, but believable. The Paenitentia in question had kept them all fed and they missed him.

  The second actually returned from a visit to his cousins while Joy and Nardo were rifling through his belongings. They hastily explained their reason for being there, apologized profusely and apology accepted were on their way.

  Stops three and four were definitely missing in action. Their apartments still held their belongings, but the refrigerators and cabinets were empty and the toilets had black rings, the kind that come with long term lack of use. A search of the closets yielded evidence that some clothes were missing and in one, a deep rectangular indentation in the carpet was suitcase sized. Newly turned vampires cared only for blood and nothing for their appearance, so packing clothes, toothbrush and razors didn’t fit the profile. Wherever these men had gone, they went willingly.

  Nardo itched to get at their computers, but didn’t dare. Both places looked too much like temporary absences and he couldn’t justify such an invasion of privacy.

  Since parking was at a premium on this side of town, they left JJ’s Mustang where it was and walked the six blocks to the next address on their list. Halfway there they passed a small bakery. The lights were on in the back and they could see the shadows of someone moving around in the back.

  “Care for a donut?” Nardo asked.

  “Sounds good, but they’re closed.”

  “Yeah, but the baker’s one of us. He and his mate live upstairs. The owner thinks he’s a little weird, but he works cheap and he’s a terrific baker.”

  Two minutes later they were seated at a tiny corner table with coffees and a box of six donuts, still warm from the fryer. They sipped their coffee and ate a donut apiece in silence. Then JJ cleared her throat.

  “I know you were born with the red tear,” JJ began awkwardly, “But Grace said
the choice to become a Guardian is yours. So how did you know this was what you were meant to do?” The two sides of his life, computer whiz and warrior, seemed like polar opposites.

  She’d shared a secret with him. Was she looking for one in return? Or was this her attempt to get to know him? Nardo hoped it was the latter. “I was born in a botanical research facility in the Yukon. My parents are both researchers, both well known in the human world. I’m not sure why they mated, but it wasn’t for love. Anyway, for whatever reason, it was approved.” He pointed to the ceiling and smiled wryly.

  “What do you mean, approved?” She mimicked his pointed finger.

  “Higher power. Didn’t the women tell you about the roses?”

  “Lilies, but no roses.” Nardo frowned and she knew he was searching for the right words. She sipped her coffee and waited.

  “Okay. We Paenitentia don’t just sign a piece of paper and seal the deal. Well, that’s not true either. We make a statement of intent before witnesses, usually family, and papers are signed, but then the couple has to make a pledge to each other, usually in a church. The couple has to be honest in their reasons for mating. It doesn’t have to be for love, though that’s the ideal.” He pointed at the ceiling again. “If the couple’s been honest, a small white rose appears over their hearts. They’ll be tied to each other for the next twenty years or twenty years after the birth of a child.”

  “No happily ever after?”

  “For some. Not for my folks. They had the white rose and they had me, but as far back as I can remember, they didn’t get along. They were stuck with each other until I turned twenty.”

  “Is that the way it always is? No divorce? No running off with a lover?”

  “With the white rose, you can sleep with other people, but you’ll never be satisfied. It’ll be sex with no connection. You can’t break the mating. My grandfather said it was to preserve the Race. We can’t… ah… impregnate a woman unless we’re mated to them and once a child is born, we’re compelled to care for the child for the next twenty years. The compulsion is stronger in women. A lot of Paenitentia kids are educated at home or enclaves like Moonlight Sanctuary run their own schools because it’s so hard on mothers to send their kids away. Broadbent went to some fancy boarding school and he says it almost killed his mother, something she never lets him forget, by the way. Men have it easier. As long as their mates and children are provided for, they’re okay. Grandfather said that’s because our ancestors were warriors and hunters. They had no choice but to leave their families.”