by J. Lea
My bra was soaked from Parker’s kisses, but I didn’t mind in the least. He gently squeezed my swollen nipple through the lace, and sucked it into his mouth. That wasn’t enough for him, so he pushed the material down to expose my breast, and he feasted on my puckered nipple. Then, he showed the same attention to the other one. He nibbled, licked, kissed and explored. His hand meanwhile slid up my thigh, until it reached my butt. He squeezed it, and at the same time shoved his hips into me. Even though we were both still dressed, I felt his pulsing erection against my belly. I wondered how it would be like to feel him in me, skin against skin. It already felt incredible, surreal, and much better than I could’ve ever imagined in my wildest daydreams. I wanted him to feel as good as I did, so I reached down to cup his steel hard erection. Even touching him through the thin material of his sweats felt unbelievably good.
“Oh, God, Lori,” he groaned and touched his forehead to mine, and my attention was still fully on his erection. “I’ve wanted your hands on me for so long. Look what you’re doing to me. I only have to look at you, and I’m hard as a rock.”
“I want you like I’ve never wanted anything in my life,” I breathed.
“Don’t say that. I won’t be able to stop.”
“Who says you should?”
He stilled, and looked at me with his sexy brown eyes. His forehead was sweaty, and his breathing was deep and fast. He studied my face for a while. “Lori, I’m not going to make love to you yet.”
I shot him a look of surprise. What was he saying? I felt how hard he was, and how badly he must have wanted release. “Why not?” I sounded disappointed. I thought he couldn’t wait.
“Don’t get me wrong, honey. I want to bury myself so deep and hard inside you that your breath would be knocked out of your lungs. I’ve imagined and fantasized about this moment for so long, but when we finally do it, I don’t want you to be—“
“Your student,” I quietly finished his sentence. I raised myself on my elbows, and pushed him aside so I could get up. Fixing my bra, and with my eyes closed, I fastened the buttons on my blouse. I knew it was too good to be true. I was just his student, a brat. Of course he doesn’t want to sleep with a high school student, what on earth were you thinking?
I felt his hands come down on my shoulders. “Lori, look at me.”
I shook my head.
“Look at me,” he said with more determination, but I didn’t obey, because I was ashamed. So, he spun me around to face him, and I turned my head away from him. His hand touched my chin, and gently lifted my head so I was forced to look at him. “I want you, okay? You’re all I think about, but I don’t want any obstacles between us when we finally take that step further. I don’t want you to think our relationship is all about sex, like I made you think in the beginning. I lied. And I’d like to prove to you that my intentions are pure.” He pulled me into his strong arms, held me close to him for a long while, and then he kissed the top of my head. “Do you understand?”
I nodded. I did understand. “This is so unfair. Why can’t we be like any other couple?” I breathed. “You came into my life when I was in an emotional slump and you practically healed me.” I was broken, but he picked up all the shattered pieces and made me whole again, when I least expected it. I had long ago stopped believing it could be possible. I put up high walls around my heart, since I didn’t want to get attached to anyone. “I wasn’t sure I even deserve you.”
“Of course—“
I stopped him by putting a finger to his lips, and shook my head. “I don’t know what you did to me, but I don’t ever want to live without it. This feeling inside me, in my heart—it gives me wings.” I took a deep breath, and lowered my head. “There was a time when I was happy, and I had everything. Now, I have nothing.”
“Bullshit. You have me. I’m right here by your side. And I’m not giving you up.”
“Well, realistically speaking, I don’t really have you. I can’t have you. I can’t walk down the street, hand in hand, with you, or kiss you in public. We can’t go to the movies, because we’d constantly be looking over our shoulder to make sure no one has spotted us. Where is the justice in that?”
“We’ll have all that and more. We just have to lay low for a few months, I promise.”
I gave a hysterical laugh. “Don’t promise me something you’re not sure you can deliver on.” I was talking about my secret. I was certain I was going to lose him the moment he would learn about it. I’d been planning on telling him for a long time, but I still didn’t feel ready. Which wasn’t good, because every second that I spent with him, increased my love for him. And it wasn’t fair to him, either; he deserved to know who I really was.
“I’ve never been with anybody,” I suddenly said. I at least wanted to share one truth about myself with him. I was embarrassed, confessing that I was a virgin, but he deserved to know.
I didn’t see his reaction as he was still hugging me, but as soon as the words left my mouth, he pulled me even closer to him. I gathered it was good news for him. I untangled from his embrace, as I wanted to know what he thought about it.
“Did you hear me?”
Parker nodded.
“And? Does it bother you?”
“Bother me? Honey, are you serious? This is just another reason why we should wait. I don’t want you to make a mistake and regret it later. I want you to be absolutely sure about our relationship when we finally sleep together.”
“I’ll never regret us,” I told him.
“Good.”
I lost myself in his warm embrace, and allowed myself to enjoy the small moments that were gifted to us. I knew my time with him was running out, and it was only a matter of time when we’d go our separate ways.
~ * ~
I got home after midnight. Mom and Tyler were already sleeping as there was no other sound than the clock ticking away on the kitchen wall. I was reluctant to take a shower since I had Parker’s scent all over me, but I also smelled like Chinese food, so shower won over. Right after, I brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed. When I caught my reflection in the mirror, big blue eyes were staring back at me, with long copper hair falling in straight locks around my face. A smattering of freckles dusted my face. I felt so comfortable in my skin, but it was all just a lie. I took a deep breath, shaking my head. Carefully, I pulled my hair system off, and placed it on the stand. I applied a solvent remover to my scalp, and wiped it with a tissue. Then I took another look at myself in the mirror. This time, a completely different person was standing in front of me. I only saw emptiness, disgust, and humiliation in her eyes. Rubbed my hand over my bald scalp, I wistfully thought back to when I still had my beautiful hair, when I had no worries in the world. How could my life have changed so drastically in the past two years? First, I’d learned about my medical condition, then my dad’s death followed, and, to top it all off, we moved to another state. It was eating away at me on the inside, but I couldn’t show it on the outside. I didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of anyone, least of all my friends, and so, every day, I put on my fake façade, and pretended to be confident in my skin. I hid my vulnerable side from the world. I never wanted to be vulnerable and exposed, not anymore.
Chapter Eighteen
April 2012
15 years old
After Coach Briggs’s conviction, my family’s life finally settled down to where I could breathe with more ease, and my parents didn’t seem so worried anymore. I started hanging out with my friends again, and my grades went up. I laughed again. Everything seemed completely normal. Until that morning…
“Mom, what is happening to me?!” I exclaimed in terror, as I ran to her. In my hand was a large clump of long, red hair, and I was staring at her with round, terrified eyes. It wasn’t the first time I noticed my hair falling out, but I hadn’t paid much attention to it as I thought it was completely normal. But, the handful of hair I was clutching in my hand definitely wasn’t normal.
“Lori, what did you d
o?” Mom’s eyes widened. “Did you cut your hair?”
“No, I didn’t do anything, I swear. I ran a hand through my hair, and this just stayed in my hand.”
“That’s not possible,” she furrowed her brows.
“What is wrong with me?” I hadn’t told anyone about my recent “issues” with my hair loss, since I thought it was perfectly normal. But this scared me.
“It’s probably just stress catching up with you. You’ve been through a lot in the past year.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, I’m sure. But just in case, I’m going to make an appointment with your doctor.”
Her words helped calm me down. She didn’t sound panicked, so I put aside my worries, and hoped she was right.
Chapter Nineteen
December 2014
18 years old
Parker and I met whenever we could. Every day, after German class ended, we tried to sneak in a kiss or a hug. There wasn’t time for anything more as students who had class after us usually rushed into the classroom. I tried to come to his house every weekend, where we talked and enjoyed each other. He was true to his word when he’d said he wouldn’t sleep with me until I graduated, and there weren’t any more obstacles between us. It was difficult for both of us. I could see how hard it was for him to slow things down every time our make out sessions got more intense.
Christmas was fast approaching, and, with it, Christmas break. I was looking forward to it as that meant I’d also be able to see Parker during the week, maybe even for a full day. I rearranged my schedule at work so I only worked three days, and hoped I’d get to spend the rest of the week with Parker.
Then, Mom dropped a bomb on me when she announced she booked a ski trip for the three of us. She grinned from ear to ear when she told me we’d be going skiing for the whole week. I hadn’t seen her this excited in…well, a long time. When she revealed the date of our trip, my face fell. I wanted to go with Mom and Tyler—it’s been forever since we took a vacation together. But all I could think about was Parker. We hadn’t had much chance to spend any time together, so I said I had to work the whole week. I knew it wasn’t a nice thing to do, but I couldn’t let the opportunity to see more of Parker slip through my fingers. Our dates were always short, definitely sweet, but I craved more. Mom insisted I should find a replacement, but I told her it wasn’t possible, since all of my co-workers already booked and paid for their vacations. She was sad I couldn’t come, but she told me she was proud of me for being so responsible. I felt a wave of guilt hit me, but it wasn’t strong enough to give up days of being with Parker.
It was the end of German class, and I collected my books from my table, humming a joyful tune, while secretly observing Parker’s butt as he was wiping the blackboard.
“What are you so happy about?” Elias nudged me.
“Nothing, really. It’s just a beautiful day, is it not?” I looked at him with a wide grin.
“Okay, who are you, and what did you do with Lori? I don’t know you anymore. Lately, all you've been doing is smiling goofily. That’s so not like you.”
I shrugged. “What, can’t I be in a good mood?”
“Don’t get me wrong—it’s a change to the positive—but I wanna know the reason for it. Share it with me, so I can be happy, too,” he laughed.
“Does there have to be a reason?” I challenged him.
“There’s always a reason,” he assured me. He crossed his arms, and waited for my response, which I wasn’t willing to give him. I pretended to rummage through my bag, when he exclaimed.
“A guy. I bet it has something to do with a guy.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Spill it, sister.”
“It’s nothing, forget about it. Look, I have to talk to Mr. Thorn about something, and I’ll talk to you later. Meet me in a bit?” I give him a questioning gaze. He nodded, but the expression on his face let me know we’re not done talking about it.
When the last student left the classroom, I ran into Parker’s arms. We kissed.
“I have some news,” I told him.
“Oh? What is it? I do hope it has something to do with that hot body of yours.” He winked at me.
“Maybe,” I licked my lips.
He pulled me into his arms. “Don’t play games with me. You know how hard it is for me to resist you.”
“You don’t have to, you know that,” I smiled slyly at him. “Well, I’ll be home alone for a week. Mom and Tyler are going skiing, so I can sleep over at your place,” I started. “I mean, if you want me to. We don’t have to if you don’t want that,” I babbled, only then realizing he might not want me over at his place. I covered my eyes with my hand, and lowered my head.
“Not only do I want to, I demand you sleep in my bed. I can finally hold you in my arms the whole night.”
His words brought a blush on my cheeks, and I smiled pleasantly at him. Before I could say anything, students rushed into the classroom. Parker switched to teacher mode again.
“I’ll see you after the break,” he said in an impersonal voice, as he walked to his desk. I stepped into hallway, where Elias was patiently waiting for me. Marching past him, I went to Geography class, without a word; I was already late.
During the lunch hour, Elias joined me at my table, impatient. I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid him and his questions forever.
“So, who’s the lucky guy? Do I know him?” the interrogation began.
I shook my head. “No one.”
“Wanna go with Drake and me on a double date?” he wiggled his eyebrows excitedly. I still hadn’t had the chance to meet Drake as I managed to talk my way out of going on that double date with them.
“Maybe some other time,” I said non-committedly.
“Aha!” he pointed his finger at me. “I knew it was about a guy. Do I know him?”
“No!” I quickly exclaimed, perhaps too quickly.
He looked at me through narrow eyes. “You’re hiding something.”
“Okay, fine. I met a guy. We’re dating, but we’re not in that meeting the friends phase yet. Happy now?” I had to throw him a bone atleast; otherwise, he’d keep coming at me. I was afraid I’d slip up and say something he shouldn’t know. I trusted Elias, but he rarely thinks before he speaks, and he might accidentally let something slip.
“For now.”
~ * ~
Christmas break finally came, and I couldn’t wait to spend the whole time, day and night, with Parker. Mom and Tyler had left for their skiing trip early in the morning, and I jumped out of my bed right after to throw together a small overnight bag with some clothes and make-up. Butterflies swarmed in by belly from the anticipation and excitement. Mom took the car, so I called the taxi, and fifteen minutes later, it was waiting for me outside.
When the taxi dropped me off at Parker’s house, I rushed to his front door, and rang the bell. Right after he opened the door, my jaw hit the ground. He stood in front of me, dressed only in dark grey sweatpants, showing off his sculptured chest, and he was barefoot, like he just came out of the shower. My lust-filled eyes roamed his body. He interrupted me by pulling me into his house, and shutting the door. Then he kissed me as if he were a starved man, and I was his first meal. We broke apart only because King jumped between us. We both sighed, smiled down at him, and touched foreheads.
“King, be a good dog and go away. Can’t you see we’re busy?” Parker scolded his dog, before kissing me again. King grumbled in protest, and placed his paw on my knee. His eyes were so warm and joyful that I had to kneel down to pat his head.
“What is it, boy? Did you miss me? Yeah, I missed you, too.” His fur was so soft and smooth. “You’re so handsome, yes you are.” I nodded at him, as he wagged his tail happily.
“That’s enough. You don’t want to make me jealous, do you?” Parker laughed at me.
We lounged comfortably on the couch, unfortunately with his shirt on now, while slow, romantic songs were playing on the stereo. Parker jumped to his feet
and offered me his hand.
“Would you like to dance?”
“Now?”
“Why not? If we can’t go out to dance, we might as well make the living room our dance floor.”
“Okay.”
My eyes lit up as I took his hand. He wrapped me tightly in his arms, cradling me against his hard, well-muscled body. We swayed to the music, and talked the whole time. The atmosphere was incredibly intimate. Parker reached for my face, tucking a few strands of my hair behind my ear.
“What are you thinking about?”
I looked up into his eyes, then down to his lips. “I’m thinking about how incredible you are. As far as I’m concerned, this is one of the most beautiful moments of my life.”
“Then you must not go out a lot,” he said jokingly.
“Hey!” I lightly punched his shoulder.
“What? It’s hard for me to believe you haven’t been spoiled rotten before.”
“You’re spoiling me.”
“This is nothing,” he said. “You deserve much more.”
I leaned up on my toes and kissed him like my life depended on it. I don’t know how long we stood in the same spot, kissing, but it seemed like mere seconds. Suddenly, Parker’s hands gripped my butt, lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to his bedroom, and slowly laid me down on his bed, before he climbed on top of me.
“You’re driving me crazy,” he said, before his lips covered mine again. “You smell so delicious,” his nose brushed my neck. I raised myself up on my elbows, and gently pushed him off me, so I could sit up. Grabbing the hem of my T-shirt, I pulled it slowly over my head, my skinny jeans followed. His gaze held mine the whole time. When the jeans landed on the floor, I heard his sharp inhale. Dressed only in sexy lingerie, I was standing in front of him, feeling bold.
