Harold Pinter Plays 1

by Harold Pinter

  LULU. Do you think I should?

  GOLDBERG. Try it.

  MEG (sipping). Very nice.

  LULU. I’ll bounce up to the ceiling.

  MCCANN. I don’t know how you can mix that stuff.

  GOLDBERG. Take a chance.

  MEG (to MCCANN). Sit down on this stool.

  LULU sits on GOLDBERG’S lap.

  MCCANN. This?

  GOLDBERG. Comfortable?

  LULU. Yes thanks.

  MCCANN (sitting). It’s comfortable.

  GOLDBERG. You know, there’s a lot in your eyes.

  LULU. And in yours, too.

  GOLDBERG. Do you think so?

  LULU (giggling). Go on!

  MCCANN (to MEG). Where’d you get it?

  MEG. My father gave it to me.

  LULU. I didn’t know I was going to meet you here tonight.

  MCCANN (to MEG). Ever been to Carrikmacross?

  MEG (drinking). I’ve been to King’s Cross.

  LULU. You came right out of the blue, you know that?

  GOLDBERG (as she moves). Mind how you go. You’re cracking a rib.

  MEG (standing). I want to dance! (LULU and GOLDBERG look into each other’s eyes. MCCANN drinks. MEG crosses to STANLEY). Stanley. Dance. (STANLEY sits still, MEG dances round the room alone, then comes back to MCCANN, who fills her glass. She sits.)

  LULU (to GOLDBERG). Shall I tell you something?

  GOLDBERG. What?

  LULU. I trust you.

  GOLDBERG (lifting his glass). Gesundheit.

  LULU. Have you got a wife?

  GOLDBERG. I had a wife. What a wife. Listen to this. Friday, of an afternoon, I’d take myself for a little constitutional, down over the park. Eh, do me a favour, just sit on the table a minute, will you? (LULU sits on the table. He stretches and continues.) A little constitutional. I’d say hullo to the little boys, the little girls—I never made distinctions—and then back I’d go, back to my bungalow with the flat roof. “Simey,” my wife used to shout, “quick, before it gets cold!” And there on the table what would I see? The nicest piece of roll-mop and pickled cucumber you could wish to find on a plate.

  LULU. I thought your name was Nat.

  GOLDBERG. She called me Simey.

  LULU. I bet you were a good husband.

  GOLDBERG. You should have seen her funeral.

  LULU. Why?

  GOLDBERG (draws in his breath and wags head). What a funeral.

  MEG (to MCCANN). My father was going to take me to Ireland once. But then he went away by himself.

  LULU (to GOLDBERG). Do you think you knew me when I was a little girl?

  GOLDBERG. Were you a nice little girl?

  LULU. I was.

  MEG. I don’t know if he went to Ireland.

  GOLDBERG. Maybe I played piggy-back with you.

  LULU. Maybe you did.

  MEG. He didn’t take me.

  GOLDBERG. Or pop goes the weasel.

  LULU. Is that a game?

  GOLDBERG. Sure it’s a game!

  MCCANN. Why didn’t he take you to Ireland?

  LULU. You’re tickling me!

  GOLDBERG. You should worry.

  LULU. I’ve always liked older men. They can soothe you.

  They embrace.

  MCCANN. I know a place. Roscrea. Mother Nolan’s.

  MEG. There was a night-light in my room, when I was a little girl.

  MCCANN. One time I stayed there all night with the boys. Singing and drinking all night.

  MEG. And my Nanny used to sit up with me, and sing songs to me.

  MCCANN. And a plate of fry in the morning. Now where am I?

  MEG. My little room was pink. I had a pink carpet and pink curtains, and I had musical boxes all over the room. And they played me to sleep. And my father was a very big doctor. That’s why I never had any complaints. I was cared for, and I had little sisters and brothers in other rooms, all different colours.

  MCCANN. Tullamore, where are you?

  MEG (to MCCANN). Give us a drop more.

  MCCANN (filling her glass and singing). Glorio, Glorio, to the bold Fenian men!

  MEG. Oh, what a lovely voice.

  GOLDBERG. Give us a song, McCann.

  LULU. A love song!

  MCCANN (reciting). The night that poor Paddy was stretched, the boys they all paid him a visit.

  GOLDBERG. A love song!

  MCCANN (in a full voice, sings)

  Oh, the Garden of Eden has vanished, they say,

  But I know the lie of it still.

  Just turn to the left at the foot of Ben Clay

  And stop when halfway to Coote Hill.

  It’s there you will find it, I know sure enough,

  And it’s whispering over to me:

  Come back, Paddy Reilly, to Bally-James-Duff,

  Come home, Paddy Reilly, to me!

  LULU (to GOLDBERG). You’re the dead image of the first man I ever loved.

  GOLDBERG. It goes without saying.

  MEG (rising). I want to play a game!

  GOLDBERG. A game?

  LULU. What game?

  MEG. Any game.

  LULU (jumping up). Yes, let’s play a game.

  GOLDBERG. What game?

  MCCANN. Hide and seek.

  LULU. Blind man’s buff.

  MEG. Yes!

  GOLDBERG. You want to play blind man’s buff?

  LULU and MEG. Yes!

  GOLDBERG. All right. Blind man’s buff. Come on! Everyone up! (Rising.) McCann. Stanley—Stanley!

  MEG. Stanley. Up.

  GOLDBERG. What’s the matter with him?

  MEG (bending over him). Stanley, we’re going to play a game. Oh, come on, don’t be sulky, Stan.

  LULU. Come on.

  STANLEY rises. MCCANN rises.

  GOLDBERG. Right! Now—who’s going to be blind first?

  LULU. Mrs Boles.

  MEG. Not me.

  GOLDBERG. Of course you.

  MEG. Who, me?

  LULU (taking her scarf from her neck). Here you are.

  MCCANN. How do you play this game?

  LULU (tying her scarf round MEG’S eyes). Haven’t you ever played blind man’s buff? Keep still, Mrs Boles. You mustn’t be touched. But you can’t move after she’s blind. You must stay where you are after she’s blind. And if she touches you then you become blind. Turn round. How many fingers am I holding up?

  MEG. I can’t see.

  LULU. Right.

  GOLDBERG. Right! Everyone move about McCann. Stanley. Now stop. Now still. Off you go!

  STANLEY is downstage, right, MEG moves about the room. GOLDBERG fondles LULU at arm’s length, MEG touches MCCANN.

  MEG. Caught you!

  LULU. Take off your scarf.

  MEG. What lovely hair!

  LULU (untying the scarf). There.

  MEG. It’s you!

  GOLDBERG. Put it on, McCann.

  LULU (tying it on MCCANN). There. Turn round. How many fingers am I holding up?

  MCCANN. I don’t know.

  GOLDBERG. Right! Everyone move about. Right. Stop! Still!

  MCCANN begins to move.

  MEG. Oh, this is lovely!

  GOLDBERG. Quiet! Tch, tch, tch. Now—all move again. Stop! Still!

  MCCANN moves about. GOLDBERG fondles LULU at arm’s length. MCCANN draws near STANLEY. He stretches his arm and touches STANLEY’S glasses.

  MEG. It’s Stanley!

  GOLDBERG (to LULU). Enjoying the game?

  MEG. It’s your turn, Stan.

  MCCANN takes off the scarf.

  MCCANN (to STANLEY). I’ll take your glasses.

  MCCANN takes STANLEY’S glasses.

  MEG. Give me the scarf.

  GOLDBERG (holding LULU). Tie his scarf, Mrs. Boles.

  MEG. That’s what I’m doing. (To STANLEY.) Can you see my nose?

  GOLDBERG. He can’t. Ready? Right! Everyone move. Stop! And still!

  STANLEY stands blindfold. MCCANN backs slowly across
the stage to the left. He breaks STANLEY’S glasses, snapping the frames. MEG is downstage, left, LULU and GOLDBERG upstage centre, close together. STANLEY begins to move, very slowly, across the stage to the left. MCCANN picks up the drum and places it sideways in STANLEY’S path. STANLEY walks into the drum and falls over with his foot caught in it.

  MEG. Ooh!

  GOLDBERG. Sssh!

  STANLEY rises. He begins to move towards MEG, dragging the drum on his foot. He reaches her and stops. His hands move towards her and they reach her throat. He begins to strangle her. MCCANN and GOLDBERG rush forward and throw him off.

  BLACKOUT

  There is now no light at all through the window. The stage is in darkness.

  LULU. The lights!

  GOLDBERG. What’s happened?

  LULU. The lights!

  MCCANN. Wait a minute.

  GOLDBERG. Where is he?

  MCCANN. Let go of me!

  GOLDBERG. Who’s this?

  LULU. Someone’s touching me!

  MCCANN. Where is he?

  MEG. Why has the light gone out?

  GOLDBERG. Where’s your torch? (MCCANN shines the torch in

  GOLDBERG’S face.) Not on me! (MCCANN shifts the torch. It is knocked from his hand and falls. It goes out.)

  MCCANN. My torch!

  LULU. Oh God!

  GOLDBERG. Where’s your torch? Pick up your torch!

  MCCANN. I can’t find it.

  LULU. Hold me. Hold me.

  GOLDBERG. Get down on your knees. Help him find the torch.

  LULU. I can’t.

  MCCANN. It’s gone.

  MEG. Why has the light gone out?

  GOLDBERG. Everyone quiet! Help him find the torch.

  Silence. Grunts from MCCANN and GOLDBERG on their knees. Suddenly there is a sharp, sustained rat-a-tat with a stick on the side of the drum from the back of the room. Silence. Whimpers from LULU.

  GOLDBERG. Over here. McCann!

  MCCANN. Here.

  GOLDBERG. Come to me, come to me. Easy. Over there.

  GOLDBERG and MCCANN move up left of the table. STANLEY moves down right of the table. LULU suddenly perceives him moving towards her, screams and faints. GOLDBERG and MCCANN turn and stumble against each other.

  GOLDBERG. What is it?

  MCCANN. Who’s that?

  GOLDBERG. What is it?

  In the darkness STANLEY picks up LULU and places her on the table.

  MEG. It’s Lulu!

  GOLDBERG and MCCANN move downstage, right.

  GOLDBERG. Where is she?

  MCCANN. She fell.

  GOLDBERG. Where?

  MCCANN. About here.

  GOLDBERG. Help me pick her up.

  MCCANN (moving downstage, left). I can’t find her.

  GOLDBERG. She must be somewhere.

  MCCANN. She’s not here.

  GOLDBERG (moving downstage, left). She must be.

  MCCANN. She’s gone.

  MCCANN finds the torch on the floor, shines it on the table and STANLEY. LULU is lying spread-eagled on the table, STANLEY bent over her. STANLEY, as soon as the torchlight hits him, begins to giggle. GOLDBERG and MCCANN move towards him. He backs, giggling, the torch on his face. They follow him upstage, left. He backs against the hatch, giggling. The torch draws closer. His giggle rises and grows as he flattens himself against the wall. Their figures converge upon him.

  Curtain

  Act Three

  The next morning. PETEY enters, left, with a newspaper and sits at the table. He begins to read. MEG’S voice comes through the kitchen hatch.

  MEG. Is that you, Stan? (Pause.) Stanny?

  PETEY. Yes?

  MEG. Is that you?

  PETEY. It’s me.

  MEG (appearing at the hatch). Oh, it’s you. I’ve run out of cornflakes.

  PETEY. Well, what else have you got?

  MEG. Nothing.

  PETEY. Nothing?

  MEG. Just a minute. (She leaves the hatch and enters by the kitchen door.) You got your paper?

  PETEY. Yes.

  MEG. Is it good?

  PETEY. Not bad.

  MEG. The two gentlemen had the last of the fry this morning.

  PETEY. Oh, did they?

  MEG. There’s some tea in the pot though. (She pours tea for him.) I’m going out shopping in a minute. Get you something nice. I’ve got a splitting headache.

  PETEY (reading). You slept like a log last night.

  MEG. Did I?

  PETEY. Dead out.

  MEG. I must have been tired. (She looks about the room and sees the broken drum in the fireplace.) Oh, look. (She rises and picks it up.) The drum’s broken, (PETEY looks up.) Why is it broken?

  PETEY. I don’t know.

  She hits it with her hand.

  MEG. It still makes a noise.

  PETEY. You can always get another one.

  MEG (sadly). It was probably broken in the party. I don’t remember it being broken though, in the party. (She puts it down.) What a shame.

  PETEY. You can always get another one, Meg.

  MEG. Well, at least he did have it on his birthday, didn’t he? Like I wanted him to.

  PETEY (reading). Yes.

  MEG. Have you seen him down yet? (PETEY does not answer.) Petey.

  PETEY. What?

  MEG. Have you seen him down?

  PETEY. Who?

  MEG. Stanley.

  PETEY. No.

  MEG. Nor have I. That boy should be up. He’s late for his breakfast.

  PETEY. There isn’t any breakfast.

  MEG. Yes, but he doesn’t know that I’m going to call him.

  PETEY (quickly). No, don’t do that, Meg. Let him sleep.

  MEG. But you say he stays in bed too much.

  PETEY. Let him sleep … this morning. Leave him.

  MEG. I’ve been up once, with his cup of tea. But Mr McCann opened the door. He said they were talking. He said he’d made him one. He must have been up early. I don’t know what they were talking about. I was surprised. Because Stanley’s usually fast asleep when I wake him. But he wasn’t this morning. I heard him talking. (Pause.) Do you think they know each other? I think they’re old friends. Stanley had a lot of friends. I know he did. (Pause.) I didn’t give him his tea. He’d already had one. I came down again and went on with my work. Then, after a bit, they came down to breakfast. Stanley must have gone to sleep again.

  Pause.

  PETEY. When are you going to do your shopping, Meg?

  MEG. Yes, I must. (Collecting the bag.) I’ve got a rotten headache. (She goes to the back door, stops suddenly and turns.) Did you see what’s outside this morning?

  PETEY. What?

  MEG. That big car.

  PETEY. Yes.

  MEG. It wasn’t there yesterday. Did you … did you have a look inside it?

  PETEY. I had a peep.

  MEG (coming down tensely, and whispering). Is there anything in it?

  PETEY. In it?

  MEG. Yes.

  PETEY. What do you mean, in it?

  MEG. Inside it.

  PETEY. What sort of thing?

  MEG. Well … I mean … is there … is there a wheelbarrow in it?

  PETEY. A wheelbarrow?

  MEG. Yes.

  PETEY. I didn’t see one.

  MEG. You didn’t? Are you sure?

  PETEY. What would Mr Goldberg want with a wheelbarrow?

  MEG. Mr Goldberg?

  PETEY. It’s his car.

  MEG (relieved). His car? Oh, I didn’t know it was his car.

  PETEY. Of course it’s his car.

  MEG. Oh, I feel better.

  PETEY. What are you on about?

  MEG. Oh, I do feel better.

  PETEY. You go and get a bit of air.

  MEG. Yes, I will. I will. I’ll go and get the shopping. (She goes towards the back door. A door slams upstairs. She turns.) It’s Stanley! He’s coming down—what am I going to do about his breakfast? (She rushes into the k
itchen.) Petey, what shall I give him? (She looks through the hatch.) There’s no cornflakes. (They both gaze at the door. Enter GOLDBERG. He halts at the door, as he meets their gaze, then smiles.)

  GOLDBERG. A reception committee!

  MEG. Oh, I thought it was Stanley.

  GOLDBERG. You find a resemblance?

  MEG. Oh no. You look quite different.

  GOLDBERG (coming into the room). Different build, of course.

  MEG (entering from the kitchen). I thought he was coming down for his breakfast. He hasn’t had his breakfast yet.

  GOLDBERG. Your wife makes a very nice cup of tea, Mr Boles, you know that?

  PETEY. Yes, she does sometimes. Sometimes she forgets.

  MEG. Is he coming down?

  GOLDBERG. Down? Of course he’s coming down. On a lovely sunny day like this he shouldn’t come down? He’ll be up and about in next to no time. (He sits at the table.) And what a breakfast he’s going to get.

  MEG. Mr Goldberg.

  GOLDBERG. Yes?

  MEG. I didn’t know that was your car outside.

  GOLDBERG. You like it?

  MEG. Are you going to go for a ride?

  GOLDBERG (to PETEY). A smart car, eh?

  PETEY. Nice shine on it all right.

  GOLDBERG. What is old is good, take my tip. There’s room there. Room in the front, and room in the back. (He strokes the teapot.) The pot’s hot. More tea, Mr Boles?

  PETEY. No thanks.

  GOLDBERG (pouring tea). That car? That car’s never let me down.

  MEG. Are you going to go for a ride?

  GOLDBERG does not answer, drinks his tea.

  MEG. Well, I’d better be off now. (She moves to the back door, and turns.) Petey, when Stanley comes down….

  PETEY. Yes?

  MEG. Tell him I won’t be long.

  PETEY. I’ll tell him.

  MEG (vaguely). I won’t be long. (She exits.)

  GOLDBERG (sipping his tea). A good woman. A charming woman. My mother was the same. My wife was identical.

  PETEY. How is he this morning?

  GOLDBERG. Who?

  PETEY. Stanley. Is he any better?

  GOLDBERG (a little uncertainly). Oh … a little better, I think, a little better. Of course, I’m not really qualified to say, Mr Boles. I mean, I haven’t got the … the qualifications. The best thing would be if someone with the proper … mnn … qualifications … was to have a look at him. Someone with a few letters after his name. It makes all the difference.

  PETEY. Yes.

  GOLDBERG. Anyway, Dermot’s with him at the moment. He’s … keeping him company.

  PETEY. Dermot?

  GOLDBERG. Yes.

  PETEY. It’s a terrible thing.