by J. Lea
“Lori?” a gruff voice woke me from deep sleep. The room bathed in light. I raised my head, and saw Mom watching me. I instantly smiled at her.
“Mom! How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” she joked. She reached to cup her head, and grimaced.
“How are you feeling?” Dr. Bryant walked into their room, their charts in his hands. He shone a light in Mom’s eyes.
“Like my head is about to explode,” she groaned.
“This is normal when you suffer a concussion. You hit your head pretty hard.”
“When can we go home?” I heard Tyler say.
Doctor put the light back into his coat pocket, and stuck his hands into his pockets. “We’ll have to keep you for observation for a day or two, just in case, before we let you go home.”
It was almost one p.m. I should’ve been in school, but I wanted to be with the two people who meant the world to me. Soon after, I was forced to go. I didn’t want to leave, but Doctor Bryant insisted they are fine and need to rest. I promised I would come see them first thing in the morning, but my Mom insisted I needed to go to school and don’t worry about them.
When I sat down in the backseat of a taxi, I couldn’t contain my tears anymore. The events of the whole day rushed back after me. I was grateful and happy that Mom and Tyler both survived the accident, because I needed them in my life. The taxi driver kept glancing back at me in the rearview mirror, but I couldn’t care less what he thought of me. I was just so relieved.
When the taxi driver stopped in front of my apartment building, I paid him and ascended the steps to the entrance of the building. Emotionally and physically beat, the only thing I wanted was my bed. Just as I fished my keys out of my purse, someone called my name, and a moment later, I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Where’ve you been, Lori?” Parker asked me worriedly. I stood still with my back to him. “You’re not answering my calls and texts, and you weren’t in school today. Why are you avoiding me?”
I sniffed, and turned around. “Parker, go home,” I said with my head lowered. I couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“No! Not until you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.” I still hadn’t raised my gaze, so he cupped my cheeks, and raised my head so I was forced to look him in the eyes. “Lori, why are you crying?” He wiped the tears on my cheeks.
“Parker, go home to your Barbie. Don’t pretend you care. Please, just leave and don’t make things even harder. I’ve had a rough day, and all I want is to get some sleep.”
“What Barbie? What are you talking about?” When I wanted to walk past him, he stopped me by grabbing my elbow.
“Don’t play dumb. I saw you two.”
“I have no idea what you’re saying. Lori, please, can we talk? I don’t understand what is happening.” He stepped closer to me, and looked at me with his warm, chocolate eyes.
I looked around me. “Fine. You can come up.” I was exhausted, and was in no mood to fight, especially in the middle of the day, where someone might see us and wonder why a teacher came to see me in my home. When I saw him hesitate, I told him, “Nobody’s home.”
He followed me to the apartment, and through the door.
“What happened with you? Why are you avoiding me? I thought we were fine,” he threw his arms in the air in despair.
“How dare you?” I raised my voice. “How can you lie straight to my face, Parker?” I hissed. “I may be young, but I’m definitely not blind or stupid.”
“When did I ever lie to you?”
“I saw you with her. And you had the nerve to bring her to my restaurant. You know very well I work there. Couldn’t you have just told me you didn’t want to see me anymore? Did you have to flaunt her in my face?”
“Her? Lori, I have absolutely no idea what you’re saying. I wasn’t anywhere, especially at your restaurant. I told you, my family was visiting.”
I snorted. “Yeah, a perfect excuse.”
“Stop it!” he demanded. “I wasn’t with any other woman. How could I be with anyone else if all I can think about is you? Damn it, Lori. You’re the only thing on my mind.”
“You were kissing her!”
“No, I wasn’t!”
I let out a hysterical laugh. “What? So, was it your doppelganger I saw kissing that blondie? Don’t play me for a fool.”
Something shifted in his eyes then. As if he realized what I was talking about, he started smiling. His eyes were dancing with amusement.
“What’s so funny?” I said, offended. I couldn’t believe he would laugh in my face after all he’d done to me.
“That wasn’t me. It must have been my brother. I told you I had a brother.”
“Yeah, right. And he looks exactly like you,” I rolled my eyes at him.
His lips quirked, and he nodded gingerly. “Yes, we’re twins. And Barbie, as you called her, is his wife.”
I froze in place. “Twins?”
He nodded. He placed his hands on my cheeks, and looked at me… really looked at me. Our bodies were touching from head to toe. “His name is Carter. He and his wife, Ava, wanted some time alone, so they said they’d go sightseeing for a while. Honey, that was Carter you saw, not me.”
“There’s two of you,” I said, shocked.
“Why haven’t you replied to any of my texts or answered my calls? I could’ve told you this sooner if you had just talked to me.”
“I was mad at you.” I grabbed my phone out of my purse, and I saw another six of Parker’s texts, and just as many calls. Some were from Elias, too. “I had it on silent today. I didn’t see you called.”
“Why weren’t you in school? I talked to Elias about you, but he didn’t know either. When I saw how worried he was about you, I got nervous, too.”
“I was in the hospital.”
“Hospital? What is wrong?” Parker asked worriedly.
“My mom and Tyler were in a car accident. I spent the night with them. I only just got back home.”
“Shit. Are they okay?” His voice was cautious.
“Yes,” I said quietly. He hugged me tightly, so tightly, my knees turned to putty. The exhaustion came back, hitting me with full force, and I was barely able to stand on my feet anymore. Parker lifted me in his arms, and I pointed to my room, where he gently placed me on my bed.
“Can you stay?” I asked him when he kissed my forehead.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me.
“So, you have a twin brother, huh? I never would’ve guessed that. How long has he been married?”
“Two years.”
“Do you have any pictures of your family?”
“They are in my wallet.” He fished it out of his pocket and showed them to me. There they were: Parker, his brother, Carter, and their sister, Caroline, all smiles.
“I wish I could meet them,” I said sleepily.
“Me too, honey, me too,” he said wistfully, and the only thing I remembered before sleep overtook me, was his gentle kiss behind my ear.
When I awoke the next morning, he was gone. On the pillow beside me was a note in his handwriting, and a fortune cookie. I smiled at his thoughtful gesture. I reached for the note and read it.
Babe,
I had to go to work, and stop by my house to take King for a walk first. I know you have to go see Tyler and your mom, but I’d love it if you’d come by to my place tonight. I want to sleep by your side again.
Parker
Chapter Twenty-Two
May 2012
15 years old
Mom took me to the dermatologist next, where I had to endure countless tests again. It took a while for them to make the accurate diagnosis, but they had finally found the right one—alopecia. Mom and I looked at each other, frowning. We’d never heard of this illness before.
“What is alopecia?” Mom asked the doctor in confusion.
The doctor calmly replied. “Alopecia is an auto-immune disease, which may be hereditary, but is usually triggered
by factors like stress, an accident, giving birth, or even a high fever. In your case, we can exclude giving birth, but have you been in an accident lately?” he asked me, and Mom and I both shook our heads no.
“The last few years have been extremely stressful. Could this be the cause?”
“Definitely. Stress is one of the most common triggers of alopecia.”
“So, what do we have to do for her hair to stop falling out? How do we treat it?” Mom inquired.
“Sorry, but there isn’t much we can do. I can prescribe drugs like corticosteroids, or a lotion to rub on the scalp, she could also undergo hair transplantation, but I wouldn’t encourage you to do that. The immune system of people with alopecia rejects and attacks hair follicles, mistaking them for a threat. It means they are allergic to their own hair. The outcome of hair transplants in patients suffering from alopecia is rarely successful.”
“But… what if I lose all my hair? What then?” I jumped in.
“In your case, this is highly likely as you have the most severe form of alopecia, alopecia universalis, which means you will eventually lose all body hair.”
“What?” I spat out. “All body hair?”
He nodded.
“But I don’t want that.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “There isn’t much to do about it. I would suggest you avoid stress.”
A month after the diagnosis, all my hair fell out. I was completely bald. And like the dermatologist said, I lost all other body hair, too. That day in his office, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like losing all my hair, but the loss of eyebrows and eyelashes were even worse. My appearance changed completely. I’d become a completely different person; at least that’s what it looked like. I was devastated, hiding under scarves and hats.
My classmates hadn’t noticed anything at first since I kept my hair in ponytails, and later, I started wearing headscarves, and called it a fashion choice. But, when my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out, I had no more excuses. I started hearing whispers behind my back, and the gossip and speculations about me spread throughout the whole school. Trying to ignore their teasing and rude remarks, I kept my head high, and smiled. But the moment I stepped inside my home, I broke down. I cried, and asked myself what I’d done to deserve what was happening to me. But, like always, no answers came. Mom and Dad did their best to ease the pain and anguish inside me, but nothing helped. I felt ugly. Soon after, things turned for the worse in school.
One day, I was sitting at the table, waiting for Math class to begin. Our teacher was late, so nobody sat at his or her tables yet. A classmate approached me, and started picking on me in front of the rest of the class.
“Freak, weirdo, monster,” he yelled in my face. “It’s best to stay away from you, so we don’t catch your disease.” The whole class erupted in laughter. I felt humiliated.
“You can’t catch it,” I defended myself. “What I have is not contagious. I just lost my hair.”
“It looks contagious to me. Hey, Grace,” he called out. Grace was my classmate, and we sat together in Math. “You better get away from this freak, so you don’t show up bald in school tomorrow, too.” Grace jumped away from me as if she’d get burned if she sat beside me one more moment.
“Please, stop. That’s not true.” My head fell to my chest. “Please, don’t say that,” I whispered, barely containing my tears. Teachers had been notified about my situation, and contrary to the students, they regarded me with sympathy. But I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me. I just wanted to be a normal teenager. That was the only thing I wanted.
My confidence was shredded. It was even worse when mom bought me a wig that looked like I was wearing a dead skunk on top of my head. I looked terrible. Whenever I went to the mall, or to the grocery store, with my parents, I could feel other people’s stares on me. I felt like an alien.
The teasing in school got even worse, and all my friends abandoned me. In the mornings, I had to force myself to get up and go to school. I couldn’t wait for the weekends and school breaks, when I could spend my days hiding inside my room. Mom and Dad didn’t know what to do with me anymore, but they stood by my side, encouraging me to think positively, and not give up on my life. I tried to be strong, if only just for the two of them.
A lot of my free time was spent researching and reading about my condition. I wanted to learn about it as much as possible, and, at the same time, find out if there is a treatment that would help me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
January 2015
18 years old
I spent the afternoon at the hospital with Mom and Tyler. They already looked much better, and their heads weren’t bandaged anymore.
I’d promised Parker I’d come by his house. I couldn’t wait to see him again. I needed his warm and loving embrace. I was so relieved to learn I was wrong about him. I didn’t catch him cheating on me, but instead seeing his twin brother on a date with his wife.
In the evening, I went straight to Parker’s house.
We’d managed to keep our relationship secret, and except Elias, nobody knew about us, not even my mom. She suspected, even before, that I was keeping something from her, especially since I’d been gone for entire weekends, or I’d came home late at night or early in the morning. If, during the weekend, I worked an afternoon shift, I went to see him right after I woke up, and if I had to be at work in the morning, I drove straight to him when I clocked out. I usually told Mom I was out with Elias. She didn’t object, as she loved seeing me happy again. And I was happy. After a long time, I was happy again.
The taxi driver stopped in front of Parker’s house, and I took a deep breath as I stepped out of the vehicle. I headed to the back door, a smile on my lips, but I was feeling nervous on the inside. I was determined to finally tell him about my alopecia. It was about time, and I was ready. If I waited any longer, it would only lead to heartbreak. I wanted him to know. He deserved to know, even if it meant the end of us. My hands started sweating. It was time.
Nervous and excited, I knocked on his front door. When Parker opened it, the most beautiful smile I’d ever seen appeared on his face. He pulled me to him and gave me a passionate kiss. I felt it all the way to my core. He grabbed my butt, lifted me off the ground, and carried me inside. With his foot, hooked around the door, he swung it shut. We landed on the couch, giggling.
“Hey,” he said when he finally stopped kissing me. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I told him sincerely.
“How was the hospital?”
“It was okay. They’re both recovering well.”
“Good. I’m glad they’re doing fine.” As he leaned down to kiss me again, I stopped him by placing a hand over his mouth. He looked at me with his eyebrows drawn.
“What was that for?” he studied my face.
“Parker, I need to tell you something,” I said hesitantly, and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans. King lay down by the couch next to us.
“Okay, tell me.”
I took a deep breath. “Gosh, I didn’t think it was going to be this hard.” I looked away from him, into the distance.
“Lori, what’s wrong?” he said, and placed his index finger under my chin to raise my head so I looked him in the eyes.
I sighed and fidgeted with the hem of my top.
“Will you please just tell me what’s going on?” He straightened.
“I’d rather not, but I have to. You deserve to know.” I got to my feet, and started pacing the living room.
“What is it I deserve to know?” he sounded confused.
“Promise me you won’t be angry for keeping it from you for so long. I swear, I wanted to tell you every day, but I couldn’t gather enough courage. Please. I don’t want you to think I was hiding things on purpose, and leading you on.”
“Were you with someone else?” he asked, hurt apparent in his voice.
“No! I could never to do that to you. How can you even think that?” I said, offen
ded.
He exhaled in relief. “I don’t know. Why would I be mad at you then?”
“I don’t want…” I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut. “Damn it, this is so hard.”
“Just say it.” I could see his patience was thinning.
My emotions were all over the place. I was on the verge of tears, and sick to my stomach. I was really afraid he would reject me. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle that, because I was head over heels in love with him. I loved him with all my heart.
“I…” I began, but Parker stepped in front of me. He grabbed my hand and caressed it gently and comfortingly.
“Lori, it doesn’t matter what it is, just tell me. I’m in love with you. I can’t stop thinking about you, and I’m green with envy when I see guys flirting with you in school. You’ve completely bewitched me. I can’t keep it inside anymore—I love you. There is nothing you could tell me that would keep me away from you. Please, just say it. You’re starting to freak me out.”
“You love me?” I said, stunned. He nodded. I’d been waiting to hear these words for my whole life, wanting to find someone whom I’d mean everything to. But I didn’t think he’d feel the same way when he found out my secret. Tears spilled over and slid down my cheeks.
“Why are you crying?” he was confused.
“Because,” I said through tears. “No one has ever said that to me before.”
“I love you,” he repeated.
I closed my eyes. “I love you, too. From the first moment I laid my eyes on you. You changed my life and turned it upside down, for the better. I never thought this day would ever come.”
“Why wouldn’t it? You’re smart, beautiful, down to earth, and the most interesting person I know.”
“I’ve been hiding something from you,” I shot out. I had to get this over with. Another tear slid down my cheek, and Parker gently wiped it with his thumb. “Something big.”
