Finding Gavin (Southern Boys #2)

by C. A. Harms

  After a few minutes of some much needed snuggles from my sweet little man, Reed took Rhett back into his arms. Kori stood from the chair to give her son a kiss goodbye.

  Reed watched, in awe of the two of them, and it made my heart melt. “You girls be careful and have a good time. Rhett’s gonna go fishing with me and Dad, so we’ll keep busy. Enjoy your day.” He winked at me and gave Kori a kiss before turning to take Rhett inside.

  “I gotta stop by Momma’s place to pick her up, then we’ll head out,” Kori said as she continued to observe me with an odd look on her face.

  I raised my shoulders in question. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  A few silent moments passed before she spoke again. “Gavin got back this morning. I was trying to weigh it out, see if you knew.”

  I fought against the disappointment that was now taking me over. I could only shake my head lightly as I turned toward the driveway and walked in the direction of the car. What the hell was he planning on doing, avoiding me? I did my best to appear as if the news had absolutely no effect on me.

  When Kori and Leann climbed into the car, there was an uncomfortable silence. It was really irritating and only seemed to make it harder for me not to scream. “You do know I’m not gonna break, right? I’m fine, and if he doesn’t want to talk or see me, then to hell with him. I won’t give him that control over me. He doesn’t deserve it.”

  “Do you want me to call her and tell her to just meet us at the end of the lane?” Kori asked. “Gavin is there helping with the things that piled up while he was gone.”

  I shook my head and forced a smile. “No, I am not gonna hide Kori. I heard from him three times while he was gone. Three blunt, nothing special text messages were all I was worth to him. But there has been nothing for the last week, so I got the hint. I won’t force anything from anyone. I am fine with it all, no need to dwell on it,” I insisted.

  “Please just stop worrying about me. I had a really good time with Aaron the other night, and I plan on seeing him again. I am not sitting around waiting on Gavin. I’m good, really.”

  I loved Kori to the moon and back, but she was driving me insane. Her mothering tendencies were enough to make me want to strangle her at times. I didn’t need a mother hen; I needed a friend. And right now I needed her to stop pushing.

  I think I may have held my breath during the entire drive to her parents’ house. My heart was racing and my stomach was flipping like crazy.

  Yeah, pulling up to her parents’ house and seeing Gavin’s big manly truck sitting in the drive made my stomach ache profusely. I refused to let anyone know how much it affected me. Instead, I plastered a smile on my face and waited as Gemma walked down the drive toward us.

  Just as she was about to open the car door, Bud hollered out from the barn. I turned to the sound of his voice, and I swear for a moment my heart stopped.

  There stood Gavin, wearing one of his tight fitting shirts and those damn jeans that formed to his amazing thighs. Damn those thighs.

  I bit down on the inside of my cheek and silently begged Gemma to just wave goodbye to Bud and get in. Of course that isn’t what happened. Nothing ever seems simple in my life.

  Gavin leaned the shovel he was holding up against the back of the truck and walked in our direction. With each step he took, my chest ached more. I gripped my phone so tightly in my hand it was beginning to hurt. I forced my eyes to focus on a piece of lint on the back of Kori’s car seat. Taking in a deep breath, I prayed he would just turn around and go back to work.

  A light knock on the window made me jump. I took a deep breath before looking to my right, connecting with his gorgeous eyes. He was so breathtaking it made my body tingle. A slight lift of his lips only made it worse, as his smile was just as appealing as those damn eyes of his. I rolled the window down and held his gaze without smiling in return.

  “Hey,” he whispered. “Can I talk to you for just a minute?”

  “Why? You’ve been just fine the last two weeks without talking. What’s so important now?” I asked.

  “Please Maria, just for a minute.” he pleaded.

  I contemplated telling him no, which would have been in the best interest of my already tattered heart. But instead I gave in to the desire to know what it was he felt he had to say.

  I opened the car door and looked up to find Kori watching me closely. “It’ll just take a second, okay?” She nodded her head, but her eyes were screaming no. I could tell by the look on her face she was worried about me.

  Gavin reached his hand out to help me from the car, but I refused the gesture. I brushed past him and walked toward the house that used to be his. I could hear his boots on the gravel, as he quickly walked behind me.

  I didn’t want to do this with him, but I refused to do it in front of Kori and the rest of them. I just needed to get this over with.

  Walking around the side of the house, I turned quickly to face him. Crossing my arms over my chest, I shrugged my shoulders. “What is so important that you need to talk to me right now?”

  He stared at me, his lips pressed into a thin line. The silence that stretched out before us was making me nervous.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he said.

  “Like what?” I asked.

  He took a step closer, and I took another step backwards. “Like I’m the biggest asshole you’ve ever known.”

  “I never said you were an asshole. You’re the one who dragged me all the way out here. You said you needed to talk, so talk.” I uncrossed my arms and let them hang at my sides.

  I looked away from his eyes. I couldn’t continue to look at him; it hurt that I couldn’t reach out and touch him.

  The feeling of wanting something so badly but being unable to act on that feeling was pure torture.

  He had been so hurt by Nicole’s actions that all I wanted to do was show him he deserved more than what she gave him. I wanted him to allow me to love him.

  But he was like an unattainable goal, and it was eating me alive.

  He took another step toward me and I backed up even more, my back hitting the side of the house. He took the opportunity to close the distance between us, and I could now feel his breath on my cheek.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  I turned my head to look up at him and anger overtook me. “You’re sorry for what? For having sex with me and then leaving for over two weeks without so much as a phone call? I was good enough to get laid, but that was all, huh?”

  I pushed back on his chest. “I’m done waiting around for you. I am done being here when you need me, only to be pushed away in the end once again. I am so over this damn game of Yo-Yo.”

  I rushed past him and he grabbed for my arm. “There was a lot going on. I know that is no excuse, but if you would just let me try to explain everything.”

  “No, I don’t want to do this with you. I need to go. I have people waiting on me—people who really care about me, all the time. Not just when it’s convenient,” I said firmly.

  “Can we talk later?” he asked.

  “I can’t. I have a date.” I replied.

  Gavin’s nostrils flared and his jaw ticked with frustration. “A date? With who?”

  “That’s really none of your business. I gotta go.” I didn’t wait for anything more from him; I rushed toward the car without looking back. I had to get as far away from him as possible. I was afraid of what I might say or do if I stayed by his side.

  I was so irritated and angry. He had no right to be upset about me going on a date. Was I supposed to sit around and wait for him forever? Did he honestly think that playing with my head was okay?

  I chose to ignore the looks I received when I climbed into the car. I could feel Kori’s eyes on me in the rearview mirror, and I was sure I would have to fill her in later.

  The only problem was that I was still just as confused as I had been an hour ago. Maybe a little more, actually, because he once again had made me feel sli
ghtly hopeful.

  But for now I would just pretend that everything was good and that on the inside my heart wasn’t longing to rush back to him. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close.

  Chapter Three

  “Where are you going all dressed up?” Momma asked from the couch as I walked into the kitchen.

  “Aaron is taking me dancing.” I replied.

  She smiled and I just shook my head. My momma really liked Aaron. He was the grandson of a lady in her craft group. I think they had been secretly conniving to set us up for months.

  I still wasn’t sure about him, though. He was nice, don’t get me wrong, but the poor guy had no idea what he was fighting against. I found myself continuously comparing him to Gavin, which was so unbelievably unfair.

  Aaron was blond, tall, and lean. He had the cutest dimple in his left cheek and the greenest eyes I had ever seen. He was so sweet and said all the right things; I would be a fool not to like him.

  There was just one huge problem: there was no spark. I was lacking that racing heart and deep ache in my stomach for him. That feeling of floating whenever he was near. The chills up my spine with the smallest touch. I was in desperate need of a connection that I just wasn’t feeling.

  It irritated me that I couldn’t let go of that need for Gavin. Was I so wrapped up in the thought of him that nothing else could ease that ache?

  There was a light knock on the door and my momma’s grin grew even wider. “Well, you two have a nice night,” she said. She was smiling from ear to ear, and I just shook my head at her giddiness.

  Grabbing my purse from the counter, I waved goodbye and made my way to the door.

  Opening it to find Gavin staring back at me made my head spin. I stumbled over the threshold as I attempted to stop. He instantly reached for me and gripped my waist to steady me. His overwhelming scent of manliness hit me hard. I closed my eyes and breathed him in, attempting to hide that action.

  “You look nice,” he whispered. He was so close I could feel his breath skim over my cheek. “You smell real nice too.”

  Shaking my head to clear the fog, I took a step back and closed the door behind me. I didn’t want to have to explain to my momma who Gavin is and why he was here. Hell, I still didn’t even know myself why he was here.

  “What are you doing here?” I questioned.

  His eyes roamed over my body and damn it all to hell if I didn’t get that warm feeling I lacked with Aaron.

  “I want to talk to you. I was hoping that maybe we could go grab dinner or something.” He paused for just a moment before continuing. “From the looks of it, you already have plans.”

  I nodded my head. “Yeah, I have a date. I already told you that earlier.”

  I attempted to walk past him but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path. “Two minutes, please. Just give me two minutes to explain the best I can. I know you’re mad at me. I know that I’ve kept you in the dark when it comes to me and my life. I did it because I thought it was best.”

  “You thought it was a best to make me feel used?” I asked.

  “That was never my intention. I had to figure some things out, and it took longer than I’d hoped. Please just give me the chance to explain,” he pleaded.

  “You better talk real fast; my date will be here any minute,” I replied, and he winced at the mention of my date.

  “Nicole was pregnant,” he said. My heart hammered in my chest. “I found out shortly after I filed for divorce. The sad part about it was I had no idea if the baby was mine or if it belonged to Alan, my ex-boss.

  "Of course, Nicole strung it along to attract as much attention as she could. She and Alan didn’t last, so she saw the opportunity to attempt to keep me around. It was the reason I kept going back and forth. I tried to convince her to get the test early to determine if I was the father.”

  The thought of Gavin having a life-long connection with Nicole by sharing a child sickened me.

  “Of course, she refused, and we had to wait until the baby was born before having the test done,” he stated.

  My head was spinning as he went on. “So for the last few months, I’ve been fighting against her for a paternity test. I had to have it court-ordered, because she kept making excuses as to why she couldn’t get the baby to the hospital. She would miss every appointment we made.” He paused for a few minutes.

  “Here’s this little baby with coal black hair, and I had no idea if I was her father.” He paused once again. “It messed me up not knowing.”

  He took another step toward me, and I looked up to meet his piercing blue eyes. “I thought it was best not to drag you through that mess with me. I wanted to have everything figured out and then come to you with all my garbage. Lay it out in front of you and then hope that you still felt the same about me.”

  He lifted his hand to trace my jaw with his fingertips. “You weren’t supposed to happen,” he whispered.

  As I stared up at him, we were now only inches apart. He watched me closely as his eyes trailed down to my lips. “What do you mean?” I asked breathlessly.

  “You were only supposed to be a one-time thing. You weren’t supposed to make me feel anything.” Gavin’s forehead rested against mine. “Do you understand why it’s so hard for me to do this again? I can’t fall for you, and you’re making that impossible.”

  He was confusing the hell out of me. I had no idea what he was trying to say. “Why are you playing with my head, Gavin? What’s with all the mixed signals?” I asked, pulling back from him so I could once again see his eyes. “I can’t handle this up and down stuff with you. My heart can’t take it.”

  He closed his eyes tightly and whispered, “I wish I had met you before her.”

  I swallowed hard and was just about to speak when I heard a car door shut. Looking past Gavin’s shoulder, my eyes connected with Aaron as he climbed from his truck. Gavin looked back, and a deep groan of aggravation ripped through his chest.

  Aaron paused when he took in the sight of Gavin and me on the porch. I felt torn between what I wanted and what I needed to do. Gavin had just poured out his troubles and told me what was holding him back, but I had no idea what to do with it all.

  Before I could make up my mind, Gavin stepped back and grabbed his keys from his pocket.

  “I’ll let you get on with your date,” he said, before turning and walking to his truck without giving me a second glance. He never even took a glance in Aaron’s direction as he walked past him.

  My legs felt weak and I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. I took a few deep breaths, attempting to calm my nerves.

  I forced a smile and walked toward Aaron—plastering on my best ‘it’s all good’ smile. His face held a look of concern. “Everything okay?”

  I nodded my head. “Yeah. Just a friend stopping by to say hi.” He opened the door and I took a chance, looking over in the direction of Gavin’s truck. He sat looking back at us through his side mirror.

  His expression was unreadable as he stared with dedication, never faltering the entire time it took for me to climb into the truck and buckle my seatbelt. My stomach tensed, and the entire scene before me just felt so wrong.

  Chapter Four

  It has been three weeks since I had the very intense conversation with Gavin on my front porch. I have focused all my time and energy on the wedding.

  He has continued to stop by, leaving a rose on my windshield or a simple note saying he was sorry for hurting me. With each attempt he made, it became even more impossible for me to let go of the hope I still felt.

  Things with Aaron have become strange and distant. I don’t know if it has to do with finding Gavin and me in the heat of conversation or something else. He has rarely called and, when he did, it just felt awkward. It was as if he felt he had to attempt contact, but really he just wanted to say to hell with it all.

  Leann helped me to figure things out a little better when she told me that she saw him at dinn
er a few days ago with some blonde woman. Apparently the woman had her hands all over him, and he didn’t look as if he minded at all.

  I guess that means he wasn’t only dating me. But if I’m being honest with myself, I’m sort of glad that whole situation is over.

  Things are coming together perfectly in Kori’s case. She and Reed are doing things simply.

  Her father had an event planner come in and set the entire thing up. The lady was amazing with all of her ideas; she really knew her stuff. Kori was in heaven and agreed to sit back and let it all unfold.

  Between closing out the year at school and planning for the big event, I had little time to dwell on the distant feeling within me. Most of the time I just hid within myself, because I found it to be easier.

  My two youngest brothers, Colton and Jake, had really been calling a lot lately. I wasn’t sure why things were changing, as normally it was a rare occasion that we would hear from them.

  Momma had spent more than one night with the both of them talking for hours. At times, I found her whispering when I entered the room, and that had me puzzled. What could they possibly be discussing that I couldn’t be a part of?

  You can imagine my surprise when I opened the door on a Saturday morning to find both of my brothers standing on the front porch. I stood there staring at them, speechless.

  Colt was the first one to come forward and sweep me up into his arms. He lifted me up and spun me around. “Hey, baby girl, look at you. Are you surprised to see us?”

  I could only nod my head as I looked over his shoulder at Jake. The two of them are only ten months apart, which puts them at thirty-eight and thirty-nine years old. They are my brothers and all, but I have to admit they’re both devastatingly handsome.

  I have always wished that I had the chance to have them around more. Life works in crazy ways. Because of their loyalty to my father and the business they ran together, they followed him when he decided to leave Brooklet. My two oldest brothers were just like my father—stubborn and mean as hell. Jake and Colton at least tried to keep in touch.