Immediately, I knew what he would say—what Cooper would suggest. If there was such an inexplicably magical portal inside the castle, Cooper would want to go through it to find help. I couldn’t do the time travel thing again. The last time, I was pretty sure everyone around me had grown dangerously close to having me committed. It had frightened me so terribly, and made me that mad. The impossibility of it was something I still had a difficult time wrapping my head around. I thought it best not to encourage where I knew the conversation led.
“I don’t think there’s a portal, Cooper. If there was, someone would have found it by now.”
He stood, suddenly angry with me for being so dismissive. I knew it was the reaction he’d learned to expect from many people around him, but never from me.
“They wouldn’t have found it if it was hidden well. Haven’t you learned from Morna that that’s the way those witches do things?”
His persistence, mingled with my own fear, quickly escalated my own anger causing me to lose my temper.
“What is it with Morna? I really don’t understand why everyone likes her so much. She meddles, and controls, and sends people to times and places they have no business being. If we were meant to be in this time Cooper, we would have been born here. Even if there is some sort of bewitched portal in this castle, we are not going through it.”
His lower lip trembled, but I knew he wouldn’t allow himself to cry in front of me.
“Even…even if it would help Isobel?”
“Yes.” Everything within me knew the wrongness in my response. It was based on fear and concern over Cooper’s safety. Each travel took its toll, and Cooper had been back and forth many times for someone so young. I didn’t wish to be the one responsible for any harm to come to him. “Even for Isobel. She wouldn’t want us putting ourselves at such a risk for her.”
A single tear fell. He turned from me so I wouldn’t see it.
“You’re wrong, Aunt Jane. About everything. There’s no risk in good magic, and we are supposed to be here, in this time. What if the whole reason we are is to help Isobel?”
He ran out of the tower before I could say another word. As I watched him leave, I prayed with the sound of his every footstep that no such portal lay hidden within the castle. If there was, I knew Cooper would find it.
CHAPTER 23
Adwen thought he could sleep endlessly if all his dreams were filled with such sweet visions of Jane. He lingered in his sleep as long as he could, only forcing himself fully awake when the strong fists of Orick knocked on his bedchamber door. He knew it was Orick even before his friend uttered a word—no one else would dare to wake him so early in the morning.
“What do you want, Orick? ’Tis verra early for ye to wake me.”
Orick walked through the door without hesitation. Adwen knew that Orick didn’t care how early or late it was, but it still felt right to object to such a disturbance.
“I know it’s early, ’tis for that verra reason that I’ve awakened ye. While everyone else is still sleeping, I need to show ye something. Dress yerself warmly. We must go outside.”
Adwen sat up, the very thought of stepping out into the cold snow as abysmal as being pulled from his dream by the rising sun.
“No, Orick. I doona wish to lose my toes so early in the morning; ye may go outside if ye wish.”
Orick moved to the side of the bed, throwing his longest coat and breeches on top of him.
“Did I ask ye if we wished to go outside? I doona care what ye’d like to do. Ye asked me to start moving the snow away from the entryways lest we have water flooding our every hallway, dinna ye? Aye, ye did. While I was doing so, I found something ye need to see right away. Get dressed and meet me by the door ye always sneak yer lassies in and out of.”
Adwen groaned, slowly pulling one leg out of the bed and then the other.
“I’ll no longer be sneaking lassies in and out of the castle.”
Orick scoffed as he walked to the doorway. “Do ye truly believe that, lad? ’Tis a grand statement to make when it seems to me that the lass still hasna given in to yer charms, has she?”
“I am no trying to charm her, Orick. And she has fallen for me, though she willna allow herself to accept it. With time, she will. Now,” Adwen stood, pulling his pants on quickly to push away the chill that reverberated off the stone walls, “tell me what ye found, or I willna be stepping outside with ye. I am no a patient man, and I doona care for the suspense of it.”
“I think wee Cooper was right. ’Tis no ghosts that roam throughout the castle. I found a passageway of sorts; though I dinna dare to venture down it. Now, I doona wish to say another word until we are outside the castle; Cooper was awake before I left to work this morning. Though the last I saw him he was headed toward Jane’s room, the lad moves freely about the castle. I doona wish for him to hear us speaking.”
Adwen nodded, throwing the remainder of his clothes on as quickly as he could. Once dressed, he stepped out into the hallway, motioning for Orick to lead the way.
It didn’t take long to reach the back entryway. Adwen pulled in his breath, hoping to hold on to as much warm air as he could as they stepped out into the morning air. It was cool, but Adwen could see by the lack of clouds in the sky that Orick had been right to work at removing the snow from the doorways. It would all begin to melt very quickly.
As soon as the door shut behind them, Adwen spoke.
“How did ye find the passageway, and where do ye think it leads?”
Orick shook his head, trudging through the snow up ahead of him, turning around to the side of the castle.
“With the doorways cleared, I went to push the snow away from windows at the base of the castle when I noticed a row of stones jutting outward away from the wall. Scared me for a moment—I thought they’d come loose and half of the castle was about to tumble downward, but when I pressed against them, they all moved together. They were connected, ye see, and forced slightly open from the storm. ’Tis no part of the wall at all, though it looks that way. Instead, ’tis a doorway.”
“No, there canna be. How would we not know of it?”
Orick shrugged, waving him over to the place he’d described.
“I doona know, Adwen, but ’tis true enough. See for yerself.”
Adwen stepped back as Orick slipped his fingers back behind the stones, pulling them forward to reveal a staircase downward. The staircase lay no more than ten steps deep, and at the bottom it met with a stone wall blocking further passage.
“’Tis a staircase that leads to nowhere. What does this have to do with the ghosts?”
Orick laughed, reaching down to scoop up a large ball of snow. Adwen watched curiously, as Orick packed it firmly between his palms.
“’Tis no a staircase that leads to nowhere, only to a place we canna see.”
With that, Orick threw the snowball down the staircase. Both men watched the ball pass effortlessly through the stone wall at the bottom of the steps.
* * *
I slept fitfully, waking every few hours with thoughts of Cooper at the forefront of my mind. By the time morning came, all I wanted to do was find him so we could talk, but when I did, he already had Orick by one hand and was happily dragging him along on some sort of Cooper-invented adventure.
I called out to him as they passed me. “Hey Coop, I want to talk to you later, okay?”
“Sure thing, Aunt Jane, but don’t worry, I’m not upset with you. Everything’s okay now.”
With that, he took off around the corner, pulling Orick with as much force as he could manage. I threw Orick a sympathetic glance, but he just smiled in return. I could tell that regardless of Cooper’s endless energy, Orick enjoyed having a child around.
With Cooper unavailable for at least the next few hours, I thought I’d go drop in on Isobel, though I wasn’t sure that she’d be up until I ran into Gregor at the end of the hallway.
“Jane, how are ye this morning?”
I nea
rly went into how little sleep I’d gotten, but then took one glance at Gregor’s tired eyes and his tight jaw and realized how inappropriate the ridiculous lamentation would be. Gregor probably didn’t remember the last time he had a good night’s sleep, and it was starting to show. If something didn’t change soon, he was going to wind up just as sick as Isobel, which was the very last thing she would ever want for him.
“I’m fine. Is Isobel awake, Gregor?”
“Aye, she slept well and woke early. She was just getting out of a bath when I left her.”
I reached out to squeeze his arm. “I think I’ll go visit with her for awhile if that’s all right. Will you do something for me, Gregor?”
“O’course lass, she’ll be pleased to see ye. Aye, what do ye need?”
I pointed down the hallway to the last bedchamber on the right. “You see that room down the hall? I’m pretty sure no one is staying in there. I want you to go inside, close the door, and sleep the day away. You’re dead on your feet, Gregor. Isobel is feeling better right now. Gather your strength for when she does need you.”
He started to protest but his exhaustion must have won out, for instead, he simply nodded and gave me a kind smile. “Thank ye, Jane. I might allow myself to rest for a brief while this morning. Let her know that’s where I am.”
“I will, but she’ll be fine. Get some rest.”
He walked away slowly. I stood waiting, only turning toward Isobel’s room after I saw Gregor was securely inside the other. I imagined he’d be snoring even before I made it to her door.
When I did make it to her room, I found her draped in a warm robe, sitting in the window and looking out at the snow. She looked happier than I’d ever seen her. For that brief moment, I couldn’t even tell she was ill.
She saw me as soon as I stepped inside, smiling and waving me toward her excitedly.
“Jane, come here and look at wee Cooper. What is the ornery lad doing?”
I couldn’t begin to guess, but I did as she said, peering out into the snow to find him moving rather hurriedly about in the snow, feeling his way along the outside of the castle. He only did it for a moment before stopping suddenly and taking off in the opposite direction, waving Orick along as he chased after him in the snow.
“I have no idea. It almost looked as if he was searching for something, didn’t it? Perhaps, he dropped a glove. He’s always losing his socks.”
“Aye, ’tis true of all young boys, I think.”
She scooted, and I sat down next to her in the window.
“How are you feeling, Isobel?”
“I canna explain it, but today I feel like I did before the coughing began. It pleases me more than I can say, but I think it worries Gregor.”
“What worries him?” I suspected he feared the same thing that I did, but I didn’t wish to make such a presumption or share my worry with her.
“He thinks that these brief moments of relief have given me false hope of healing, but I am no so foolish as to believe that. I know that I am still as ill as I have ever been, but that doesna mean that I canna be grateful and happy on the days when I doona feel so bad. This journey and Adwen’s kindness at arranging it have made me realize something.”
“What?”
She shifted so that her gaze was no longer out the window but straight at me.
“Until now, I’ve no only let the sickness make my body ill but my mind as well. I have let fear and dread make me sad and weak. I should relish in all the time I have left.”
I took her hands in mine and rubbed her ever-cold fingers as I spoke. “I’ve never once thought of you as sad or weak, Isobel. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”
“I try to appear strong for Gregor, but ye’ve heard me cry more than once. I know ye have. When I’m alone, I canna stay so strong, but I see there is no sense in such grief now. I shouldna behave as if I’m dead until I am.”
I swallowed hard, unsure of what to say in response to such bluntness.
“Doona worry, ye needn’t say anything. I know such talk makes ye uncomfortable, as it does Gregor.”
“No.” I squeezed at her hand, glancing out at the snow so I wouldn’t cry. “Not uncomfortable. It just makes me very sad.”
“Would ye like to know what makes me verra sad, Jane?”
“Is it just going to make me more sad? If so, then not really.” I smiled to try and lighten the mood, and she laughed in response.
“No, I doona think it will sadden ye; my hope is that it will wake ye up to what a fool ye are being.”
“Oh no.”
“Aye, lass, ‘oh no.’ What saddens my heart is to see a beautiful lass like yerself living as if she is the one with no much time left.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Isobel surprised me by standing, turning about the room as she lectured me on my poor judgment.
“Ye know exactly what I mean, Jane. Why wouldna a lass like ye delight in having a man like Adwen desire yer affections? If I was no married and in love with my husband, I wouldna hesitate for a moment to bed the man until I dinna have the strength to rise from bed the next morning.”
“Isobel!” I started laughing so hard at the shock of her words that my ribs ached as she sat down next to me to join in on my laughter.
“What, lass? I doona know why it would surprise ye to learn that I have an appetite for such things. An appetite that has grown over the last few days, though I doona think Gregor has taken notice. He thinks me too fragile for such…activities.”
I drew in a shaky breath, still tickled by Isobel’s admission. “I’m not surprised at all that you have an ‘appetite,’ I’m just surprised at your bluntness is all.”
“Why? You are known for your loose mouth. Why would it upset ye when someone else speaks as ye do?”
I could tell my laughter had offended her, and I shook my head so she’d know it had been misunderstood. “No, it doesn’t upset me at all. It was refreshing to hear someone from this time speak so freely. It just surprised me is all.”
“Ah, I see. What do ye mean by ‘this time,’ Jane?”
“Uh,” I stuttered, scrambling to cover my mistake. “Just backward thinkers is all; I often feel like I was born ahead of this time.”
“Oh, I understand what ye mean, lass. Gregor often hears the things I say and thinks I’m blasphemous for allowing the thoughts to pass through my head. He has a closed mind if I’ve ever seen one, but I love him still.”
I exhaled, relieved that her questioning had gone no further. “Back to Adwen, Isobel. What exactly are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m trying to tell ye, that ye are a fool. Ye punish the man for behaviors of his past, no for the way he has ever treated ye.”
“Isobel...” I stood and paced the room. Speaking of Adwen made that same needy flutter that built in my stomach every time he touched me return. “People very rarely change. If I allowed Adwen to sleep with me, he’d be ready for us all to leave the next morning. Well, Cooper and me, at least. I expect he’d let you stay as long as you’d like.”
“Ye are right. Men doona change, but they do grow. I expect Adwen will always be a man with a great need to tup, but believe me, Jane, many a lassie wish their man would tup them more. ’Tis no such a dishonorable behavior. I doona believe he’s the sort of man who takes one lassie while he’s pledged himself to another; ’tis only that he tires of them quickly. ’Tis only that he’s never found the right one.”
I scoffed and crossed my arms. Every part of me wanted to believe what she said. “And you think that I’m the right one, do you?”
“Perhaps. I know that he cares a great deal for ye. And I doona believe for a moment that if ye bedded him, he’d wish ye gone the next morning. But how shall ye ever know if ye doona take the chance? Stop fighting against the things that ye want, lass, no while ye have the chance to reach for them.”
“I want to reach for things that are attainable, Isobel—I don’t think Adwen is. Not r
eally.”
“How will ye know that if ye doona open yer heart to him, Jane?”
I reached up to run my fingers through my hair, pulling it into a messy knot, only to release it and start all over. It was a nervous habit I’d had my entire life.
“You’re not talking about me opening up my heart, Isobel. You’re talking about me opening up my legs.”
Isobel laughed, enjoying the authenticity of our conversation. She came over next to me and pulled my hands from my hair, holding them in her own to give them a quick squeeze.
“Ye doona have to open up yer legs, though I would if I were ye, but ye must at least open yer heart. If ye are worried that he will no longer want ye, ’tis the best way to see if yer fear is worth the worry. If he does indeed behave as ye believe he will, then a curse on him. At least ye will have spent a joyous night of lovemaking with a man so beautiful most lassies will only dream about laying with such a man. Truly, lass, have ye seen him? His teeth are as perfect as yer own. Though on him, I find it far less unsettling.”
Visions of a night spent with Adwen flooded my senses. I was tired of fighting him, tired of preparing myself for the worst just because I’d had so many failed relationships, if you could even call them that. I wanted Adwen—more than I’d wanted any man in years. Even if it didn’t go any further than tonight, what was the point of denying myself?
“Fine. Maybe you’re right.”
She smiled, releasing my hands as she showed me to the door. “I usually am, Jane.”
“Well then, I guess I’ll be on my way. You’ve surprised me today, Isobel.”
She winked at me, shocking me again as she swatted my rear when I stepped into the hallway.
“Aye, all women are full of surprises, I suppose. I’d wager Adwen will find that out for himself this evening.”
CHAPTER 24
After leaving Isobel, I first thought it best to wait until after dinner to approach Adwen, but as the morning dragged on, I thought differently. Now that Isobel’s surprisingly blunt tongue and naughty suggestions had torn away any resolve I had to continue denying Adwen, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit across from him at a meal without imagining him naked, and my slack-jawed expression at such an image would be visible to everyone at the dinner table.
Love Beyond Compare (Book 5 of Morna’s Legacy Series) Page 13
