Kale, My Ex, and Other Things to Toss in a Blender

by Lisa Greenwald

  “Ready to Katie it up?” Mia asked after she put the milk in her coffee. We had a whole plan, to really try to have a long heart-to-heart with Seth so that we could set up a time to meet him as soon as possible.

  “Y-yup.” I stammered a little bit.

  Even though I really wanted to, I couldn’t tell Mia about Emmett. She was my best friend; we didn’t have secrets. But this—it felt different.

  Maybe it was because she was still getting over the breakup and I didn’t want to rub it in her face. Maybe it was because once I told someone about it—once I told Mia about it—it would become real. What if that jinxed it?

  We were signed into Messenger as Katie on my phone. We let it sit there on the table as Mia ate her fruit cup and I sipped a vanilla shake.

  “He wrote to us first!” Mia yelped, and pointed at the screen. “That was the goal!”

  Seth: Yo.

  That two-letter word felt so significant. Yeah, it was only two letters, but it was huge.

  I started to get the feeling that we were succeeding, that we were getting to the core of Seth Manzell. He was writing to us first, and it had been a few days since we’d had any contact.

  Definite signs of progress.

  “What should I write back?” Mia asked.

  I thought about that for a second as I spooned out a lump of vanilla ice cream. We couldn’t seem too overeager, like we were waiting for him. This was a game, and we were going to win.

  We had to win.

  “Just write back hey,” I told her.

  So she did. And then it felt like seven hundred years went by while we waited.

  “I have to tell you something,” Mia said really fast, running all her words together.

  My heart pounded. “What?”

  “I talked to Dennis on the phone,” she said. “The other night.”

  “Wait.” I stared at her across the booth. “My cousin Dennis?”

  “He’s your stepcousin, though, right?” Mia asked, completely seriously.

  “Was he scared about a breakin again?” I laughed.

  “No, he wasn’t scared about a breakin.” She rolled her eyes. “He called me and we talked for, like, an hour, and I don’t know. It was fun.”

  I waited for her to get to the point.

  “This is so itchy now.” She picked at some sunburn on her arm. She wasn’t looking at me. She kept picking and picking and picking. Little specks of skin were landing on the table.

  “Ew, Mia, stop.” I tapped her hand. “So what did you and Dennis talk about?”

  “I don’t know. I mean, it was nothing. I pretty much just whined to him about Seth.” She shrugged. “I need to pee.”

  While she was in the bathroom, Seth typed.

  Seth: I’ve been thinking about you.

  I leaned back in the booth and pulled my hair up into a bun. I had no idea what the deal was with the Dennis call, but it didn’t really matter. We were Katieing it up to the fullest extent possible.

  When Mia came back, I pointed to the screen. “Look at this.”

  “Oh my God,” she said. “What? Oh my God.”

  “I know.”

  Mia grabbed the phone and typed.

  Katie: Yeah?

  We went back and forth like this for a while, taking turns typing.

  Seth: Yeah

  Katie: I’m really not that interesting…

  Seth: I think you are. You’re, I dunno, mysterious.

  “MYSTERIOUS?” we both yelped at the same time. And a bunch of booths around us turned to look and see what was happening.

  We put our heads down.

  I looked at Mia and got this eerie feeling—like little by little things were changing. Seth was still the boy who broke Mia’s heart, but he was more than that now—he was our little experiment, our hobby, our revenge.

  When she thought about him, what was the first thing that came into her mind? The breakup? Their memories together? Or Katie?

  Katie: Honestly, I’m kind of boring, but thanks.

  Seth: Are you still all worked up over that dude?

  Katie: What dude?

  “Genius, Justine! Act all aloof like we don’t remember every single aspect of our conversations.”

  “Right? Right!” I was fired up. I took off my hoodie.

  Seth: The one that you wanted to hook up with, or something, but he thought it was serious? Did I dream this?

  I heard my phone’s jingly text message sound coming from my bag, but I ignored it.

  Katie: Oh yeah, whatever. I’m over him. Also, he’s a counselor at sleepaway camp, so I decided it wasn’t even worth dwelling on it.

  Seth: Gotcha.

  “That period makes it seem like the conversation is over, doesn’t it?” Mia asked me, biting her thumbnail. “It looks kind of final.”

  “Don’t read too much into it,” I said. “Let’s just sit tight a second.”

  My phone jingled again. Emmett? But I was determined not to let anything get in the way of this moment. It felt like things were shifting with Seth. Every day we were a little closer to him falling in love with Katie.

  We stared at the screen but nothing was happening. He wasn’t writing back.

  We had to do something. We couldn’t let that gotcha hang in the air like that, but we also couldn’t make it look like we cared, like we were trying so hard to keep this conversation going. It seemed like so much of life was trying really hard to make it look like you weren’t trying at all.

  Finally, I typed:

  Katie: What about you?

  Mia glared at me. “What about you?” she screeched. “What does that even mean?”

  “I’m asking him about his love life, but in a super-chill, nonchalant kind of way.”

  “It’s also kind of confusing. I don’t think he’s going to get that.” Mia looked around the diner like she was worried someone was overhearing this.

  “Calm down, Mia,” I said. “He’ll figure it out.”

  Seth: Me?

  We jumped up.

  “Okay, we have an opportunity to explain,” I said. “Let’s keep it light. Be funny. Ya know?”

  Mia nodded. “Be funny? I don’t know how to be funny!”

  I slapped her arm. “Yes, you do! Come on!”

  She twitched her fingers a little bit as she was thinking.

  Katie: Yeah, you. What’s the latest on your love life? (I sound like an old lady, don’t I?)

  “We need to work harder on not sounding like ourselves,” I said. “Seth knows you talk like you’re ninety-five. We can’t say stuff like that.”

  “Oh, shit.” She looked at me. “You’re right.”

  He wasn’t responding. We didn’t even see the three dots to show he was typing or anything.

  He knew it was us. Oh my God. Seth knew it was us.

  Seth: Actually, can I ask you something? Ya know, from a girl’s perspective?

  We exhaled, relieved. But then I started to wonder—what if he was trying to trick us now? Like he had reversed the game and he was just playing along only to throw the whole thing in our faces when it was over.

  Katie: Sure

  Seth: It feels like girls are always playing games, like never really just saying how they feel…why is that? Like, they’ll be friendly one day, and then ignore you. It’s so hard to figure you people out. I don’t get it.

  MIA

  I wanted to run over to Seth’s house right that very minute. I’d tackle him on his bed and kiss him forever and never let him go.

  “Would you girls like anything else?” the waitress asked us, and we shook our heads.

  “We’re good, thanks.” I smiled at her.

  “Oh my God. He is such a girl.” Justine rolled her eyes at the screen.

  “What?” I ignored her comment. Thinking about stuff didn’t make him a girl.

  She pointed at the screen. It’s so hard to figure you people out. I don’t get it. “He is a literal girl right now.”

  “Stop being so r
ude.” My cheeks were hot and all I could think about was kissing Seth. “Why is he a girl? Because he cares? That’s such a stereotype. And don’t we want guys to care more?”

  She shrugged. “Fine, you’re right. Never mind all that—he is fully into this. Like one hundred percent. You see that, right?”

  “Yeah, and we need to respond,” I said.

  She grabbed the phone and started typing.

  Katie: I don’t know. I guess because guys can be such dicks sometimes. So we can’t say how we really feel.

  “Nice, Justine.” I rolled my eyes, even though I mostly agreed with her.

  “It’s true,” she defended herself.

  Seth: Not all guys are dicks

  Katie: Well, I don’t know all guys…

  Seth: True. I gotta run. My buddy just came by. Sandwich making next week?

  Katie: You know it.

  Seth: K, we can debate this more as we assemble the bologna…haha. Bologna.

  Katie: Ha! Bye.

  Seth: Later

  “We owned that one,” Justine said. “Do you see how much progress we’re making?”

  I nodded, replaying the conversation again and again in my head. “I still love him, though.” I pushed my head back against the booth cushion.

  “Mia!” Justine yelled. “Come on! He’s so shady.” She closed her eyes, exasperated, and stayed silent for a minute. “It’s okay. We’ll make it through. One day at a time.”

  The more we Katied it up, the more I wished I was Katie. Or Katie was me.

  And that Seth was Seth.

  This Seth. Online Seth. The one who opened up, and talked about stuff, and cared.

  I wished it all could have been true.

  JUSTINE

  “We need to tell Seth we’re not coming to the event today,” I said, lining up the smoothie cups on the counter. We hadn’t Katied it up since the diner last Friday, but maybe that was okay. A weekend break, an absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder kind of thing. “Like Katie’s sick, or her grandma’s in town or something?”

  “Totally,” Mia said as she worked on the smoothie sign. It was a little silly that it’d taken us so long to make a sign. But we were busy being Katie, and making smoothies, and talking to customers, so I guess we didn’t have time for aesthetics.

  Mia’s handwriting was the prettiest I’d ever seen. All her letters were the same size and they went in the same direction and the whole thing just looked perfect. Forget the ingredients or the names, her handwriting alone could sell smoothies.

  “How does this look?”

  “Amazing,” I said. “Also, your arms are like super thin now. Do you know that?”

  She looked at me crooked. “Huh? No way.”

  “Yes, they are!”

  “I still have this little fat roll here.” She showed me that little bit of chub between her armpit and her shoulder.

  “Everyone has that, Mia.” I shook my head. “Can’t you just take a compliment?”

  “Fine. Thanks.” She shrugged.

  “So what should Katie’s excuse be?” I asked, wondering if I should start drinking smoothies more often too.

  “Ummmm.” She capped the marker and looked at me. “Grandma. People like to hear about other people’s grandmas.”

  “They do?” I laughed.

  “Totally,” she said. “It’s, like, a thing. Grandmas are funny. And they tell good stories, and most people can relate to having a grandma come visit.”

  “Okay.” I reached into my pocket for my phone and saw that I had some texts.

  Emmett: How’s the smoothie bizzzzz? Come visit.

  Emmett: Should I get a burrito for lunch? Bean or chicken?

  Justine: Hi, bizz is good. Def get a chicken burrito, not even a question. I’ll text u later.

  “Who are you texting?” Mia asked as she stood back and admired her sign.

  “Dennis wanted to know if any of our online followers had shown up, something about a ten percent discount if they tag us in a post with their snow cone….” It was all I could think of on the spot.

  “Oh, he could’ve texted me,” Mia said, scratching her head.

  “Yeah, true. Whatever.” I read over the Emmett texts again and turned away so I could smile without Mia seeing me. “No big deal.”

  I opened up Messenger and started typing to Seth.

  Katie: I’m not gonna make it to the event today. My grandma just showed up from Boca, surprising us. So strange. Sorry!

  Seth: DUDE. You are such a flake with this. I’m gonna tell your colleges you didn’t actually do the work.

  Katie: You wouldn’t dare…

  Seth: True. I’m too lazy for that. But how do I even know you’re a real person? Are you like some computer-generated robot my parents bought to spy on me? Why did you even join this group?

  Mia sat so close to me I could feel her strawberry breath on my bare shoulder. “Ummmm,” she said. “I think he’s onto us. For real this time. This is freaky.”

  “Nah, it’s okay,” I said, trying to be reassuring while my stomach churned.

  Seth: Can I call you? So I know you’re a real girl

  “Oh my God!” Mia shrieked. “What are we going to say? He can’t call us. He’ll recognize our voices. And our phone numbers. What can we do? We need someone to voice Katie.”

  I shook my foot. “Um. Okay. Let me think.”

  “Quick!” Mia said.

  “He won’t recognize my voice,” I said. “Will he? I can block my phone number and call him, and if he asks why I’ll say my dad’s a doctor and he needs to have an unlisted number.”

  “You’d be calling from a landline?” Mia explained. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “Shit.” I stared at the phone. “Why didn’t we think of this?”

  “I don’t know!” Mia stood up and looked out the truck window to make sure no one was nearby, listening.

  Katie: Okay, that’s valid. But we’re going out for lunch with my grandma now. How about I call you when we get back? Okay? Give me your number.

  Seth: Whatever, flake. 203-555-7883

  Seth: Have fun at lunch.

  Katie: Thanks.

  “Okay, that bought us some time,” Mia said as we waited for customers. “And I have an idea.”

  “You do?” I asked, relieved.

  She nodded. “Ya know how they have those phones to try out at the Apple store? We can call from those. They’re just random numbers. Also, you can disguise your voice.”

  “What? No, I can’t,” I said. “And what if he wants to call us back?”

  “I thought about that.” Mia leaned on her hand. “Katie’ll say she lost her phone….That will buy us more time until we meet him.”

  The way she talked, it almost didn’t even seem like she was talking about the same Seth, her Seth.

  Either she had changed, or he had changed, or both of them had changed.

  Or maybe it was like there were two Seths—the one Mia still loved and obsessed over, and the one who was falling in love with Katie.

  Mia had them separate in her mind.

  Maybe that was a good thing.

  MIA

  Katie: Okay, so I’m gonna call you later, but I’m sitting here at lunch with my fam, and they’re talking about stock prices or something, snooze…and I just realized that I always tell you about me, but you never tell me about you. What’s your deal? You have a girlfriend? Does she know you talk to me?

  Seth: Uhhh, that’s a little forward.

  “Hiiiii!” Lindsay Bellson chirped, leaning on the truck counter, interrupting the Katie-and-Seth chat. “I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to find you guys.”

  “It has?” I asked, shoving my phone in my shorts pocket. “Justine’s stepcousin is supposed to be posting about the snow cones all the time.”

  Lindsay shrugged. “I’m taking a social media break for the summer. Too stressful. Anyway, we’re here for smoothies. Tell me what to get.”

  A second later
, the rest of Lindsay’s crew traipsed up to the truck. I called them the Skinnies, but they didn’t know that.

  Laurel Peck, Caitlin O’Leary, Anjali Mehta. We were all friends in elementary school, then sort of friends in middle school, and now…I wasn’t even sure what to call us. People who sometimes said hi to each other, when we felt like it, probably.

  “You guys, this is so amazing!” Anjali squealed. “This is, like, huge. Food trucks? Hello! You’re so trendy.”

  Justine rolled her eyes. “Right. That’s us.”

  “Which smoothie is going to make Mike Kim fall in love with me?” Caitlin asked. “Aren’t these smoothies, like, magical? They predict the future or something…do you know what I’m talking about?”

  “Don’t, like, sue us or anything if your deepest wishes fail to come true after you drink the smoothie,” Justine warned. “We’re not guaranteeing anything. Got it?”

  “Uh, okay, Justine,” Anjali said, taking a picture of herself in front of the truck. “We’re not gonna sue.”

  I got a nervous feeling, like Uncle Rick could see some of these posts, of people with smoothies, and then what? Did he go on Instagram? No, I didn’t think so….It felt like there were so many things we hadn’t thought of and they were all going to come crashing down on us.

  I showed the Skinnies the sign so they could pick flavors. “Who told you the smoothies were magical, anyway?”

  “We heard it,” Laurel said. “I forget where….” She curved her finger to get me to come closer and she whispered, “What’s up with you and Seth?”

  My throat went lumpy. “Nothing.”

  “You’re still, like, broken up or whatever?” Laurel cocked her head, trying to seem sympathetic.

  I nodded.

  “He’s not hooking up with Adia anymore, by the way,” she said softly. “She’s hooking up with Kai Phillipe now. Little sloot.”

  Did she really think making up a new version of the word made it sound nicer?

  “Whatever. I’m kind of over it,” I medium-lied. “Anyway, I recommend the Lucky Lemon. It’s a bit sour, but it kind of wakes you up…lemon sorbet, raspberries, pomegranate seeds…”

  “Will it bring me luck? Like for real?” Laurel asked. “I want a boyfriend for senior year. But not any boyfriend. Ya know? Someone good.”