Real Men Will

by Victoria Dahl

“And you can call me,” Beth whispered. “You can call and it can still be secret.”

  He was quiet for a long time, and since he was facing away from her, she couldn’t read his expression. Was he angry? Offended? Finally he took a deep breath and said, “I’d like that.”

  God, so would she. She nodded as he turned toward her. He touched her cheek, then brushed a quick kiss across her mouth before he stood. Her heart made a slow turn in her chest as he left.

  She just sat there holding her breath until she heard her front door close.

  What the hell was she doing? She didn’t trust him. He didn’t want anyone to know they were lovers. It was all wrong, and yet she felt infatuated.

  Was it just the sex? Or was his secrecy the thing she liked?

  She had to be at work before eleven, but Beth let herself curl back beneath the covers anyway. They were crisp and cool and she stretched her limbs out, reveling in the feel of her naked body against the cotton.

  The sex was reason enough to feel giddy, but maybe it was his reticence that she liked. After all, her heart had been broken by a man who hadn’t been able to keep his mouth shut. No, actually, her heart had been mashed into unusable pieces by a man who’d never even intended to keep his mouth shut.

  She hadn’t been like the other girls in her high school. She’d been tall and curvy and dark, and it had seemed like ninety percent of the other girls had been slender and sweet. Beth had grown breasts and hips in fifth grade, and from then on, she’d done her best to cover them with baggy jeans and sweaters. Those efforts had kept boys at bay, though that hadn’t been her goal. Not exactly. She just hadn’t wanted them making comments about her boobs.

  But her senior year, she’d finally landed a boyfriend. Christopher West. He’d taken her to homecoming. They’d dated for months. She’d fallen in love. And she’d lost her virginity. The sex had been fine. Nothing spectacular, but nothing awful, either. And if she wasn’t that into the sex, she’d certainly been into the idea of a boy liking her. That part had been exhilarating, that a boy she loved would be so desperate to have her. That he’d beg and moan anytime she said no. He’d needed her. He’d loved her. He’d thought of her every moment they were apart.

  Beth had suddenly found herself transformed from a girl no one noticed into a girl who could drive a boy to fits of lust. So she’d liked the sex just fine.

  During spring break that year, Christopher’s parents had been working, so there’d been lots of sex at his house. And then she’d made the worst mistake of her life. When Christopher had brought out a Polaroid camera and asked if he could take pictures of her, Beth had been flattered he’d want them. She’d thrilled to the idea that he’d thought her beautiful. So she’d said yes.

  She burrowed deeper under the covers at the thought. How many hours of her life had she wasted, wishing she could go back to that one stupid moment and change her words? No, she’d say. Not in a million years.

  But no matter how hard she’d prayed, the past always stayed the same. She’d posed naked for him. She’d shyly spread her legs. She’d even let him take a picture of her on her knees in front of him.

  Whatever his intentions had been at that point, the responsibility had been too much. He had dirty pictures of his girlfriend. His friends had been teasing him about dating the chubby girl for months. He wanted to prove that the chubby girl was just as hot as their girlfriends. Hotter, even.

  Or that had been his explanation later.

  Whether he’d meant to hurt her or not, he’d shown the pictures to some friends at a party. Then he’d brought them to school. Someone had grabbed the worst of them and passed them all over.

  Beth had been ruined. Ruined. There was no room in high school for a girl who would let a boy take X-rated photos. She’d worn an invisible scarlet letter that begged for insults and abuse. She’d been lower than garbage. And then her parents had been called to the principal’s office….

  When she felt the tickle of tears inching down her face, Beth pressed her hands to her eyes and shook her head. Why was she thinking about this? This wasn’t high school. She didn’t have to answer to anyone.

  But it had been there all this time, hadn’t it? Part of her inability to relax with a man was caused by her constant fear that he would talk about it. That he’d describe her and what they’d done. That he’d laugh with his friends. That he would use what they’d done as a trophy, especially now that she was running the White Orchid.

  Eric had been right. Being the manager of the store was a little like being a local celebrity. Not that she’d done anything to earn fame, but just working at the store brought infamy. And instead of bragging about it, Eric didn’t want anyone to know. That felt safe, despite his lies. Safe to have sex with him, but not safe to love. She could rely on that, at least.

  She let a few more tears fall for that seventeen-year-old girl. Those last months of school had felt like the end of her life. In a way, they had been, because she’d never been that girl again. That Beth had been destroyed.

  But she was someone better now, so Beth made herself get up and shower and dress for work. She dressed down because she felt like it. No need to try hard to look sexy when she felt sexy all the way to her bones. So she wore jeans with her heels, and a flowy little black top, and she pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She felt like a new woman and she looked like one, too.

  When her phone rang there was only a small bit of hoarseness in her voice to betray her earlier emotions. “Hello?” she answered as she locked her door and started down the steps.

  “Ms. Cantrell?” The voice wasn’t familiar, so Beth was cautious.

  “May I ask who’s calling?”

  “Ms. Cantrell, this is Yvette Page with Mr. Roland Kendall’s office. Mr. Kendall would like you to stop in for a few moments today. The address is—”

  “No,” Beth interrupted, stopping on her front stairs to try to catch her breath and calm her suddenly thundering heart. There was only one thing he could be calling about. “I can’t today. I’m working.”

  “Oh,” the woman said, genuine surprise obvious in that one syllable. Apparently not too many people said no to Roland Kendall. “Perhaps you could rearrange your schedule. He was quite insistent.”

  “I really can’t,” Beth said. “It’s impossible. Please convey my regrets.” She hung up before her voice could start shaking. Did he really think she’d show up to his office like one of his children, ready to be browbeaten into obedience?

  What could he want, anyway? She’d already told the police. There was no taking that back. So he obviously just wanted to punish Beth for what she’d done. When her phone rang again, she immediately hit the button to decline the call. It was either Kendall or his secretary, and Beth didn’t want to talk to either.

  Just as she’d expected, when Beth finally made it to her car, the message indicator on her phone chimed. It was from the same number that had called the first time, but when Beth listened, it wasn’t the secretary’s voice.

  “Beth,” Kendall barked. “I don’t know what you think you’re up to. After everything I’ve done for you. I brought you into my home and exposed you to a lifestyle you’d never even dreamed of. And this is how you repay me? With lies about my daughter? I don’t know if this is envy or jealousy. I don’t give a shit what it is. But you’re going to stop this immediately or there will be repercussions in your personal and professional life. In fact…” His words trailed off, and Beth wondered if he’d just remembered that his diatribe was being recorded. “Get your ass down here or you’ll regret it,” he finally muttered before the line clicked dead.

  “Oh, sure,” Beth breathed. “I’ll be right there.”

  He hadn’t been specific, but Beth was sure he meant to harm the store in some way. After all, how else could he hurt Beth? The White Orchid was the most important thing in her life. It was personal and professional. She felt sick that what she’d done could harm the store and Annabelle.

  Too flustered t
o try to calculate the time in Egypt, Beth decided against calling and sent a text instead. Please call when you can talk. XO Beth.

  Annabelle needed to know what was happening, just in case, and the sooner the better.

  As she drove toward the store, Beth tried her best to put it from her mind. It was no big deal. It would be fine. She’d told the police her story, and if Kendall really got nasty, she’d tell the police that, too.

  Reassured by her temporary bravado, Beth managed to walk into the White Orchid with a smile.

  “Hey, Beth!” Kelly called. “You look cute!”

  “Thank you. Why does it smell like tea and ginger in here? Not that I’m complaining.”

  “That tea lady stopped by this morning. She said something about gearing up for winter?”

  “Linda Fallon? The one with the tea shop?”

  “That’s her.”

  Beth had met her at the expo that spring, and Linda had claimed that several of her teas contained ingredients to increase female libido. “I told her we’d do a display this winter, so she’s right on time. Did she leave more samples?”

  Kelly pushed a box forward on the counter. “Yep. She also brewed up a cup for me. She carries an electric kettle in her car. How cute is that?”

  Beth grabbed the box and headed for her office. Maybe she’d actually try some out this time. Before, she’d thought it would be wasted on her barren sex life. But now… Then again, maybe Beth didn’t need an increase in libido at the moment. She was cruising along nicely. Smiling, she took another deep breath of spiced air and hurried to her office.

  She felt good again, as if the walls of the store insulated her from the outside world. It was a fantasy world, after all. And if an erotic boutique wasn’t about relaxation, what was?

  Determined not to spend the day holed up in her office again, Beth decided to finish the fall cleaning. The racks were getting crowded, and people in Colorado didn’t need swimsuits in October. She marked down the swimwear and moved it to the clearance rack to make more room for Halloween items. Annabelle had always been sure not to let the shop degenerate into a costume store, but they wanted to be festive. And what could be more festive than a naughty nurse uniform?

  Beth eyed the mannequin who was dressed in a female soldier outfit that featured hot pants and a sleeveless camo shirt. Not exactly practical for jungle wear, but the customers seemed to get a kick out of it. They’d nearly sold out. She moved some of the plus-size bustiers up to the front, too, because their buxom clients often complained about the challenges of finding sexy outfits in their size. Beth could sympathize. When she shopped for bikinis, the size of the little triangles that were supposed to cover her breasts was laughable.

  She was just wiping the tops of the racks with cleaner when the door opened to admit a deep male laugh. “I know I’ve been way too busy,” the man was saying, “but I swear I’ll be home early tonight to make it up to you. In fact, maybe I’ll even have a present.”

  Beth turned to greet the customer, and her smile froze on her face. The man froze, too, phone still pressed to his ear and green eyes getting wider by the second.

  “Uh, Olivia,” he said. “Can I call you back?” Jamie Donovan slowly lowered the phone and stole a quick glance around the store. When he looked back to her, his eyes fell to the spray bottle and rag she clutched in her hands.

  “Oh,” he said softly and blinked several times.

  Beth was still frozen, but when her hand squeezed hard enough, the bottle released a mist that made her jump.

  “Hello,” Jamie said.

  “Hello,” she repeated. She shouldn’t be surprised to see him here. He was a past customer, after all. But somehow she hadn’t thought of this, and knowing what she’d done with Eric the night before… “Can I help you find something?” she asked automatically, because she couldn’t think past the automatic at this point.

  “Oh, I…” Jamie glanced around again, and his cheeks turned faintly pink. “I was looking for a gift. I’ll just…browse.”

  “Okay.”

  But he didn’t move, he just rocked back on his heels a little and stuck his hands in his pockets, a gesture that reminded her of Eric. “So, you work here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ah. We were never actually introduced.” He stepped closer and reached out a hand. “I’m… Well, I guess you know my name.”

  “Right. I’m Beth.” She shifted the rag to the other hand and gave his hand only one good shake before moving back. “Anyway, I’d better get back to work or—”

  “Beth!” Kelly stuck her head out from the back room. “There’s a woman on the phone who does henna tattoos and she asked to speak to the manager.”

  Beth met Jamie’s gaze and watched his eyes widen even more. “Excuse me,” she murmured. She’d never been so happy to get a call from a vendor. Not only did it get her away from Jamie, but after a few minutes on the phone with the woman, Beth realized she was actually proposing a good idea.

  “I know you have occasional gatherings at the store,” the henna artist said, a little breathless with nervousness. “I’d love it if you’d consider hiring me to give tattoos.”

  Beth knew what henna tattoos were, but she let the woman explain her process and her experience with the art. “If you’d be willing to come in and maybe give a demonstration, I’d certainly consider the idea.”

  They arranged a time later in the week and settled things within moments, but when Beth hung up, she stayed in her chair. She needed to give Jamie time to do his shopping and get the heck out.

  Then again, what did it matter? She had no reason to be embarrassed. Eric might not be happy that another person in his life knew about her, but Jamie didn’t really know. He didn’t know that she and Eric had seen each other last night. And the night before.

  She’d just decided to brave another awkward meeting and was pushing up from her desk when her cell phone rang. Beth dug her phone from her pocket and gratefully sank back down.

  “Beth!” Annabelle cried, her voice clearer than it had been in months. “Are you okay? Is everything all right?”

  “I’m fine!” Beth cut in.

  “Oh, thank God. I miss you so much. When I got your text, I swear my heart melted.”

  Beth smiled. Annabelle approached friendship like she approached everything else—with passion and enthusiasm. “I miss you, too. Really.” Really. “Are you still having fun?”

  “Fun doesn’t even describe it. I can’t believe how content I feel. How whole. I feel like I’ve been reborn.”

  Beth nodded, happy for her friend, but the truth was that Annabelle had said that exact thing after a Bikram Yoga class the year before. “That’s amazing. I’m so happy for you. But have you given any more thought to when you’ll come home?”

  “Oh, Beth, it all feels so far away.”

  Beth nodded, frowning. “Okay, but I need to tell you something, Annabelle. I’m worried that I’ve caused some trouble for the store.” She explained exactly what had happened, leaving out her affair with Eric. “I don’t think I could have handled it differently,” she ended.

  Annabelle gasped. “Of course not. You did the right thing!”

  “I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he’s a powerful guy with political connections. I’m worried about that state representative who was making noise last year.”

  “The one who proposed the bill that would’ve made it illegal to sell sexual paraphernalia within a mile of a public school.”

  “Yeah.”

  “It didn’t get out of committee. Don’t worry about it.”

  “But if Kendall decides to put money behind this guy… I just can’t figure out what else he might be thinking. God, I’m so sorry, Annabelle. If he—”

  “Whatever that bastard tries to do, he won’t have any more effect than every other campaign against the store. We are a Boulder institution. Everyone knows the White Orchid isn’t some seedy sex shop. It’ll be fine.”

  “I hope y
ou’re right.”

  “Beth, you couldn’t do something to hurt the store if you wanted to. It’s as much your baby as it is mine. Actually, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that.”

  “Babies?” Beth asked in confusion, wondering if Annabelle had met a nice Egyptian man and decided to settle down.

  “No, not babies! The store! I’m thinking it might be time for a change.”

  “What kind of change?” Beth asked warily. If Annabelle added anything else to Beth’s plate, she was going to have a breakdown.

  “I’ve become involved with a women’s organization here. Naeemah—I mentioned Naeemah, right? She runs a women’s group that works with poor women to help manage microloans and start their own businesses.”

  “Right.”

  “Well, I’m kind of…I’m kind of in love with it, Beth. I don’t want to leave.”

  “You don’t?” Beth asked, though the words barely got past the sudden tightness in her throat.

  “No, I don’t. It’s not that I want to keep traveling. It’s not that I feel like I’m on vacation. I feel like I’m home.”

  Beth nodded because she couldn’t speak.

  “What I’m trying to say is that…I’d like to offer you the opportunity to buy the White Orchid.”

  “What?” she managed to rasp.

  “We talked about it a few years ago, remember? The idea that you might like to buy the store someday, that I could pass it on to you. And you certainly work as hard as any business owner right now. You’re doing my job, plus your own. You’re amazing, and you’re the only person I would trust the White Orchid to.”

  “But…but what are you going to do?”

  “I thought I would buy a little house here near the women’s center. And I could just…work. Help people.”

  Beth realized that she was nodding over and over. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t say anything yet. It’s a huge decision, Beth. One of the biggest you’ll ever make. But I know you’re made for bigger things than just being my manager. The store already belongs to you. You can do this. It’s everything you’ve wanted.”