Arnie, Mervin, & The Blood of Kings

by Pedliham, Luke

  Arnie rolls his eyes, turns and walks away into the sunshine. While he is walking he turns and shouts back;

  “Rebel base? You know not everything needs to reference Star Wars in some way. It’s becoming a bit sad to be frank!”

  “Well Frank - you can tell that to Mervin when you see him. I’m sure he’ll take your criticism on board.” retorts Alfie;

  “…oh, and look at where you’re going!” shouts Archie as he realises Arnie is striding ahead whilst looking back at them over his shoulder and NOT looking where he is going.

  “I’ll be just fine! Don’t worry about me.” replies Arnie dismissively as the football that has just been booted from nearby curves through the air, almost in slow motion, following an exact trajectory directly towards Arnie’s head!

  ‘THUD!’ Is the loud noise the slightly under inflated ball makes as it hits Arnie’s unsuspecting bonce! He falls straight down onto the grass in a sitting position dazed, confused and seeing stars as the ball rolls off to the side with Lady chasing after it.

  “What are you doing?” comes the angry, accented question from another unknown source that Arnie is currently too dizzy to even comprehend, let alone answer.

  “Wha?” he blurts out while frowning and rubbing his head.

  “I said, what are you doing? You just walk right through our game!” comes the angry response.

  Arnie turns and looks back at the tree he walked out of not two minutes ago and see’s Alfie and Archie both falling about laughing. Alfie laughs so hard he falls out of the tree and onto the grass, making Archie laugh even more. Arnie, feeling quite embarrassed turns back to address the angry voice he is yet to put a face to. He turns and looks up as a large blonde boy dressed in an all-white football kit steps in front of him. Even though he sounded angered by Arnie’s actions he still offers him a hand up.

  “Game? What game….” asks a perturbed Arnie as he slowly climbs back to his feet.

  Arnie takes a panoramic look around him and realises that he has just strolled right into the middle of a football match.

  “Oh,….that game.” he says sheepishly.

  At this point some of the children from the two teams playing and a few spectators walk over. Lady sees this and subsequently stops playing with the ball and rolls it back to the boy dressed in white so she can take her place by her masters side.

  “You did not see our game? Is your head o.k?” asks the boy remorsefully;

  He reaches forward and to Arnie’s head, presumably to illustrate his question and as he does so Arnie flinches and knee-jerk reacts by swinging out wildly and slapping the boy right in the face! The small crowd that has gathered at this point all collectively and audibly gasp. Lady whimpers and looks up at Arnie in a way that says; “what did you go and do that for?” as Arnie begins to realise that this doesn’t bode well for him.

  The boy holds his face in astonishment and laughs to himself. This unnerves Arnie somewhat as he realises that someone laughing after being hit in the face also does not bode well for him. The boy looks at Arnie straight in the eyes and calmly asks;

  “So,…you want to fight?”

  “Er,…no, not really, I just want to carry on with my walk.” replies Arnie nervously.

  Calls of scaredy cat and chicken noises come from the small but vocal mob that has now gathered. The boy holds his hand out as if to shush them all which they all obey like good little followers.

  “You just hit me, but you don’t want to fight? What is this?” says the confused boy in broken English.

  “Actually, you hit me first – twice in fact! Once with the ball and then again just then. I just reacted, but if you really want to fight me then there’s not a lot I can do about it. I’m not scared of you.” says a serious looking Arnie as the sun disappears behind the clouds as if to mirror his change in mood.

  Arnie’s response is met by more jeers from the crowd as they look up gloomily at the darkening sky and the boy continues to cross examine him with a big smile on his face. Clearly he is actually enjoying the banter.

  “Ok, I think this is not what happened, but ok.”

  “Ok?” replies Arnie tentatively

  “Ok!” says the boy as he gestures with is hand as if to say ‘here is the park, so carry on walking’

  “Ok. So I’ll just go then….”

  Arnie turns and walks away while squinting cautiously at the boy. As he gets a few yards away the boy picks the ball up and throws it at the back of his head, creating another muted THUD! The crowd of children again audibly gasp in anticipation of Arnie’s response. Arnie turns around slowly as he goes bright red with anger! A fine drizzle and some far away thunder claps in the sky as Lady growls at the boy and the crowd that has gathered. This obviously frightens the boy a little and prompts him to back off a bit. Arnie walks over to the under inflated ball that is lying on the ground, bends down and picks it up, shows it to the boy and says;

  “This is your ball right?”

  “It is….” he replies nonchalantly.

  “Good!” replies firmly, and with that he holds the ball out in front of him and dropkicks it into a nearby tree where it gets stuck.

  “…..have fun getting it back!”

  Arnie smirks and turns to walk away as all of the children collectively sigh and moan. Then a pretty young girl steps forward from the crowd and says;

  “Hey….It was our ball! Not yours Loui! Like,….why did you say that?”

  The boy who we assume is ‘Loui’ shrugs his shoulders guiltily at the girl as a second identical girl also steps forward from out of the crowd and addresses Arnie;

  “And why did you kick it away? It’s a bit childish don’t you think?” she says scoldingly.

  Arnie is a little taken aback by the two girls, not least because they are identical [which is not something you see every day] and quite forward in their opinions, but because they are both the prettiest girls he has ever laid eyes on! As quickly as it had started the drizzle stops and the clouds in the sky disperse to reveal the sun once more. Nevertheless, this does not affect Arnie’s outwards personality in the slightest given that he is currently in the midst of a confrontation;

  “Well, I’m only fourteen so technically I am a child. And I also did it because he’s a complete spanner!” says Arnie petulantly, pointing at Loui.

  As soon the words leave Arnie’s mouth he begins to regret what he has just done as his frustration was only really meant to be directed at one person – yet he has ruined the game for everyone in his hasty retaliation.

  “Look, I’m sorry if I ruined the game. I was just trying to,…..well, he was…..”

  Everyone looks at Arnie cynically waiting for his excuse, but Arnie surprises them all by continuing with;

  “Ahhh, alright……I’ll go and get it!”

  He immediately turns and trundles off towards the tree the ball is now stuck in with Lady in tow. As he walks past the boy we now know as Loui he gives him a little dirty look;

  “I will help you.” says Loui.

  Arnie feels his stomach turn and his blood boil as his competitive streak rears its ugly head. He thinks that this boy is going to try and make him look silly by getting up the tree first and retrieving the ball. He will then return a hero to his band of followers and Arnie will return the sad runner up as usual. He and Loui both walk off towards the tree line, Loui almost dwarfing Arnie in comparison. Loui’s long legs carry him towards the tree-line in strides even though he is walking normally whilst Arnie quickly trots alongside him in order to keep up. Arnie then starts running as his competitive streak takes over.

  He bounds straight up to the tree’s trunk and starts to climb it immediately. Loui casually strolls up behind him and as Arnie is scrambling to get a proper foothold, he cups his foot with two hands and pushes him further up so he can grab onto the first branch. Arnie of course is a little surprised by the gesture as he thought they were in competition here, but acknowledges the assistance with a little nod of the head.
As he climbs up to the second tier of branches which are a lot more accessible, Loui jumps up and grabs the first branch that Arnie had so much trouble with, and pulls himself up with ease. Then follows the second tier, then the third and within seconds he is level with Arnie who regardless of his admirable persistence appears to be struggling a bit. Moments later Loui is above Arnie in the tree but has moved around to the other side so Arnie can continue to climb up unimpeded. As Loui approaches the sixth tier he looks down at Arnie and extends his hand from the other side, offering to help him up. Arnie waves Loui’s hand away stubbornly and against all the odds, painstakingly manages to scramble up another tier so they are now level. Arnie, who is red, sweaty and out of breath looks over at Loui who has barely broken a sweat and says;

  “Well go on then, get the ball. You got here first, you deserve all the credit.”

  Loui just stands there in the tree facing Arnie. The breeze caressing his golden hair gently like it was a dress rehearsal for a shampoo advert, as he just stares at Arnie with his piercing blue eyes. Arnie, still sweaty and out of breath looks back at Loui with his not so piercing blue eyes, his dirty blonde mop sticking up in every direction looking like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards and addresses Loui once again;

  “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” he says.

  “This is difficult for you yes?” replies Loui.

  “How could you tell?” says Arnie sarcastically as he holds on, straining to keep his balance high up in the branches of the tree.

  “Because you are red and puffy and wet, and your face looks like my dog back home when he is trying to go toilet!” replies Loui, completely unaware of how offensive this statement might have been.

  ‘Might have been’ is the operative phrase here as it turns out though as Arnie likes a good bit of wit, some sarcasm or even just a straight up insult as he starts giggling like a naughty schoolboy.

  “Your Dog going to the toilet? Really? Where did you get that from?” he says in between breaths as he continues to giggle infectiously.

  Loui subsequently starts to giggle also, and as Arnie’s laugh begins to develop into more of a belly laugh, so gradually does Loui’s. As they both laugh uncontrollably the branches start to shake and the ball which is just out of reach above their heads comes loose and begins to wobble. Both of the boys notice this so, still laughing they shake the branches more rigorously until the ball falls out. Loui leans over to catch it but as he is slightly too far away to comfortably catch it he overstretches and the branch which he is leaning on snaps! Even with his physical presence and quick reflexes, Loui is not immune to gravity and he slips down a branch but manages to stop himself by wrapping one arm fully around another branch while still holding the ball with the other. As he holds on for dear life, Loui manages to roll the ball upwards towards Arnie who bends down and takes it from him. Loui continues to struggle though as being the bigger boy on the ground during a game of football will likely work to his advantage, being the bigger heavier boy up a tree that might not be as stable as they first thought, works distinctly to his disadvantage! The branch Loui is on begins to creak as he tries in desperation to reach upward and just as it is about to snap fully Arnie tucks the ball away in a little pocket in the trunk of the tree and grabs his arm, pulling him up onto the thick and sturdy branch that he is currently stood on. Loui attempts to catch his breath and pull himself together whilst still crouching down on one knee in front of Arnie. He is also still holding onto Arnie’s hand through shock, but he keeps hold of it and looks up at Arnie from his knelt position;

  “I,…I don’t know what to say! I would have fallen but you helped me, even though I threw a ball at you and called you a toilet-dog….”

  Arnie sniggers to himself as Loui continues;

  “Thank you. I promise, for this I will be your friend always. I will back you always. You have a problem with other boys? I will fight them for you…” he continues;

  “Well, that’s going a bit too far. You don’t have to be with me ‘always’ like you say, and I can fight my own battles. But thanks.” replies Arnie as he lets go of Loui’s hand whilst throwing him a cautious look.

  “What is your name my friend?” asks Loui.

  Arnie lets go of Louis hand, stands up straight in front of the afternoon sun as it creates a silhouette around him. He places both clenched fists on his hips, puffs out his chest and proudly announces;

  “MY NAME IS ARNOLD PENDRA…..”

  Before he can finish, Arnie loses his footing and slips backwards whilst scrambling to grab onto something to stop himself. Loui reaches from his knelt position and grabs Arnie’s sleeve but is pulled forward by his body weight in the process. There’s no stopping it this time as Arnie and Loui both fall out of the tree, through several tiers of branches in tandem, bumping into things, snapping things, grabbing onto things [in vain] and tearing their clothes in the process. Lady, who had stayed at the bottom of the tree throughout all of this, casually moves out of the way as Arnie and Loui both hit the ground with a big thud! The ball follows, falling directly on top of Arnie’s head, then Louis before bouncing off with Lady in hot pursuit.

  Loui looks over at Arnie. His clothes are torn, his hair is a mess and scratches and bruises randomly pepper any flesh that is on show. Loui starts laughing again. Arnie looks back over at Loui who is similarly broken and dishevelled and starts laughing as well. As they laugh and brush themselves down they both realise that the other children that had been watching all of this from a safe distance have now all gathered around. They all stand around smiling and watching the two bruised and battered boys making a bit of a spectacle of themselves as they roll around on the grass in hysterics despite their broken appearance and they all start to laugh as well.

  One of the pretty twin girls who had initially spoken to Arnie and Loui steps forward, picks up the ball, looks at them both and says;

  “Well done boys! Not only was that extremely entertaining, you also got the ball back as well! Bravo to you both.”

  The girl starts a slow hand clap and shortly after her twin joins in, followed by the rest of the gang as it speeds up to a full round of applause. Suddenly Arnie and Loui find themselves the unlikely heroes of the day (at least it is unlikely as far as Arnie is concerned). They both stand up and Loui spontaneously grabs Arnie’s hand and holds it up proudly, as they both take a bow like a couple of stage actors celebrating a successful opening night in the West End.

  Arnie turns back to Loui whilst the others are all still clapping, holds his hand out and introduces himself properly;

  “I’m Arnie!” he says humbly as he shakes Loui’s hand

  Loui smiles and reciprocates accordingly.

  “Loui,....from France!” he says.

  “Loui from France! Haha! That rhymes….” laughs Arnie as Loui nods in agreement and they both giggle together and enjoy the moment.

  They continue to shake hands as the sun begins to set in the background, silhouetting the small crowd that has gathered. They look each other directly in the eyes as they smile from ear to ear in a rare moment of mutual respect and admiration, as somehow in this fine moment they both realise the friendship that has been born here today - will turn out to be the stuff of legend!

  Chapter Nine: Attack of the Drones

  Just over one hour and a game of football later, Arnie smiles to himself as he walks back towards the large Oak tree from which he appeared. A voice in the distance shouts;

  “See you soon Arnie Pendragon! And watch where you are going!”

  Arnie shouts back at the now blurry figure in the distance as the daylight is all but gone;

  “I’ll take my chances Loui. I’ll use the force or something!” he says, only half joking!

  Loui laughs and continues onwards, as does Arnie in the opposite direction. His legs feel heavy from playing football in an area larger than the confines of his ‘garden’ for the first time in years, and his body aches from when he fell out of the tr
ee - but Arnie is as happy in this moment as he has ever been. There had not been a smart phone or a hoodie in sight during his time spent in the park which is what he had become used to back home. This makes a world of difference to Arnie as he wouldn’t usually be able to engage with other kids at all unless he either had a smartphone himself or was fighting with them so would usually spend his spare time cooped up in his drab little room wishing he was somewhere, anywhere else in the world but there.

  Arnie reaches the Oak tree from whence he came and has a sneaky look back over his shoulder making sure Loui and the others have gone and no one else is watching. The remaining children appear to have moved away now and the light is very dim so he decides the coast is clear and pulls the magic key from his pocket. As he turns back he is immediately confronted by one of the two girls from earlier.

  Startled, Arnie jumps a little and blurts out;

  “Oh hey! There you are…..”

  The girl looks slightly confused by this and replies in a slightly flirtatious way;

  “Yes,…here I am! I take it you were looking for me then?”

  “Looking for you?” says Arnie as his face begins to resemble a radish.

  “No! I mean, well…no I wasn’t, but you never know, I might do! In future I mean……y’know…..I might look for you.” replies Arnie as he drops his arms to his side in a show of futility and just looks at her over the top of his eyes in embarrassment.

  The girl giggles and throws him a big smile signifying that she is both flattered by his discombobulated state and also finds it quite funny. She approaches Arnie, neither of them taking their eyes off each other as she does so, and says;

  “I’m Gwyneth.”

  She holds out her hand to officially greet Arnie, so he quickly pops the key back in his pocket, wipes the sweat and dried mud from his hands and reciprocates;

  “Arnie.” he says sheepishly as they shake hands.

  “Yes, I know. And who’s this lovely looking fella?” says Gwyneth directing her attention to Lady who is currently looking a bit jealous of the new lady on the scene.