When You Come to Me

by Jade Alyse

  Suddenly reality hit her, and it manifested in wetness on her cheeks. Her bottom lip quivered.

  “Then how could you leave me like that?” she whispered.

  “I was scared then too,” he admitted quietly. “And that night I...I just felt like you didn’t want me...I felt like you would’ve been better off if we weren’t together...”

  “Well,” she began. “Maybe you’re right...maybe it would be better if we weren’t together...”

  His eyes got wider, his brows furrowed. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “We’ll never be fully satisfied with each other, will we? You’ll always want something else...something more from me that I’ll never be able to give...”

  “Really, Natalie?”

  “Maybe we’re just not meant to happen,” she replied. “Maybe you were meant to walk away from me...maybe it was better for the both of us...”

  “So why are we standing right here, right now? Why are our bags on that bed in there? Why have I slept in your bed the past few nights? Hmm? Why am I standing here, telling you that I love you...?”

  “You didn’t...”

  “I didn’t what?”

  “Tell me that you love me,” she whispered.

  He then released a quick breath, reached for her face with both hands and pushed his lips into hers, backing her into the railing. She set herself free for a few seconds, remembering how good it felt to kiss him, allowing him to control her body. And then she pushed him away, sloppily wiped her mouth, and said, “I want you to prove it...prove how much you love me...until then...you can’t have me...”

  “After all of these years, Natalie Chandler, I think I finally have you figured out,” Asha said, as they changed into their bathing suits.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, sliding her bottoms up her legs. “You’re mean,” Asha replied, giggling at the blatancy of it. “You’re a mean person...”

  “In what way have I been mean? Have I ever been mean to you?”

  “Maybe ‘mean’ isn’t the right word,” she sighed. “Maybe it’s judgmental...no, discriminatory...no, hypocritical...”

  Once she’d finished putting on her bathing suit, she settled on the bed, ogling her friend in disbelief. She tried her hardest not to think about what she’d said to Brandon earlier, but Asha hadn’t been able to let it go, and she hadn’t seen or heard from him since then.

  Asha joined her on the bed, sighing. “Look...I don’t mean to be rude, you know that I love you dearly...and I’ve sincerely tried to keep my mouth shut because I could tell that you were genuinely confused about what to do with Anthony and Brandon...”

  “I’m listening...”

  “When are you ever going to be done punishing Brandon?”

  “What are you talking about, Ash?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Nat,” Asha replied. “And don’t go getting all defensive because you need to hear it. You didn’t have to deal with Brandon after he saw you kissing Anthony, hugging Anthony, telling Anthony you loved him...you didn’t see how hurt he was...you didn’t see him get so piss drunk one night that he cried...he stayed strong around you...he’s always thought about your feelings first. Scotty and I dealt with him and we didn’t judge him or say anything to you about it...because we care about him and we care about you. You can’t keep punishing him, Natalie. You can’t keep hurting him.”

  “It’s easy for you to say that, Asha,” Natalie replied, sliding off of the bed and reaching for her bag. “You didn’t have to deal with the pain. You didn’t have to worry whether or not you were going to cry yourself to sleep each night. You didn’t have to deal with loving someone more than you ever loved yourself. Nobody knows how to deal with Brandon better than me...and that’s the truth...”

  “Whatever you say, Natalie,” she replied, sliding off the bed with her. “I just don’t want you to understand what I saying when it’s too late and he’s moved on finally...you remember how it was in college...there are plenty of other girls who would love to give him a chance...not to say he would give them one...but you catch my drift, don’t you?”

  “Yes, Ash...everything you’re saying makes sense...I just wish someone would take my side for a change...I think that I deserve that much...”

  Asha shrugged her shoulders as if she were unsure of what to say. She only grabbed her beach bag and headed toward the door. Baffled, Natalie followed closely behind her.

  They met Scotty and Brandon at the bottom of the stairs by the door. They were talking to Kent and Francis about something, but quickly ceased when the girls approached them. Natalie kept her distance from Brandon, but intently thought about what Asha had told her. That made it a little easier for her to stare at him. He attempted a smile in her direction, and she returned the favor, quickly diverting her eyes away thereafter.

  They climbed in Scotty’s truck and headed in the direction of a public beach ten minutes down the main road, despite the fact that the beach house was set on its own private beach. And while Scotty and Asha sang to the music in the front seat, Brandon reached for Natalie’s hand slowly, cautiously, but she didn’t stop him. Maybe it was her way of apologizing for once again being so foolish and selfish. But, unlike her old self, who would’ve shrank away, she wanted to face him, talk to him, show him that she was just as willing to put in effort.

  And when they reached the beach, they exited the car, walked to small boardwalk onto the sand, and Asha shrieked.

  “This sand is fucking hot!” she laughed, jumping from side to side.

  “Come here, Ash,” Brandon offered, kneeling down. Asha then hooked her arms around his neck and he got to his feet again, hiking her up to make sure she was secure. Natalie watched as they bounced on ahead of them.

  Then Scotty reached for her hand, pulling her close to him, lacing their fingers together coolly. The sky was impeccably clear, and the sun shimmered down easily onto the surface of the water, and the smell of the salt floated amicably with the breeze. The tips of dried sea oats tickled their legs as they walked closer to the ocean.

  “You okay?” Scotty asked her, squeezing her hand a little tighter.

  That was the first time that anyone had asked her that in awhile, especially someone she was close to. She had assumed that everyone thought she was fine – that’s the way she projected herself, anyway.

  “Yes, sweetheart,” she replied confidently, leaning up to peck his cheek. “I’m perfectly happy...”

  “I know this stuff is happening so quickly,” he said. “I don’t want you to get overwhelmed...”

  Natalie knew exactly what he meant. “I’m not going anywhere, Scotty...I’m here for good this time...”

  He smiled at her answer. “That’s all I wanted to hear, baby doll...”

  By that time, Brandon had already set Asha back on the sand, and had already helped her set up her towel and umbrella and cooler of wine coolers and beer. Brandon and Asha nestled down on the towel together as they opened two bottles of beer, clinking them together in a toast.

  Scotty helped spread out her towel, and pitched her umbrella in the sand as well. Then he crawled onto it with her, and proceeded to lie in his stomach. Natalie smiled and patted him on the head a couple of times, adjusting her sunglasses on her face. She then lay on her back, staring skyward.

  “You should talk to him,” Scotty whispered. Natalie turned her face toward his, tipping her sunglasses downward to reveal her eyes.

  “Did he say anything to you?”

  “No,” he replied. “But I can sense when something isn’t right between the two of you. You two were all googly-eyed a few days ago, now you’re acting all distant and weird.”

  “I’m waiting for the right moment...”

  “What’s wrong with now?” he asked. “We’re going to Savannah tonight...I don’t want it to be awkward...I just want us to have fun the way we used to...”

  “And you think I don’t?”

  “I think you’ve los
t sight of all that,” Scotty admitted. “You know, since you date thirty-year-old doctors now and all of that...”

  Natalie shoved him playfully. “I’ll think about it...”

  But Scotty and Natalie fell asleep soon after that conversation came to an end, and all that she could hear in her distant conscience was the sound of the crashing waves and minute chatter happening around her. When she opened her eyes again, Scotty was still lying beside her sleeping soundly, but Asha and Brandon were now in the water, dodging the waves, holding onto each other.

  She could hear Asha screaming Brandon’s name as they jumped wave after wave, and she felt a pang of jealousy run through her, propelling her to jump to her feet, adjust her hair and head in their direction.

  When she approached the shoreline, Asha and Brandon spotted her, and her roommate started waving.

  “Hello, sleepyhead! Come in! The water feels great! Brandon’s trying to dunk me and it’s not working!”

  Natalie’s eyes settled on Brandon. “I want to talk to you...”

  “No can do, Tal,” he replied quickly. “You have to come in the water first...by yourself...”

  “Brandy, why don’t you stop being difficult and come talk to me...”

  “I’m not the one that’s being difficult, baby,” he said, grabbing Asha’s arms to steady her. “Remember that...you come in the water, then we can talk...”

  “If I drown, then it’s all your fault...”

  “You’re not going to drown, Natalie,” he told her. “I’m standing right here. I won’t let anything bad happen to you...”

  Natalie took one slow step after the other, bracing herself, feeling nauseous and foolish at the same time. She strode as if she were walking a balance beam, waiting for the moment that she’d fall or the water would pull her under. She was convinced that that would happen, and that Brandon wouldn’t be able to get to her fast enough, and in her afterlife she would always resent him because he couldn’t save her. Or maybe it was because she didn’t trust him the way that she used to; maybe she was just as scared to venture out into the water as she did when she was only a teenager. But Brandon monitored her every step, and that made her feel a little better about the situation. She then wanted to believe that he really would get to her if she needed him, and maybe this was simply a test to prove her willpower.

  Her breaths were ridged but the gap was closing between them slowly. But then a wave crashed into her stomach, knocking her over, and she went under. She didn’t have enough time to panic though; she felt a series of fingers wrap around her body, lifting her up out of the water. She hooked her arms around Brandon’s neck, spitting out the saltwater, wiping her eyes.

  “See?” he whispered. “I’m always here...”

  He held onto her and kissed the tip of her nose once tenderly, gazing down at her keenly. She kept her hands hooked around his neck, and she instinctively pulled him in closer.

  “Umm, I’m going to go see what Scotty’s up to,” Asha said, slicing through the water in the direction of the shore.

  Once Asha was out of earshot, Natalie sighed and looked back up at Brandon, who now held her arms down at her sides.

  “Now,” Brandon said. “What did you need to talk to me about?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?” she replied.

  “Maybe,” he said. “But I want to hear what you have to say...”

  “A little birdie told me that you may have taken some things harder than I gave you credit for...”

  “I’m listening,” he replied, nodding. “But I think you’re accusing me of not caring enough...”

  “I reserve the right to be cautious in certain aspects of my life,” she explained. “Especially in my love life. I had developed the notion in my head that you didn’t care very much for me, even though our college years would’ve suggested otherwise...”

  “I agree...”

  “And there were some very key things that you kept from me...out of love or something else...I haven’t decided yet...”

  “Yes...?”

  “And some have suggested to me that I may have been slightly cruel to you,” she admitted, clearing her throat. “While others have suggested that you deserve another chance...”

  “And where does your opinion fit in?” he asked her.

  “I’m somewhere caught in the middle,” she replied. “I know that I’ve been mean to you for a long time now...I know I’ve made you just as confused as I am. And it’s not fair to you, nor is it fair to us.”

  “Am I going to like the direction this conversation is going in?”

  “Maybe...look, Brandy...I just wish you would understand where I’m coming from...”

  “I do understand where you're coming from, Natalie,” he countered. “That’s what you don’t see...I’ve always understood you. And I know this is all happening really fast. And part of that is my fault. I’m unfairly backing you into a corner and you don’t deserve that. If time is what you want, I can give you that. Trust me; I’m accustomed to giving you time. If space is what you want, then fine...I can sleep in another bed...and when we get back to Athens I can stay at my house for awhile to give you time to think things over...”

  “That’s the thing, I don’t want you to disappear again,” she told him. “I want you to spend time with me so that we can reconnect. I don’t want any mishaps or confusion or anything like that. I just want us to do the best that we can to be where we used to be. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, and I don’t want you to hurt me anymore. Me being stubborn and stupid and selfish isn’t going to happen anymore. I’m going to try and do better, I promise. But I still want to make sure that it’s right for me...I hope you can respect that...”

  He kissed her cheek. “Of course I can, Tallie...”

  #

  Brandon retired to the veranda as Natalie showered. He stared outward, and he could tell that his were drifting. The sun had just begun to set, and the surface of the water bled with red sunlight. And he couldn’t remember the last time he’d given himself enough time to think about anything, especially himself. He was guilty of considering other people’s feelings and thoughts and wants and needs but people rarely thought that about him. And Natalie was no exception. But he was glad that Asha and Scotty were finally starting to understand who he was and what he was about; there was a long expanse of time where he genuinely thought that he was on his own. And whether or not Natalie chooses to admit it, the fact that she got into the water in the first place shows just how far she’s come. She’s willing to do more than she says she will.

  His friends are happy that he and Natalie have decided to work it out, and he secretly prayed that everything worked out the way it did in his head. No one was better suited for her than he – he’d swear on his grandfather’s grave. He tried not to obsess over the things that could go wrong in their relationship – he’d done that with Sophia and look how that turned out. He wanted their love to be as real as he felt in his heart.

  And before his mind completely wafted into the sea, he heard music come from inside their room. With his brows furrowed, Brandon followed the sound into the bathroom where Natalie stood in the steamy mirror with a comb in her hand. She rocked from side to side, singing to the music that played from a small stereo perched on the counter. The song repeated, “Settle for my love, that you’ll never miss” over and over again. He didn’t realize how pretty her singing voice was. She stood completely nude, completely oblivious, and a familiar aching in his groin flared up without warning. He only wondered what the night would bring...

  When she finally turned around and saw him leaning against the doorframe, she screamed and dropped her comb.

  “Brandy, how long have you been standing there?” He chuckled a little. “Does it really make a difference...?”

  She quickly grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around her body. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he teased. “Too late for all of that,” she mumbled, attempting to avoid her eye contact.

 
; “I didn’t know you could sing...”

  “I can’t...”

  “Who knew after all these years of my shower singing...?”

  “Brandy, stop it,” she grinned shyly, walking past him.

  He reached for the edge of her towel, snatching it off. “I don’t think you need this,” he joked. “It’s far too revealing...”

  “Baby, I’m freezing,” she replied, attempting to snatch it back. “Give me my freaking towel back...”

  “Oooh, freaking,” he teased. “Watch out, Tal, you might actually slip up and say a real cuss word...”

  “Boy, don’t make me beat you senseless,” she replied. He chuckled. “You might want to rephrase that sentence...”

  “Oh, my God, you’re so disgusting,” she giggled. “Give it back, damn it!”

  He only laughed louder, raising it high enough so that she couldn’t reach it.

  “You must’ve forgotten that I know you all your tickle spots!”

  “You must’ve forgotten that if you even try to tickle me, I’ll be forced to hurt you...” She attempted to lunge out at him, but he bounced back in enough time.

  “That’s okay,” she said, cracking her knuckles. “I know exactly how to handle your insolence...it’s about to get really ugly in about five seconds...”

  “I have to be honest, Tal, I’m not in the least bit scared...”

  But when she lunged out at him this time, she gained enough force to knock him off of his feet and onto the bed, where she proceed to tickle him in random spots. She was right, she knew exactly where to tickle him to render him completely defenseless...it wasn’t fair...

  “Didn’t I say that I wanted my towel back? You just had to do this the hard way, didn’t you, Brandy?”

  But her talking distracted her enough so that he could gain enough strength to catch his breath and fight back. He managed to turn her on her back in seconds, tossing the towel to the floor, pinning her wrists to the mattress. He then fiercely attempted to keep his animalistic urges at bay – but the look of innocent vulnerability igniting Natalie’s eyes was driving him crazy. He wanted her to succumb to it and say that she wanted him inside of her again. But she only laid beneath him, panting, licking her dry lips, making a river of balmy blood flow to his lower regions.