Comfort and Joy

by Judith Arnold

  He’d been straightforward about not wanting her to enter his house. Surely, after a nearly devastating automobile accident, only a sex-crazed animal would want to race home and screw a woman he hardly knew. Admittedly, Robin was flattered that Jesse had bothered to mention the idea, that he’d confessed that he did want her—but she wasn’t surprised that he’d chosen not to follow through.

  Yet he’d needed her. For that one devastating moment when his mouth had taken hers, and his arms had clung to her, he’d needed her. Not the way he’d needed her to pick him up at the hospital and ferry him home, but some other way, some mysterious way.

  And now he wanted to go Christmas shopping with her and Philip. She wondered whether he was still intrigued by her son, or whether he would have agreed to anything just for the opportunity of spending the following day with her. Oddly enough, she found herself hoping that the first option was the case. She wanted Jesse to like Philip. As Philip’s mother, she wanted the entire world to like him—but especially Jesse. And as moved as she was by his kiss, as intrigued as she was by him, she wasn’t at all certain she was ready to enter into an actual relationship with him.

  She was too new at this whole dating thing. And he was too…complicated.

  Even though she slept poorly that night, she didn’t require her alarm clock to awaken her in the morning. Philip took care of that, rising at seven and playing a raucous game of fire chief—complete with vocalized sirens—right outside her closed bedroom door. “It’s about time you got up,” he scolded her once she stumbled groggily out of her room. “We’re going to the mall today, remember?”

  “After I get home from Woodleigh’s,” she reminded him. “I’m sending you to the Jeff’s house till I get home.”

  “Santa Claus is going to be at the mall, right?”

  “I’m pretty sure he is,” Robin said. “Jesse’s going to be coming with us, too,” she added, praying that Jesse wouldn’t balk or make snide remarks when Philip demanded to sit on Santa’s knee. He had promised that he wouldn’t disillusion Philip about Santa Claus, but—

  “Jesse?” Philip squawked, trailing Robin to the bathroom and gaping at her as she brushed her teeth. “Did he ever come last night?”

  “No,” she replied after spitting out the toothpaste. “He was in a car accident. A very minor one,” she fibbed, not wanting to frighten Philip. “But he’s all right, and he’s going to go to the mall with us this afternoon.”

  “I guess he’s got to do his Christmas shopping, too,” Philip said.

  Did he? Robin wondered as she returned to her bedroom to dress. Would a confirmed Christmas-hater like Jesse bother to do Christmas shopping at all? Or was he so negative about the holiday that he didn’t even exchange gifts with his family and friends? Did atheists refuse to believe in green-and-red foil wrapping paper, ribbons and bows, stockings stuffed with goodies? Did they refuse to believe in fruit cake and eggnog and rolled sugar cookies shaped like bells and stars? There was a whole lot more to Christmas than simply the religious aspects. They were the most important part, of course, but the holiday entailed so much else. How could anyone, no matter what his faith, turn his back on all the fun parts—the food, the gifts, the rituals?

  She probably should have refused Jesse’s offer to join her and her son this afternoon. He might turn out to be a Grinch, bah-humbugging throughout the mall and transforming Philip’s favorite annual shopping trip into a miserable ordeal. But it was too late to retract the invitation. All she could do was hope that Jesse would demonstrate a little holiday cheer.

  Despite the busy holiday traffic at the store, Robin was able to escape a few minutes before three. She drove directly to the Calloway house, around the corner from her own, to pick up Philip. Joanna answered her ring and waved Robin inside. “Come on in. I’m fixing some coffee.”

  “I can’t stay,” Robin said, not bothering to open her jacket. “Philip and I are going to—”

  “The mall,” Joanna completed, then pretended to yawn. “He hasn’t shut up about it all day. But you can stay a minute,” she insisted, ushering Robin into the kitchen. “Glenn and the boys are downstairs, tearing up the rec room. I want to hear about what happened last night with Jesse.”

  “Nothing happened.” As soon as the words were out, Robin acknowledged how untrue they were. Too much had happened last night—the accident, the drive to the emergency room, the detour to the service station to view Jesse’s crushed car.

  The kiss.

  Joanna filled two cups with coffee and presented one to Robin. “What do you mean, nothing happened?”

  “He had to cancel,” Robin told her. “He was in a fender-bender on the way home from work.”

  “A fender-bender?” Joanna appeared indignant. “He canceled for that?”

  “It was a little worse than a fender-bender,” Robin conceded. “He sprained his wrist and got a black eye.”

  “Oh, no,” Joanna moaned, now persuaded that he’d been justified in breaking his date with Robin. “That poor man. Did he make another date with you, at least?”

  Robin took an obligatory sip of coffee, then set the cup down on a counter and sighed. Joanna was her closest friend, yet she didn’t feel up to sharing what had happened when she’d taken Jesse home. She could scarcely make sense of it herself; she wasn’t about to describe the moment to Joanna. “He’s coming with us to the mall today,” she answered carefully. “That’s why I can’t stay.”

  Joanna’s face brightened. “He’s going shopping with you? How romantic!”

  “Shopping is hardly romantic,” Robin argued.

  Joanna shrugged. “Humor me. I’m an old married lady. I’ve got to get my thrills vicariously.”

  “Shopping isn’t thrilling, either. The mall is going to be crowded and noisy. We’re going to spend more time standing on lines than getting things accomplished. You know what a zoo that place is at this time of year.” Robin realized that she was the one with the Grinch-like attitude right now, but she refused to allow herself too much optimism about the shopping outing. Jesse was definitely not the sort of man who would consider Christmas shopping either thrilling or romantic. “I’d better get Phil and go home,” she said, jingling her key ring. “I’ve got to change my clothes before we meet up with Jesse.”

  Descending to the finished basement, Robin found Philip, Jeff, and Jeff’s younger brother Brian dueling with the bolster cushions from the couch while, ignoring the circus around him, Glenn watched a televised college basketball game. As soon as he saw his mother, Philip threw down his cushion. “We’re going to see Santa!” he shouted, practically knocking Robin over as he raced across the room. “Maybe we’ll even get a tree tonight!”

  “It’s much too early for a tree,” Robin objected, although Philip gave no indication of having heard her. In a matter of seconds, he was upstairs, buttoning his jacket and bounding out the front door to the station wagon. Robin quickly thanked Joanna for having watched Philip, then dashed down the walk to join him in the car.

  As soon as she steered around the corner, she spotted the small red automobile parked at the curb in front of her house. Her gaze shot to the door, where she saw Jesse seated on the porch step, clad in jeans, a crew-neck sweater and his leather jacket. “There’s Jesse,” Philip announced unnecessarily. “We can leave right away.”

  “No, we can’t,” Robin said, coasting to a halt in the driveway and turning off the engine. “I’m not going shopping in my work clothes.”

  Jesse stood as Philip sprang from the car and scampered up the walk. Robin moved at a more leisurely gait, appraising Jesse’s face as she neared him. The bruise was still visible below his eye, but it had faded from a livid purple to a subdued grayish-blue. His wrist was still taped. “Are you sure you’re feeling well enough to do this?” she asked as she climbed the step to the porch.

  Jesse smiled and grabbed Philip by the arm, halting him before he’d executed a complete circuit around the adults. “Hello to you, too,” he greet
ed Robin, then said to Philip, “Slow down, pal. You’d better save your energy for the mall.”

  Relief swept through Robin. Jesse’s remark assured her that he was in the proper frame of mind for Christmas shopping. At least in front of Philip, he was willing to exhibit the appropriate enthusiasm. “I’ll be five minutes, guys,” she said, unlocking the front door and leading them inside. “I’ve got to get out of this skirt.”

  “Five minutes is all you’re getting,” Philip warned her as she headed up the stairs. “Any longer, and I’m gonna make Jesse take me without you.”

  It would serve you both right, Robin thought, although she was laughing as she hurried up the stairs and into her bedroom to exchange her skirt for a pair of slacks. Clearly, Jesse was fond of Philip, and sensitive to the youngster’s need to believe. He wasn’t going to spoil the day.

  True to her word, she was downstairs before five minutes had passed. She, Jesse and Philip trooped outside to her station wagon, and Jesse didn’t quibble when Robin volunteered to drive. “I’m not crazy about that rental car,” he admitted, glaring at the white automobile as Robin backed past it. “It doesn’t have enough leg room.”

  She eyed it as she passed it. A Mini-Cooper. Not much bigger than enclosed bicycle—and probably not the safest car on New England’s winter roads, especially if a tailgater chose to rear-end you. “Why didn’t you rent something bigger?” she asked.

  “My insurance wouldn’t cover it,” he explained. “I don’t plan to have it long. The adjuster said he’d process my claim today, which means I should be receiving a check by the end of the week. I’ll get a replacement as soon as I can.”

  “Is Santa bringing you a new car?” Philip called from the back seat.

  Jesse twisted to look at him. Robin held her breath, awaiting his reply. “Actually, I’m buying myself a new car,” he told Philip. “December twenty-fifth is a long way off. I don’t think I want to wait till then.”

  Another sweet wave of relief washed through Robin. Jesse couldn’t have provided a better answer to Philip’s question. It was honest, yet it didn’t deny the existence of Santa. She relaxed in her seat and cruised toward the turnpike.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked Jesse once Philip had subsided in the back seat.

  “Pretty good.”

  “You aren’t moving as stiffly as you were yesterday.”

  Jesse gazed thoughtfully at her. Her mention of the previous night evidently stirred his memory of what, besides the accident, had occurred the last time they were together. “Look, Robin,” he murmured softly. “About last night—”

  She cut him off with a brisk shake of her head, then angled it toward her son in the back seat. “Some other time,” she whispered. In a louder voice, she asked, “I take it you had no problems with the insurance adjuster.”

  “None at all. The whole thing took less than two hours.” He turned to face the windshield, studying the smoothly flowing traffic on the highway. “I wound up spending most of the morning doing work.”

  “Really? On a Saturday?”

  Jesse sighed. “Lawyers who make house calls also work on weekends,” he said.

  “It must be an important case if you’d work half of Saturday on it, right after totaling your car.”

  He shrugged. “It’s an impossible case. One of my clients found out that her son had his Christmas leave revoked. He’s in the Navy, and he was supposed to get a leave for the holiday, but now the Navy’s saying no. She’s asked me to take on the Pentagon and get him home.”

  Robin groaned. She knew too well the hassles the armed forces regularly visited upon its personnel. How many times had her father’s transfers been subjected to last-minute changes? How many times had a transfer date been switched and her father had to ship off weeks ahead of Robin and her mother, stranding them to pack everything and empty the house without him? How many times were their belongings rerouted by mistake, leaving them living in a strange new residence without any clothing or furniture for days on end? “Don’t tell me the Navy’s as bad as the Army about these things. How come they revoked the kid’s leave?”

  “There was an incident on his ship,” Jesse related. “Some sort of gang rivalry. A small fire was set, and a few seamen were injured. Once they dock in Newport, the whole crew is being held for questioning.”

  “At Christmas time?” Robin groaned. “That’s terrible! Why can’t they do their investigation at sea?”

  “I don’t have to tell you the military operates under its own logic,” Jesse said with a dry laugh. “I have no idea if I’ll be able to help my client. But she’s so heartbroken, I promised her I’d make some inquiries.”

  “Of course she’s heartbroken,” Robin concurred. “If I couldn’t have Philip with me for Christmas, I’d die.”

  Jesse shot her a skeptical glance. “You wouldn’t die, Robin. Christmas isn’t worth dying over.”

  Robin glimpsed Philip, who was staring out the window, apparently not listening to the conversation of the adults. She turned her attention back to the road. “All right, so maybe I wouldn’t die,” she allowed. “But I’d be devastated. Christmas is the most important time of the year when it comes to family. Philip’s my family. If I couldn’t have him with me...what point would there be in celebrating the holiday?”

  “I don’t know,” Jesse answered slowly. “I’m not sure there is a point, even in the best of circumstances.”

  Robin frowned. This was not the appropriate attitude. “I take it you aren’t going to celebrate Christmas with your family?”

  “No.” His tone was lighter when he asked, “How do you want to work this shopping trip? Would you like me to keep Philip occupied while you buy his presents?”

  The gloom that had momentarily settled around Robin lifted at his generous offer. “Would you? That would be great. I’d really appreciate it. If you wouldn’t mind—”

  “If I minded, I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

  “He’s going to run you ragged,” she warned.

  Jesse laughed. “I’m bigger than he is. I can handle him.”

  The parking lot outside the mall was crammed with cars, and residual puddles and patches of ice from the previous day’s storm made the asphalt sloppy. Robin had to park at the far end of a row of cars. As soon as Philip climbed out of the car, he stepped on an ice patch and took a spill. His pained cry resounded throughout the parking lot.

  “Where did you hurt yourself?” Robin asked swiftly, kneeling down beside him and arching her arm around his heaving shoulders. He didn’t appear to be seriously injured, and she wondered whether his overreaction was a result of embarrassment or simply of being so keyed up. Or maybe it was an omen of what the rest of the afternoon had in store for them, she thought grimly.

  He held up his palm. The skin was scraped, and a few pebbles of gravel stuck to the skin. She dusted them off and inspected his hand. No blood. Just a speckle of indentations where the pebbles had been.

  She kissed his palm. “There. All better?”

  “All better,” he said, bravely sniffling away his tears and heaving himself to his feet.

  As she walked to the nearest entrance with Jesse and Philip, passing countless cars and dozens of scowling people burdened with packages, she cringed to think of how crowded the mall would be. It was indeed absurdly crowded. Mobs of shoppers swarmed through the mall’s interior, blocking the store entrances and promenades, jamming their rear ends onto benches, littering the floor with food wrappers. The hordes wouldn’t have bothered Robin, except for Jesse. He must hate this sort of thing—thousands of people spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in honor of a holiday he didn’t consider worth dying over. And, to top it off, the mall was decorated to the limit, with evergreen bowers, artificial snowmen, glitter and tinsel and electric candles with flashing flame-shaped lights. Overhead speakers boomed sprightly renditions of Christmas carols down to the shoppers.

  At the center of the mall, across the fountain from an enormous
spruce tree dripping with electric lights and painted balls, a fenced off area covered with fake snow housed a cute little red-and-green hut bearing a sign reading: “Santa’s Workshop.” Plastic reindeer—including one with a glowing red nose—and red-garbed elves were positioned inside the fence. In front of the hut, a bulky, white-bearded man in a vivid red Santa Claus costume sat on a throne. A snaking line of children waited their turn to sit on Santa’s lap, and a photographer was on hand to snap a shot of each child’s encounter with Santa.

  “Santa Claus!” Philip shrieked, racing to the fence and gawking at the ho-ho-ho-ing man. “Can I talk to Santa Claus before we go shopping?”

  “It’s a very long line,” Robin pointed out. “Maybe later, when everybody goes home for dinner—”

  “I’ll wait on line with him,” Jesse offered. “Why don’t you go do some shopping?”

  Robin hesitated. She couldn’t imagine Philip having the patience to wait on the line for more than fifteen minutes, and her shopping would take much longer than that. Still, if Jesse was willing...

  “Better yet,” he recommended, “why don’t we arrange to meet somewhere in—” he checked his watch “—let’s say, an hour and a half?” He surveyed the cacophonous atrium in search of a good meeting place. “The entry to the steak house,” he decided. “By five-thirty, we’ll be ready for dinner.”

  Robin wavered. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  He gazed down at her, his eyes dark and constant, glittering with good-natured tolerance. “I wouldn’t mind sitting on Santa’s lap myself. I want to ask him for a Porsche, preferably silver, with a sunroof, delivered two weeks ahead of the holiday.”

  Robin laughed. “In that case… The steak house at five-thirty. Good luck getting a Porsche out of Santa.” Before Jesse could change his mind, she kissed Philip’s cheek, ordered him not to give Jesse a hard time, and slipped away.