Dirty Little Tricks

by Clare James

  Still, nothing pisses me off more than people who abuse the lifestyle and turn it into something ugly.

  This is part of the reason I’m glad Stevie and I have had limited contact with that world. Not that it wasn’t fun while it lasted, but we don’t need it. We can find everything we need in each other. At least that’s how it is on my end.

  “I wish I could’ve helped more than I did,” Stevie says, leaning on her pillow.

  “You did help, baby,” I tell her. “You are an amazing woman.”

  “You are the amazing one,” she says, her voice so soft, so sweet. It’s slowly pulling me under.

  It’s been such a long day that I just want to wrap up in Stevie and fall asleep.

  “I never got to pay you back for your spectacular performance today, you know,” she says.

  I’m listening.

  “In fact, I never got to your surprise,” she purrs.

  I’m up. I’m up. I’m up.

  “Oh yeah?” I ask, perking up. Yes, sleep could definitely wait.

  I pull her in closer so she can feel exactly how much I’d like my surprise and I dive into her neck to taste, nipping up to that special place below her ear – the place that usually drives her crazy.

  Tonight it doesn’t have the same effect.

  She struggles and pulls away from me, and I can’t fight the pain that’s currently shooting daggers deep in my gut. Something is wrong. Off. Way the fuck off.

  I thought today’s little role play was getting us back on track, but I feel like I’ve been given some kind of message instead. She wants or needs something more (or different) from me. And hell, it has me rattled.

  Here I’ve been so confident about our sex life. Damn, I thought I dropped a whole new world at her feet – full of excitement and pleasure. Could I have been delusional this entire time?

  “I’ll be right back,” she says, practically running to the bathroom.

  Well, I’m not going to make her do something she doesn’t want to do.

  But we will talk about this. And I will fix it.

  Stevie fumbles for some time in the bathroom, stalling I presume. It’s too painful to watch this scene unfold.

  So when she gets back to the room, I pretend I’m asleep.

  What a goddamn coward.

  Chapter 8

  Stevie

  After I recover from Tia and April’s visit, I’m on a woman on a mission. A rock-my-boyfriend’s-world mission. There’s nothing like hearing a heartbreaking story about a complete asshole to make you appreciate everything you have.

  I really hope April heard what I was saying. She needs to kick Ben in the balls and then to the curb. I’m sure Tia is still working that angle.

  All I know is that I’m so blessed to have Gabe, and I will not let him down.

  It’s time to go to work on item number three on my list to get our relationship back on track: introduce a new sex toy into the rotation.

  So far, our rotation includes all the usual suspects: vibes, special lubes, and a few innovative restraints. Mainly, we use more practical devices to get our kink on – or we did, back when kink was a regular occurrence. Gabe can work some mean knots and bonds using any type of clothing, rope, duct tape, bungee cords, phone cords, twist ties, ponytail holders, you name it. He once had me completely at his mercy using nothing more than a chip clip and one of my Kabbalah bracelets, I shit you not.

  We’ve also been known to get funky in public places, and use food, water, and even furniture in creative ways.

  Actually, Gabe’s taken most of the lead on that too, and I’m realizing that I really need to up my game. When I bought toys before, it was strictly for my pleasure to make up for Max’s lack of finesse in the bedroom. Now, it’s past time to purchase some things with Gabe in mind.

  Typically, I like to do this kind of shopping online, but there’s no time to wait. I want to surprise him tonight, so I dress in black, flip up my hood, tell Kevin Bacon to keep his mouth shut about this, and head out on my sex toy reconnaissance mission.

  I know just the place.

  Outside, the air is crisp and the sun sets low in the sky. It won’t be long now until the snow falls. Hmm, normally I’m dreading this time of year. But the thought of getting cabin fever with Gabe sounds delicious.

  Four blocks south and two blocks west, I reach my destination: The Toy Box. It’s times like this when I wish I lived in the suburbs, where I’m sure I could find a lovely and discreet intimacy store for such a delicate purchase. A posh little place that serves champagne to customers as they browse.

  Instead, I’m stuck at a city XXX store and have to walk over a pile of puke to get to the door. It’s beyond nasty.

  The bell jingles when I walk in, I’m sure to alert the worker in the back. Some scrawny guy who’s jerking off to the latest shipment of porn.

  I’m not far off. A twenty-something stick of a guy with a beard rears his greasy head and turns his lips up in a very unfortunate expression that looks more like he’s in pain than welcoming me with a smile. He’s wearing dirty jeans with flip flops and a T-shirt that says, “Do me.”

  It takes my eyes a few seconds to adjust. And once they do, the fluorescent lights and bright white walls make the place seem even more skeevy. I nod my head in a whassup and hit the aisles, trying not to touch anything. The air is filled with that sweet, unnatural lubricant scent, combined with Clorox lemon-scented wipes, and I hold in a gag.

  But I have to admit, they do have the goods. Even the expensive brands of fun like Lelo, Tantus, and Jopen. Non-toxic and good for the environment? That’s a win-win.

  I wade past the dildos and vibes; I’m definitely good in that department. Next aisle is all things booty. There’s almost an entire row dedicated to butt plugs, and beads, and lube shooters. Plus, some contraptions I’ve never heard of. I try to choke down the laughter by biting my tongue, but it doesn’t subside. All I can think about is the GIRLS episode where Lena Dunham tells her friend, Shosh, why people like butt plugs. “It’s like having a clit in your butt,” she tells her by way of explanation.

  It is my all-time favorite TV moment. Tia and I use that quote all the time.

  “This ice cream is so good, it’s like having a clit in your butt.”

  “He was so incredible, it felt like I had a clit in my butt.”

  Once I settle down from my own private joke, I move into the Especially for Him section. There’s no way to ease into this one. First up: the steel ball crusher. This heinous device looks like a fancy wine bottle opener without the corkscrew. Instead, you put your honey’s balls in the little opening and turn the crank to crush to his liking. But wait, there’s more. If the crushing isn’t enough, you can add weight to the apparatus for more CBT (that’s cock and ball torture, I had to ask) excitement.

  Okay, that’s a big P-A-S-S.

  My Gabe’s nether bits are too important to me to risk in this way. What if those poor guys got trapped in that thing? Forget it.

  The following section is also particularly unnerving. I mean, I’m pretty open about most of this stuff. But the pocket pussies? Ugh! Just no. I skate by, trying not to make eye contact, but they seem to follow me like a Mona Lisa painting.

  Next is wide array of randomness like the Gspot lollypop, which is actually pretty cute. There’s also a clit pump, Ben wa balls, and bingo … massagers.

  Mr. Do Me comes over to watch. The dude doesn’t say anything, just looks on as I inspect the couples’ massagers. He’s totally giving me the creeps, so I grab the most expensive one in the prettiest color and rush over to the register.

  I pay in cash, wait by the door until I can be sure no one I know is outside, and sneak out.

  If Gabe only knew the things I do for him.

  ***

  Later that night, Gabe and I are in bed talking about the April situation. He is so sweet and concerned, but also completely worn out. He seems tired and drained and I want to take care of him, so I excuse myself to our adjoinin
g bathroom to get my new little goody.

  When I got home from The Toy Box earlier this evening, Gabe was waiting with dim sum and a six-pack of Sapporo. It was heavenly, but left no time to give my new couples’ massager a test drive. Thankfully, I was able to charge it.

  Now fully juiced, it’s ready to go.

  There’s only one problem, I have no idea how this thing works. It’s shaped somewhat like a regular vibe, but with this handle thingy. I’m ashamed to say I was more concerned with picking out the right color than reading the instructions. Still, I have to admit the midnight blue is gorgeous.

  I glance at the diagram to get the operational gist, but end up doing a double-take. That can’t be right.

  Squinting my eyes to make sure the image is in sharp focus, I look at it again very, very closely.

  All right, it looks like this thing goes inside of me. And so does Gabe’s thing, in what appears to be a double your pleasure, double your fun kinda deal.

  But I’m not so sure I’m down with this.

  Isn’t being tight like the biggest turn on for a man? Well, how the hell am I supposed to remain tight with the super turbo couples’ massager and Gabe’s wonder cock stretching me out? At the same time!

  God, I cringe thinking about what it could do to my poor body. If we use this too often, I’ll be so loose that when Gabe goes down on me and starts his dirty talk, it’s going to echo.

  Stevie, you taste so good.

  So good. So good.

  I turn on my new toy for further inspection, but when it begins vibrating and shaking in my hand, I jump. And the little bugger goes flying through the air.

  Shit.

  I make a slow-mo movie dive for it, but I’m too late.

  It makes a crash landing and slides under our bureau sink.

  Listening for the buzz, I think I locate the source on the left side, so I reach my hand under the vanity and pad around for it. Not exactly the best way to rev up for my night with Gabe. When I finally find it, my fingers graze the silicone, now pushing in out of reach.

  I take a breath and try again until the scratching at the door catches me off guard. Crap, I woke up Kevin Bacon.

  “Shhh,” I warn him. I certainly don’t need Gabe checking in on me in here.

  I drop to my belly so I can completely stretch my arm under the vanity. Just need to reach a little further… further… and, got it.

  Quickly, I snag the massager, open the door, and pick up Kevin to take him back to his crate.

  “Be right back,” I whisper to Gabe, who must be wondering what the hell is going on.

  Rounding the corner into the living room, I notice my little teacup pig snuggled next to the massager. It’s still vibrating, and I can’t stop him before he licks my new toy. Licks it!

  This is such a nightmare.

  “Okay, you little perv, back to bed,” I tell him, locking him in the crate this time.

  Then I head back to the bathroom to sanitize the massager.

  Turns out it doesn’t matter.

  I’ve taken too long and Gabe’s sound asleep.

  Chapter 9

  Gabe

  The next morning Stevie is up before I am, which has happened exactly… never. That woman still has the sleeping habits of a teenager and wouldn’t get up before eleven if she could get away with it.

  Just one more reason why we need to talk. Something’s up.

  In the kitchen, Stevie’s making homemade popcorn balls and dancing around to Werewolves of London. And the pig is shuffling around her feet, wearing a red dress.

  Sometimes waking up around here is like being on an acid trip.

  “Morning, baby,” I say¸ as I come up behind Stevie, burying my face in her hair. She smells like sugar.

  “Morning to you.”

  “Why is the pig in drag?” I ask.

  “Oh, that’s his Halloween costume,” she says, unaffected. “He’s going as Olivia.”

  “Olivia?” I ask, wondering what I’m missing.

  “The character from the children’s books. I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. Look, he’s even wearing striped bloomers.”

  “I’d rather look at your bloomers,” I say in her ear.

  “Mmm,” she moans. “You might just get the chance.”

  “And what’s up with all of these?” I grab a bite of the sticky popcorn.

  “For the trick-or-treaters.”

  “Ah.” I don’t have the heart to tell her most parents won’t let their kids eat anything that isn’t in an original wrapper and approved by the FDA. She’s in a good mood and I don’t want to ruin it with my practicality. “Superb,” I say, forgetting the popcorn and taking a generous handful of her ass instead.

  “I know, right?” She ignores my pawing. “It’s Mom’s recipe.”

  “So what time is the costume party tomorrow night?” I ask. Halloween is Stevie’s favorite holiday and she’s been looking forward to the party for weeks.

  “Yeah, about that,” she says, turning around with that look in her eyes. The one that tells me to run.

  She pulls me in for a kiss instead.

  “I have a better idea,” she says.

  Chapter 10

  Stevie

  After Gabe fell asleep on me last night, I realized it was time to bring out the big guns.

  So far, we were one for three on the list – not a good showing at all. Photos and toys were a no-go, though the role play worked quite well. We’d keep that one in the mix. Still, it wasn’t enough and I wasn’t ready to give up yet.

  It was fortunate that I had a few other ideas that might just bring us home.

  Moving onto item number four on my list: go on a sexual adventure. Boy did that ring a few bells. It was how I ended up with Gabe in the first place. When he discovered my sexual bucket list and helped me cross off each and every line. Plus, some things I never even thought of. He’s resourceful like that.

  The best place – okay, maybe the only place – I knew to have a sexual adventure was Club Venus, and surprisingly I was ready to go back.

  Once Gabe finally got out of bed and made it to the kitchen, I knew it was time to tell him all about it.

  We hadn’t been to the club for months, a shame, really. The last time was a huge success. I made all the arrangements that night, because I wanted to finally show Gabe what I learned from his thorough sexual tutorial. Let him reap the benefits for a change.

  It was the first time I had ever been in control with Gabe sexually. He had perfected the dominant role and I wasn’t about to protest. He was a master at it.

  Still, there was something about taking the lead that excited me.

  That night I took him into my favorite room. Gabe was a legend at Venus, even after he sold the place, but no one had ever seen him submit before. I was the first to tame the beast and it was the headiest power trip.

  The room was dim with a large bed and chest of toys, but the best part was on the other side of the wall, where there was standing room only to observe.

  With a striking assistant at my side, I was more than ready to put on a show. Johnna had pale skin like mine, and waist-length, vibrant red hair. She was long and lean, with the exception of a very luscious ass and big boobs that men worshipped and women hated her for.

  The best part was that during our playtime, Gabe didn’t touch her. Though I’m sure he enjoyed her touching him, taking turns with me stroking, while I sucked. He is a man after all. I have to say that even that part was incredible. I was giving him this huge gift, but I was in charge the entire time. And knowing how he loved watching other women touch me, there was plenty of that to be had as well.

  After I got Gabe in the room, the first thing I did was strip him down to his boxers and strap him on the bed. My poor strong man looked incredibly nervous. He’d finally learn how I felt so many times. Behind that anxiety though, were hooded eyes and a dark expression that told me he was going to that lust-filled space. I knew it well, because Gabe took me t
here every chance he got.

  Once he was secure in the restraints, I opened the curtain so our audience could enjoy the spectacular scenery.

  Gabe wasn’t going to let me off so easily.

  “Strip, Stevie,” he ordered. And despite the fact it was him tied down, I obeyed his command.

  I eased out of the ornate toga I wore for the occasion, left only in my tiny panties and thigh-high black boots. I thought Gabe would appreciate that little surprise.

  “Panties, too,” he growled.

  Yep, knew he’d love the boots.

  And that’s when my assistant, Johnna, came to help. She lowered onto her knees in front of me and used her teeth to grip my panties. My eyes were on Gabe, but it was Johnna’s warm breath on my sex. Gabe licked his lips and Johnna tugged, pulling the silk down my legs. Her lips, and then her nose, tortured me as she pressed against my seam on the way down.

  Gabe struggled in his restraints and the bulge in his shorts grew. A quick glimpse into the crowd told me they were riveted.

  Johnna pulled my panties to the floor and then I stepped out of them before she kissed my boot.

  “Could you also rid Gabe of those uncomfortable boxers?” I asked her, and like the good assistant she was, she pulled them off in the same fashion. Slowly, with her teeth.

  My jealousy was hardly contained when his beautiful cock sprang free. Her face mere inches from it. It was my turn to lick my lips as Gabe watched me. Johnna continued to pull the boxers down his legs, however, the clasps on his ankles didn’t allow her to remove them completely, so they stayed pooled by his feet.

  Johnna then came behind me and wrapped my hair in a knot so it wouldn’t get in the way of what I had planned.

  “Johnna,” Gabe said in a low raspy voice, when she had a good grip on my hair. “Bring her to me.”

  She obliged, holding me by the hair and pushing me forward, and I wondered who exactly she was working for. She held me in a way that pushed my chest out so I was perfectly level with Gabe’s face.

  He wasted no time as he latched his full lips around my nipple and sucked, so deep and rough I felt it between my legs. And like the amazing lover he is, he didn’t leave me hanging, but moved to the other side and did the same thing.