Steeling My Haart

by Lizzy Roberts

  As she pulled into the terminal parking area she was surprised to see him standing there waiting, a huge beaming smile plastered across his face as he approached the car. The weather had turned decidedly murky and although he was wrapped up warm she spotted him immediately.

  She stopped at the curbside and jumped out of the car to hug him. He swept her up into his arms and hugged her close. He released her and then took her into a hug again saying, “This one is from Lou, darlin’.” He winked as he did a great impression of his other half. It made Emma burst out in a genuine laugh. As she did he held her out at arms’ length and took a long look over her, “Well, Miss McKellan, being back home certainly suits you. You are looking absolutely fabulous.”

  She hugged him again. “Thanks Bruce, I can’t begin to tell you how nice it has been to be back and mom is spoiling us all like you wouldn’t believe.” She said happily as she opened the trunk to let him load his bags.

  “So tell me, anything else exciting happen these last few days?” Bruce asked, lifting his eyebrow at her as he hopped into the car. He was referring to her unexpected meeting with Charlie a few weeks prior. Both he and Lou had agreed with her mom that she ought to be thinking of trying to get a hold of him and exorcizing her own Charlie-sized demons.

  She looked at him in mock-horror before replying, “No, I haven’t seen him since, and I’m not sure I’m ready to go there just yet. But, yes, I agree with you all and it will happen sometime.” She resigned herself to the fact that no one would drop the issue if she didn’t make some eventual effort.

  “I’m still more surprised that there’s an M’s Place in your old home town. though. I guess it’s a prime spot though with it being on Route 66 and all, but still, it’s a bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?” he said as Emma thought he sounded to be putting two and two together and making five.

  “Coincidence? No. I found out the other day that there’re a few M’s Places now and the one in New York was the store that set the expansion in motion. Route 66 desperately needs places like that, though. So, no, I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all,” she reasoned back at him.

  “Okay, whatever, but I can’t believe you haven’t been back. Not even the power of their Pumpkin Latte or the Blaze’s bake hasn’t tempted you there, then?” he teased her again, knowing he was pushing some of her buttons.

  “No, surprisingly not! Besides, I am not prepared for seeing him again right now, and I will venture over that way once I have steeled myself to going back. So what do you want to do first? We have a full afternoon of viewings planned, but do you fancy a spot of breakfast in town? I know just the spot?” She changed the subject, knowing the mere mention of food would knock Bruce off his Charlie rant.

  “Sounds great! I’m starving! Bring it on.”

  They chatted relentlessly for the entire drive to the IHOP in town where Bruce managed to demolish his own body weight in pancakes and bacon before he finally filled himself up. After the mammoth breakfast, they set off and decided to walk in the dreary late autumnal day to look at a few units they had seen. Emma linked her arm through Bruce’s. As they walked he recounted some of the funnier stories of how he and Lou used to sneak around and meet in the earlier days, Emma felt herself lifting even more.

  After they had walked a few blocks from the restaurant, they neared the historic downtown area that was filled with boutique shops. This would be a great spot for a small office for her because of the proximity to the shops and passing trade too.

  As they rounded the last block before hitting the main street, Emma was laughing hard at something Bruce was saying that she didn’t notice the solitary figure watching her from across the road straight away. As she stopped laughing, she sensed him there. Stopping short and cutting Bruce off mid-sentence with the suddenness of her actions, she began to scan the area. She knew he was there somewhere and could feel him before she saw him. It took a minute for her to realize he was there, standing clear as day, but now clean-shaven and hair trimmed into a stylish cut. It didn’t take long for Bruce to realize what was happening.

  He broke the silence after a few beats. “Pheweee, Emma, you forgot the part about how goddam hot he is,” he whispered into her ear. The corner of her mouth lifted slightly and although she was amused at his comment she just continued to stare across the street at Charlie.

  Time seemed to just stand still for the two of them. Crowds were bustling all around them, oblivious to the scene in front of them. Emma was mildly conscious of Bruce still by her side. After what felt like hours, Charlie smiled at her, and turning on his heel, he walked back in the direction he had come from. Emma shook herself out of the stupor that seeing Charlie had caused and looked up to Bruce. “That was him,” she muttered in disbelief.

  “No shit, Emma. I gathered that from the fireworks exploding on the street between you. That was one seriously hot look he was giving you. I’d hazard a guess he is as far from over you as you are of him,” he observed more to himself than as a direct admission to Emma.

  “You think?” she questioned him, glancing up with her brows furrowed.

  “I don’t just think, I know. Trust me when I say I know a man in love when I see one,” he said as he clutched his hands to his chest dramatically.

  “Don’t tease me. I can’t believe how much he still affects me! I thought I hated him for the longest time, but seeing him now just makes me want to run up to him and tell him how I feel. I need his arms around me. I just want him to tell me it’s all going to be okay. I’m so frustrated. And confused, too, but with everything going on right now it wouldn’t be fair, would it?” She huffed out a large breath and they continued on their quest for office space.

  “One step at a time, but I’d put money on the fact you’ll end up marrying that man one day.”

  “I doubt that very much, and even if he is still single, he wouldn’t want to be bothered with me now that I have Adie and Leo. They are a pretty big deal in my life, you know.” She sighed sadly, as they continued on in their search for an office. Crossing the road they walked across the sidewalk and past the place where Charlie had been standing just minutes before. They walked along the road he had just disappeared down and to a modern low rise office block tucked away down the back of Main Street. As they walked past a narrow alleyway, Emma’s senses were once again on high alert and she looked around surreptitiously to see if she could find any sign of him. He was nowhere to be seen and she shrugged her shoulders and followed Bruce into the small lobby area.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Bruce’s visit had been extremely successful. In addition to them being able to secure a suitable office space in town at a reasonable rent, he had also helped her find the perfect house for her and the kids. It was in a new, gated estate near all of the amenities of the town. She had easily been able to afford the beautiful three-bedroom home not far from her parents. Although it was fully built, it still needed some decoration and finalization. The builder was scheduled to hand over the key before Thanksgiving next week. Once she decorated and furnished it, the place would be perfect for them all. It was near to the elementary school and only a short distance outside of the town. The garden plot was flat and secure so once her dad had worked his magic on the landscaping, it would be an amazing outside space for the kids.

  Adie was so excited at being able to have her own bedroom. She had always shared with Leo since her parents’ apartment in New York. It had been small and the only other homes she had known had been Emma’s two bedroomed apartment and Nicky and Mike’s house. She had taken them both to visit with Bruce the day she had finalized the purchase and the little girl finally seemed as though she was settling into her new life.

  Adie had tugged at Bruce and took him back to the room she had claimed as her own. “Bwuce, this is my woom here. I want it all in pink with a pwincess bed like Nicky got. And I need a pwincess table hewe, too.” She was excitedly telling him and she tugged at this hand whilst pointing out the different parts of her
room to him. “It’s soo pwetty when I look out of de window and I see de gawden too. I never had a gawden befower, Bwuce.”

  Her excitement was infectious. Once he was finally released from his tour of the room, he sought out Emma, who was gently rocking a sleeping Leo in her arms in the main living area. “Hey, how you doing?”

  “Hey, there, I’m okay, thanks. Just thinking how things might have been, you know? I know I need to get my head out of my ass at some point, but this whole area brings back so many memories. I had hoped at one time to be buying a home here with someone else. Now I’m moving here as a single parent. It’s just bringing a few repressed memories of things to the surface, that’s all.” She smiled sadly as she shared her thoughts with him.

  “You are doing an amazing job. And to think you’re tackling this all on your own is amazing. I’m so proud of you, for what it’s worth,” he whispered as he put his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

  “Thanks, Bruce. Don’t get me wrong, I love being back here and it’s definitely the place to be to raise the kids, but I just wish I had left here under better circumstances. My baby would have been eight now, in elementary school and it still hurts sometimes to think of things like that. I don’t think I’ll ever forget, though. Living in New York just made everything seem so far away and I could easily try to forget. I have the added pressure now of trying to do the right thing by Adie and Leo, which has so far been a life changing experience. I need to deal with things for myself, and now I have to think of them, as well as me. I have to move on. I know we’re going to be so happy here, though.” She felt so content as she spoke to Bruce, more content than she had felt in over eight years. Their little chat was abruptly interrupted as a whirlwind of pink frills shot into the large open space.

  “Can we go find Lou now, Emmamomma?” Adie shouted as she jumped in circles round the two of them. Her shouting startled Leo awake. Instead of crying out like he normally did, he looked up at Emma and he reached up with his little chubby hand and lay it softly on her cheek. His tiny face broke into a semi-toothy grin and he repeated Adie’s word, “Emmamomma.” It was the first time Adie had referred to her as anything other than Emma and the sound of Leos tiny voice now calling her the same filled her heart with love.

  “Did you hear that?” she whispered to Bruce, who was standing there with tears brimming in his eyes.

  “Yes, I did. Looks like they agree with me. That was too darned cute for words.” He sucked in a deep breath before turning to the little pink dot on the floor. “If it’s okay with Emmamomma over there,” Bruce answered her and used her new nickname. “I think me and Uncle Lou would love to help you decorate your bedroom as our gift to you for your birthday. We can take you shopping for the princess bed and the table.” He beamed as he lowered his voice to whisper loudly into Adie’s ear, “and I think I know where we might find some pink paint, too?” He winked at Emma as stood to watch the tiny pink figure go dancing round the room, clapping her hands.

  “Yes, yes, yes, pwease. Emmamomma, can I go shopping with Bwuce and Lou, pwease?”

  Laughing loudly as she held a now clapping Leo. “Of course you can, sweetheart. And thanks, Bruce, I think you’ve just made one little girl very happy!” Emma giggled as she watched him join the little girl in dancing around the room.

  “My absolute pleasure. Now let’s get going and see if we can find Uncle Lou at the airport, shall we?” he shouted as he lifted her off her feet and hoisted her onto his shoulders. They headed off out the car and were on the way to the airport within a few minutes.

  After they had collected Lou at the airport, they headed out for lunch then took him on a whistle stop tour of the properties they had spent the last week sorting out. Once an excited Adie had brought him up to date on everything, they finally arrived back at Emma’s parents’ home. Nicky was delighted to see Lou and they immediately started making arrangements for catering for Adie’s small birthday tea party they were holding on the weekend. It was a novelty for Emma’s mom to have a partner in crime in the kitchen and talk soon turned to the preparation of the amazing feast they would be hosting for thanksgiving, the following week, too. It was clear that Lou was as happy to help out, as Nicky was to accept the assistance.

  Lou and Bruce kept their word and the following day they took Adie straight from pre-k to the store and spent an obscene amount of money on pink furniture, paint, drapes and flooring. They were a useful diversion for Adie while Emma took Leo in his stroller to buy basic furnishings for her new home. She was due to get the keys within the next couple of days, once the builder had signed off on the new home. She paid for everything then headed across to the nursery section of the huge home furnishings store to pick out the new furniture for Leo.

  As she browsed the different options there, she felt a presence behind her. Jumping and turning around, she accidentally elbowed the person standing there. She opened her mouth to apologize, the figure turned around and took her breath away. It was Charlie again. Only this time she was so close to him she could smell his scent and felt his breath on her face. He had opened his mouth too, but whatever words he was abut to say appeared to get stuck in his throat as he realized who it was that was standing so close.

  Coughing in embarrassment, Emma jumped back, knocking into the stroller and stumbling slightly as she tried to back away from his intense scrutiny. Quick as a flash, Charlie reached out and grabbed her around the waist to stop her from stumbling backwards. They both flinched from the contact, and Emma drew in a sharp breath as the heat immediately flooded her to her core. They stood there for a few moments just staring into each other’s eyes, neither one of them making a move to break the close contact. Charlie stared at her hungrily. She froze as his eyes drifted across her face. She swore the heat burned a path across her skin.

  “Emma,” Charlie finally choked out in a hoarse whisper, breaking the silence. “It really is you.”

  “Yes, it’s me, Blaze,” was all she could say in response, addressing him by her nickname for him. There were a million words she wanted to say right then, and more questions that she could bring herself to vocalize but they were all stuck somewhere deep in her chest. Just for that moment all she could feel was how amazing it was to be in Charlie’s arms once more. A warring expression clouded his face and as she was so close to him she could see every line on his face, His chin was covered in a light dusting of blonde stubble, and his face was more angular and weathered than it had been the last time she saw him. His eyes were intense and held her gaze intently. He was more handsome than she had remembered and it took her breath clean away. There was nowhere on earth she would rather be than in that moment right there. The stress of the last few years, and especially of the last few months, seemed to drain away as the heat of his arm around her melted the tension in her body.

  She closed her eyes slowly, and taking in a deep breath, she flooded her lungs with his scent. It was like a drug, and it took every ounce of effort for her not to lean forward and place her lips on his, just to taste his sweet mouth once more. Charlie appeared frozen to the spot. He seemed incapable of speech, and made no moves to remove his arm from around her.

  The world stood still, and neither was aware of anything going on around them. Their surroundings had blurred and all each of them could concentrate on was each other. The moment was broken in an instant when an excited Adie came bouncing up to Charlie and tugged on his sleeve, “Hello, mister, what you doing hugging my Emmamomma?”

  Charlie dropped his arm and Emma realized that Adie had just appeared, snapping her out of her Charlie-induced daze.

  Shuffling on his feet and taking a step back, Charlie crouched down and held out his hand and took Adie’s tiny little hand in his, saying, “Hey, pretty girl, I’m Charlie. Your mommy and I used to be friends when we were younger.” He wore a small smile as he explained.

  Adie shook his hand with purpose and said, “I’m Adie dat dere ifs my brother Leo. He’s only a baby. I’
m four dis week, you know!” She babbled on as she introduced him to a smiling baby.

  “Well, I’m very pleased to have met you, beautiful girl and I hope you look after your brother well. And can I just say happy fourth birthday for this week, sweetheart.” He kissed the back of her hand before letting go.

  She grabbed onto his hand and looking up at him seriously and she smiled as she said. “Aww, you are nice, Charlie, you can come to my pawty if you want. We are buying a new house near Papa Mike and Gwamy Nicky. I’m having tea in their big house.”

  Charlie shifted uncomfortably and glanced up at Emma, who had tears welling in her eyes as she took in her Charlie being so sweet to her adopted daughter. “Sorry, Adie, sweetheart, but I’m sure Charlie has other things he will be doing at the weekend. It was sweet of you to offer, though.” She spoke quietly, still unsure how she was going to handle being so close to Charlie.

  He nodded at Adie, and looking at her with kind eyes, he said, “Your mommy is right, sweetheart, I’m actually going out of town for the weekend so I won’t be able to come. I might see you around, though.” He glanced up at Emma as if these words were for her benefit, too. “I only live in the next town over. So if I see you again, I’ll be sure to say hi.” He finally stood and released her hand. He looked at the beautiful little blonde haired girl in front of him as a look of regret passed over his face. He straightened and looked at Emma in the eyes before saying, “See you around, Emma, it’s so good to see you again.”

  Before she could reply, he was gone. Bruce and Lou appeared like naughty schoolboys with huge grins plastered across their faces from around the corner. Bruce was talking to Lou and saying pretty loudly, “See, what did I tell you, Lou? That man is still madly in love with our girl here.”