Cipher c-1

by Cindi Madsen

  Pamela’s eyes got big. “I…I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  “Sometimes I miss her so much that it seems like the sadness will crush me. The one thing that gets me through is remembering all the times my mom told me how much she loved me. I know you hate how I keep telling you to talk to Ashlyn, but this is why I feel so strongly about it. You never know when you won’t get another chance. Please, tell your daughter how much you love her.”

  Afraid adding any more would only detract from what she’d already said, Summer headed back toward Ashlyn’s room. If that doesn’t work, I just don’t know what will.

  ###

  “I better go home, but thanks for the awesome day.” Summer took a deep breath. After her breakdown, she’d recovered, and she and Ashlyn had gone back to laughing and talking. She couldn’t leave without driving the point home, though. “So, you’re going to talk to your mom, right?”

  “I’ll make you a deal,” Ashlyn crossed her arms and locked eyes with Summer. “I’ll talk to my mother if you talk to Troy. And not just talk. You have to tell him how you feel about him.”

  Summer shook her head. “I can’t do that. It’d be so uncomfortable.”

  “You think it’s going to be easy for me to talk to my mom?”

  She’s got me there. “Fine. We’ve got a deal. You first, though.”

  “Fine.”

  Thinking of all that had happened, of having no regrets, Summer decided to take her own advice and let her friend know how much she cared about her. “You know that I…Okay, I’m just going to say it. I love you, man. Girl. You know what I mean.”

  Ashlyn smiled at her. “I love you, too. Thanks for being such an awesome friend. Enough of a friend to worry about the kind of relationship my mother and I have. Even if it’s also a pain in my butt.”

  Summer leaned in and gave her a quick hug. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

  “Count on it,” Ashlyn said.

  As Summer drove away from Ashlyn’s, she mumbled the first prayer she’d offered since Mom died. “Please, please let them work it out.”

  Chapter Thirty

  To cut down on her confrontations with all the people who now hated and mocked her, Summer normally arrived at school last minute these days, with barely enough time to grab her books and get to class. But first thing this morning, Ashlyn had sent a text saying she wanted a few minutes to chat before school. After Summer’s mad dash to get ready, she buzzed to the school—obeying all traffic laws, of course. She pulled into the parking lot with twenty minutes to spare.

  The sight of Ashlyn sitting on the hood of her car made Summer smile. Even though they’d spent most of yesterday afternoon together, she couldn’t wait to talk to her again. She got out of her car and hiked her bag up on her shoulder. “Hola, chica! What’s up?”

  “I’ll tell you what’s up.” Ashlyn grinned, her whole face lighting up. “You have to talk to Troy.”

  For a moment, Summer could only blink. Excitement started to take hold as what that meant sunk in. “Really?”

  Ashlyn slid off the hood. “Yep. I did it. I talked to my mom yesterday after you left, and we ended up talking until midnight. I laid it all out, how much her words cut me, and instead of getting mad, she apologized. Then we started talking, like really talking, all the subjects we usually avoid. I feel like I finally understand her. And learning more about her life made me understand why she is the way she is.”

  A calm, peaceful feeling washed over Summer. She’d figured out a way to help. She even noticed that Ashlyn was calling Pamela mom. Usually she spat out the word mother like it was a disease.

  “I guess both of her parents died young,” Ashlyn said. “Her dad had a heart attack, and her mom was diabetic. After they died, she was determined to always live healthy, and when she had me, she wanted me to be healthy, too. When I explained that I tried, but it was harder for me, she started crying—I’ve never seen her cry before. She told me she wanted me to feel good about myself. She told me she thinks I’m beautiful, inside and out.”

  Ashlyn’s voice got a little shaky, then she took a deep breath and smiled at Summer. “In fact, after school we’re going to the mall to buy some clothes that fit and flatter. No losing weight required. I tossed those stupid diet pills this morning.”

  “Rock on!” Warmth spread through Summer’s chest, and she couldn’t stop smiling. This story was getting better and better by the second.

  “Mom also said that lately she’s noticed how hollow and empty some of the people she works with are. She said the qualities she saw in me were much more important than weight—that’s a compliment coming from my mother. She even mentioned you, stating she could see what a good friend you were. I swear, we just talked and talked. I’ve never had more fun. And I was hanging out with my mom.”

  “I’m so happy for you. I really am.”

  “I don’t even know how to thank you.” Ashlyn threw her arms around Summer and pulled her into a giant hug. “I don’t even care if this starts more lesbian rumors.”

  “Bring ‘em on,” Summer said as she squeezed back.

  Ashlyn’s on a stretcher, oxygen mask over her face.

  A paramedic shouts, “Okay, clear!” He uses the paddles to shock Ashlyn. Her body jerks wildly, then nothing. The paramedic tries again. No response. The small heart rate monitor flat lines, echoing through the back of the ambulance as the paramedics drop everything.

  Ashlyn lies there, motionless, her face drained of color.

  “She’s gone,” he says.

  “No, no, no, no.” Panic dug its claws into Summer’s chest. This couldn’t be happening. She wouldn’t let it.

  Ashlyn pulled back and studied Summer’s face. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m really happy for you.” Summer frantically looked around, making sure no cars were coming to mow Ashlyn down. “I never dreamed it would happen so fast. I thought it would take you guys days, weeks even, to reconcile.”

  “Who knows how long it will last, but things are really good right now. So you want to go to the mall with us when we go? I can’t wait to get some new clothes that fit right. Real shopping without the side of guilt.”

  Just give them time to go shopping. Let them enjoy their time now. Another week. Another day.

  “Seriously, Summer, you look like you’re going to cry.”

  Maybe they’d have time to do it. Just because she’d seen Ashlyn dying didn’t mean it was close. Just because the others had happened soon after didn’t mean they always did.

  “Hey, girls,” Darren said, raising his signature-covered blue cast.

  Aaron stuck out his lower lip and gave them the nod. “’Sup?”

  “We’re getting amped for a fabulous day of learning,” Ashlyn said, pouring on the sarcasm.

  See, she’s fine. She’s joking; her color’s good. It’s going to be okay. Still, Summer couldn’t relax. Hysteria coursed through her veins, and she glanced around like a paranoid lunatic, watching, waiting. Preparing to change it somehow.

  “You know, knowledge is power,” Darren said.

  “GI Joe, right?” Summer asked, having a hard time focusing.

  “That’s, ‘Knowing is half the battle,’” Aaron said.

  Darren pushed his glasses up his nose. “I was quoting Sir Francis Bacon, actually.”

  “Mmm. Bacon sounds good.” Summer nudged Ashlyn. “What do you think, Ash?”

  Ashlyn clutched her chest. “Ouch. That was weird.” She shook her head and continued toward the school. “I don’t think I’ve had real bacon for years. Mom prefers the turkey kind. You know what we should do tonight? We should all get together and—” Her hand shot to her chest again.

  Summer watched in horror as Ashlyn’s face contorted in pain. She bent over to catch her breath like she’d done back on the beach. Her breathing slowed.

  Then she fell to the ground.

  Summer dropped to her knees. She heard Darren and Aaron talking about getting a
nurse or calling 911, but it was all fuzzy and detached. She shook Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Ashlyn, come on. Take a deep breath. Do something.” She wasn’t going to let this happen. If there were a God, Angels, Ciphers, there could be miracles. Ashlyn deserved a miracle.

  “Please don’t go yet. There’s so much I want to do with you. We can change this.” Despair twisted around her heart, and tears stung her eyes. “You fight like hell, I’ll fight like hell, and we won’t let this happen.”

  Ashlyn only groaned in response.

  People started to gather, staring at Ashlyn crumpled on the sidewalk. Summer wanted to scream at them to all get away. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening.

  Summer focused on Ashlyn, trying to figure out what she needed to do to help her. She watched her chest slowly rise and fall…

  Rise and fall…

  Nothing.

  “Ashlyn!”

  She wasn’t breathing, and Summer’s mind spun as she tried to remember the CPR training Dad had forced her to take a couple years before. What were those steps? Think, Summer, think. You know how to do this.

  “Tilt the head back,” she whispered to herself as she tilted Ashlyn’s head. “Pinch the nose and cover their mouth with yours.” Summer blew two long breaths in. She rocked back onto her feet. Now thirty pumps.

  Positioning her hands over Ashlyn’s chest, she started the compressions, counting in her head.

  Sirens blared in the background, getting louder and louder. Summer sensed more people gathering around but was afraid to look up. Blocking everything else out, she repeated the CPR steps again. She had to get Ashlyn breathing again before the paramedics tried to take her.

  Time slowed.

  Each second dragged.

  The world fell quiet as Summer concentrated all her efforts on keeping Ashlyn breathing. If I can get her breathing again, it’ll all be okay.

  The ambulance screeched to a halt a few yards away. Paramedics burst out of it, running in her direction. Summer recognized them—she’d seen them when she’d seen Ashlyn die. No way I’m letting them take her.

  “Move aside, miss,” one of them said.

  Ignoring him, Summer leaned down and blew two breaths in and started pumping again.

  “You’ve done a good job,” the same guy said. “Now let us do ours.”

  “Summer, move away so they can help.” Troy had broken through the crowd of people and was staring down at her and Ashlyn.

  I’m not moving. The second she gets in that ambulance it’s over. She kept pumping. Eighteen, nineteen…

  “Move back!” The paramedic raised his voice. “Someone get her away from here!”

  Arms encircled Summer’s waist, pulling her away from Ashlyn. “Get off me!” Desperation tore through her heart, ripping and tearing until her chest felt like a gaping wound. She tried to pry the hands off of her, but the grip remained firm. “Let me go!”

  Troy’s voice filled her ear. “The paramedics are going to help her. Just let them do their job.”

  “You don’t understand.” Tears blurred her vision. Her breaths were coming faster and faster. “She’s going to die. We can’t let them take her in the ambulance.” Summer lunged at the paramedics as they strapped Ashlyn on the stretcher. “Stop! Don’t take her!”

  Troy pulled her back, holding her against him. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll know what to do.”

  “She’s not going to be fine. I’ve seen it. If she gets in the ambulance, she’s dead.” She twisted around in Troy’s arms and met his gaze. She didn’t even care if he thought she was crazy, as long as he helped her keep Ashlyn out of the ambulance. “Troy, please don’t let them take her. If they take her in the ambulance, she’s going to die. Don’t let her die.”

  Troy hugged her to him. “It’s going to be okay. I know you’re scared, but it’s all going to be okay.”

  “But it’s not. You don’t understand.” Summer glanced back and saw the paramedics loading Ashlyn into the ambulance. “Please, help me. Don’t let them take her.” She pushed her hands to his chest, desperate to break free. “At least let me go so I can stop them. Please, Troy. Please.”

  The doors of the ambulance closed.

  “It’s going to be okay,” Troy said again, keeping his arms tight around her.

  The vehicle took off, sirens blaring. Summer’s body slackened, Troy the only thing keeping her from falling to the ground. “I don’t like this job, I don’t like this job, I don’t like this job.”

  “What job?” Troy asked.

  Everything inside her turned icy cold, and at that moment, she wished for the ground to swallow her whole so she didn’t have to feel or think or be. “I can’t believe she’s dead. I couldn’t stop it. I really thought I could stop it.”

  Troy didn’t say anything; he simply squeezed her tighter. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed. In the background, she heard teachers instructing students to get to where they needed to be. She knew she wouldn’t be going to class today. She didn’t even know if she could walk anymore.

  “Everybody needs to get to class,” a female voice said, closer this time. Summer didn’t bother looking up to see who it was. “We’ll update you as we receive word.”

  “We’re friends of Ashlyn’s,” Troy said. “Just give us a few minutes.”

  The woman sighed. “Okay, take your time,” she said. The sound of shoes against the sidewalk got quieter and quieter before dropping off completely. The area that had been buzzing minutes ago was now painfully quiet.

  Summer stepped back, not bothering to wipe her tears off her cheeks. “I’m going home.”

  “You can’t drive right now,” Troy said. “You’re too—”

  “I’ll be fine.” Summer dug in her bag and retrieved her keys.

  Troy took them out of her hand and held them behind his back. “I’m driving. We can go to the hospital and wait for word on Ashlyn.”

  Another stab of pain shot through her chest. “She’s dead, Troy. I couldn’t change it.”

  “You can’t talk like that. We’ve got to stay positive. Besides, think about her mom. We need to be there for her.”

  That stopped Summer. She was so caught up in her grief over losing her best friend that she forgot about Pamela. Ashlyn was all Pamela had in the world. She supposed it was still her job to help Pamela with the closure. “Okay. Let’s go to the hospital.”

  Troy reached out and took Summer’s hand in his. “I’m sure Ashlyn will be fine.”

  And I’m sure she won’t.

  * * *

  Troy drove them to the nearest hospital. When Summer bent down to get her bag, she saw the brown Diet Coke stain on her floor mat. Her eyes burned as new tears formed. “That’s where Ashlyn spilled her drink. It was so”—sniff—“funny.”

  Summer leaned her head on the dashboard and started crying all over again.

  Troy placed his hand on her back. “Soon you guys will be laughing again. The doctors will patch her up, and things will be okay.”

  “You don’t get it. The paramedics tried to shock her heart, but it wouldn’t start beating again. Ashlyn is already gone.”

  “They didn’t shock her heart,” Troy said, his voice soft. “They loaded her onto the stretcher and brought her here so that she can get the medical attention she needs.”

  “They shocked it in the ambulance. It didn’t work, though.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just do, okay!” Summer yelled.

  The two of them sat in silence for a minute, only the noise of her sobs filling the air. The dash wasn’t exactly comfortable, but Summer couldn’t seem to lift her head off of it. Instead, she stared at the floor. Stared at the brown stain that ripped out her heart. When she heard Troy get out of the car, she figured she’d pissed him off enough that he’d decided to leave her there.

  Then her car door opened, letting a waft of cool air in.

  Summer twisted her head to look up at Troy. He didn’t say anything
, simply extended his hand. She took it and let him pull her out of the car. Hand in hand, they entered the hospital. Troy walked up to the desk and asked about Ashlyn. Since they were a couple of teenagers with no relation to the patient, the receptionist was less than forthcoming with the details.

  Through the fog in Summer’s mind, she sensed Pamela before she came in. Seconds later, Ashlyn’s mom burst through the doors of the hospital, looking harried. Gaze trained on the receptionist, she made a beeline for the front desk. “Where’s my daughter? I was told the ambulance brought her here.”

  The receptionist took down her name and told her she’d get someone to update her. Pamela turned around and seemed to notice Summer for the first time. She blinked at her. “Summer? What happened? Is Ashlyn okay?”

  The lump in Summer’s throat made it impossible to respond. More tears were all that came out.

  “They took her in the ambulance,” Troy said. “They wouldn’t tell us anything when we got here.”

  Finally, Summer found her voice. “We were just walking, and she collapsed. I tried CPR. I tried everything I knew, but I was too late.”

  Troy wrapped his arm around her and hugged her to him. “Summer did CPR until the paramedics took her. She did a really good job.”

  Tears streamed down Summer’s cheeks, and she wondered if she’d ever run out. It didn’t feel like it. It felt like she’d cry forever.

  “Are you Mrs. Moore?” A man in scrubs asked.

  Pamela turned toward the man. “I’m Miss Moore. Ashlyn Moore is my daughter.”

  The man took a deep breath. Even though Summer knew what he was going to say, she allowed herself a glimmer of hope. “We tried to revive your daughter in the ambulance,” he said. “The paramedics used the paddles, but they couldn’t get her heart beating again. I’m so sorry.”

  “No, that can’t be right,” Pamela said. “She’s only seventeen-years-old. How could this happen?”

  “We’ll let you know more as we do.” The man turned and walked away, taking all hope with him.

  Pamela shook her head. Summer could see the realization of Ashlyn being gone sinking in, ripping her up inside, the way it had done to her. “She can’t be…” Tears bordered her eyes, then she turned and embraced Summer. “She just can’t. I was finally getting to know her better.”