Steeling My Haart

by Lizzy Roberts

  Bill had been amazing and had accepted, albeit begrudgingly, her resignation with immediate effect. He was happy with the arrangement that she and Bruce promised. They were already in the process of negotiating the final terms of their future arrangement. Bill surprised them both by assisting them with creating the new entity she and Bruce would eventually be running. He was pretty sad she was leaving, but he couldn’t think of any reason to keep her from settling down with the children.

  After she had handed the documents to the police they called her in for informal questioning. This new information gave the police enough to work on to finally link these murders to two of the most notorious street gangs they had been watching. It was a huge coup for the department, which led to several high-profile arrests. It also gave Emma a chance to get some closure on the whole affair and be able to concentrate on building a future for the three of them.

  Then came the funeral. Neither Lily nor Gary had any family outside her and the two children, so she had a simple graveside service for both of them. The grievance counselor had instilled into her that it was important for the children’s grieving process for them to attend, and with the support of the counselor that CPS had recommended, she did just that. Nicky and Mike, Bruce, and Lou, were there to support her and Adie through the entire process. Along with them it was pitiful to see only a handful of Lily’s ex-colleagues and some friends of Gary’s. It was a quiet affair. She decided to simply take the kids and a few of the people who had turned up to support her, to M’s Place instead of laying on a huge formal funeral lunch. It ended up being more of a farewell dinner for the small new family, to bid them farewell on their move back to Edmond. Were Nicky and Mike now lived.

  The day she and the children were leaving had come a lot more quickly that she had anticipated. It felt strange for Emma to be standing in the entrance to her now fairly empty apartment. Bruce and Lou were eager to keep some of the furniture, which helped her avoid removal costs. She wasn’t sad because she was about to move back home. Although the place held as many good memories as bad ones for her, she was happier it was going to be somewhere Bruce and Lou could now make their home. She was about to lock up and take the key downstairs when Lou arrived and took her by surprise. He was grateful to her for letting him and Bruce rent the place until they could get enough together to buy it from her. She was charging them a reduced rent and wouldn’t budge when they tried to offer her more. She knew if the new partnership between her and Bruce was only half as successful as she anticipated, he would earn enough in bonuses over the next twelve months to put a sizeable down payment on the place. And to thank them for their unwavering support, she had also agreed to reduce her asking price by the amount of rent they had already paid.

  “So, darlin’, I guess this is goodbye for now. I’m really gonna miss you and the snot monsters. C’mere and give me a last hug.” Lou stepped towards her and engulfed her in his arms. They stood there for a few long minutes, both taking comfort in each other. As Lou released her she saw a look of contentment cross his face. “This is it for us both. We both get a fresh start and I’m hoping yours is gonna be as good as mine is brewin’ to be. You take good care of them little ‘uns and don’t be a stranger. We’ll be comin’ an’ visitin’ whenever we can, you hear me?” he insisted.

  “Thanks, Lou, for everything you’ve done for me and the kids. Look after Bruce, too. He’s a good guy and I hope you both enjoy your new place. It’s a lovely apartment, but I’m just glad it’s finally found the right people to make it a home. You know where we’ll be and honestly my mom can’t wait for you guys to come and visit. I think she is your one woman fan club, seriously.” Emma chuckled.

  “I’m gonna miss you all. And I’ll especially miss swapping recipes with Nicky. She is truly a gem, though. You’re lucky to have her.”

  “I know. She’s the best. I couldn’t have done any of this without her or you two, for that matter. Are you coming down to say goodbye to the kids?”

  “Nah. I’ve seen ‘em already and I don’ want to upset them any more than they are already. You take care now. We promise to come visit soon.”

  They hugged for a long time before Lou slowly released Emma, kissed her on the forehead and took the keys. He smiled as she entered the elevator and as the doors closed, she saw a solitary tear of slip down Lou’s cheek as he waved her off. As she descended in the elevator for the last time, the nerves were started to kick in. They had a long journey home and she was becoming increasingly nervous about what may be waiting back in Oklahoma.

  Charlie had never been far from her thoughts and was the one main reason she had stayed away. The hardest thing for her to face would be the prospect of seeing Charlie happy and settled with someone else. Why hadn’t he come back for her? That was the biggest question she wanted to ask. And where was he when her heart broke after she lost their baby? She felt that the way her life was turning out was a second chance for her to raise a family. Adie and Leo weren’t hers by blood, but every day she spent with them she fell just a little more in love. She wanted to bring them up in a happy home and whether she was clinging onto a fantasy, she knew the only other time she had been truly happy in her life was when she was with Charlie, even after all he had put her through.

  Despite what he had written in his letter, she always knew he was good enough for her. In fact, she truly believed all along it was her who was not good enough for him or worthy of his love. No matter how much she had kept telling herself enough was enough over the years, the feelings she had for Charlie were still there. She felt she needed someone, him, more now than ever. They had been on the verge of settling down and making a life for themselves. She couldn’t help thinking that it would have been a life that would have been far less fraught and much happier than hers had ended up being. They perhaps wouldn’t have been rich in terms of money, but that had to be better than the huge empty chasm that she carried in her heart every day. After several attempts at dating, she realized that her heart had still been too caught up in Charlie. For the first few years she had been away and up until recently her work had ruled her life. She had never wanted to feel his arms around her more or the unwavering support he had previously given her as much as she needed it right now. She was scared and alone.

  As the elevator reached the first floor, she looked up to the ceiling, closed her eyes and whispered, “Charlie, if you can hear me, I need you more than ever. I can’t do this alone. If you are still out there waiting, I’ll be back soon.” Wiping a tear from her cheek she purposefully strode out to the lobby and bid the regular doorman a fond farewell. She found Bruce and her mom waiting for her on the sidewalk with both of the kids. They had taken them for a last play in the park to let them burn off some energy before their flight to Oklahoma. Mike had headed back a few days ago, insisting on driving the U-Haul that Emma had hired to take their belongings home. She was going to pay for a removal team to come and do everything for her, but when Mike heard the quote, he was more than happy to offer his services. He had said he could break his trip up and visit a couple of his suppliers on his way home. One of the senior managers he had recently appointed had flown out to accompany him and she was glad to hear that they had made it home safely last night.

  Bruce had helped Emma sort through Lily and Gary’s apartment after the police had finished their investigations and most of the items had now been removed. She had appointed Bruce to deal with most of the finalization of the estate on her behalf, whilst she took the kids and got them settled back home. Most of the children’s belongings and toys had been shipped back with Mike, and the rest Emma had either donated to local charities or anything valuable she had sold at a local auction house. Lou had been a huge help, too, and had assisted Emma in removing a lot of personal items belonging to Gary and Lily to make ‘memory boxes’ for the kids, too. She wanted them to know everything about their parents in time. So photographs and anything personal was carefully boxed and preserved for Emma to take with her and, in t
ime, share with Leo and Adie.

  As she headed toward Bruce to say goodbye, she saw George and Bobby standing on the sidewalk, too. George was cuddling Leo, and Adie was filling Bobby in on her favorite cupcake fillings. It was a sight that made her heart soften. She hadn’t realized she had so many people supporting her in New York, but although she would be sad to say goodbye, she had a better life waiting for her back home.

  “Come on, honey, we have to get to the airport if we have a chance of getting on that flight,” her mom said quietly.

  “Just a minute. I need to say goodbye to these guys. Can you get the kids in and secured?”

  “Sure thing, honey,” she said as she took a giggling Leo from George.

  Bruce headed to Adie and gently took her hand. Bowing low, he stretched his hand towards the large Escalade SUV he had borrowed from his father for this trip. “This way, Princess, your carriage awaits.”

  “Fank ewe, Pwince Bwucie. Oh, look you have my pwincess seat in yowr car!” Adie exclaimed, excited to be reunited with it.

  Bruce and Adie wandered to the car and as he secured her in the seat, Emma could hear the giggles erupting. The sound lightened the mood, but as she stepped to George and Bobby, it took her all her effort not to break down.

  “I’m going to miss you guys. Where am I going to get my daily fix of carbs and sugar?” she said weakly, her eyes misting with tears.

  “Well, Miss Emma, you will be missed, but you are doin’ just the right thing by those adorable kids, you know? I’m sure we can do without our most valued customer knowin’ she’s doin’ good somewhere else. You come back an’ visit, though,” George choked out.

  “Don’t lose it just yet, George, I’ll never make away it in one piece if you do.” Emma sniffed as she hugged him hard. “I’ll be back, and look at it this way, you’ve gained another two local customers now. Keep them out of trouble, will you?” She smiled as she pointed her thumb in Bruce’s direction.

  “Will do, Miss Emma. Take care,” he said as he released her to Bobby’s embrace.

  “Bye, Emma, take care of them young ‘uns, and don’t be a stranger if you’re ever back.” She broke the embrace, got into the vehicle, and like that she was finally leaving New York behind.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The flight was pretty uneventful. The children slept for most of the way home. Saying goodbye to Bruce hadn’t been as bad as Emma had anticipated, but as they were going to be working together so much, it didn’t feel as final. He was letting Emma have a couple of weeks to settle before he came out to help her look for office space in the area. She would have to be up and running fairly quickly because they’d had a huge interest in their fledgling business with new clients already flooding in. It helped that for now Bruce acted as the front man, and Emma was able to get a lot of the background work done without the need to see clients. An odd phone call and a few emails was all she needed to get the information for her side of the business. Most of her work was actually done in the evening, too, so she still had plenty of time for Adie and Leo. They agreed, though, once she had settled the kids into daycare and pre-kindergarten, she would be able to work some of the daytime hours, too.

  As Emma and Nicky exited through security at the airport in Oklahoma, Mike waited to meet them. Once their small bags had been collected and the kids secured it their seats in the car, the family headed home. Nostalgia hit her hard again as she drove through the familiar area to her parents’ house. It had actually been a few years since she had been back for any length of time. The fleeting Thanksgiving and Christmas visits weren’t long enough for her to really appreciate just how lovely this area was. Well into fall, the magnificent rainbow of colors painted the landscapes around the roadsides. She had truly missed the beauty of the countryside and couldn’t help feeling this would be a far better place to raise the children.

  She was mesmerized watching the fall colors changing through the evening sunset. By the time they reached the outskirts of Edmond, it was almost dark. She felt like she was home when she took in the multitude of metal windmills and water towers that littered the countryside.

  They pulled into her parent’s driveway, which looked so welcoming, even in the fading light. The red brick exterior was warm and the two-story home was set in fairly large plot that her father had landscaped so beautifully. She jumped from the vehicle and lifted a sleepy Adie out and carried her to the door. Before she reached the house she took in a deep breath of the fresh air outside. As the familiar smell of the countryside hit her lungs she was flooded with a swarm of happy memories. A sense of calm washed over her when Mike opened the door. Even though she had never lived here, it felt more like home than her apartment in New York ever had.

  The open-plan living area spread out before them leaving a wide-open space that was perfect for entertaining. Her parents had a wide circle of friends and it wasn’t unusual for them to be inundated with their closest ones for dinner during weekends. The bulk of the living space was on the first floor with the master bedroom tucked away towards the back of the spacious home. There were a couple of bedrooms off the main living area. Each had its own private bathroom and as she headed to the room she usually took when she stayed, her mom pointed to the stairs.

  “Honey, your dad has been busy upstairs for you. We’ve cleared the two rooms up there, and he’s had the bathroom finished. There is a lot more privacy for you three. It’s all yours for as long as you need it. He’s added a gate to the top of the stairway and Lindy from down the street has given us the old furniture she had for her grandkids,” Nicky said and she carried a sleeping Leo up the stairs ahead of Emma.

  Following her mom up the stairs, Emma held Adie tight as she once again fought back the happy tears threatening her. Her emotions felt out of control, but her mom and dad knew just what she had needed. What she found as she went upstairs took her breath away. Her dad had obviously worked hard in the weeks he had been back here without her mom and the rooms had been completely overhauled. The bathroom was perfect, decorated in soothing tones, complete with a heated tiled floor. They reached the children’s room, which was equally perfect. It was a large room and her dad had painted opposite walls with color, one wall pale pink and the other wall pale blue. The pink side held a small princess adorned toddler bed and the other side had a pirate themed crib. The far wall under the window had a huge toy chest, brimming with a grand selection of toys. It was perfect.

  Emma gently lay a sleeping Adie down in her new bed and switched on the princess nightlight next to her. Her mom then lay the baby in his new crib and eased off his outdoor clothing before heading over to her own daughter and taking her in her arms.

  “It’s perfect. What would I have done without you and Dad?” she pondered as she scanned the room over her mom’s shoulder. “I’d have never been able to do something like this for them.”

  “Oh, hush, honey, of course you would. Now, you have to remember this is only temporary and when you finally get your own place, you will be able to make it as special as this. You’ve made me so proud with everything you’ve done, but doing what you are doing for those two beautiful children over there has proved to me just how amazing you are.” She looked at Emma with such pride on her face then smiled, “And I’m keeping this room as it is because I’m hoping they will be frequent visitors here, too.”

  “Oh, Mom, I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, honey, now come look at your room.” She hugged her and led her into the neighboring bedroom. As she opened the door she was astounded at how her parents had turned what used to be their storage cupboard into such a calming sanctuary. The walls were painted pale green hue and the delicate flowery patterned material her mom had used for her drapes and bedspread complimented the white old-fashioned furniture. As she took it all in, her dad appeared at the doorway.

  “Do you like it, love?”

  “Dad, like it? I absolutely love it! All of it!” she exclaimed as she walked into his waiting arms.
“Thank you, but when did you have time to do all this?” She beamed.

  “I’ve had a little help here and there, but it’s worth it. It feels so good to finally have you home,” he said as he kissed her on the cheek.

  “It’s good to be home, too. I’ve missed this town and I’ve missed you guys so much.”

  “Us, too, love. Now, it’s been a long day for you all. Why don’t you unpack a few things and I’ll get Mom to put the kettle on and I’ll whip you up a dad’s special hot chocolate?” He winked and broke out into a huge grin.

  “That’ll be great, Dad, see you downstairs in a few.”

  Her parents strode out, her dad putting his arm gently round her mom’s shoulders and kissing her on her head as they left. They were so sweet together, even after thirty years of marriage. She hoped one day she would find happiness like that, but for the moment she was putting her own life on hold. And besides, she reasoned with herself, it would take someone pretty special coming into her life right now to want to settle down with a woman who was carrying the baggage, physically and emotionally, that she was. Her priorities had changed and she needed a good night’s sleep to clear her head for the things she had to arrange this week.

  After emptying the carry-on bags she had brought with her, she checked on the sleeping children then headed down the stairs to find a seaming mug of her dad’s hot chocolate waiting. It was just as delicious as she had remembered and she finally started to relax. After a few moments, though, she said, “Oh crap! I’ve run out of diapers for Leo. I used the last one in the diaper bag as we left the airport. Do we know where in the U-Haul the others are? I meant to ask you to stop at the market on the way from the airport, Dad.”

  “Oh, love, I wouldn’t even know where to begin looking. Shall I go start unloading the trailer and see?” He immediately stood and walked over to the closet to grab his jacket.