Need Me, Cowboy

by Maisey Yates

  He couldn’t argue, because he knew it was true. Because he had known that if he brought her into his life then he would be consigning her to a prison sentence, too.

  And if it was true for her, it was true for him.

  He was in prison. But for him there would be no escape.

  She could escape.

  “For my part,” he said, his voice flat, as flat as the beating of his heart in his ears, “I’ve chosen vengeance. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

  “Levi...” She blinked. “Can you just give us a chance? You don’t have to tell me that you love me now. But can’t you just—”

  “No. We’re done. The house is done, and so are we. It’s already gone on too long, Faith, and the fact that I’ve made you cry is evidence of that.”

  “Please,” she said. “I’ll beg. I don’t have any pride. I’m more than willing to fall into that virgin stereotype you are so afraid of,” she reiterated. “Happily. Because there is no point to pride if I haven’t got you.”

  He gritted his teeth and took a step forward, gripping her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Now, you listen to me,” he said. “There is every reason for you to have pride, Faith Grayson. Your life is going to go on without me. And when you meet the man who loves you the way you deserve to be loved, who can give you the life you should have, you’ll understand. And you’ll be grateful for your pride.”

  “I refuse to take a lecture on my feelings from a man who doesn’t even believe in what I feel.” She turned and began to collect her clothes. “I still want you to have my design. My house. Because when you’re walking around in it, I want you to feel my love in those walls. And I want you to remember what you could have had.” She blinked her eyes. “I designed it with so much care, Levi. To be sure that you never felt like you were locked in again. But you’re going to feel like you’re in prison. Whether you’re inside or outside. Whether you’re alone or with me or whether you’re on the back of a horse or not. And it’s a prison of your own making. You have to let go. You have to let go of all the hate you’re carrying around. And then you might be surprised to find out how much love you can hold. If you decide to do that, please come and find me.”

  She dressed quietly, slowly, and without another word. Then she grabbed her sketchbook and turned and walked out of the bedroom.

  He didn’t go after her. He didn’t move at all until he heard the front door shut, until he heard the engine of her car fire up.

  He walked into the bathroom, bracing himself on the sink before looking up slowly at his reflection. The man he saw there...was a criminal.

  A man who might not have committed a crime, but who had been hardened by years in jail. A man who had arguably been destined for that fate no matter which way he had walked in the world, because of his beginnings.

  The man he saw there...was a man he hated more than he hated anyone.

  His father. His ex-wife.

  Anyone.

  Levi looked down at the countertop again, and saw the cup by the sink where his toothbrush was. Where Faith’s still was.

  That damn toothbrush.

  He picked up the cup and threw it across the bathroom, the glass shattering decisively, the toothbrushes scattering.

  It was just a damn toothbrush. She was just a woman.

  In the end, he would have exactly what he had set out to get.

  And that was all a man like him could ever hope for.

  Fifteen

  Faith had no idea how she managed to walk into her parents’ house. Had no idea how she managed to sit and eat dinner and look like a normal person. Force a smile. Carry on a conversation.

  She had no idea how she managed to do any of it, and yet, she did.

  She felt broken. Splintered and shattered inside, and like she might get cut on her own damaged pieces. But somehow, she had managed to sit there and smile and nod at appropriate times. Somehow, she had managed not to pick up her dinner plate and smash it on the table, to make it as broken as the rest of her.

  She had managed not to yell at Joshua and Danielle, Poppy and Isaiah, Devlin and Mia, and even her own parents for being happy, functional couples.

  She felt she deserved a medal for all those things, and yet she knew one wasn’t coming.

  When the meal was finished, her mother and Danielle and Poppy stayed in the kitchen, working on a cake recipe Danielle had been interested in learning how to bake for Joshua’s birthday, while Devlin and her father went out to the garage so that Devlin could take a look under the hood of their father’s truck.

  And that left Faith corralled in the living room with Joshua and Isaiah.

  “Poppy told me,” Isaiah said, his voice firm and hard.

  “She’s a turncoat,” Faith said, shaking her head. Of course, she had known her sister-in-law would tell. Faith had never expected confidentiality there, and she would never have asked for it. “Well, there’s nothing to tell. Not anymore.”

  “What does that mean?” Joshua asked.

  “Just what it sounds like. My personal relationship with Mr. Tucker is no more, the design phase has moved on to construction and he is now Jonathan Bear’s problem, not mine. It’s not a big deal.” She waved a hand. “So now your optics should be a little clearer.”

  “I don’t care about my optics, Faith,” Joshua said, his expression contorted with anger. “I care about you. I care about you getting hurt.”

  “Well,” she said, “I’m hurt. Oh, well. Everybody goes through it, I guess.”

  “That bastard,” Joshua said. “He took advantage of you.”

  “Why do you think he took advantage of me? Because I’m young?” She stared at her brother, her expression pointed. “Because I was a virgin?” She glared at them both a little bit harder, and watched as their faces paled slightly and they exchanged glances. “People who live in glass towers cannot be throwing stones. And I think the two of you did a pretty phenomenal job of breaking your wives’ hearts before things all worked out.”

  “That was different,” Isaiah said.

  “Oh, really?”

  “Yes,” Joshua said. “Different.”

  “Why?”

  “Because,” Joshua said simply, “we ended up with them.”

  “But they didn’t know that you would end up together. Not when you broke things off with them.”

  “Do you think you’re going to end up with him?” Isaiah asked.

  “No,” she said, feeling deflated as the words left her lips. “I don’t. But you can’t go posturing about me not knowing what I want, not knowing what I’m doing, when you both married women closer to my age than yours.”

  “Poppy is kind of in the middle,” Isaiah said. “In fairness.”

  “No,” Faith said, pointing a finger at him. “No in fairness. She was in love with you for a decade and you ignored her, and then you proposed a convenient marriage to her with absolutely no emotion involved at all. You don’t get any kind of exception here.”

  He shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

  “I don’t need a lecture,” she said softly. “And I don’t need you to go beat him up.”

  “Are you still going ahead with the project?” Joshua asked. “Because you know, you don’t have to do that.”

  “I do,” she said. “I want to. I want to give him the house. I mean, for money, but I want him to have it.”

  “Well, he’s the asshole who has to live in the house designed by his ex, I guess,” Joshua said.

  She sighed heavily. “I know what you’re thinking—you’re thinking that you were right, and you warned me. But you weren’t right. Whatever you think happened between Levi and I, you’re wrong.”

  “So he didn’t defile you?” Joshua asked.

  “No,” Faith said, not backing down from the challenge in her brother’s eyes. �
�He definitely did. But I love him. And I don’t regret what happened. I can’t. It was a mistake. But it was my mistake. And I needed to make it.”

  “Faith,” Joshua said, “I know it seems like it sometimes, but I promise, you don’t have to justify yourself to me. Tell us. I know what I said about optics, but that was before I realized... Hell,” he said, “it was before I realized what was going on. I’m sorry that you got hurt.”

  “I’ll survive,” she said, feeling sadly like she might not.

  “Faith,” Isaiah said, her older brother looking uncharacteristically sympathetic. “Whatever happens,” he said, “sometimes a person is too foolish to see what’s right in front of them. Sometimes a man needs to be left on his own to fully understand what it was he had. Sometimes men who don’t deserve love need it the most.”

  “Do you mean you?” she asked.

  He looked at her, his eyes clear and focused. And full of more emotion than she was used to seeing on him. “Yes. And it would be hypocritical of me to accept the love I get from Poppy and think Levi doesn’t deserve the chance to have it with you. Or maybe deserve is the wrong word. It’s not about deserving. I don’t deserve what I have. But I love her. With everything. And it took me a while to sort through that. The past gets in the way.”

  “That’s our problem,” she said. “There’s just too much of the past.”

  “There’s nothing you can do about that,” Isaiah said. “The choice is his. The only question is...are you going to wait for him to figure it out?”

  “I vote you don’t,” Joshua said. “Because you’re too good for him.”

  “I vote you decide,” Isaiah added, shooting a pointed look at Joshua. “Because you probably are too good for him. But sometimes when a woman is too good for a man, that means he’ll love her a hell of a lot more than anyone else will.” He cleared his throat. “From experience, I can tell you that if you’re hard to love, when someone finally does love you, it’s worth everything. Absolutely everything.”

  “You’re not hard to love,” she said.

  “That’s awfully nice of you to say, but I definitely have my moments. I bet he does, too. And when he realizes what it is you’re giving him? He’ll know what a damn fool he was to have thrown it away.”

  “I still disagree,” Joshua said.

  “And who are you going to listen to about interpersonal relationships? Him or me?”

  Faith looked over at Isaiah, her serious brother, her brother who had difficulty understanding people, connecting with people, but no difficulty at all loving his wife. She smiled, but didn’t say anything. She felt broken. But Isaiah had given her hope. And she would hold on to that with everything she had.

  Because without it... All that stretched before her was a future without Levi. And that made all her previous perfection seem like nothing much at all.

  Sixteen

  It had been two weeks since Levi had last seen Faith.

  And in that time, ground had been broken on the new house, he’d had several intensive conversations with Jonathan Bear and he’d done one well-placed interview he knew would filter into his ex-wife’s circles. He’d had the reporter come out to the house he was currently staying in, and the man had followed him on a trail ride while Levi had given his version of the story.

  It had all gone well, the headline making national news easily, and possibly international news thanks to the internet, with several pictures of Levi and his horses. The animals somehow made him seem softer and more approachable.

  And, of course, his alliance with Faith had only helped matters. Because she was a young woman and because the assumption was that she would have vetted him before working with him. What surprised him the most was the quote that had been included in the story from GrayBear Construction. Which, considering what Levi knew about the company, meant Faith’s brother Joshua. It surprised him, because Joshua had spoken of Levi’s character and their excitement about working on the project with him. On this chance for a new start.

  For redemption.

  Levi wasn’t sure what the hell Faith had told her brother, but he was sure he didn’t deserve the quote. Still, he was grateful for it.

  Grateful was perhaps the wrong word.

  He looked at the article, running his thumb over the part about his redemption.

  And in his mind, he heard Faith’s voice.

  You never walked out of that prison.

  She didn’t understand. She couldn’t.

  But that didn’t change the fact that he felt like he’d been breathing around a knife for the past two weeks. Faith—his Faith—had left a hole in his life he couldn’t imagine would ever be filled. But that was...how it had to be.

  He had his path, she had hers.

  There was nothing to be done about it. His fate had been set long before he’d ever met her. And there was no changing it now.

  He had gone out to the building site today, just to look around at everything. The groundwork was going well, as was the excavation over where he wanted to put the stables. She had been right about Jonathan Bear. He was the best.

  Jonathan had assembled a crew in what seemed to be record time, especially considering that this particular project was so large. It looked like a small army working on the property. Jonathan was also quick and efficient at acquiring materials and speeding through permits and inspections. He also seemed to know every subcontractor in the state, and had gotten them out to bid right away.

  Levi had already built on a property where money was no object, but this was somewhere beyond that.

  He turned in a circle, watching all the commotion around him, then stopped and frowned when he saw a Mercedes coming up the drive. Bright red, sporty. Not a car that he recognized.

  The car stopped, and he saw a woman inside, large sunglasses on her face, hair long and loose.

  Flames licked at the edge of his gut as a sense of understanding began to dawn on him.

  The blonde got out of the car, and that was when recognition hit him with full force.

  Alicia.

  His ex-wife.

  She was wearing a tight black dress that looked ludicrous out here, and she at least had the good sense to wear a pair of pointed flats, rather than the spiked stilettos she usually favored. Still, the dress was tight, and it forced her entire body into a shimmy with each and every step as she walked over to meet him.

  He’d loved her. For so many years. And then he’d hated her.

  And now... His whole chest was full of Faith. His whole body. His whole soul. And he looked at Alicia and he didn’t feel much of anything anymore.

  “Are you really here?” he asked, not quite sure why those were the words that had come out of his mouth. But... It was damn incredulous. That she would dare show her face.

  “I am,” she said, looking down and back up at him, her blue eyes innocent and bright. “I wasn’t sure you would be willing to see me if I called ahead. I took a chance, hoping I would find you here. All that publicity for your new build... It wasn’t hard to find out where it was happening.”

  “You’re either a very brave woman or a very stupid one.”

  She tilted her chin upward. “Or a woman with a concealed-carry permit.”

  Suddenly, the little black handbag she was carrying seemed a lot less innocuous.

  “Did you come to shoot me?”

  She lifted a shoulder. “No. But I’m not opposed to it.”

  “Why the hell do you have the right to be angry at me?”

  “I’m not here to be angry at you,” she said. “But I didn’t know how you would receive me, so self-defense was definitely on my mind.”

  He shook his head. “I never laid a hand on you. I never gave you a reason to think you would have to protect yourself around me. Any fear you feel standing in front of me? That’s all on you.”

 
; “Maybe,” she said. “I didn’t really mean for them to think you killed me.”

  “Didn’t you? You knew I went to prison. Hell, babe, you siphoned money off me for a couple of years to fund the lifestyle you knew you wanted to live out in the French Riviera, and you only got back on police radar when you had to dip into my funds. So I’d say you knew exactly what you were doing.”

  “Yes, Levi, I meant to steal money from you. But I didn’t want you to go to jail. I wanted to disappear. And I needed the money to live how I wanted. When you got arrested, I didn’t know what to do. At that point, there was such a circus around my disappearance that I couldn’t come back.”

  “Oh, no, of course not.”

  “People like us, we have to look out for ourselves.”

  “I looked out for you,” he said. “You were mine for twelve years, and even when I was in prison it was only you, so, for me, it was seventeen years of you being mine, Alicia. I worried about you. Cared for you. Loved you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “You’re sorry? I spent five years in prison and had my entire reputation destroyed, and you’re sorry.”

  “I want you back.” She shook her head. “I know it sounds insane. But I... I’m miserable.”

  “You’re broke,” he spat. “And you’re afraid of what I’m going to do.”

  The way she looked up at him, the slight flash of anger in her eyes before it was replaced by that dewy innocence, told him he was definitely on the right track. “I don’t have money, I’m not going to lie to you.”

  “And yet, that’s a nice car.”

  She shrugged. “I have what I have. I can hardly be left without a vehicle. And I was your wife for all that time, you’re right. And that’s basically all I was, Levi. I enhanced your image, but being your wife didn’t help me figure out a way to earn the kind of money you did, and now no one will touch me with a ten-foot pole. My reputation is completely destroyed.”