Worthy of Love?

by J. Lea

  Worthy of Love?

  by

  J. Lea

  J. Lea

  Worthy of Love?

  Translator: Tanja Kunej

  Editor: TCB Editing Services

  Cover: Najla Qamber Designs

  Copyright @2015 J. Lea

  CIP - Kataložni zapis o publikaciji

  Narodna in univerzitetna knjižnica, Ljubljana

  821.163.6-32(0.034.2)

  J. Lea

  Worthy of love? [Elektronski vir] / J. Lea. - El. knjiga. - Ljubljana : self-published, 2015

  ISBN 978-961-93705-7-5 (mobi)

  280405760

  Worthy of Love? is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental, except the countries where circuits are located, these are all real!

  Copyright @2015 J. Lea

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

  Prologue

  I’m an ordinary girl. Well, I know that now, but that wasn’t always the case. I used to see only the shadow of a girl I was in the past. And I desperately wanted the old me back. I wanted to get back to that little, carefree girl I was before everything in my life crashed in front of my eyes. The purpose of my story is not to inspire pity, far from that. I want people to realize that everybody - no matter how difficult the path they are on seems - can find hope, just like I have.

  In my short life, I have already experienced agonizing pain, sacrifice, loss, mockery, and even love. I’ve been through a lot, but I’m finally looking forward to living my life. I have a bright future ahead of me, and I can’t wait to experience all the good things life has to offer.

  I’m no longer that scared and broken girl I used to be. Standing with my head held high, I’m welcoming life with my arms wide open. The endless obstacles in my way were hard to overcome, but I can’t change or erase the past—it will forever be a part of me. But, it has shaped me into a strong woman, and a better person. I’ve finally come to love myself as I am, faults and all. I am finally happy. And the person responsible for this is…well, you’ll see.

  My name is Lori, and this is my story.

  Chapter One

  June 2014

  17 years old

  “What did you put in here? Rocks?” I asked my mom as I grabbed another huge box out of the moving van. It was so heavy I could barely carry it to the stairs.

  “Don’t look at me. That box is Tyler’s,” she responded, and collected the three large shopping bags from the passenger seat.

  “I should’ve known.” With an eye roll, I dragged the box to our new apartment.

  I loved my brother to bits, but he was like a hamster, hoarding every little thing he found. We should’ve persuaded him to get rid of some of his possessions, since they were more or less all useless, but no, his giant football sticker collection had to come with him, and his peculiar sculptures also had to be saved. Tyler’s hobby was making Popsicle stick art. He had so many sculptures; we would soon need an extra room to store them all. They were quite special—some looked like various animals, others resembled abstract human form. He had talent, but we didn’t have a lot of room for his creations. So, we came to an agreement to leave them in boxes until we put up some shelves or find a corner where we could store them. The new apartment was drastically smaller than the house we spent my entire childhood in.

  “Not there!” Tyler protested, as I went to drop the box on the kitchen table. “Take it to my room.”

  “Would you like me to play you a song while we’re at it?” I made a face, sticking my tongue out at him.

  “The radio isn’t plugged in yet, so you’d have to sing it yourself,” he laughed at me. If my hands were free, I’d smack him on the head.

  “Don’t be such a smartass, and help me.”

  Tyler finally grabbed the opposite corners of the box, and, together, we hauled it to his room where we set it on the floor next to his bed.

  The apartment we bought was modest, but nice. Of course, I would miss my childhood home, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad to move. There were too many painful memories in that house. Changing cities seemed like the best option.

  “There are two more boxes downstairs. Do you think you two will be able to handle it? I need to put the groceries in the fridge so they don’t spoil,” Mom yelled from the kitchen. I nodded at her as I walked past. Tyler and I ran down the stairs to the van where we grabbed a box each.

  Our life in Denver, Colorado, could now officially begin.

  Denver wasn’t a random selection. My dad spent his teenage years here, and he attended University of Denver. That is also where he and mom met—they had classes together. It’s also the city where my mom’s best friend, Dani, and her two sons, Kolt and Elias, lived. Dani was the one who helped my mom get a job as a secretary at some marketing company. Since mom had already been a secretary before, this job was perfect for her.

  Tyler and I unpacked our belongings while mom threw together a quick late lunch. It was a long drive from Chicago, and we were exhausted and starving. Seventeen hours on the road with very few quick stops took its toll on us, even though we stopped for the night at some cheap motel.

  My room was bright and quite spacious. What I liked the most was the big built-in walnut colored wardrobe with white sliding doors on the right side by the window. I didn’t own nearly enough clothes or shoes to fill the shelves, but there would be plenty of time to fix that.

  When all my clothes were put away, I threw myself on the bed on my back, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Moving to Denver was the perfect opportunity for a new beginning. Except Dani, Elias and Kolt, who were practically my family, no one knew who I was. Most importantly, I just wanted to find new friends.

  Mom’s voice calling me to lunch tore me from my deep thoughts.

  “It feels weird, but at the same time so exciting to be back again,” mom said between bites with a soft smile on her lips. “To tell you the truth, I never thought I’d ever return to Denver.”

  “Hopefully, you’re not regretting the decision.” I didn’t want her to second-guess herself. After all, I was the reason we moved in the first place.

  “Never, honey. I spent four amazing years of my life in this city. Besides, I have Dani by my side again. I missed that woman.”

  A smile played on my lips. I guess we were all looking forward to a fresh start.

  ~ * ~

  It took a few days and a lot of work to make the apartment feel like home. After we were satisfied with the results, we invited the Mosers over for a small housewarming party. I was really looking forward to seeing Elias and Kolt again. Their father was Austrian, and he had been out of the picture for the last ten years, but he still kept in touch on a more or less regular basis. Dani, Elias and Kolt’s mother, was a Denver native. She gave birth to Elias, a measly three months before I was born, and Kolt was two years younger than we were.

  After an hour of catching up in the living room, Tyler took Kolt to his room to play video games, and I dragged Elias to my humble room.

  “It’s quite smaller than our former house, huh?” I said.

  “At least you’ve got your own room.” Elias took a look around, taking in the pale yellow walls, adorned with medals, and shelves full of trophies.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, could be worse.”

  His gaze fixed on the framed picture of me, Tyler, Mom and Dad. “Do you miss him?” He was asking about my father. It’s
been a little less than two years since he’d been gone.

  “Every day,” I breathed out.

  “I still can’t believe it.”

  “You’re not the only one.” I moved to the bed, and Elias joined me. Talking about my father was a painful memory, so I switched the topic. “So, classmates, huh,” I laughed. “This should be interesting.” Since we sat side by side, I nudged him with a shoulder, a grin on my face.

  “It’s going to be terrible, I can tell.” Elias grimaced, as if the thought of us in the same classroom made him sick, but I knew he was only joking.

  “Hey!” I pretended to be offended.

  “What?” he exclaimed innocently. “You know I was just kidding. You’re the best thing that could happen to our high school.”

  “You don’t have to exaggerate, either.” I shook my head. “Why don’t you tell me more about the school? Are there any cute guys in our class?” Elias was bisexual, meaning he liked men as much as women. “And what are the teachers like?”

  The thought of spending my final year of high school in a completely new environment with complete strangers was a bit scary. Everybody knew me in my old school. I was the target of constant derision and daily mockery from my schoolmates, and object of pity for the teachers. But on the other hand, I eagerly anticipated the new beginning I had been offered, as this was a great opportunity to be a normal teenage girl.

  Elias’s eyebrow shot up. “Since when are you interested in guys? I only ever see you with your nose in a book.”

  I shrugged. He was right. He knew guys made me uncomfortable, but that didn’t mean I didn’t notice them. However, after all I’ve been through the past few years, I kind of gave up on love and ever finding anyone who’ll make me the center of his world.

  “There could be more guys in our class,” he winked at me. “And the teachers are all old and grumpy. Oh, and be careful when interacting with Candy, our darling classmate. She’s…how to put it…” Elias started snapping his fingers, trying to come up with a good description. “A wolf in sheep’s clothing… that’s the most accurate description of that girl. She’ll be all sweet and nice to you, but when you’ll least expect it, she’ll reveal her true self. She thinks she’s a big shot for being the cheerleading captain, parading around in her designer bags and shoes. Lately, she’s been sniffing around the football team again, but the guys aren’t paying any attention to her anymore. They know she’s a snake. She’s been trying to sink her claws into Jon, who’s not only the star quarterback, but also hot as hell. They dated briefly last year, but he realized soon enough she’s poisonous. Thank god, because his butt is way too fine to be groped by her.” Elias wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I burst into laughter. He didn’t exactly hide his sexual orientation, but he also didn’t shout it from the rooftops. “What?” He gave me an innocent look. “He is hot.”

  Elias’s hair was longer, styled into a fashionable hairdo. Every now and then, his bangs fell onto his sea blue eyes. His jeans hung low on his hips, and his T-shirt hugged his chest like a second skin. He was a sight for sore eyes, and had girls turning their heads when he walked by, flashing a wink and a smile at them. His personality had been what initially drew me in, and we were friends from the day we met. Elias was up for everything, taking the bull by its horns with a grin on his face, and never complaining about a problem he might’ve encountered. And he always supported those who didn’t fit in with the popular kids. Perhaps that’s why we bonded so quickly—I never had to pretend around him. He knew who I was and what I’d been through. Not once did he turn his back on me or hurt me in any way, and that’s why I considered him my best friend.

  We caught up on everything that’s been happening in our lives since we’d last seen each other, and then they had to leave.

  ~ * ~

  I went on a job hunt. I was in no mood to sit around at home and watch Tyler playing video games or building his abstract sculptures, even though I didn’t mind having to eat all the ice cream so he could get his sticks. I was never good at saying no to ice cream.

  A few days later, I already had an interview for a serving job at some Chinese restaurant called Emperor’s Palace lined up. The interview went well; the tiny Chinese lady in charge seemed strict but nice, and a couple of days later, I was happy to learn I got the position.

  My first day, I was on pins and needles as I stepped through the massive red door. Soft instrumental music welcomed me as the waiters were scurrying around.

  “Hi. Where could I find Mrs. Li?” I called out to the waiter who just passed me on his way to the bar. “I’m new here.” He pointed a finger at her office, and then he rushed away to serve his tables.

  Mrs. Li handed me my uniform, showed me around the restaurant, and introduced me to the other employees. First, I followed around a waitress named Holly, who showed me how the place works. It wasn’t long before I fell into the routine.

  “Do you think you’ll be able to do it on your own now?” Holly wanted to know as we were carrying the dirty dishes to the kitchen.

  “Yes, I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. Doesn’t look hard,” I smiled at her.

  “It’s not,” she smiled back.

  “How long have you been working here?” I was interested to know.

  “It seems like forever, but it’s been about three years,” Holly sighed.

  She told me she had a four-year-old daughter, Phoebe, who meant the world to her. Holly was married for a while, but her husband cheated on her while she was pregnant, so she kicked him out. She and Phoebe had been on their own ever since. Even though Holly was thirty-one, she didn’t look a day over twenty. I bet every woman, including me, was insanely jealous of her platinum blond hair that fell softly down her back to her hips, and her warm chocolate brown eyes that were every man’s fantasy.

  “We better get back to work,” Holly nudged me with her elbow, and motioned her head toward Mrs. Li, who was watching us.

  “We’ll have prawn crackers and a spring roll each as entrees, and for the main course she’ll have sweet and sour chicken, and I’ll have Mongolian beef,” an older gentleman, seated across his wife, ordered.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “Red wine, please.”

  I scribbled down their order, handed it to the cook, and brought the wine to their table. As I returned to the bar, where Holly was just punching in a check, Spencer sneaked up behind me. He was one of the waiters, and, during our shift, I caught him multiple times staring longingly at Holly. If she hadn’t told me earlier that she was single, I’d think they were dating.

  “You girls want to grab a drink afterwards?” He reached over the bar, set two empty glasses on his tray, and stepped back a few inches.

  “Maybe some other time. I’d like to go home, grab a shower and crash on my couch in front of the television. My legs are killing me.” I groaned and rubbed my ankle. Somehow, I figured, they would be better on their own. I gave Holly and Spencer a smile and took an order to table 12.

  First day of the job was always the most exhausting for me—physically and mentally—because I never knew what I was in for. Well, I hadn’t had many jobs before, but I worked part-time on summers to earn some pocket money.

  The crowd was slowly thinning down. As I cleaned the last table, an open fortune cookie caught my attention.

  “When you find something good in your life, hold on to it tight, and never let it go.”

  A smile lit up my face. Even though the cookie wasn’t meant for me, it seemed as if it was talking to me. My grandmother always said things like that. And she always had fortune cookies on hand when I came to visit. She was full of words of wisdom; perhaps the cookies had something to do with that.

  Chapter Two

  July 2010

  13 years old

  I was on the track & field team. Long jump was my favorite event, though I also competed in sprints.

  “…and first place in Junior Category… Congratulations, Lori La
mb!” the commentator sang into the microphone.

  I climbed the top step of the podium. My face was radiant, my smile never wider than that day. I had won many competitions before, but each new victory was sweeter than the previous one. Every year got more difficult, so I was that more proud of myself for bringing home the gold medal.

  “Thank you,” I beamed at the crowd in front of me and bowed my head, so they could place the medal around my neck. I also received a cup where, on it, clearly stated I was the state champion in long jump. I felt incredible. With the corner of my eye, I searched the stadium, looking for my family, and when I located them, I waved excitedly at their grinning faces. Mom was taking so many pictures of me that the flashlight of her camera lit up the place, and my dad was grinning from ear to ear. Tyler was, of course, looking around, clearly uninterested in the commotion. Who would blame him—he was only ten. All he was interested in, in those days, were computer games and football stickers.

  After a few handshakes and hugs with the other competitors, I ran to my coach.

  “You were great out there, Lori.” He high-fived me, and a gentle slap on my butt followed. I hated when he did that. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just pat my shoulder or shake my hand, like the other coaches did. I guess he was different. Exhausted but ecstatic, I scurried to the locker room to get changed.

  I started competing in long jump when I was eight. I had practices almost every day, and they were something I enjoyed immensely, which showed in my results at competitions. I’ve won quite a few titles in that time. My biggest goal was winning the world championship, and then participating in Olympics. My coach was certain I’d be able to get there in no time, so I had nothing to worry about. Long jump meant everything to me, so it wasn’t hard to give up that free time I spent hanging out with my friends for intense practice sessions at the stadium. I had a goal in mind, and I was hell-bent on realizing it. I knew I was good, and that gave me the motivation I needed.