Love Beyond Compare (Book 5 of Morna’s Legacy Series)

by Claire, Bethany

  He made a valid point. “Well, yes.”

  “Then share what ye have with Isobel and let her decide. ’Tis her life. I doona see why ye should be the one to bear such a burden.”

  He was right. Isobel was the only one with the right to make this decision.

  CHAPTER 36

  Cagair Castle – 1649

  “Will ye tell me now where ye’ve been, Jane? For ’twas not the village.”

  “No.” I smiled as I crawled onto the bed next to her. She looked weak and tired, but I could tell it had been a good day for her. She greeted us outside of her room when we arrived, and her eyes didn’t look as dull as they had the afternoon we left. “It wasn’t the village.”

  “Aye, I know. Where did ye go?”

  “I can’t tell you that, Isobel. You wouldn’t believe me even if I did.”

  She grinned and shrugged her shoulders. “If I willna believe ye, then what is the harm in telling me? Please, Jane. There’s no been much to occupy my mind these last few days. ’Twas lonely here without the rest of ye.”

  “Fine.” I thumbed the small glass vial hidden in one of the folds of my dress. “We went to the future.”

  Isobel laughed and lifted her finger to point at me. “See? ’Twas easy to tell me, and yer fanciful answer is one of the reasons I missed ye so. It doesna matter. I’m just happy that ye’ve all returned safely.”

  “Me too.” And I was. Not only that we’d returned safely, but I was genuinely happy to be back. I’d not known how badly I needed to see what I thought I missed to realize that I was right where I belonged. “How are you feeling? Is the blood still coming?”

  Isobel’s smile dropped, and she patted her chest lightly. “Aye, it comes with every cough now. Though some days I doona feel so bad, I know that I’ve not much time.”

  “Isobel.” I gathered her hands in my own. “I’ve got something to show you and then you must make a decision.”

  “A decision, Jane? Oh, doona let Gregor hear ye. He doesna think I’m capable of making those myself.”

  She laughed at herself, and I smiled. It was good that her humor remained.

  “I know, and that’s why I’m not telling him. I know he’d think he had every right to help you in the decision, and there’s no question about how he would decide. Here.” I placed the vial in her hands.

  She picked it up and tilted it from side to side, examining the violet colored contents with suspicious eyes. “Is it an herb?”

  I shrugged. “There might be a few herbs in it. I don’t really know.”

  “Jane.” She placed the vial back in my hand, closing my fingers around it. “I have seen things during the days that ye’ve been away—figures of women in the halls or amongst the stairs, voices in the air. There is magic in this place. Is that what this is, Jane? Did ye go to find the person whom Cagair’s magic springs from?”

  “Not exactly, but that’s close enough. Does it really matter where we went or what this is? It has the power to heal you.”

  “Aye, I doona doubt that, lass, but what did it cost ye?”

  She wasn’t going to take it; I could see the denial of my offer in her eyes. I had believed it would give her hope when instead resignation seemed to cloud over her eyes.

  “It cost me nothing. It will cost you nothing to take it.”

  “There is naught in the world that comes without cost—no love, nor hate, nor war, nor peace. If it comes without cost now, a time will come later when the price will have to be paid, and the cost will be much higher than the price of my life then.”

  “No.” Tears filled my eyes, and she reached to brush them away. My voice shook as I spoke to her. “I don’t believe that. Isobel, your life is precious. We all love you. None of us want to say goodbye.”

  “There is a natural order to things. I can feel death coming for me. ’Tis no as frightening as I imagined it would be.”

  “Well, tell it to go away. Death can come for someone else.”

  “No.” Her voice was harsh, her eyes disapproving. “Doona say that, Jane. ’Tis what would happen if I drank from this vial. I willna take it, though I thank ye for loving me so.”

  “Isobel, that’s not the way the world works. There’ll be no punishment for your healing.”

  “If ye believed that, you wouldna give me the choice. Ye canna know and neither can I. I willna risk the life of another, no when I have led a full life full of love and friendship and, now with our journey here, adventure. I’ve made my peace with it. ’Tis time for the rest of ye to do the same.”

  * * *

  Isobel didn’t see him as he stood in the doorway of the bedchamber, and Adwen took the moment to watch her rather than make his presence known. With each cough, more blood smattered the worn piece of cloth she held to her mouth. She had only weeks left, if that.

  Isobel’s spirit still shined so brightly. Her body was failing, but the essence of her clung on to life so tightly. In a way, he thought it would make the last days of her life even harder for all those who loved her.

  It had been difficult enough to watch his mother pass, and she’d given up her fight a fortnight before passing; Isobel wouldn’t be that way. She’d stay the same until the end. He didn’t think he could watch such a light be wiped from this earth.

  Jane told him everything shortly after their return through the portal. Never for a moment did he believe Isobel would choose to save her own life. The vial sat untouched next to her bed just as he knew it would. For Isobel to drink it would have been for her to defy the woman she was. Adwen believed strongly that Jane and Orick were wrong to give her the choice. It was no better than never having the potion at all.

  Jane and Orick’s hearts were too pure. They only saw love as kindness and understanding and holding the other’s hand, but Adwen was selfish enough to see that love was often more than that. Sometimes, love meant making decisions the other isn’t brave enough to make. Sometimes, love meant being selfish.

  He loved Isobel. He valued her friendship. He valued her life, and if no one else could see sense, Adwen would do what was needed.

  He waited until Isobel slept soundly, waiting to make sure he couldn’t hear Gregor’s footsteps approaching. When all lay quiet, he slipped inside, taking the vial from its resting place. Adwen would make breakfast come morning, and Isobel’s food would be prepared especially for her.

  CHAPTER 37

  “Aunt Jane, will you please get your arms off of me? I can’t breathe.”

  The tears I’d cried before drifting to sleep still clung to the corners of my eyes, dried and painful. I had to rub my hands over them to push away the crust so that I could open my eyes as I lifted my arm from around him and scooted over in the bed.

  “Coop, I didn’t notice you. How long have you been in here?”

  “I know you didn’t notice me. Want to know why?” He smiled and lifted one of his feet from beneath the covers. “I’m wearing socks this time, so my toes weren’t cold. I made sure they were on just for you, Aunt Jane. And I haven’t been in here long, I just came to wake you up actually, but you were sleeping really hard so I just crawled in to get warm. Then you tried to kill me with the weight of your arm.”

  I frowned as I pushed myself up in the bed. “Well, I appreciate your thoughtfulness in wearing socks, but I don’t appreciate the insinuation that my arm is overly heavy. It’s not.”

  I found myself holding it up to give it a look over just to make sure.

  “Your arms wouldn’t feel so heavy if you didn’t wrap them around me like an octopus.”

  I shrugged in apology. My arms and legs always seemed to know the second another person joined me in bed and instantly moved toward the secondary source of heat—unless said person had cold feet or hands, then I stayed clear of them.

  “Is anybody else up?”

  “Oh yeah, everybody. They have been, like all day.” Cooper scooted off the bed and walked over to the window to pull back the thick curtain. “See? The sun is already s
tarting to fall again. It will be dinner before long. I wanted to come and wake you earlier, but Adwen said not to.”

  I knew it was late when I finally fell asleep, but I couldn’t believe I’d slept all day. My grief at Isobel’s decision exhausted me completely.

  Adwen had to wonder what was wrong with me. It surprised me that he’d not come looking for me during the night. I’d not joined him in his room, instead retreating to my own bedchamber. After leaving Isobel, I wished to be alone. I still felt much the same way today.

  “So why did you come and wake me now?”

  “Because,” he crawled back on top of the bed, “I couldn’t wait anymore, and I wanted to say thank you.”

  “Thank me for what?” If only Cooper knew how my conversation had gone with Isobel the night before, he wouldn’t be here giving me his thanks. Rather, he would be busy searching for the vial so that he could steal it, pinch Isobel’s nose, and shove it down her throat—exactly what I wish I had done.

  “I was afraid to ask before, just in case, ya know? But deep down, I knew Morna would help. I just wanted to say thank you for getting her help, even though you were so mad at me for going through the portal. But everything is fine now, and it’s all thanks to you and Morna.”

  Obviously Cooper’s definition of “fine” differed greatly from my own. Once he knew the truth, his heart would be broken.

  “What do you mean by that, Coop?”

  “A little bit after breakfast, Isobel started to act a lot different—like she wasn’t sick. I think she’s getting better, Aunt Jane.”

  Undoubtedly, whatever recovery she seemed to have had was one of her brief rebounds, but those were certain to grow fewer and farther in between. With Cooper’s unshakeable faith in Morna, of course he’d seen Isobel’s good morning as a sign of returning health.

  “Coop, I don’t think that is what’s happening. I need to tell you something about what Morna told me. She wasn’t able to help Isobel. There have been days before, remember? Days that Isobel felt more like her old self before getting sick again?”

  He stared at me for a long moment, crossing his little arms as he sat across from me. His face fell at my words, but he said nothing, his brows pulling together in deep reflection. After a long while, he spoke.

  “Yeah, I know, but are you sure? ’Cause this morning was different than those other times. Isobel knew it too and, for some reason that I really don’t understand, she’s really mad about it.”

  “Why is she mad?” Isobel had always been so grateful for every good day. It made little sense to me that it would upset her.

  “I don’t know. But I think she’s mad at you. When I asked if I could go wake you up—even before Adwen said no—she screamed and told me not to, and said that she didn’t want to see you. It’s really weird, Aunt Jane.”

  My conversation with Isobel had ended somberly but, as far as I knew, neither of us had been angry when I left her.

  “What do you mean? There’s no reason for Isobel to be upset with me.”

  Cooper shrugged and slid off the bed before walking to the door. “I don’t know. Come see for yourself. I’ve never seen Isobel so angry.”

  * * *

  I first looked for Isobel in her bedchamber but, after my knock went unanswered, I continued down the castle hallways. I stopped when I heard the unfamiliar sound of Gregor’s laughter behind the closed door of the sitting room. His voice as he spoke was more cheerful than I’d ever heard it.

  “Cheer up, lass, and doona tell me to no get my hopes up one more time. ’Tis yer own fault that they are. If ye werena so mad, I wouldna believe ye are getting well, but yer fire is back. I havena seen it in far too long.”

  “I doona wish to be well, Gregor. No this way. Foul things will come from it. Wipe away yer smile, or I’ll remove it myself.”

  Gregor laughed. Hesitantly, I pushed open the door.

  “Knock. Knock.” I whispered the words as I stuck my head inside the room. The moment Isobel’s eyes turned on me, my knees went weak with nerves. I’d never been looked at with such disdain in my entire life.

  “Doona ye step in this room, ye wee bitch. I told ye no. I told ye I wouldna take it. Why did ye give me the choice if ye would give it to me against my will?”

  “Isobel…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I left the vial in your room. You are the last one that had it.” I pushed the door open and stepped all the way inside the room.

  “No. Doona ye place this on me, Jane. I shall live with the guilt of yer actions for the rest of my life. Ye are a liar, and I doona wish to see ye.”

  She stepped toward me in a manner that sent me backing up until I met with the wall behind me. For a moment, I thought she meant to hit me until Adwen’s voice spoke from the doorway.

  “Doona be angry with Jane, lass. ’Twas me that fed ye the potion.”

  CHAPTER 38

  It would take time, but all of us were quite certain that Isobel would make peace with the fact that she would live. If anything, I knew she wouldn’t be able to stay angry when Gregor was so unabashedly thrilled. With Isobel’s health, he was a new man. I realized that I’d only known him since Isobel was ill. As a result, I had missed out on some of the greatest aspects of his personality. He was funny and smart and, when no longer under the constant fear and anxiety that the love of his life would pass away any day, was way less uptight than I’d believed him to be.

  I stood watching the two of them from the tower window. Isobel enjoyed being able to walk the castle grounds free of the terrible coughing that had plagued her for so long, though I could see by her pinched lips that she tried not to seem too happy. Gregor held her hand, determined to keep her out of doors as much as possible to rebuild her strength. He sang to her as they walked, and his face held a smile so bright that it alone could have melted the few remaining clumps of snow. His voice echoed in the air, and I could hear it in the tower. I never would have guessed, but he had a lovely voice.

  “We were wrong I think, Jane. Or perhaps, my advice was wrong.”

  I turned my head and smiled as Orick approached me. I’d wondered about that often since Isobel’s recovery—if Orick had questioned our conversation as I had.

  “Do you think so?”

  “Aye, mayhap so. I dinna wish for ye to worry that something bad would come from healing her, but I dinna think of all the joy ’twould bring. I’ve seen Isobel enough that I should have known she’d never choose to drink from it herself. I’m pleased Adwen dinna let her die.”

  “I am too.” A lump formed in my throat thinking back on the night I’d left her. I would be grateful to Adwen forever for what he’d done. “What made him do it, do you think?”

  “Love played a part, but ’twas fear that made his final choice.”

  “Fear—how do you mean?”

  Orick moved to sit down on one of the tower benches and gestured for me to join him. “If ye’d not allowed Isobel to decide, who would ye have been thinking of when ye gave her the potion?”

  “Gregor.” It was his love for her that made it so difficult for me to understand her refusal. We all would have grieved for her, but her death would have broken him.

  “Aye, as would most. Adwen couldna see past his own fear at losing someone he loves. That is why he gave Isobel the potion. No for Gregor’s sake. I doona mean it as a judgment of his character, but I know him better than I know myself and ’tis true. Adwen believes himself far weaker than he is.”

  Orick’s suggestion surprised me. I’d never thought of Adwen as weak. “He doesn’t behave that way.”

  “No.” Orick shook his head in clarification. “I’m no saying that he is weak. Only that he thinks he is. He’s far more patient with others than himself. We all carry wounds from our childhood, doona we? Some of us come through the pain stronger for it, while others come out more fearful.

  “When Adwen found me, he showed me unwavering patience, and I came through the darkness no longer fearful of anything. I l
ost everyone I cared for, and my life went on. When Adwen lost his mother, he dinna think it should have broken him as it did, even though he was closer to her than any of his brothers, or even his Da. His struggle made him believe himself weak. When he came out of his grief, he thought his strength had come from me rather than himself. I did nothing but show him the same patience and allow him the same time and space that he’d allowed me.

  “Coming out of that believing that he dinna heal on his own strength changed him in a way. It made him fearful rather than fearless, always moving through life determined to no lose another again. He doesna think he could bear the pain. ’Tis why he became so loose with lassies; he dinna ever have to love anyone. Now, he’s more frightened than he’s ever been—for loving ye has brought a whole circle of people around him that have managed to grab hold of his heart.”

  I leaned back against the cold stones. I recognized the truth in Orick’s words. “Why are you telling me this? He’s not going to lose me—not unless he wants to.”

  “I know, lass. I can see the way ye feel for him in yer eyes. I only tell ye for I believe ’twill be ye by his side from now on. While Isobel may be well, and I am glad of it, loss will find him. ’Tis inevitable in life, and he willna think he can bear it when it comes. Doona believe the weakness ye will see in him. Mayhap, doona allow him to lean on ye either. He should learn his own strength. ’Tis the only way he will lose the fear that plagues him. Only then will his heart be free to hold ye and everything else that life will bring the two of ye.”

  I smiled and reached over to pat Orick’s leg. “From the way you talk, I would think you were a very old man. You have too much wisdom for someone so young.”

  He laughed and stood, and we made our way down from the tower.