by Lucy Gage
“That's just details, Em. The kind of thing you work around. If you love him, you love all of him.”
“I do. Love all of him. Even that part. I'm just afraid loving him isn't enough.”
“Isn't that something Old Emily would have said?”
“I guess...”
“No, Em. It is. Mom had you so convinced that epic love can't be real, you stopped believing in it. Until you met Rob. Right?”
She sighed. “Right.”
“Then if you really want to make this work, try to remember that you believed in fairy tale endings once. If you don't try, you'll never get yours. Just let it be what it is. You did that the last two weeks, right? And it worked. So stick with it. Just because the venue changes, doesn't mean the show isn't mostly the same.”
“Thanks, Charlie. You always make me feel better. Why did I tell Annie all my secrets?”
“Beats me. She told me anyway. I guess you eliminated the middle man, huh?”
Emily laughed. “I guess so. Love you, Charlie Brown.”
“Love you, Emma Bean. And congratulations.”
The easy calls were out of the way. Emily debated the call to her parents. Probably best to wait until later. The way her conversations had gone with her mother lately, she wouldn't want to be having this one at work.
Then there was Josh. She needed to call him. Even if he wasn't her boyfriend, he was her roommate at home, and that needed to change.
The conversation with her mother went as Emily expected: disappointment thinly masked as pride. Gail had always thought Emily's career choice was just a way to pass the time until she got married and had babies. Between the promotion, the end of her relationship with Josh and the start of the one with Rob, her mother's dreams of a white wedding and a baby carriage in the near future went down in flames.
Talk of L.A. prompted another argument about the validity of her relationship with Rob.
“Emily, love at first sight only exists in romance novels. You know it isn't real.”
“It wasn't love at first sight for me, Mom. I'm not infatuated with him because he's some hot movie star. I'm in love with him because he's kind and caring and generous. And he makes me feel passion. I never felt passion with Josh. Or anyone else.”
“Don't confuse sex with love, Emily. That never ends well.”
“I'm not confusing anything! You're never going to believe I didn't sleep with him that first night, are you?”
“It doesn't matter. You are now, aren't you?”
“It does matter! Because I made a conscious decision not to sleep with him, Mom. Out of respect for Josh, I waited. And Rob understood my need to wait, no matter what the reason was. If it was just about sex, we'd have walked out of the hotel bar and immediately gone upstairs.”
“You think because he wined you and dined you that it makes things less about sex?”
“No! I think because we took the time to know each other first, it's about something more than that. Because the kind of passion we feel for each other wouldn't have waited if it was just about the sex.”
“You'll see. Romance that begins in a bar is never a relationship built on solid ground. You're deluding yourself. You'll figure that out soon enough. I just hope he doesn't break your heart.”
“Thanks, Mom. Your support is appreciated. Really. And we didn't meet in the bar, but whatever I say, you've got a response to counter it, so what does it matter? Look, just plan to reach me by cell for a while. I'm at Rob's house in Minnesota this week and then we fly to California for a couple of weeks. I'll be home briefly after that before I head to Sundance. And then I'm in New York City for a couple of MoMA events. I won't be home much until sometime in February. I'm calling Josh to let him know that I want to move my stuff into storage until I can find an apartment on my own.”
“That's just silly, Emily. Surely, you can just leave your things at the apartment. Where will you stay when you're home?”
“I'll stay in Gray with my friend from work until I find an apartment in town.”
“Emily, it just makes more sense to keep your things at your apartment.”
“It's not my apartment anymore! It's Josh's apartment. It was always his apartment. I just lived there and slept in his bed, Mom. And I'm not sleeping in his bed ever again, so there's no point in living there, even for the short term.”
“I just think you should keep your options open, Emily.”
“No! Josh is not an option for me! Don't you get that? It doesn't matter what happens with Rob, Mom. I don't want Josh. I don't love him. I was never in love with him. I should have ended it before we moved in together. I told you that then, but you insisted I should just give it a shot outside college. Well, I did and it wasn't any better. In fact, it got worse. Now I'm giving this thing between Rob and me a shot, whether you like it or not. Regardless of the outcome, I'm not going back to Josh. Ever. Continuing to live with him in any capacity is just plain wrong.”
“Suit yourself. I think you're going to regret this. All of it.”
“Well, only I have to live with that regret.”
“If only that were true. You're dating a man with a very public life, Emily. What you do affects all of us now.”
“Don't worry, Mom, I'll do my best to avoid shaming you. Goodbye.” Apparently, civil conversations with her mother were in the past and hang ups were the norm now.
Anja had shopped for them again, so Rob was making dinner. He had cleaned off the grill on the deck and was making steak. Em decided that she would wait to call Josh until they ate when she saw Rob head out to take the steak off the grill. She had no idea how long her conversation with Josh would take – it could be minutes, it could be an hour.
Emily went into the kitchen and started setting the table to distract herself. She was so lost in thought about the conversation with her mother that she didn't notice when Rob walked in the room.
“Em? You okay?”
She startled. “Oh. Yeah. I'm fine. Or I will be. I can't even talk to her anymore. She can't be happy for me about anything.”
“Your parents weren't happy about the promotion?” Rob asked, sounding surprised. His parents supported everything he did.
Em sighed as he set the steak on the table and they sat down to eat. “No, Daddy was excited for me. My mother has never thought this was a real career.”
Rob huffed, “I guess I'm lucky my parents never said that about my career. I mean, my dad would have preferred I use my degree, but he's lived with an artist long enough that he knows better than to stifle creative pursuits.”
Em looked at him sideways, “I never really thought about acting as creative. What do you like about it?”
“You know how when you read a book, you imagine the characters? How they sound and what they do, how they look?” She nodded. That was how she read, too. “Well, I get to actually be that character. It's...fun. I read the script, and maybe the story if it's an adaptation, and the director tells me their vision, then I get to put my spin on it.”
“So why do you hate to watch yourself?”
“Because it's easy to be the character and it's a lot harder to see yourself doing it. For me, anyway. Remember, I got into this because I liked the work, not because I wanted to be a performer. I never did standup for my family or put on plays for my friends as a kid. I just ran around my neighborhood pretending I was Wolverine, GI Joe or Luke Skywalker having adventures. Acting is grown-up make- believe, a new story to imagine on every set. Letting the outside world watch me do it is the hardest part for me.”
“Thanks for sharing it with me.” She touched his hand.
“I'd ask you to let me read some of your writing, but I guess now I can pick up Art Wurks and see it whether you want me to or not.”
Emily looked at him shyly. “I write poetry. I'd be willing to show you that.”
“You do?” She nodded. “And you'd let me read it?”
“I don't have it with me right now, but when I go back I'll put my jour
nal in my suitcase and show you then. It probably won't be until we're at Sundance.”
Rob leaned close and kissed her sweetly. “I'll look forward to it. When was the last time you wrote any?”
“Oh, before grad school. Before I met Josh.”
“You never wrote any poetry about him?” Em shook her head. “Wow.”
“Considering how much I wrote before that, I guess it should have told me something. I thought I stopped writing because I didn't have time, but it was probably more because I wasn't inspired.”
“Have you written any about me?”
“Not yet. But I've been a little busy the last couple weeks. I'm sure when I have to be apart from you more I will.”
Em was quiet for a minute. “What's on your mind? Did I push too far asking to read your writing?”
“No. No. I just...I have to call Josh.”
“Oh.”
“Don't worry. I'm not running back to him. But he's still technically my roommate at home. We shared an apartment and all my stuff is still there. I thought I'd be back in a week and we'd deal with it all then. But I'll be mostly gone until at least sometime in early February. I owe it to him to make sure he knows what's happening with me. I'm planning to move all my stuff to storage until I find my own place. That's one of the things I was arguing about with my mother.”
“Why do you keep saying you owe him? How do you owe him anything?”
“I don't know. I guess because we were together for five years? I was never in love with him. I know that now. But that doesn't mean I didn't love him or care for him, Rob.”
He nodded. “When are you going to call?”
“Right after dinner, before it gets too late there. I'm hoping it will be a quick call.”
“Can we talk about something else? I'm not usually very jealous, but I hate the idea of you talking to him at all. I feel like he didn't deserve you and you don't owe him anything. But it's not up to me to decide those things.”
She reached over and touched his cheek. “Why don't you tell me about your house in L.A.?” They discussed his house on the beach in Malibu for the rest of dinner and Rob offered to clean up dishes so that she could call Josh before it got late.
Before she had a chance to dial the apartment, Itsy Bitsy Spider rang on her phone. Yet another argument about Josh ensued with Annie. Em hung up without saying goodbye, tired of her sister's antics. Where did she get off?
It pissed her off enough that she was in no mood to be nice to Josh. She dialed the apartment and he answered on the second ring. It was a brief conversation and one that had her defending herself and her choices, which made her a little angry. Though he had been genuinely happy for her about the promotion, he had been an ass about Rob.
Em felt guilty for causing such upheaval in Josh's life, but there was no point in sugarcoating it. The sooner he got over it, the better off they would both be. There was no going back. She didn't want that and someday, he'd realize he didn't either.
She sat there for a few minutes before Rob came into the room. “You okay?” he asked.
Emily nodded. “I'm just tired of all their crap.”
He sat down next to her, pulled her onto his lap and put his forehead to hers. “I'm sorry I've made such a mess of your life.”
“Don't say that. You haven't done anything wrong. I could be single and my mother and Annie and Josh would still act the same way. You're just their target because you exist. It's nothing personal. It might feel that way, but I honestly think that the three of them would only be content if I'd happily accepted a proposal from Josh on Christmas.”
“Do you think he was going to propose?”
“My mother indicated that, yes. I'd have said no. Or if I didn't have the guts to let him down in front of people, I'd have broken it off before I went through with it. Charlie said she'd have told me not to marry him. She's the only one who has been supportive in all this. Well, and my dad. But he's just that kind of guy. He rolls with it.”
“I think I like Charlie best.” He hugged her tightly.
Em laughed. “She'll be thrilled. She's a huge fan.”
Rob blushed. “Really?”
“Serious fangirl. She's totally jealous that I get to see you naked. Among other things.” Emily wiggled her eyebrows.
Rob laughed. “You don't plan to share me, do you?”
“Never. You might not be the jealous type, but I am.”
“So, threesomes are out?” Emily's jaw dropped. “Kidding! Only kidding. I might not be very jealous, but I don't like to share my woman, either. I want you all to myself.”
She kissed him. “Good. I'm glad we're on the same page there. Can I go over my itinerary with you so we can figure out what kind of time we'll have together after this week?”
“Finding out that schedules are an Emily thing?” he asked with a half-smile.
“Yes. Rigidity isn't, but having a guideline is. It's going to be interesting learning what's really me and what isn't. I hope you'll still like me.” Em cast her eyes down.
Rob tipped her chin so she'd look at him. “I liked you just fine when I met you and I love you now. It isn't conditional.”
He kissed her, his lips soft and gentle like that very first kiss. It instantly reminded Em how much better her life had been since he bumped into her outside that toy store. And how much she always wanted him. She deepened the kiss.
“Take me to bed,” she breathed.
“What about your itinerary?”
“It can wait. This can't.”
Rob smiled. “This what you meant by ignoring rigidity?”
She grabbed him. “No. Definitely not ignoring rigidity. Just trying to go with the flow a little more.”
He groaned, scooped her into his arms and took her to bed. Em forgot all about the arguments from earlier.
Minneapolis, Minnesota, three days after New Year's...
Emily and Rob cooked dinner for his parents together. She spent half an afternoon stressing about the prospect of cooking for them, never imagining that Rob would help her. He dispelled her of that notion immediately.
The meal itself went well and despite the fact that he helped cook, Rob and Pat cleaned the kitchen while Emily and Anja sat in the great room with a glass of wine and talked. Anja told Em about a very public fight Rob and Rachel had which prompted a paparazzi frenzy. She explained that it was why Rick had started Deacon Security, as a way to protect Rob. And how Amy and Raoul had taken on their roles as publicist and financial advisor at that time to ensure that the people in those positions truly cared about Rob and not about his fame or his money.
Rob's mother explained how things had really been for Rob when he was with Rachel – unhappy, emotionally draining, a roller coaster relationship – and she had hinted that Rob was prone to depression. Emily took it as a suggestion that she should discuss it with Rob.
When his parents left, Emily tentatively broached the subject and Rob confessed that, while he hadn't ever been clinically diagnosed, he'd been in therapy for years. He went more frequently when he needed it. He joked that he was a cliche, the actor in therapy. Em told him not to be ashamed, that therapy was intended to help you work your way through problems. Surprised that she knew so much about therapy when she seemed so together, Emily admitted that she had informally been in therapy for most of her life, since her best friend, Meg, was a therapist. Given recent events, she should probably consider going to therapy herself.
Rob asked what Meg would think about recent events, if Emily had discussed it with her. Em told him that Meg had been in Thailand since before she left Maine, but she knew as soon as her best friend returned, they'd talk. She also acknowledged that she would surely tell Meg about their sex life – it was Meg's way to pry the information out of Emily, willing or not. She reassured him that, while Meg was a fangirl, it wasn't about that; she would ask no matter who the guy was, it was her way.
In the end, Emily vowed to be there for Rob if ever he needed it. “Promise
to always tell me if you need help. I'm not Rachel. I'm here if you need me.”
“I know. I promise.” Rob looked at her like he had that first time he kissed her. He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “I still can't believe you're mine,” he whispered. Emily smiled. “Even that first night, before I kissed you, I wanted you to be mine.” He brushed his lips gently against her own.
“As soon as you kissed me, I was yours. Those lips have magical powers.”
“Magic, huh?”
“Like Prince Charming. True love's kiss. It woke me from my slumber.”
“True love?” Emily nodded slowly. “I don't recall anyone getting naked in fairy tales.”
“Let's write a new version, then,” she said.
After her interview the next day, Emily wrote in Rob's office. An email alert popped onto her screen with her Globes fitting details. Emily panicked. This wasn't the gala. She would have attended the gala, regardless. The Globes weren't her show or even remotely within her comfort zone.
Old Emily was in the middle of a major freak-out when Meg called.
“Oh, thank God, Meggie.”
“Em? You okay? You sound like you're having a panic attack. Just breathe, honey.”
She took a deep breath a couple of times. “Thanks. I'm freaking out, Meg.”
“This have something to do with the new boyfriend?”
“How did you know about that?”
“Word travels fast. And by word, I mean I had numerous emails and texts from Charlie before she recalled my incommunicado status in Thailand. What's wrong?”
“I just got my fitting schedule for the Globes.”
“Charlie Brown said you were going. Little worried about the press and all that?”
“It's televised, Meg!”
“Yes, but since you're not important, they won't focus on you.”
“I'll be sitting next to Rob. How will they not?”
“It's called cinematography, Em. They can show one person. You've watched this stuff before, have you not?”
“Not in years, not since I lived at home. Josh never wanted to sit through that stuff.”
