Shearwater: Ocean Depths Book One (FULL)

by D. S. Murphy

“Don’t be ridiculous. You were amazing. I’m angry at myself. That was way too much for a first dive. We should have stuck to the shore for a few days at least. If anything had happened—”

  “It’s just, I felt so… so vulnerable. The ocean is huge.”

  “There’s a quote from Nietzsche I’ve always liked,” he said, combing my wet hair with his fingertips. “‘He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.’” I wondered, in Sebastian’s mind, whether humans were the monsters.

  “But it isn’t true, is it?” I asked. “I mean, the ocean isn’t conscious?”

  “Not like you or me, maybe,” Sebastian said. “But it is old. Large. Composed of billions of living beings. I sometimes feel it has some kind of an awareness.”

  Sebastian finished lighting the fire, then got two cups of peppermint tea. I cradled mine with both hands, feeling the warmth seep into my body. The steam from the mugs rose in the late afternoon sun, and we sat in the love seat by the all-glass reading nook, looking out over the sea. When I first learned I was part merrow, like Sebastian, I thought we were similar. That I’d finally found someone who could understand me. But the world I’d seen today, while beautiful, was also completely foreign. Sebastian had grown up in that dark, lightless world. He was just a tourist here, a visitor. I’d imagined, maybe if I could change, we’d run away together and live under the ocean. But now that I’d seen it, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Would I ever feel comfortable at the bottom of the sea? His people would never accept me if I couldn’t change—which meant we’d both be outcasts. And if he stayed here on land with me, we’d be hunted until someone killed us for our magical blood.

  And what about my college plans and singing career? After everything I’d been through in the last few weeks, that future seemed like a dream, but I wasn’t ready to give it up completely. I didn’t notice my eyes were wet until Sebastian wiped a tear away with his thumb.

  “You’re fine now,” Sebastian said, stroking my cheek. “You’re safe.”

  I snorted and pushed his hand away.

  “Sure. Safe.” I got up and stood alone at the window, crossing my arms.

  “What is it?” Sebastian said, moving behind me and putting his hands on my shoulder.

  “I just don’t know how this can work,” I stammered. “I thought, if I could turn, we could be together. But I can’t seem to turn.”

  “It was only the first day,” Sebastian said. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “But what if I never turn? What if this is it for me? If you stay with me above water, you’ll grow old and die. You’ll give up your family, your world—everything. I can’t ask that of you.”

  “You’re not asking,” he said with a teasing smile.

  “I’m serious,” I said. “It’s more than just a culture gap. I’m only 16… you’re 78! We have wildly different worldviews. And I want to stay here. I want to grow up, go to college maybe. I’m not ready to run off, to leave Aedan, my friends. You just do what you want to do, and I’ll take care of me.” My last statement rang in the air with a tone of finality. I wanted to grab the words and stuff them back down my throat.

  Sebastian leaned in close. I thought he was going to say something, but instead he just breathed in slowly, his nose an inch from my neck.

  “Oh my god, are you seriously smelling me right now? Will you stop smelling me for one second and listen to what I’m saying?”

  “You’re cute,” he said, “but I’m not leaving here without you.”

  My pulse was racing and I could feel Sebastian’s body behind me, pressing me towards the window. I leaned out and put my palm against the cold glass. My ragged breath obscured the view with steam.

  “Even if you never change,” Sebastian whispered, “I’ll stay with you. Money is no object. You want to go to college—you’ll go to the best in the world. You want to travel? Done. There are no limitations when you’re with me; I can give you things no one else can. But you also don’t need to hide with me, or pretend to be something you’re not.”

  My body responded to his touch. I wanted to bury myself in his arms and never let go. But I couldn’t get Ethan’s warning out of my head. Was this really me, wanting him, or was I succumbing to Sebastian’s merrow charms? I turned to face him and put my hands against his chest.

  “Ethan says merrow men have, power over human women, that we find them irresistible.” At first his face darkened when I mentioned Ethan, but then his lips curved up in a thin smile.

  “Do you find me irresistible?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I took a step back and looked him over. The afternoon light flooded into the apartment, spotlighting his muscular frame. His sweatpants were riding low on his hips. His ash blond hair was standing up in spiky tufts, and his skin was still a little bit sparkly from the salt water. Just looking at him made my skin feel like it was on fire.

  “How do I know that my feelings for you are real, or yours for me? I’ve seen the way other girls react to you. Is that what I seem like to you?”

  He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s true. Merrow guys come on shore, and they can have anyone they want, because women go weak-kneed in their presence. But that disgusts me. It just feels, wrong. With you… it’s different.”

  “I’m immune to your charms?”

  “Do you want to sleep with me?” he asked, then he smiled. “See, just now, you panicked. Your face froze like a deer in headlights. If I’d asked that to most women, they wouldn’t have hesitated. In fact they often ask me that question minutes after we’ve been introduced. Even if they’re in a relationship, or married. It’s awkward.”

  “Do you…” I gulped, “want to sleep with me?”

  His eyes raked over my body, and I felt them hungrily taking me in. It made my skin tingle. But then there was something else—he glanced to the right, to the ocean. I felt both relieved and annoyed by his hesitation.

  He saw my look and wrapped his arms around me.

  “Yes,” he breathed. “Absolutely.”

  “You want to. But you can’t.”

  “Given the circumstances, and the present danger, it might be better to wait.” I still felt like I was missing something, that there was something he still wasn’t telling me.

  “But, as long as you’re on land, you’re in danger, right? Humans hunt merrow.”

  “It’s not the humans I’m afraid of. If my father knew I was here… I would be punished, and you would be dead.”

  Right, the whole it’s illegal to sleep with humans thing.

  “But don’t you miss your family? Your friends?” I pushed.

  “I can visit them again. Someday.”

  Ah. I got it now. He was ashamed of me. If I couldn’t turn, and he stayed with me, he’d be embarrassed of what his friends and family would say. The sun was setting and the shadows started creeping across the apartment, growing longer and longer until they were stretching across the floor and Sebastian’s face was hidden. I was certain he was keeping something from me. Maybe he had a merrow girlfriend already? Or a wife? But I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I was exhausted from our excursion, and frustrated by my failure to transform.

  “Well then, since there’s nothing else we can do tonight,” I said, “I’m going home.”

  27

  I didn’t hear Mrs. Tierney call my name until she was practically shouting it. I’d drifted through my first few classes in a daze.

  “There you are Clara, welcome back,” she teased when I finally looked up. “I was just telling everyone, the Christmas pageant is next month. We’ll do Christmas carols. I’d like you to sing Oh come, all ye joyful.”

  I shrugged. Kid’s play. I could sing anything she gave me tonight with zero practice. Singing usually cheered me up, but I couldn’t shake the emptiness I’d been feeling recently. I was frustrated with Sebastian—I couldn’t tell if we were together, or not. I didn’t know if
he really liked me or if I was some kind of land fling before he returned to his responsibilities. And then I felt guilty for obsessing about boys when someone was out there killing teenage girls. But even that seemed insignificant in the face of a potential merrow apocalypse. Listening to teachers drone on about mundane topics all I could think was, none of this matters. And I still hadn’t figured out who’d attacked me, or what it had to do with my mother, and how it was all connected.

  I glanced over at Roisin, but she was just discussing her own part with Brianna. Her dark curls bounced as she talked. She’d been ignoring me since the bathroom incident. Maybe I scared her off and she’d decided to leave me alone.

  We had lasagna for lunch and I got a bottle of Cherry Coke as a treat. I needed the caffeine to get me through the rest of the day. Jackie and Patricia were laughing about something that had happened in a class I wasn’t in. Derry and Kyle argued about last night’s soccer match—football as they called it here. Sebastian didn’t always come to lunch, but that didn’t stop me from scanning the cafeteria every few minutes, wondering where he was.

  Instead I found Ethan. Sitting alone like usual. Looking at me expectantly. I felt a chill, wondering if he was still carrying the dagger around. The one he threatened to kill Sebastian with. And now he was waiting for us to deliver another merrow—even though I had no idea who he was or where to find him. And if I didn’t, Ethan would follow through on his original plan. Suddenly I was glad Sebastian hadn’t shown up at lunch. I wasn’t sure how much patience or self-control Ethan had. It was probably best if they avoided each other for now.

  It wasn’t until after school I realized that I’d forgotten to ask Jackie and the others to help out with the Boyle’s house. Aedan said it was mostly finished, there was just one side and some trim left to do. I decided to see if I could handle it myself. I didn’t feel like being around people, and the work might get my mind off things.

  Aedan said he’d left paint and some brushes on the front porch, but I couldn’t find them. The ladder was gone, too. I made my way around the back, and saw Sebastian up on the ladder, applying paint like a jet-printer. His hands made long, neat strokes against the wall faster than my eyes could follow.

  “You’re just in time to buy me a cup of coffee,” he said when he saw me.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I said, crossing my arms.

  “Thought it’d be faster if I did it. I’m just finishing up.”

  I was still mad at Sebastian, though I wasn’t exactly sure why. I felt like he was trying to hide me, like he was embarrassed to be with me. But what did I expect? His people would kill him if we took things too far. And I wasn’t sure I was ready for that anyway. After all, I’d only know him a few weeks. I just hated feeling like we didn’t have a choice, like the decision was being made for us. But it was sweet of him to remember about the house, even though I’d forgotten.

  I helped Sebastian clean the brushes and put away the tools, then we grabbed coffee from a convenience store and started walking back towards my place.

  “I think it’s time we talk with Aedan,” Sebastian said suddenly. “If he was married to Phyllis, there’s a good chance he knew what she was.”

  “What do we say? Did you know you married a mermaid?”

  “We don’t have to be that blunt about it. But it would be completely normal to ask him how he met her. She is your grandmother after all.”

  It sounded so simple when he said it. Why hadn’t I asked him already? It’s not like I wasn’t curious. It just never seemed like the right time. Secretly, I was worried about the stories I’d read, about fisherman forcing merrow women to marry them by stealing their swimming caps. What if my grandmother had been forced against her will? What if she’d never even wanted children?

  I shared my concerns with Sebastian. “Those stories aren’t really, literally true. A lot of women merrow do wear a cap, for their hair. They can swim faster and their hair won’t get tangled in things. It can even be a kind of a fashion piece, a sign of nobility or individuality. But hiding one wouldn’t keep a merrow from leaving. The truth is, many of them probably just got bored and left; or after the new laws were passed, they stayed because they had no home to return to. What’s more likely,” Sebastian said, “is that merrow were giving human women mercaps to come visit them in the ocean for illicit trysts. Any man who wanted a woman to settle down and be his wife would have to find the caps and hide them.”

  “So you don’t think Aedan forced my grandmother to marry him?”

  Sebastian smiled. “Merrow women are beautiful, strong creatures. Nobody forces them to do anything.”

  I still wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the truth, but Sebastian was right, I needed to know more about Phyllis if I was going to understand my role in all this.

  “What if he doesn’t want to talk to us about her?” I asked.

  “There are ways to get him to talk,” Sebastian said.

  I gave him an incredulous look and he shrugged his shoulders.

  “Merrow blood relaxes humans. It makes them more open. Less suspicious.”

  “You want to drug him?”

  “If it helps, merrow blood would help that broken bone heal faster.”

  I bit my lip. Secretly spiking Aedan’s tea with merrow blood seemed extreme.

  “Look, he seems like a nice old gentleman,” Sebastian said, “but the truth is you just met him. Your mom ran away from home, and your grandmother disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Let’s just say there could be secrets he doesn’t want brought up, and it would be better if he were in a good mood before we start asking questions.”

  I didn’t like being suspicious of Aedan. But I also hated seeing him hobble around the house. His mood had been so dark recently the whole house felt depressing. And if the merrow blood really did make him feel better…

  We stopped by the grocery store and picked up a few things for dinner. Aedan was napping on the couch when we came in, and Miscreant was using his cast as a scratching post. When he woke up he kicked at the cat and it scampered out of the room.

  “Tea?” I called from the kitchen. Sebastian came in to help me put away the groceries. When the kettle was hot, I poured water into the cups and added teabags. Then I took a pin from the bulletin board near the phone and pricked Sebastian’s finger, letting one drop of blood fall into the cup. I watched until the redness disappeared into the dark tea, then added some sugar and stirred it in.

  Sebastian stayed in the kitchen, chopping up meat and vegetables for a lamb stew, as I brought the steaming cup to Aedan.

  I watched him take a sip, afraid he’d be able to taste the blood, but he didn’t comment. Instead he nodded towards the kitchen.

  “You and Sebastian seem to be getting along.”

  “Yeah, he’s… he’s great.”

  “Just, you know, be safe,” Aedan said.

  Oh my god. Was he trying to have the birds and bees discussion with me?

  “I mean, you’ve only been in Ireland for a few weeks. You haven’t known him that long. Don’t rush into anything.”

  “I’ll be careful,” I smiled, my skin turning warm.

  Sebastian brought the food to the table and I helped Aedan to his chair before sitting next to him. The house smelled like turmeric and garlic. The soup was a little spicy, so I took a slice of bread and added a big chunk of fresh butter to it.

  “I picked this up at the store,” Sebastian said, holding up a bottle of wine so we could read the label. Aedan peered at it and whistled.

  “Isn’t that the bottle Mrs. Dowey keeps up behind the counter in a case of glass? She’s had that thing for twenty years, hoping some rich tourist would buy it. What’s the occasion?”

  “Must there be one?” Sebastian said, filling Aedan’s glass. “‘Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music played out of doors by somebody I do not know,’”

  “A Keats fan, eh?”

  “Who isn’t?”

&nbs
p; “I think I like this kid,” Aedan said to me.

  “Me too,” I mouthed back at him, in a mock whisper.

  Aedan laughed and I noticed he was wearing a relaxed smile. I glanced at Sebastian and he nodded.

  I was just about to ask him about my grandmother, when he swirled his tea and said, “You know, it’s been a long time since I’ve tasted merrow blood.” There was a twinkle in his eye as I gaped at him.

  For a second I panicked. What if he was Tuatha Dé? Or someone else who drank merrow blood for power? What if he attacked Sebastian? But he just smiled and leaned back in his chair.

  “You’ve tasted merrow blood before?” I asked cautiously. “My mother’s—or Phyllis’s?”

  “It’s quite a remarkable thing, you know. And not very subtle. Besides the boost in energy, the physical healing and stamina, the mood… it also heightens your sensory perception. Brighter lights, more vivid colors. Phyllis would often make me a cup of tea after work. Once a week or so at least. Kept me strong and fit.”

  “I’m so sorry we tried to sneak it to you,” I said. “I was just worried about you. And I wanted you to heal quickly.”

  “I’m glad you did it love, it’s about time we talked about things as adults. Your mother went through some changes too, right before she left. But after what happened with her… I didn’t want to make the same mistakes.”

  “What mistakes?” I asked.

  Aedan sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Imagine telling a teenage girl that she’s a mermaid.” He smiled, but there was pain in his eyes. “Then again, imagine not telling her and letting her find out on her own. Which is the better choice? The last time didn’t work out so well, I thought I’d try doing it differently. Plus, I didn’t know for sure. I suspected, when you brought this one home to your party,” he said, nodding towards Sebastian. “Knew he was a merrow right away. But I couldn’t tell with you.”

  “Wait—you told my mother she was a mermaid?”

  “Aye, that I did. Let’s just say, she didn’t take it well.”

  I opened my mouth to ask another question but he held a hand up. “I think it’s best if I start from the beginning. You’ll be wanting to know how I met your grandmother.”