Because I Love You

by Tori Rigby

  I joined Mom in the kitchen ten minutes before I had to leave.

  “Honey, please don’t tell me you’re going to school,” she said. Not too often you hear that from a parent. “What about homeschool?”

  “I don’t want to give up on River Springs if I can help it.”

  Mom stared at me. I shot her a stop-pestering-me look and crossed my arms.

  “All right.” She broke. “But if it gets to be too much, you’ll finish out this year at home and go back next fall.” She handed me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a banana.

  I ate my breakfast like some genie made the food go poof off my plate, stuffed my purse with granola bars, and then raced down the street to catch the bus. As soon as I climbed in, I searched for Jill. Since I’d missed the last three days of school, I hadn’t yet followed through on my promise to eat lunch with her. I sighed, thankful she was sitting alone and that she didn’t glare at me. I slid into the seat next to her.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t eat with you on Thursday,” I said.

  Jill shrugged. “I know you left early. It wasn’t like you could be two places at once.” Her brown eyes widened, playful. “Can you be two places at once?”

  “I wish. It’d be nice to get my education without really being here.”

  “If I could ace my tests from the Eiffel Tower, I’d never come home.”

  I smiled. “Paris would be pretty cool.”

  We talked the rest of the ride, not about school or babies but about our interests, what we had in common. Jill was super smart—almost rocket-scientist smart—and totally nerdy. For at least five minutes, she went on about Star Trek until I admitted I’d never watched the show. Which, of course, got me a gaping mouth and a promise to be nerdified. Not that I’d mind. It’d be nice to talk about something other than shoes, clothes, and the latest gossip on who was hooking up with whom.

  By the time we reached school, I felt like I could take on the world. If only I’d known Jill Anderson sooner. She seemed like the kind of person who was real twenty-four/seven. Not to mention, she was super nice. And I needed that.

  Jill and I parted as soon as we entered the building. I dodged snickers and snide smiles the whole way to my locker. Only one person tossed me a, “’Sup, Virgin Mary?” to which I shoved my book bag higher on my shoulder and mentally flipped him off. No one was going to ruin my day.

  When I reached my locker, Neil leaned against its door, eyebrows furrowed. As soon as he saw me, he sighed before straightening up and stepping out of the way.

  “I’m guessing I shouldn’t say good morning?” I turned the lock.

  “No, probably not. I was hoping you wouldn’t come back.”

  My knees weakened. Had I misinterpreted everything Monday night? Forcing my voice to stay steady, I replied, “Wow. Nice to know you’ve got my back.”

  Neil moved in closer so he could whisper, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

  With my books in my arms, I slammed my locker door closed. “I’m tired of hiding. All I want to do is go to class and pretend, for once, that my shot at med school hasn’t gone down the toilet.” I stormed away from him without waiting for a response.

  Of course, he matched my stride. Sometimes, it really sucked to have short legs.

  “Hey, I’m just trying to look out for you,” he said. “You know how people are here. Besides rich and obnoxious.”

  “I’m perfectly capable of ignoring them.”

  “Andie—”

  I stopped and glared at him. “I’m staying.”

  He raised his hands. “Fine. But promise me you’ll text if anything gets out of hand.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I marched down the hall to English. Although I appreciated his concern, I could take care of myself. It was time I stopped calling Neil to rescue me.

  I glanced over my shoulder and found him still following me. “I can walk myself to class, you know.”

  “Do you see me holding a leash? I’m in your class, Princess. It’s usually where I take my morning nap, remember?”

  Oh. Right. I forgot Neil was a senior—and that he had a knack for the subject, much to my initial chagrin.

  We entered the classroom and parted ways, Neil to the back where he could sleep and me to a desk toward the front of the room. Three minutes later, the rest of our classmates filed in.

  Heather’s perfume hit me first. I glanced up from my notebook to find her staring wide-eyed at me. She hadn’t expected me to come back either. Then her gaze turned wicked, and I could practically read her thoughts: How dare you think you can come back and pretend like nothing happened? Backstabbers get what they deserve!

  I slunk down in my seat, Heather’s features blurring behind my teary gaze. Heat ran up the back of my neck, and I breathed slowly, trying to keep myself under control. As if she wanted to make the scene as awkward as possible, Heather mumbled, “Whore,” as she sauntered past me, her heels clicking on the floor. I gripped my pen tighter, fighting the urge to jump out of my seat and flee.

  My cell phone buzzed in my purse. With shaking hands, I drew it from the bag and tapped on the message Neil had sent me: You got this. Don’t let that bitch ruin your mojo.

  I took a deep breath and swallowed my tears as the final bell rang. He was right. I was stronger than this. Screw Heather.

  Mr. Bingham shuffled to the front of the room. “Your test on Of Mice and Men is tomorrow. Make sure to ask any questions you have on the material today, or you’re out of luck.”

  “How many essay questions are there going to be?” someone asked.

  “Two. There are always two questions. Anyone else?”

  The room was quiet for a full thirty seconds. Then, as Mr. Bingham turned to write on the whiteboard, someone shouted, “I have a question!”

  I turned in my chair as a cold wave chilled me from head to toe. The person speaking was Gwen, Beth’s mini-me.

  “You said one of the main themes of the book is oppression, right? Well, what if people oppress others, not because they want to look powerful but because they’re afraid?”

  “I suppose. What would the characters have been afraid of?” Mr. Bingham asked.

  Gwen shrugged. “Maybe they were afraid their soul would go to Hell for associating with the wrong kind of people.” She stared right at me, a smug look on her face.

  “Your soul’s already damned, Freeman. Too many blowjobs. I would know,” Neil said.

  The class burst out in laughter.

  Gwen spun in her seat, her cheeks red. “I did not—”

  “Mr. Donaghue, I will not tolerate that kind of language in my classroom. You can see me after class for your detention slip,” Mr. Bingham interrupted. “Quiet down, everyone. As for your question, Miss Freeman, if that’s what you gathered from the novel, then that’s your prerogative. I’ll expect to read more about it on your exam. Now, let’s move on to . . .”

  I tuned out the rest of Mr. Bingham’s speech. Instead, I focused on putting Gwen’s and Heather’s comments out of my head. I can handle this. Eventually, they’d get tired, or people would simply stop caring. Either way, things would get better. And I was strong. They couldn’t hurt me unless I let them.

  chapter fourteen

  The rest of the morning went by without much of a problem. I’d still gotten jeers in the halls, and people were obviously whispering about me in my classes. But no one else had tried anything like Gwen or Heather. Twice, I’d caught Neil’s worried stares when we passed each other in the hall, but all I had to do was smile, and he’d continue on his merry way.

  After purchasing a salad and bottled water from the cafeteria, I met Jill in the quad outside. It was October, and the air was chilly, but the sun was shining. Time to soak up as many good days as I could before the snow hit.

  “Don’t tell me you’re one of those vegan people,” Jill said, biting into a turkey sandwich.

  I covered my mouth and nose, remembering how I’d reacted the last time I’d tasted—and
smelled—lunch meat. “No, but your sandwich is going to make me sick.”

  She looked at her food then back at me. She shrugged and tossed the meal into its plastic bag. “There. All gone. I do have chips, though. I can eat them, right?”

  I smiled. Heather never would’ve put her sandwich away; she would’ve asked me to move farther away from it. “Yes, I can handle the chips.”

  Neil watched me from his usual table across the courtyard. I made a face at him that, I hoped, said, I’m fine. Stop babying me. He smirked and turned away to chat with Owen.

  “Is he the baby’s dad?” Jill asked.

  My head snapped around. “Who—Neil? No. Definitely not.”

  She shrugged. “What? He’d have really good genes.”

  I raised an eyebrow. Was she the only girl in the entire school who didn’t know about his reputation? “How are you not telling me to stay far, far away from him?”

  “Please, the only guys who score a lot of game don’t talk about the game, because they’re smart enough to know that most girls won’t do the touchdown dance if they’re number thirty.”

  I burst out laughing. To have someone put sex in those terms was hilarious. “Seriously, Jill? You’re going to make me pee.”

  “I have another one. Most girls won’t ride the Millennium Falcon if they know they’re number thirty.”

  My nose scrunched. “The what?”

  Jill sighed and shook her head. “We seriously have some work to do in your nerd department.”

  At that moment, the cheerleading squad entered the courtyard. Beth, Gwen, Heather, and April glanced at me then whispered and giggled while Monica shushed them. My shoulders dropped as I flicked away my gaze.

  “Here.” Jill held out a Hershey bar. “Chocolate will make you feel better.”

  I forced a smile. “Thanks, but I’m okay.” Could I have the chocolate, anyway?

  She dropped the candy in front of me. “In case you change your mind.”

  I rolled my eyes and stuck the chocolate bar in my purse as she launched into talking about the latest fantasy movie coming out around Christmas. But the pain of Heather’s continued dismissal lingered, and, soon, I had no appetite for my food.

  Walking into the chem lab after lunch, I parted ways with Jill and grabbed my assigned seat in the middle of the classroom. Beth and Gwen filed in minutes later, eyeing me, smirks growing on their faces. My stomach flipped, and I took a deep breath. Just get through the double period. There’s a teacher. Nothing can happen to you.

  When the final bell rang, Dr. Fitzgerald turned off the lights. We were one of the few schools in Colorado privileged enough to have a high school chemistry teacher with a PhD—one of the many reasons I loved this class so much.

  “All right,” she said. “As I told you yesterday, today’s video is on anabolic and catabolic reactions. There will be a test covering this, so make sure you’re paying close attention.”

  I opened my notebook.

  Dr. Fitzgerald pulled down the projector screen and pressed a button on her remote. The movie came to life, and I jotted the date on the top of my paper as the opening credits rolled. I relaxed, listening to the narrator give a brief overview of the video—then from the movie, a woman screamed at the top of her lungs. I shot my gaze to the screen.

  We were in a birthing room where a woman continued to scream as if someone were ripping her apart. And you could see everything. Everything. I gripped the edge of my science table as cold sweat beaded on my forehead. Classmates stared. Beth sneered. Dr. Fitzgerald scrambled to her computer as laughter filled the room.

  Then, the worst happened—someone had gone in and pasted a picture of my face over the woman’s. The room spun.

  “Push, Andie, push!” a voice yelled from the projector’s speakers.

  “It’s a virgin baby!” another said.

  Yet another shouted, “No, it’s a demon!”

  I was glued to my chair, my breathing labored. Sobs caught in my throat.

  “Someone get Andie out of here!” Dr. Fitzgerald yelled. “And does anyone know how to work this thing?”

  A hand touched my back. “Come on,” Jill said. “I’ll come back for your stuff.” She slipped her hand into mine and yanked me from my chair, dragging me out of the classroom.

  My feet felt like they were drenched in cement, weighing me to the floor. By the time we reached the hall, I shook like I’d awoken from centuries of being frozen in ice.

  Someone shouting my name caught me off guard. Ears ringing, I didn’t recognize the voice. I turned. Neil ran at me, his face pale.

  “What happened?” he asked, putting his hands on my shoulders.

  “I’d bet my whole bank account your sister is what happened,” Jill replied, her voice seething with rage. “Someone switched Dr. Fitzgerald’s video to some lady giving birth, vagina and all. And they taped voices over it. Did you know what people were planning to do? Is that why you were waiting out here?”

  “I overheard something about chemistry, but that was it. Beth doesn’t live at home. Damn it, she’s shaking. Andie, talk to me.”

  “She’s in shock, pea brain,” Jill said.

  Carter’s voice filled the hall. “Andie? Hey, what happened to her?”

  That was all it took to send me over the edge. My former best friend—my baby’s dad—swooping in, trying to rescue me, when he’d been nothing but a cold, heartless dick.

  I snapped, lunging at him when he got close and scratching his face with my nails. “You asshole! You left me to fend for myself, you worthless piece of shit. I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill you!” Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, yanking me away from a wide-eyed Carter.

  “Andie, calm down!” Neil yelled, but I kept screaming, fighting to get out of his arms so I could pummel my ex-best friend.

  “Let me go!” I screamed.

  “Lambert, get out of here,” Neil said.

  Carter took off, his hand pressed to his bloodied cheek.

  By now, students were flooding the halls, anxious to see what was going down. A couple of the teachers moved toward us, as if thinking they needed to break up a fight. But Neil had already beaten them to the punch.

  “Andie,” he whispered in my ear, “it’s over. Let me take you home. You’re safe now.”

  If it wasn’t for Neil holding me, I would’ve sunk to the ground. A loud, weeping moan rolled through me, and I curled over Neil’s arms, clutching at my neck. With a groan, he straightened me and turned me around. My hands on his chest, I melted into him, wishing I could disappear. I buried my face in his shirt and bawled.

  “Nothing to see here,” he said. “Get lost, people.”

  Feet shuffled, and the hall filled with the rolling sound of a train on its track. A third hand touched the back of my head, and fingertips combed through my hair.

  “I’m going to get her stuff,” Jill said. “And I’m coming with you. Give me a minute.”

  Neil must’ve nodded because Jill’s hand disappeared. His arms tightened around me, and his cheek rested on the top of my head. For minutes, we stood there, Neil silent while I cried until my abs ached and my lungs burned.

  “Andie, you need to breathe,” Neil said into my hair.

  Listening to his steady heartbeat, I tried to mimic his breathing as his chest rose and fell under my palms. Soon, my throat relaxed and my stomach calmed. I pulled back from him with a sniffle.

  “Sorry,” I said, unable to look at him.

  He wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Don’t apologize. I take it Lambert’s the dad.”

  I frowned. “Yeah.”

  “Was he any good?”

  I glared at him, open-mouthed. Did he really just ask me that?

  Neil smirked. “Welcome back.”

  I rolled my eyes as Jill appeared next to me, breathing heavily. “Okay, I think I got everything.” She handed me my purse and book bag. “Sorry, I had to break into your locker. Well, I didn’t really break in. But I thou
ght you’d want your books, so I didn’t think you’d mind—”

  “Thank you,” I replied. “And I probably shouldn’t be surprised that you can crack a combination lock.”

  Jill blushed and shrugged. “It’s easy, actually.”

  “Noted,” Neil interjected. “Now, let’s go before the bell rings and my sister finds us. I might wring her neck, and I really don’t feel like going to prison.” He turned and headed for the exit.

  Jill and I had to jog to keep up.

  “Um, don’t you want to stop at your locker?” Jill asked Neil. “I mean, not that it’s any of my business, but you should probably grab your books so you don’t fall behind.”

  Neil smirked. “That’s not a problem.”

  “Why? Did you steal the teachers’ tests?”

  He laughed and tapped his head. “I take pictures with my brain. No cheating necessary.”

  “So, that’s why you sleep in class,” I said.

  “Yep. Gotta catch up on my beauty sleep. It isn’t easy looking like me.” He winked.

  Jill shot me a look that read, Is he always like this? Though my heart still felt like someone had rung it dry, I couldn’t help but smile as we left the building.

  The house was empty when we got there. Jill dropped her stuff on the kitchen floor while Neil went for the fridge. Guess he doesn’t have a problem making himself at home.

  “Got anything to eat?” he asked, staring at the well-stocked insides.

  “Didn’t you just have lunch?” Jill asked.

  “Nope. Evil sister took my last five bucks.” He grabbed a bag of pepperoni and started munching.

  “There’s a pantry next to the fridge if you want chips or cookies or whatever,” I said, dropping my book bag and purse next to Jill’s as I wandered to the living room. I plopped on the couch and flicked on the TV. Anything to keep my mind off school.

  Mom was right. I never should’ve gone back.

  Jill joined me in the living room, followed seconds later by Neil who’d found a box of Oreos and a glass of milk. I should’ve offered to make him something healthier. He cozied into the recliner with an enthusiastic sigh.