The Glass Mask

by E L DuBois

  Beauty also became increasingly weary of the Drama Queen’s attachment to the Princess. She gazed upon the child as if she wanted to take her and keep her for her own. The Drama Queen often commented about how all she ever wanted in this life was a child. Beauty tried to quash her growing unease with the Drama Queen’s fascination with her daughter, but something inside her would not let the feeling pass. Beauty did not trust the Drama Queen, but she wanted to since his sister always admonished the Beast for his abusive behavior toward Beauty. She wanted so badly to have someone who would understand and give her the keys to controlling the Beast... so she could be free.

  Just when Beauty thought she and the Princess might have a shot at a normal life, she now had two monsters to contend with.

  When the Beast struck out at Beauty, she thought she had been ready. She was not. It had all started so innocently. He had been displeased with something minor and Beauty ignored his ire. In reaction, the Beast went out to drink with his friends. This was never good. Beauty worried for her safety, but the Drama Queen was there. Surely, he would not go overboard with her in the house. Again, Beauty was wrong. The Drama Queen proved to be a babysitter for the Princess, when the Beast decided to make his move.

  The Beast returned from his night-out in a rage. The Drama Queen took the child and spirited her away to her room. The Beast advanced on Beauty, and she tried to run, but when he caught her, she knew all semblance of normality was over and she was back with the old familiar brutality.

  The next morning, the Drama Queen smirked at a limping Beauty. The look reminded her so much of the Beast. That one look told Beauty everything she needed to know about the Drama Queen. She was indeed the same as the Beast. Blood of his blood. Cruelty of his cruelty. A monster in her own right.

  A new life emerged for Beauty. One like the one she had during the pregnancy, but now with the two new additions. One, her beloved Princess who brought her joy. The other, her sister-in-law whom she loathed.

  The Drama Queen was pure darkness and hedonistic intentions. She and the Beast were the most depraved creatures Beauty had ever beheld. Beauty had her suspicions that the Drama Queen enjoyed the abuse and took pleasure in her pain... just as the Beast did. Beauty began to fall back into despair, her hopes vanishing with each passing day of brutality. She had to return to work and pretend life was normal, while a viper lived in her home and tried to become surrogate mother to her child. She was cursed by the vile family. All the adults had some sort of depraved inclinations. An innate cruelty, or sexual issues, and were abusive in nature. Beauty did not understand any of them.

  For a time, she had tried to understand the Beast and help him. But with time, she realized that she could not understand madness such as his. Nor did she want to. Worse, she had the female version of him living with her as well. Leeching off her financially, finding pleasure in her pain, and trying to steal her child.

  Beauty felt cracks in her soul began to widen and her own version of madness seeped out. She began to find comfort in the small discomforts of the Beast and Drama Queen. They had opened a chasm in her soul that made her revel in their pains. If the Beast was injured at work, Beauty pretended she cared. She pretended to have sympathy, but deep inside... she smiled. When the Drama Queen –who also turned out to be quite promiscuous– caught more than one sexually transmitted disease from a local crackhead she had been sleeping with, well, Beauty felt no sympathy. She did not smile inside because at the time, she would not wish a lifelong case of herpes on anyone.

  Beauty just felt numb to the drama. She got so used to living in it with these monsters that nothing surprised or phased her. That was until the day the Drama Queen turned on the Beast, and they had an all-out war.

  Beauty did not know what started the war, but she watched the violence and madness from the sidelines. The Drama Queen fought back. Beauty was astounded. Now, granted she was much larger than Beauty and always had that scary, older sister thing she held over the Beast, but Beauty never believed he would allow her to hit him. He did not allow it for long. He started hitting and dragging the Drama Queen from the house. He dragged her through the yard and out of the white picket fence that surrounded the house. Yes, Beauty had a white picket fence, sadly.

  The local law enforcement was called by the neighbors and the Drama Queen tried to have the Beast arrested for assault. Another astounding turn for Beauty. Police were against the Beast’s rules. Beauty suspected that jail could be the only thing the Beast truly feared.

  In the end, the Drama Queen was instructed to leave by the police, and no charges were pressed. This was the day Beauty got to witness the Beast working the system. She realized he could truly talk his way out of anything and avoid going to jail. Even with his sister bleeding and bruised, because he had been removing her from his property. He was within his rights. That was the first time Beauty saw a flaw in the justice system, and the first time she realized all her beliefs about serve and protect did not apply to her.

  Chapter 7

  My, what big teeth you have…

  BEAUTY BECAME ACCUSTOMED to a life of fearful anticipation and pain. During her first year with the Beast, she had gone through a myriad of emotions and rationalizations. A constant battle raged inside her. She tried to understand how a person could claim to love her but still hurt her in so many ways. She was caught in a life she did not want but had eventually accepted. She felt shame over her acceptance but told herself it was what it was. This was her life and she held on to a hope that the Boy she had first met might return.

  The Beast would hurt her and then show kindness, which only reinforced Beauty’s fool-hearted hopes. He would apologize and be tender. Those honeymoon periods were always wrought with a futile hope, and a feeling of anticipation for the next time. She took life day by day and found comfort in the only joy she knew. Her little princess, who she spent less and less time with. Beauty worked and was gone most of the day, but she had started to relinquish the caring of her child to her mother, the Queen, more often. She did not want the Princess to hear or bear witness to any of the Beast’s tortures, so she let the baby spend more time with her grandmother. It broke Beauty’s heart, but she thought it was the only way to shield her child from the monstrous actions of the Beast.

  Beauty found that time seemed to pass quickly in the endless cycle her life had become. Constant fighting followed by glimpses of the Boy she hoped still existed within the Beast. During this time, Beauty could feel the tiniest sliver of her mind being frayed. Her emotions running high and low amidst the constant drama were taking their toll on her sanity. Nothing was ever good enough for the Beast. He made her feel as if she would never be enough, even though she cowed to his every whim and tried to please him.

  Beauty did not understand her need to please the Beast, but it was constant and a source of torment. All she wanted was to be loved and treated with respect. The Beast would give her tiny pieces of what she sought to keep her in his clutches, but ultimately, all that mattered was what the Beast wanted. She tried with all of her being to be enough for him. She became whatever she thought he needed or wanted. Good Wife, Victim, Lover, Money-Maker, Possession. She did not know why or when she had become this thing, but it had happened, and she was trapped within. It was like being at the center of a beautiful storm with debris swirling all around her. Living in constant fear that she would be devoured, but unable to move from her spot within it. A hope always present in her heart, that the storm would one day pass, and sunlight would peak through. She longed to feel the sunlight on her face once again and did everything she could think of to achieve that calm, but it never came. She convinced herself that she just had to try harder... so she did.

  Time passed so quickly that before she knew it, the Beast’s birthday was approaching. It would be the second they’d spend together and the first with the Princess. Beauty knew that she had to make each birthday as grand as possible for the Beast. He made it difficult for her, but the need to please the Beast pus
hed her to try.

  Like all holidays, Beauty did her best to be happy about it. That was just her way. Even if she was dying inside, she smiled for the world and tried to make everyone happy. Especially the Beast. She wanted to celebrate the Beast’s special day, but he always managed to ruin every holiday. The presents were never enough, the amount of love and appreciation shown him were never enough. This lack of gratitude extended from Beauty to her family. No matter how much money was spent, or kindness was shown, the Beast hated Beauty’s family. He had managed to pull them into his manipulations. Beauty witnessed as the King, Queen, and Prince, did things to please the Beast. Buying him presents, including him in family functions, anything to make him feel special and included in their family. The Beast despised every attempt. He would complain that they were not his family and all their kindness was false. They were nothing but fakes. When he was the fake one. He would smile and act as if he was entitled to their gifts. As if he expected that the world and everyone in it owed him something.

  Beauty knew that with each approaching holiday, two things would happen. The Beast would provoke an argument that would end in her torture. The honeymoon phase would last through the holiday, and then the Beast would become distraught and the violence would return. The day before the Beast’s Birthday, Beauty waited. She anticipated violence, but the Beast deviated from his usual cycle. Instead of hurting Beauty physically or sexually, he crushed her emotionally. She was standing in the kitchen that evening, tired from a long day at work and the stress of anticipation when the Beast walked in and said to her, “I don’t love you. I never have. I am not in love with you like that. I care for you because you are the mother of my child... but nothing more.”

  Beauty crumpled to the floor in tears. Through all the pain, the Beast had never hurt her as badly as he did with that declaration.

  The Beast leaned his back against the wall across from her and slid down to watch as she cried. His gaze was intense but devoid of emotion. He probably thought she was crying because she couldn’t stand to know he did not love her. The truth is, she didn’t know why. All she knew was that she had never felt a pain like the one ripping through her.

  Maybe she cried because she felt like a failure.

  Maybe she cried because she had tried so hard and it was all for nothing.

  She had lost so many pieces of her soul and given up so much of herself to the Beast and it still had meant nothing. The pain she had endured had no purpose.

  Maybe she cried because part of her did love the Beast.

  Maybe she cried because his words had snapped the final cord of her remaining hope.

  Beauty just did not know why the tears and sobs were racking her body. All she knew in that moment was a new and different kind of pain. It was a wrongness. A hurt like no other and she wanted to claw it from her body and never experience it again.

  Through the gut-wrenching agony, Beauty feebly asked the Beast, “You were NEVER in love with me? Not once? Not even a little? You never felt that kind of love for me? After everything?”

  The Beast’s response was a flat “No.” Then, he left her to cry on the floor.

  At some point, she picked herself up and tended to the Princess. She still felt the wrongness of that agony, but she plastered on her smile and loved her little girl. With time and the presence of her daughter, her mind emptied itself of all questions, and a numbness replaced the agony.

  She went through the motions that evening like it was no different from any other. The Beast acted as if he had never said anything and ignored Beauty. She served him his dinner, put the baby down and retired to bed. The Beast joined her but never touched her. He turned his back to her as if she didn’t exist. This threw Beauty. That agony began to creep back as she lay in the dark, listening to the Beast’s even breathing.

  Beauty sank deeper and deeper with each passing hour. Her very existence became a tailspin of emotional despair. Her mind whirling with so many questions as the time ticked by. She could deal with the physical pain, but his rejection was unbearable. She toyed with the idea that she had loved the Beast in her own way after all.

  Could fear morph into love, the way love had morphed into fear? She had to have loved him, right? Why else would she have given herself so completely to him? Why would she let herself be subjected to such awful pain and degradation if not for love?

  She felt as if it had all been for nothing because she was nothing to the Beast. Not even a possession anymore. He was tired of her and she was just a plaything that had now been discarded. She silently cried herself to sleep that night.

  When Beauty awoke the next morning, the Beast was gone. There was no good morning, I love you text. No, I miss you, what are you doing? text. No dozens of missed calls. No contact at all. No obsessive behavior. Beauty did not know how to feel. She was so mentally and emotionally exhausted.

  Her pain gave her some clarity and a newfound sense of reality. Hadn’t she wanted the Beast to discard her? She and the Princess could be free. When had the hate she felt turn into a need for his love? She felt so confused but knew without a doubt what she had to do. She had to leave. If a Beast with no tenderness or possibility of love was all that she had, then her life could only get worse.

  Beauty planned, and she called the Queen. She told her mother what the Beast had said, and her mother made arrangements for Beauty. The Queen would set up for Beauty and the Princess to stay at a hotel in a town, about thirty miles from their home. Everything would be in the Queen’s name, so the Beast could not trace it and find them.

  Beauty packed a bag for her and the Princess. Then, she wrote the Beast a letter. In it, she told him all the things she had never had the courage to say. She told him how badly he had hurt her. How she wished he had left her and never abused her. She told him how foolish she felt to love someone like him, who had never loved her back. She told him many things and it felt freeing to finally be honest. As she left their home and headed to the hotel, Beauty could not shake her pain. She did not understand why she was hurting. When had she really fallen in love with the Beast? Why would she want to still be with him? Why didn’t she want this torture to be over? Why wasn’t she happy to be free of him? Why did she seek the approval and love of a Beast? What was wrong with her? Had the Beast driven her insane?

  These were the constant thoughts that plagued her as she checked into the hotel, and she and the Princess settled into their temporary home. Beauty was feeling so many things at once as she watched the beautiful Princess sleeping. She had come from a family where her parents were still together. She believed that if you had a child with someone, you made it work. But neither her mother or father had been a Beast... so maybe she was wrong.

  Just when Beauty was beginning to feel as though she had truly been fighting a losing battle, her cell phone began to ring. It was the Beast. He had obviously returned home. Beauty did not answer. She simultaneously felt a spike of fear and something else. Was that happiness that he cared enough to call? She let the phone ring as he called back to back. His obsessive behavior was back in full force. Apology text messages came, followed by angry ones with threats. He left threatening voice messages, and ones with tears, proclaiming he never meant what he said. He professed that he had been scared and thought he was losing Beauty. That he loved her more than life and could not live without her and the baby. He promised that he was in love with her and not just because they had a child. He said all the things that Beauty did not realize she wanted to hear. This was another form of the honeymoon cycle... she just did not realize it. She should’ve, after all this time. He loved to inflict terrible pain, followed by tenderness.

  Beauty’s fear outweighed her other feelings, because she did not want to experience violence again. She did not answer the Beast. She listened to one final message before turning off her phone. In the message, the Beast had sounded distraught. He told Beauty he was going to his mother’s because he did not want to be alone and that he truly loved her. Not knowin
g what to make of this one hundred and eighty degree turn in the Beast’s behavior, Beauty decided to ignore it all for the moment. She just wanted to feel nothing again after all the drama, so she settled down to watch mindless television as the baby slept.

  That’s why when there was a knock at the door thirty minutes later, Beauty thought it was her mother. It was not. She opened the door to find the Beast.

  He was teetering on the brink of insanity. Beauty could see the crazy brimming from him. She took a step back and he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. A stunned Beauty asked the Beast what he was doing there. How had he found them?

  The Beast told Beauty that if she was going to run, she would need to do a better job of it. He had to pass through the town she was in on his way to his mother’s and had seen Beauty’s car in the hotel parking lot. He only had to knock on two other doors before finding her.

  She felt so stupid and afraid. She did not know what to do with this Beast. She could not read him. She did not know what he intended. As he advanced on her, she stepped back until the backs of her knees hit the bed. She did not want violence in the same room as the Princess. She had been able to prevent that before now. Her eyes pleaded with the Beast and he raised his hand to her. She tensed, waiting for a blow, but it never came. Instead, the Beast wrapped his arms around her and cried. She was shell-shocked. The Beast was rocking and crying, and murmuring into her hair, saying that when he thought he had lost her, it hit him how much he did love her and could not live without her. He told her how frightened he had been to lose his little family. He promised to try harder and be someone she deserved. He even gazed at the Princess with what looked like sincere love and promised to be a better father to her as well.