Just Another Season

by Longley, Avery J.

  “I’m not going to tell them.” Ryan blinked and pulled his hands from his face – he hadn’t even realized he’d been whispering his fears out loud. “That is not my decision to make. But I will support you if you do, defend you as I always have. You are my cousin, my blood brother.”

  Taking a faltering breath, Ryan looked back into the serious eyes of his cousin, shocked and more than a bit amazed that they of all people were having this conversation together. “I…Thank you.” Tilting his head a bit, he asked, “How long have you known, suspected, whatever?”

  At that, signs of the Luke that Ryan was so familiar with finally began to appear when the slow smirk curled over Luke’s lips. “Several years. Since we were 16? That big party with all your friends and all the pretty girls.”

  Ryan choked on his laughter at the memory. “The one where the Mayor threatened to have you ‘deported’ after you banged his daughter. Oh yes, I remember that party quite well.”

  That Cheshire cat grin grew on Luke’s face as he nodded, “Not like he could have me deported, I am a dual-citizen. But it did make for a rather interesting drive back home. Mama was not amused.” His voice grew more serious for a moment. “That party though? I noticed you casually watching one of your teammates. It bothered me at first. But then I realized, as I said earlier, you are my cousin, my blood brother. It didn’t change you.”

  Not even realizing that Luke had discarded his controller again, or climbed to his feet, Ryan only felt a big hand pat him on the back and Luke had exited the room. And for the longest time he just stood there, trying to absorb what just had happened. He’d come out – to the least likely of people – and nothing catastrophic had happened in his world.

  Maybe there was hope for this season yet.

  ~*~

  A few hours and several video games after his conversation with Luke, Ryan finally decided that he needed to talk with Gabi about things as well. He was certain this day was one of those rare days that she worked from home rather than went into her office or the courtroom in Kansas City. Devin, he knew, would still be at his latest construction site, which would give him the time to have a one-on-one with his sister.

  Ryan chuckled to himself at that – the last time he and Gabi had a one-on-one, she was scoring on him top-shelf in a family hockey game. She always had been the best player in their generation. It still made him sad that she hadn’t tried to pursue hockey beyond high school. But at the same time, he understood; she had different priorities, different goals than he or Luke did. And while both he and Luke had gone on to get degrees, they shared the hope those would be a fall back, not a necessity.

  With those thoughts echoing around in his head, and after letting Luke know where he’d be, Ryan slid down the stair railing and walked out to the parking lot, noting that there was a new car parked in Emma’s spot – when had that happened? He imagined his sister and her husband perhaps had something to do with that.

  Climbing into his own several year old ‘crossover’ – a gift from his family on his college graduation – Ryan headed off towards Gabi and Devin’s place, mentally noting that when his parents drove out with the rest of his and Luke’s stuff, that he’d perhaps be able to bike the distance instead.

  Soon enough, he was pulling into her driveway, and didn’t bother ringing the doorbell – with Devin not home, he was certain he wasn’t going to find his sister in a compromising position. “Ohhhhh Gaaaaaaaaabbbbbaaaaa? Where are you?” Ryan hollered as he stepped across the threshold into their house.

  “You don’t have to shout, jeezus. And what are you doing here? Did I miss a text from you saying you were coming over?” Gabi had emerged from the office she had set up off the entry way of the house and was reaching for her cell off her hip when Ryan raised his hand to stop her.

  “Nah, this is a spur of the moment kinda thing.” Pacing a little bit and purposefully moving away from his sister, Ryan murmured, “You mind if we have a talk?”

  “Oh Turtle. What did you do this time? Am I going to need to represent you? Luke? Can’t you two behave for more than a week?”

  Ryan’s spine straightened at her words, bristling at the implication that he would only be coming over to talk if he was in trouble. Spinning sharply on his heels, eyes dark and glowing with anger, he growled at her, “Is this what you think of me? Your little brother the fuck up? That you no doubt purposefully arranged for your reporter friend to watch over us, to make sure we behaved? No issues there, sister. She’s already put the fear of God in us both.” He started towards the door, words coming faster as he walked. “Y’know what? Forget it. Just forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

  As his hand reached the doorknob, Gabi’s voice – soft, more subdued than her norm – stopped him in his tracks. “Stop. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re a fuck up, Turtle. I never have. As for the rooming arrangement, that was more for her protection than to watch over you. I knew you’d keep her safe.” Ryan’s shoulders were still tight with tension even when he heard Gabi come across the floor and stand behind him, wrapping her arms loosely around his waist and resting her chin against his back. “Now, what’s bothering you?”

  Closing his eyes and not making any motion to remove his hand from the door, Ryan’s voice lacked the earlier anger, but the underlying hurt was still present. “Does it matter? I…Y’know what? Forget it. Just forget it.”

  Ryan tried to pull the door open when Gabi’s arms tightened around his waist, her voice measured and even. “Don’t make me tackle you. Something is bothering you, and I’m sorry that I assumed the worst. It’s just been a long time since you came to me to ‘just talk’ about anything.”

  Softly, almost too soft to be heard, Ryan murmured back, “Maybe because I was too confused to think anyone else would understand? How could they when I barely could myself?”

  Gabi tilted her head a bit – Ryan could feel that against his back – before tugging him further back into the house, and this time he offered no resistance to her direction. Soon she directed him to her over sized couch and pushed him down on it, taking a seat across from him and gazing into his eyes. “What were you confused about?” She finally asked softly.

  Why did he think this conversation was going to be easy? How could he have left the apartment so confident that he’d just stroll in, drop the news, and stroll out? Ryan held her gaze for a moment then looked down at his hands, nervously starting to pick at his fingernails until Gabi reached across and grabbed his hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I…” He finally began softly, soft enough that she had to lean closer to hear him. “I was confused about why I found myself attracted to not just women, but men as well. That’s not the way we were raised.”

  “That doesn’t make it wrong.” Gabi retorted immediately, tightening her hands onto his. “What are you trying to tell me, Ryan? That you think you’re bisexual?”

  Slowly, Ryan raised his eyes to his sister’s, waiting until their eyes locked before his head shook just a bit. “No. I know I am. I just didn’t know how you would take it.”

  When Gabi’s laughter rang out, Ryan immediately tried to pull his hands away and leave, but she tightened her grip so he couldn’t go anywhere. “Silly Turtle. Do you honestly think I didn’t already know? That I hadn’t figured it out on my own? Give a sister some credit here.”

  Ryan rolled his eyes but finally squeezed her hands back, telling her softly. “This is hard. I’ve been comfortable in that closet for a long time, taking those first few steps out are scary as hell. I keep expecting rejection; keep expecting my manliness to come under question.”

  Snorting, Gabi finally moved so she was sitting beside Ryan on the couch and tugged him into a side hug. “You’ll find only love and acceptance here, little brother. Devin, I’m sure has his own suspicions though we’ve never discussed it. And I’d wager that Mama knows as well.” He raised his eyebrow, she shook her head a bit. “No, I think Papa is clueless. Grandpère too.”

  “I should te
ll them. I know I should, but the thought of disappointing them scares the hell out of me. And I feel like if I told them that I wasn’t the picture perfect young man that damn article made me out to be, that they’d find me unworthy of their love.”

  “I should slap you just for saying that.” Gabi replied matter-of-factly. “There is no damn way you are unworthy of anyone’s love. And while they might struggle with it a bit, it doesn’t change who you are Ryan, who you’ve always been. You are still you and that’s all that matters.”

  Giving her a bit of a shaky smile, Ryan asked softly, “So now what? As Luke so astutely noticed, the only ones who’ve managed to hold my attention at all are interested in each other. Where could I fit in there?”

  Eyebrows flicking up as she figured out his implications, Gabi could only shrug before just telling him, “If it’s meant to be, it will. Any or all of it. Give it time, Turtle.”

  Easy enough for her to say, Ryan thought, but still he nodded, closing his eyes and cuddling up a bit to his sister, letting her comfort him as they had so often as children with the age difference as it was.

  “It’ll all be okay, Turtle. It’ll all be okay.”

  Chapter 10 - Fraternizing

  It was just movie watching amongst friends – that’s what they both told themselves – and what they continued to tell themselves even as Emma ended up curled up against Trent’s side, cheek pressed against the crook of his neck. His hand absentmindedly slid through her curls at various points, leaving her to try not to shiver at the feelings firing through her every time.

  By the time the credits of the movie rolled, Emma was certain they’d finally turned a corner, that Trent had decided he was ready to be more than friends, and she shifted, resting one hand over his heart and pushing up a bit to be able to brush her lips over his.

  But instead of kissing back, she felt him stiffen immediately, his face and especially his mouth like a stone wall, no reciprocation at all. And after an embarrassed moment, Emma pulled back and rested her forehead against his – feeling him relax just a bit as she did so – and asked him in a very soft tone, “Are you just not into women, Trent, or is it me?”

  “It’s not like that.” He whispered back just as soft, his hand starting to go through her hair again before dropping down to his side, still that odd mix between a bit relaxed and tightly tensed. “I’m just, not there yet.”

  Frowning as she pulled back, to be able to better look at him, Emma just shook her head a bit. “How long, Trent? How long are we going to circle around, playing these games, only for you to freeze if I try to initiate anything?” And eyes darkening a bit when he refused to meet hers, her voice lowered, coming out as a growl, “Dammit, just give it to me straight, will you? You’re not interested in me like that and never will be, but you’re too much a gentleman to be able to just send me away, because you do like having me around.”

  And when Trent didn’t respond at all and lowered his eyes, Emma growled again, pushing back enough to stand and move towards his door, stopping halfway through his kitchen at his soft voice. “It’s not like that.”

  “I’ve lost the faith I had in believing that to be the case, Trent. And I’m tired of offering my heart to someone who doesn’t want to accept it.” With another head shake, she added softer, “Goodbye. Your friend will still be around, but give me time to get over this.” And without waiting for an answer, Emma let herself out of Trent’s apartment, to make the trek back to her own apartment.

  ~*~

  Ryan was so engrossed in his book that he never heard Emma approach, until he heard her sarcastic voice tell him, “Sure, you can use my chair, thanks for asking.”

  Looking up to give her a sheepish smile, and immediately noting the tightness around her eyes that she tried to hide – not to mention the rather large shadow quite a distance back, watching her every move – Ryan answered smoothly, “I tried, but you weren’t here. And I came with a peace offering too.” And he pushed himself up off the chair to show her that he’d acquired cushions for the chair.

  He was pleased to notice a flicker of a smile on her face, a voice that still was a bit on edge, but much more friendly telling him, “That was thoughtful of you, thank you.” And after another moment, she added, “Hang out there if you want, but I’m headed back inside. Have the frame of an article on your large teammate ready to go for your open tryout sessions, may as well try and get it done in advance.”

  Letting her get a few steps away, Ryan waited several beats before asking her softly, “Are you okay?” And almost against his better judgment, asked even softer, “Did he hurt you?”

  She stopped in her tracks at his questions, and he fully prepared himself for a snarled ‘none of your business’ but he was quick to realize how raw she still was when her only response was to shrug her shoulders a bit and mumble, “Doesn’t much matter.”

  Tossing his book aside, Ryan climbed to his feet, and hazarding a quick glance back to see if Trent was still watching from the shadows, Ryan rested a hand on Emma’s shoulder, murmuring at her, “How ‘bout instead of dwelling on him and that, you come on up to our place, see how much of a big crybaby the Frenchie gets when I kick his ass in video games.”

  And though she did flinch a bit at the touch and soon shrugged out of it, Emma took a slow, deep breath, seriously debating his offer, and finally telling him after a moment, “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea. I think I could use the distraction.”

  Nodding, Ryan glanced back towards the shadows for a half-beat before turning back to Emma, telling her, “Why don’t you get comfortable and then just head on up. Don’t worry ‘bout food or drinks, we’ve got plenty. And believe it or not, the jackass that I’m better looking than? He can cook, quite well in fact. Bat those eyelashes at him enough and I bet he’ll show off and cook you up something good.”

  That at least got a small, if somewhat insincere laugh out of Emma before she turned to meet Ryan’s eyes, giving him the tiniest of smiles. “I want to shower, then I’ll head up, okay? I promise I won’t stop and get lost in writing.”

  Reaching to squeeze her shoulder but quick to let go before she could escape the touch, Ryan nodded, teasing her softly, “I don’t know what inappropriate French my sister has managed to teach you, but I promise you’ll learn significantly more watching – or joining – us play video games.” Leaning in conspiratorially, Ryan added, “Don’t tell him I told you, but he cheats!”

  This time the laugh was more sincere sounding and Emma gave Ryan a small smile. “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. So. Shower, clean clothes, and then come up to watch you kick his ass and try to bribe him to feed me. Got it.”

  Giving her a wink, Ryan waited until Emma had ventured into her apartment to turn back towards the distance where he could still make out the outline of Trent’s shadow. And even though he knew Trent couldn’t hear him, he murmured softly, “Stupid man. She adores you. And teammate or not, I have no qualms about making right whatever you did wrong.” And with one more shake of his head, Ryan headed around to the side of the building, book tucked under his arm, to head back into his own apartment and let Luke know of the change of plans.

  ~*~

  Punctuating her words with a head shake and a drink from her beer bottle, Emma informed both Perrault cousins, “Men. Are. Assholes.”

  Smirking in her direction, Luke wiggled his eyebrows a bit, telling her, “You just haven’t met the right men.” And before Emma could tell him that he sure as shit wasn’t the right one, he laughed and added, “As you have reminded me, mon cherie, you are out of my league. Besides, I’m the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, and I fear you’d cut my…” And he paused a moment, having a quiet conversation that had Ryan barking out a laugh before Luke continued, “My balls off and shove them down my throat, if I tried that with you.”

  Giggling as much from the drink as the words and the need for translation, Emma just gave them both a bit of a shrug and the smallest of sad smiles. “Maybe so
. Maybe I’m not the best judge of character. I think at this point I’m going to honor that non-fraternizing clause in my contract, even if Gabi says they can’t legally enforce it. I don’t need to be accused of favoritism.”

  Brow furrowed, Luke gazed at Emma, though his words were without a doubt directed at Ryan. “Que se ‘non-frat-nizing clause’?”

  “Fraternizing,” Ryan corrected out of habit before explaining, “Sounds like the paper has said she can’t date the players while covering us. Is that ‘bout right, Em?”

  “Precisely.” And she thought about pointing out that she’d never told him he could call her anything other than Emma but instead she just took another sip of the beer and turned a smile over to Luke, “You’re still an ass, but you can cook.”

  And at that he laughed, loudly, telling her, “You are neither the first nor likely the last to tell me that. It’s a curse and a gift, I guess.”

  Ryan snorted immediately, shaking his head. “Listen to him try and get modest for the first time in his life. He’s taken plenty of classes, and that is something he takes pride in. You were too busy inhaling mac and cheese to see how much his eyes lit up in delight that you were enjoying it.” And avoiding his cousin’s swat with minimal effort, Ryan gave Emma a grin even as she blushed, “And yes, we’re sending you home with some of that. And clause or not, you’re always welcome to dinner.”