by M J Porter
Erann slept, his face towards her and she reached out to touch him. She realised at the same moment that one hand was entwined in his and a feeling of deep and profound love, flooded through her. He had rescued her, somehow, there was no other explanation.
With her free hand she touched under his eyes, unaccountably saddened by the signs of exhaustion there. She had caused them, she knew it without having to be told. He had told her that he loved her, and she had left, callously without saying goodbye. She regretted her actions.
She traced the line of his stubbly jaw and the outline of his nose. He did not stir. His bruising was almost all gone and she could clearly see the beauty that was his face. Her heart swelled with joy and she felt tears begin to fall down her face. She was a fool. Why did anything matter except this feeling of profound peace that she had here with Erann and Arrow?
The sun was just beginning to light the inside of the cave and it was warm and inviting. She relished the heat appreciating it more than ever now that she had endured days deprived of it as she lay trapped in the cold and dark. Hazy memories of her days alone were slowly filling her mind and she shivered in remembrance. She never wanted to move from here.
Her stomach rumbled, loudly, and she felt both Arrow and Erann stir. She cursed quietly under her breath but there was nothing for it. Her stomach was empty and was not about to give up complaining.
Arrow woke most quickly and licked her face in riotous welcome when she realised she was awake, before dashing from the cave. Sereh grinned to herself. She knew how the wolf felt. Her bladder was also crying out in pain.
She gently extracted herself from Erann’s grip, regretting having to do so and tested her feet and toes by wiggling them all experimentally. She could feel them all and so she decided that standing was worth a go.
She thrust the furs back from her body, feeling the cold air rush over her body. She braced herself against the smooth cave wall and gingerly placed her feet under her body and slowly started to stand. She felt dizzy but it was manageable. With an effort, and not too much noise, she made it to her feet. Only when she was on her feet did she realise that her boots were missing. She found them besides Erann and besides a stick. The stick gave her pause for thought even as she concentrated on reaching over and getting her boots. However her need was greater right now and she quickly slipped on her boots, only a little wobbly, and dashed from the cave in much the same way that Arrow had, she thought to herself with a smile.
Outside the sun was making the snow sparkle like a field of jewels and after Sereh had relieved herself, for some time, she spent a few moments enjoying the warmth of the sun on her exposed face. Her face felt raw and she reached up to touch it, aware suddenly that her face was sore and bumpy. The effects of her exposure, she supposed, to the terrible freezing conditions of her hole. Arrow joined her and the pair of them stood there together, enjoying the mild heat and just being together.
Erann found them there some short time later. He had a manic grin on his face and Sereh returned it, wholeheartedly, until she saw him clearly. He stood there, with his upper body wrapped in one of the furs, and with his seal lined trousers shining inky in the sun. He had his shirt on but it was open and Sereh caught a glimpse of his finally muscled chest, which made her look away in embarrassment, before her eyes came to rest on his stick. He was hobbling and could only walk with the aid of the stick. Her smile slowly disappeared from her face and Erann looked at her in confusion.
Now was not the time, she knew it, but now that she had seen him, now that she could think clearly, she knew that she needed answers. Erann could not possibly have rescued her alone. Speaking of being alone, where was Emma?
She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. Now really wasn’t the time. She should at least give him a chance to explain before she jumped down his throat demanding answers again. After all, last time had not exactly been a success. She wanted to see the smile back on his face, which lit up his entire being and bought an almost luminous jade sheen to his eyes.
She plastered the smile back on her face and stepped towards him. No matter what, she was exuberantly pleased to see him.
He smiled back uncertainly, the colour only half back in his eyes, and reached his hand out to her. She took it gently and squeezed. The light fully returned to his eyes and her heart pounded in her chest. No one had ever looked at her like that or been so pleased to see her.
Holding hands and with Arrow in front, they walked back inside the cave. It was a little awkward as Erann needed his stick as well to keep his balance, and Sereh felt herself almost lose her balance in her effort to help him.
* * *
Sereh woke the next sunrise, again sandwiched between Arrow and Erann but her feelings of love and exhilaration were missing. She ached, her head hurt and for all the nothings they had discussed last sunrise, as they ate and tidied the cave, Erann had offered no explanations. She had a feeling of de ja vu. She knew how this day would end if she did not receive any answers.
The day before he had seen to her needs as best he could, yet she had ended up doing more for him than he had done for her. With his stick he could not lift or carry much and like her, he was obviously in pain from whatever he had done when rescuing her, if anything. She was starting to doubt now and kept looking at Arrow for confirmation of her doubts. Arrow was giving nothing away. Finally they had eaten and she had fallen asleep, exhaustion overtaking her when she had only been awake for half of the day. Erann had half woken her and lead her awkwardly back to her bed of wolf furs. She had not wanted to go but had had no choice. Her eyes would not stay open and her body would not do as it was told. It felt heavy and she struggled to put one foot in front of the other.
As she had fallen asleep, she had felt Erann brushing her hair from her face and running his hand along her forehead and under her eyes, tracing her face in much the same way that she had done to him when she had first woken. She had wanted to bat his hand away. She had not had the energy or the inclination to make her mild annoyance known. If she was honest with herself, his touch had left a hot trail along her face. If she had been more awake she knew she would have kissed him and then regretted her actions later. Now she felt well rested and ready for a fight. His actions had put her in jeopardy and she wanted to know why. She was blaming him completely for her accident.
She sat up decisively, only then realising that he had his arm around her under her head and that his other hand gently held hers. The feelings of protectiveness she felt were immense and pleasurable. She wanted to be loved by him; wanted to let herself love him, as she now knew she did. She wanted it more than anything, well, except maybe some explanations.
With annoyance she let go off his hand and stumbled to her feet. Her head felt light. She needed to drink and eat. There was an appetising smell coming from the cook pot and she staggered towards it, aware as she went of every aching part of her body. How quickly she forgot that she was lucky to be alive, that she should still be crumpled at the bottom of a crevasse. Her mind might forget. Her body would not.
She groaned as she perched herelf on a rock seat and reached for the cook pot. Immediately Arrow was at her side. Sereh wasn’t even sure where she had appeared from and looked around in some confusion. Sereh could only imagine that she had been exploring the cavern system in search of more dead meat.
She stroked the wolf’s head and then gave them both huge bowls full of the tasty stew that Erann must have prepared. She had her appetite back today instead of the day before when she had wanted to eat but had been too tired to do more than sample Erann’s attempts at cooking.
In the corner, Erann still slept and Sereh glanced towards the cave entrance. The day seemed duller than yesterday and she wondered if perhaps it was earlier than she thought and the sun had not yet fully risen. She took her bowl towards the cave entrance and was instantly blinded by dazzling sunlight. She blinked in confusion – had a cloud been obscuring the sun before for it was surely nearer to the mi
ddle of the day than sunrise?
* * *
He woke as sunlight filled the cave. He realised instantly that it was because Greeneyes had moved away from the entrance because he could hear him retreating. Ever since he had became aware of Greeneyes his senses appeared to have become more acute. He could even make out the noise of something small scurrying right at the back of the cave if he concentrated. Greeneyes had been using his bulk to block the worst of the wind and cold. Erann was grateful. Anything that aided Sereh in her recovery was appreciated.
He turned to look at her and realised that she had already woken. He glanced around expecting to see her, but didn’t. Then he understood. She had wanted to go outside and so Greeneyes had moved away.
In the euphoria of yesterday he had not spoken to Greeneyes about telling Sereh. He knew that today he must. Whilst Sereh had been content, just about, yesterday to just be alive and be fed, he knew her well enough by now to realise that the questions would be coming today. When they did he wanted to be prepared. He could not lose her again.
Getting up from his sleeping place was, as ever, a struggle. His leg was healing and so were his bumps and grazes. Still he felt awkward. After the events of the last few days he did not want to push his luck any further. They all needed to leave this place if he was to show Sereh the shield and in order to do that he needed to be able to walk without a stick.
He had been liberally dosing himself with Emma’s herb. He had no idea of the correct dosage and just hoped that he wasn’t somehow making things worse. He had also been giving a smaller dosage to Sereh. Whilst she had no outward signs of injury, amazingly, the stresses her body had endured in her days in the cold needed to be combated. He hoped that Emma’s herb was a quick fix it for everything and anything. He hoped it was.
He hobbled to the cook pot and helped himself to some of his stew and brewed himself another pot full of Emma’s herb. He then opened his mind to Greeneyes. He may as well get this over and done with – at the least, Greeneyes might be more reasonable than Sereh.
Erann was pleased to find Greeneyes in good spirits. From his perch above the cave he was watching Sereh and Arrow play. Sereh was throwing balls of snow which Arrow then couldn’t find once they had landed. Greeneyes found it amusing and was musing on the wolf’s intelligence. Arrow was able to find Sereh in the snow, but unable to fathom out that the snow ball was being subsumed by the rest of the snow.
At the touch of Erann’s mind he turned his fall attention to Erann.
“I see you are improving day by day Erann. How is the pain today?”
As ever, Erann was a little startled by Greeneyes’ attention to his well-being. He needed to get used to it, it wasn’t as if Greeneyes was going anywhere.
“Well, thank you. I’m going to try without my stick this day. Then we can leave this place once and for all”.
Greeneyes let out a rumble of laughter.
“Please try not to push yourself too hard, too soon. I think you’ve already done more than enough damage to yourself, don’t you?”
Erann accepted that with a wry smile to himself,
“Of course, you are right. But there is Sereh to consider. I need to make her trust me completely. I know she has questions and I need to give her answers”.
There was silence for a few moments as Greeneyes considered his response. Erann worried that again, they would disagree. He was surprised by Greeneyes answer.
“Erann, I have looked inside her. I have looked for the differences in you. I can not find anything. Nothing is different. She is as you are, yet still she can not ‘see me’. She felt my shadow move this morning but thought nothing of it. I do not know how you can explain to her or how you can make her see when right now she cann’t see. The wolf can see me, you can see me, Sereh, I fear, will never see me. You will have to think of another explanation Erann for the things that have happened. I do not know what it will be. I am sorry my friend”.
There was a deep sadness in Greeneyes ‘voice’ and Erann felt much of his pre-planned arguments drain away. He had not expected his friend to offer so much and to understand his needs. That he did and that he could find no way around it was sobering.
Erann thought desperately. Whilst he could conjure up other explanations, they would all be as equally fantastical as the truth, and somehow he would feel better if he could at the least offer the truth and could make the effort to share everything he knew with Sereh.
Greeneyes came and pocked his huge golden head inside the cave, drawing his green eyes level with Erann. Erann unthinkingly reached up and ran his hand over the bulbous eyebrows. He did not know what he had done to deserve such a good friend but knew in that moment that he was unaccountably blessed with something unquestionably special.
“You’re a good friend, Greeneyes. I thank you for everything. I have to try to make Sereh see. I have to try – you understand don’t you?”
“Truly, I do. I will help if I can but I think it’s impossible”.
“Thanks for your honesty”. With that Erann leant his full weight against Greeneyes head and rested there a moment. His friend filled him with a strength that he did not currently feel for himself. He needed that right now.
* * *
She found him leaning against nothing and she shook her head in annoyance and disgust. What was going on?
He looked peaceful and calm but he wouldn’t be for much longer, she thought to herself. She marched up to him her footfalls loud in the stillness of the day. He either didn’t hear her, or chose not to. She stopped abruptly, taken in by the sheer beauty of his face, by the slant of sunlight on his face that highlighted his perfect nose and jaw. She shook her head again, angry at herself. How quickly she became distracted. She would have her answers now. She opened her mouth to speak, and shut it again just as quickly.
“I know Sereh. I know what you want. Give me a day or two. A bit longer to heal for both you and I. You shall have your answers – I promise”.
Erann spoke softly and insistently. His voice was rough with emotion. Sereh’s arguments died on her lips. She would give him the time he needed How could she refuse when she needed him so much and he had saved her life?
“We need to leave here, together, all of us, and we need to make a small journey. Will you go with me Sereh, please”.
His jade eyes were open now and pleading. Her heart melted, again. She needed all this to be resolved just as much as he did.
“Yes, I will follow you Erann”, her voice broke, “for two more days. That’s all you have”. She wondered why she had added the time restraint. She had not meant to, it had not been intentional. And then she realised. She was hoping, hoping all this would somehow be determined. She could not let herself hope for too long. She owed herself more than that.
Truth
Erann was pushing onwards, taking her somewhere that he felt she needed to go. It was hard going and she was more than a little scared. Her accident and day of exposure down the crevasse had wiped much of her energy and her bare few days of recovery were not enough to make her feel whole and well again. It had been an unpleasant reminder of just how miraculous her survival had been that first night when she had escaped Rankil.
She was amazed at Erann’s stamina. He had been ill and unmoving for a full week only two days ago. Somehow he had the energy to practically fly over the snow, with barely a limp. She knew he was impassioned, desperate for her to understand what had been happening since they had first met. Whatever the truth, it was something that only a few days ago he had announced he could not tell her, that “It was not his secret to tell”. His stubbornness had inadvertently led to her accident and she was now more than a little angry. Why would he tell her only now, after she had so nearly died?
She stumbled and fell elbow deep in snow that was no longer soft and fluffy but wet and sludgy. She cried out in frustration and Arrow ran to her side. She had been walking in the middle ground between herself and Erann. As she caught her breath she ran her
hands through Arrow’s shaggy black and white coat. It was at the in-between stage of changing from her Long Night and Long Day coat. As she stroked handfuls of fur came lose and Sereh released them to blow away in the gentle breeze.
Erann was many steps in front and Sereh noticed him stop and begun to walk back towards her. She held her hand up and shook her head to let him know that he did not need to come back and help her. She lurched to her feet and Arrow battered her hand with her nose in a show of support.
She glanced about her. The day was glorious, the sun beating down on the melting landscape so that she could finally believe that the Long Night had ended and that the crops may now stand a chance of first being harvested and then being re-sown before the Long Night returned.
They were still on Vatna Jokull and Sereh was convinced that they were simply retracing their steps from the first few days of their journey together. She was tired, confused, angry and hungry. She was only following Erann because she felt she owed him a second chance after he’d saved her life. Other than that she felt no compunction to be here. Who was she kidding? Yes, she had nowhere else to go but that reasoning was not really enough to warrant her continued following of him. She knew that most of the reason was that she’d fallen in love with him. When he’d said it to her, on the day that she had left him, she had been too angry for it to register. Since then she had thought of little else. It made sense, it made her feel right. She hadn’t told him that. He didn’t know that she reciprocated his feelings and she was not inclined to let him know now either. She would hold it close to her chest in the hope that he would somehow manage to win her trust as well as her love. She wasn’t holding her breath.
She had so many questions and he was not answering any of them. Emma was just gone. He had just known where to find her. He had just healed from a terrible break in a bare seven days. He just knew that where they were going would answer her questions and win back her trust. She was unconvinced but could admit to herself that she wanted to be convinced, desperately. She wanted to believe that her feelings for him were well grounded and tenable and did not want to consider, seriously, losing him and the hope he presented, again. Those days alone, when she had walked out and left him had been the loneliest and depressing of her entire life. Even living with Rankil had been better. To feel the blossoming of hope and love and friendship and to have it all snatched away, especially by your own bloody mindedness, had nearly drowned her in grief. Her accident had been a direct result of her lack of attention and concern for her own well being. She had, almost, welcomed the helplessness she had felt as she lay freezing slowly to death. She had known then what it was to abandon all hope; to accept death as inevitable.
