A Thousand Yearnings

by Ralph Russell

  But every gesture, every grace, is telling you ‘Like this!’

  pursish e tarz e dilbari keejiye kya, ki bin kahe

  us ke har ik ishaare se nikle hai ye ada ki yun

  At night, and flushed with wine, and in my rival’s company—

  God grant that she may come to me, but not, O god, like this.

  raat ke vaqt mein piye, saath raqeeb ko liye

  aae vo yahaan khuda kare par na kare khuda ki yun

  How should I not sit silent facing her in her assembly?

  Her silence is itself enough to tell me,‘Sit like this!’

  bazm mein us ke ru-ba-ru kyon na khamosh baithiye?

  us ki to khaamoshi mein bhi hai yehi mudda’a ki yun

  I said,‘From love’s assembly every rival should be banished.’

  What irony! She heard me, sent me out, and said,‘Like this!’

  main ne kaha ki ‘bazm e naaz chaahiye ghair se tihi’

  sunke sitam zareef ne mujh ko utha diya ki ‘yun!’

  If people say,‘Can Urdu, then, put Persian verse to shame?’

  Recite a line of Ghalib’s verse and tell them,‘Yes! Like this!’

  jo ye kahe ki ‘rekhta kyonke ho rashk e faarsi?’

  gufta e Ghalib ek baar padhke use suna ki yun

  III

  The world is but a game that children play before my eyes,

  A spectacle that passes night and day before my eyes.

  baazeecha e atfaal hai duniya mere aage

  hota hai shab o roz tamaasha mere aage

  The throne of Sulaiman is but a toy in my esteem,

  The miracles that Isa worked, a trifle in my eyes.*

  ik khel hai aurang e Sulaimaan mere nazdeek

  ik baat hai ejaaz e maseeha mere aage

  You need not ask how I feel when I am away from you;

  See for yourself how you feel when you are before my eyes.â€

  mat poochh ki kya haal hai mera tere peechhe

  tu dekh ki kya rang hai tera mere aage

  My faith restrains me while the lure of unbelief attracts me

  That way, the Kaba: and this way, the Church before my eyes.

  imaan mujhe roke hai jo khainche hai mujhe kufr

  kaaba mere peechhe hai, kaleesa mere aage

  A raging sea of blood lies in my path. Would that were all!

  For perils more than these may yet arise before my eyes.

  hai maujzan ik qulzum e khoon kaash yehi ho

  aata hai abhi dekhiye kya kya mere aage

  What if I cannot move my hands? My eyesight is still sound

  So let the goblet and the flask stand there before my eyes.

  go haath ko junbish nahin aankhon mein to dam hai

  rehne do abhi saaghar o meena mere aage

  He shares my calling, shares my ways, he shares my inmost thoughts;

  Do not speak ill of Ghalib; he finds favour in my eyes.

  hum-pesha o hum-mashrab o hum-raaz hai mera

  Ghalib ko bura kyon kaho, achcha mere aage

  IV

  This was not to be my fate that all should end in lovers meeting;

  Even had I gone on living, I should still be waiting, waiting.

  ye na thhi hamaari qismat ki visaal e yaar hota

  agar aur jeete rehte yehi intizaar hota

  Did your promise save my life? Yes!—for I knew you would not keep it.

  Would I not have died of joy if I had thought you would fulfill it?

  tere vaade par jiye hum to ye jaan jhoot jaana

  ki khushi se marna jaate agar aitibaar hota

  Am I still to call it friendship when my friends start preaching at me?

  Someone should have brought me comfort, someone should have shared my sorrows.

  ye kahaan ki dosti hai ki bane hai dost naasih

  koi chaara-saaz hota, koi gham-gusaar hota

  Grief wastes our life away—and yet how shall we flee the heart within us?

  Had we not known the grief of love, we would have known the grief of living.

  gham agarchi jaan-gusil hai, pe kahaan bachein? ki dil hai

  gham e ishq gar na hota gham e rozgaar hota

  With what style you handle, Ghalib, all these themes of mystic teaching!

  What a saint we would have thought you if you had not been a drinker!

  ye misaa’il e tasavvuf, ye tera bayaan Ghalib

  tujhe hum vali samajhte jo na baada-khvaar hota!

  V

  Since I have made my home, without your leave, right by your door,

  Do you think, even now, you’ll need directing to my house?*

  gar jab bana liya tere dar par kahe baghair

  jaanega ab bhi tu na mera ghar kahe baghair?

  She says, when I no longer even have the power of speech,

  ‘How should I know a man’s heart if he does not speak to me?’

  kehte hain jab rahi na mujhe taaqat e sukhan

  jaanun kisi ke dil ki main kyonkar kahe baghair?

  I have to do with her of whom no man in all the world

  Has ever spoken yet without calling her ‘cruel one’.

  kaam usse aa pada hai ki jis ka jahaan mein

  leve na koi naam sitamgar kahe baghair

  I have nothing to say to you; else I am not the man

  To hold my tongue; I would speak out though it cost me my head.

  ji mein hi kuchh nahin hai humaare vagarna hum

  sar jaaye ya rahe na rahen par kahe baghair

  I will not cease to worship her, that infidel, my idol

  Though all creation never cease to call me infidel.

  chhodunga main na us but e kaafir ka poojna

  chhode na khalq go mujhe kaafir kahe baghair

  I mean her airs and graces, but I cannot talk of them

  Unless I speak in terms of knives and daggers that she wields.

  maqsad hai naaz o ghamza vale guftagu mein kaam

  chalta nahin hai dashna o khanjar kahe baghair

  I talk of contemplating God, but cannot make my point

  Unless I speak of wine-cup and intoxicating wine.*

  har chand ho mushaahida e haq ki guftagu

  banti nahin hai baada o saaghar kahe baghair

  Since I am deaf I make a claim to double kindness from you;

  I cannot hear what you have said unless you say it twice.â€

  behra hoon main toh chaahiye doona ho iltifaat

  sunta nahin hoon baat mukarrar kahe baghair

  Ghalib, you must not lay your plea repeatedly before her;

  All that you feel, she knows; you need not speak a single word.

  Ghalib na kar huzoor mein tu baar baar arz

  zaahir hai tera haal sab un par kahe baghair

  VI

  She has foresworn her cruelty—but can she?

  She says,‘How can I show my face to you?’*

  jaur se baaz aaye par baaz aaen kya,

  kehte hain hum tujh ko munh dikhlaayein kya?

  All night, all day, the seven heavens are turning—

  Something will happen; set your mind at ease.

  raat din gardish mein hain saat aasmaan

  ho rahega kuchh na kuchh ghabraayein kya?

  She fights me, and I tell myself she loves me:

  When she feels nothing, what can I dream then?

  laag ho toh usko hum samjhen lagaao

  jab na ho kuchh bhi to dhoka khaayein kya?

  See, I keep pace with him who bears my letter.

  Am I then to deliver it myself?â€

  ho liye kyon naama-bar ke saath-saath,

  Ya rab apne khat ko hum pahunchaaen kya?

  What though a wave of blood should overwhelm me?‡

  How can I leave the threshold of my love?

  mauj e khoon sar se guzar hi kyon na jaaye

  aastaan e yaar se uth jaayein kya?

  I passed my life waiting for death to take me,

  And dead, I still must see what I must see.§

  umar bhar dekha k
iya marne ki raah

  mar gaye par dekhiye dikhlaayen kya?

  She is perplexed. She asks me,‘Who is Ghalib?’

  Tell me, someone, what answer can I give?

  poochhte hain vo ki ‘Ghalib kaun hai?’

  koi batlaao ki hum batlaayein kya?

  VII

  I am no melody, I am no lute—

  I am the sound that my own breaking makes.

  na gul e naghma hoon na parda e saaz

  main hoon apni shikast ki aavaaz

  You, and the coiling tresses of your hair—

  I, and my endless, dark imaginings.*

  tu aur aaraa’ish e kham e kaakul

  main aur andeshaha e door o daraaz

  Love of my captor holds me in her snare;

  It is not that I lack the power of flight.

  hoon giriftaar e ulfat e sayyaad

  varna baaqi hai taaqat e parvaaz

  VIII

  None of my hopes can ever be fulfilled;

  Seek as I may, I see no way ahead.

  koi ummeed bar nahin aati

  koi soorat nazar nahin aati

  Death surely comes on its appointed day;

  Why then does sleep not come the whole night through?

  maut ka ek din muayyan hai

  neend kyon raat bhar nahin aati?

  Once I would contemplate my wounded heart

  And laugh. Now laughter never comes to me.

  aage aati thi haal e dil pe hansi

  ab kisi baat par nahin aati

  The meek ascetic wins reward in heaven.

  I know; but I cannot incline that way.

  janta hoon savaab e taa’at o zuhd

  par tabiyat idhar nahin aati

  If I keep silent, it is for a reason.

  You surely know I have the power to speak?

  hai kuchh aisi hi baat jo chup hoon

  varna kya baat kar nahin aati?

  I am so far away that even I

  Have not the least awareness where I am.

  hum vahaan hain jahaan se hum ko bhi

  kuchh humaari khabar nahin aati

  Ghalib, you have the face to go to Mecca?

  But then you never feel a sense of shame.

  kaabe kis munh se jaaoge, Ghalib?

  sharm tumko magar nahin aati

  IX

  Beneath the shade of every mosque should be a tavern—

  Just as the eye, your reverence, is near the brow.*

  masjid ke zer e saaya kharaabat chaahiye

  bhaon paas aankh qibla e haajaat chaahiye

  It was for fair-faced women that I learnt to paint;

  One needs some pretext, after all, for meeting them.

  seekhe hain mah-rukhon ke liye hum musavvari

  taqreeb kuchh to bahr e mulaaqaat chaahiye

  What idiot takes to wine in hope of finding joy?

  Each day, each night, I seek a refuge from myself.

  mai se gharaz nashaat hai kis ru-siyaah ko?

  ik guna be-khudi mujhe din raat chaahiye

  Tulip and rose and eglantine wear different hues;

  With every hue let us affirm the joy of spring.

  hai rang e laala o gul o nasreen juda juda

  har rang mein bahaar ka isbaat chaahiye

  X

  Life passes by unused, although it be as long as Khizar’s.

  He too will ask himself tomorrow,‘What have I achieved?’

  be-sarfa hi guzarti hai ho garche umr e Khizar

  hazrat bhi kal kahenge ki hum kya kiya kiye?

  Had I the power, I would demand an answer from the earth,

  ‘What have you done, vile miser, with all the rare treasures you hold?’*

  maqdoor ho to khaak se poochhun ki ai la’eem

  tu ne vo gunjha e giraan maaya kya kiye?

  I hope it was not in his company she learnt these ways;

  She gives me kisses even when I do not ask for them.

  sohbat mein ghair ki na padi ho kahin ye khoo

  dene laga hai bosa baghair iltija kiye

  When she is obstinate, that’s it! But this at least is good:

  When she forgets, she can keep scores of promises she made.

  zid ki hai aur baat magar khoo buri nahin

  bhoole se usne saikdon vaade vafa kiye

  Ghalib, you know yourself what sort of answer you will get;

  No matter how you talk, and how she goes on listening.

  Ghalib tumhin kaho ki milega javaab kya

  maana ki tum kaha kiye aur vo suna kiye

  XI

  A strong snare lay in wait for me, concealed close to my nest;

  I had not even taken wing when it imprisoned me.

  pinhan thha daam e sakht qareeb aashiyaan ke

  udne na paaye thhe ki giriftaar hum hue

  You love me now, but that does not atone, for in this world

  Much, besides you, has visited its cruelty on me.

  teri vafa se kya ho talaafi ki dahr mein

  tere siva bhi hum pe bahut se sitam hue

  I filled the blood-stained pages with the story of my love

  And went on writing even when they had cut off my hands.*

  likhte rahe junoon ki hikaayaat e khoon chakaan

  har chand usme haath hamaare qalam hue

  Asad, I took to begging, but I kept my sense of humour,

  And am the suppliant lover now of the munificent.â€

  chhodi asad na hum ne gadaai mein dil lagi

  saa’il hue to aashiq e ahl e karam hue

  * Sulaiman and Isa are, respectively, the Biblical Solomon and Jesus.

  †I feel in your absence all the agitation you feel in my presence.

  * I’ve constantly asked you to visit me and your excuse has always been ‘I don’t know the way.’ But now...

  * An acceptance of the conventional metaphors of the ghazal.

  †Humorous. He wants her to repeat her words of kindness, and makes the excuse that he is deaf. Ghalib did in fact become deaf as he got older!

  * Shame at the thought of her past cruelties makes her hide her face—and that is cruel!

  †I keep pace—so impatient am I to have her reply.

  ‡ What though every conceivable misfortune should befall me?

  § What I must see—what God has in store for me.

  * See p. 219.

  * The mosque, with its arch, is compared to the eyebrow, and the tavern to the eye—and it is obvious which is to be valued more!

  * The ‘rare treasures’ mean the great ones who have died and been lost to the world.

  * The original has a characteristic, but untranslatable play on words. Hath qalam hue means,‘My hands were cut off’—but the words could also mean, ‘My hands became pens.’

  †‘Munificent’ here is used ironically.

  A Living Tradition

  I have chosen to present the ghazal with examples taken almost entirely from the work of two of its greatest exponents, Mir and Ghalib. But it cannot be stressed too strongly that the ghazal has always been, and still is, the most popular genre of Urdu verse, and Mir and Ghalib were only two, albeit the greatest two, of the great ghazal poets of their day.

  The ghazal is a living tradition. The separate couplets, each complete in itself, lend themselves to being easily memorized and are often used as apt quotations to comment on daily situations. Many Urdu speakers know by heart hundreds of ghazal couplets, and have heard many ghazals sung, Ghalib’s being particularly popular.

  Some ghazals incorporate already well-known proverbs, like these of Mir, in which the proverb corresponds to the words I have enclosed in quotes:

  Already you bewail your blistered feet?

  ‘It’s a long way to Delhi yet,’ my son.

  shikva e aabla abhi se Mir?

  hai pyaare hanoz Dilli door

  What can I do? My heart is in her power.

  ‘The earth is hard, the sky is far away.’

  kare kya? ki dil bhi to majboor hai

>   zameen sakht hai aasmaan door hai

  I roam about disgraced, but nothing can be done about it.

  What is a man to do, Mir Sahib? ‘Service is servitude.’

  laa-elaaji hai jo rehti hai mujhe aavaaragi

  keejiye kya Mir sahib? bandagi be-chaaragi

  No one goes to his death with open eyes:

  ‘If you have life, then you have everything.’

  Mir amdan bhi koi marta hai?

  jaan hai to jahaan hai pyaare

  Other verses by Mir have themselves become proverbial, like that which makes the same point as ‘It’s a long way to Delhi’:

  Why do you weep? Love’s trials have just begun.

  Restrain your tears. See what is yet to come.

  ibtida e ishq hai rona hai kya?

  aage aage dekhiye hota hai kya

  Another is often quoted when you part from friends, especially when you do not know when you will see them again:

  Now I must leave the temple of my idols

  I’ll come again—if God brings me this way.

  ab to jaate hain but-kade se Mir

  phir milenge agar khuda laaya

  (There is an irony in the couplet; the God who abhors idolatry is hardly likely to help you return to the temple.)

  One whose meaning is plain:

  Defeat and victory are things that fate alone decides,

  But, Mir, this feeble heart of mine has fought with all its strength.

  shikast o fatah naseebon se hai, ai Mir

  muqaabala toh dil e naatavaan ne khoob kiya

  Urdu speakers (including those who have had little or no formal education) will regularly quote couplets in conversation often without knowing or caring whose couplets they are quoting. For instance they will say of anyone (including themselves!) whom they suspect of embroidering the truth:

  The stories of my love are true—except that here and there

  I add a touch or two in order to adorn the tale.

  fasaane yun to muhabbat ke sach hain par kuchh kuchh

  badha bhi dete hain hum zeb e daastaan ke liye

  Or, urging someone to go boldly for what they want:

  Here wine flows freely, but the timid cannot hope to taste it.

  Come forward and reach out to take the cup: the wine is yours.

  ye bazm e mai hai yan kotaah-dasti mein hai mahroomi

  jo badh kar khud utha le haath mein meena usi ka hai

  Or of someone whose project fails just when success seems certain:

  Just see my luck! The noose I threw has broken

  When I had almost reached the parapet.

  qismat ki khoobi dekhiye tooti kahaan kamand

  do char haath jab ke lab e baam reh gaya

  (The image being that of a lover coming secretly to climb up to the flat roof where his beloved awaits him.)