“And you?”
“I’ll try to keep my misbehavior to reasonable levels, but I wouldn’t want to deprive you of a chance to scold me.”
“And how much does this pay?”
“Christian will be the one to negotiate your salary, but the kingdom-wide entry minimum for new RPS agents is sixty-five thousand a year.”
“Paid training?”
“You’re not trained unless you’re hired, so yes.”
“Bonuses and hazard pay?”
Was there anything lovelier than a practical woman? I thought not. “Agents receive both.”
“I’d need a visa to work here.”
The kingdom’s immigration system would discover I could be as annoying as my father if there was an issue with her paperwork. “Where are you originally from?”
“Nevada. I have a weapon carry permit and a hunting license for Illinois.”
“Christian, arrange a formal interview,” I ordered. “And get Dad’s schedule arranged so she can face him on the mat during the interview.”
“Well, that’ll make it worth dealing with some damned interview,” Evangeline muttered.
“Excellent. I look forward to seeing you again, Evangeline.”
She shook her head and sighed. “You’re a nutter.”
I was, and I planned on enjoying every moment I spent testing her mettle.
Chapter Six
I wanted to concentrate on Evangeline, but reality was a cruel mistress and work couldn’t wait. Finding a lady-in-waiting for Princess Abigail would be easy, and I’d get to hit two birds with one stone. I could think of no better person to give the princess some tender loving care, and I’d get to yank my father’s stubbed tail at the same time. By putting so much effort into avoiding my mother’s mother, he made an easy mark for me, a son interested in securing some harmless, fun, and effective payback.
The instant we returned to the castle, I locked myself in my office, snarling threats of death to keep my father out, and dialed the switchboard for South Dakota’s royal family.
“How many I help you, Your Highness?” a woman answered by the third ring.
“Can you connect me to my grandmother, please?”
“One moment, Your Highness.” There was a long enough wait that I expected I’d have to call back when the line clicked and the operator said, “Connecting.”
“It’s not like you to call me so early in the summer,” the wavering voice of my grandmother declared. “What do you need?”
“How’s your relationship with North Dakota right now?”
My loaded question might land me in a hot water; with the overturn of the royal family, something I hadn’t seen coming at all, I feared I waded into choppy political waters. That the former royal family had married into the new royal family hadn’t been a surprise.
Some things were meant to be, and I was grateful the pair had been reunited. It would take years before the kingdom recovered from its short but explosive civil war. I sat tense in my chair, waiting for my grandmother’s answer.
“Those poor dears. We’re amiable with the new monarchs. Why?”
“Princess Abigail of North Dakota will be visiting in the near future. She needs a lady-in-waiting, and I thought it would be a nice for her if I asked you. It would give you a chance to escape my aunt for a while and pester Dad.”
“You sweet, sweet boy. When?”
“She’ll be here for a few months, and I believe she’s arriving in two to three weeks. Mom has the details. I just offered to make the arrangements for someone to fill the spot.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good vacation. Count me in. Little Abby does like my cookies, and she needs some tender loving care. And how about you, dear? How are you doing? Have you found a special lady for yourself yet?”
“I’m working on that. It’d be a lot easier if I had a really nice grandmother around to drive my ex off. She keeps pulling stupid stunts destined to make my life even more difficult.”
“I think I can keep that waif of a girl off your back. How was your spring?”
Any other year, I would’ve grunted something to brush off the conversation. “Annoying until a woman beat me black and blue. After that, I had a nice time. Still fighting off a cold, though.”
“As always. I see you’re a little like your father. A feisty lady is in your future, I expect. And don’t you deny your mother’s status as a feisty lady. I raised that girl to be a little feisty. How else was she going to tame herself a haughty cat?”
I couldn’t imagine myself without a feisty woman in my future. “Well, I certainly hope I’ll find someone at least a little feisty.”
Evangeline had clued me into several benefits of partnering with a woman who wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything.
“That’s progress. And here I was hoping to stage another kidnapping. I had so much fun with your father. The pipsqueak here isn’t nearly as entertaining.”
“Uncle Carl isn’t letting you kidnap him for fun, is he?”
“I’m banned from creating any RPS scenarios for a whole year because I broke two SUVs. I even offered to replace them. It’s not my fault the agents were overenthusiastic in following my directions. I didn’t break the SUVs specifically. Others did. They were just following my scenario. They got creative! It’s not my fault when the RPS agents get creative during scenarios.”
I loved my grandmother as much as my father loved avoiding her. “I might let you help plan some training scenarios for my new detail with a few conditions.”
“You must really miss your old grandma to offer such a wonderful bribe.”
“Or I just really hate my father,” I countered.
“There’s that, too. What’s bringing this on, dear boy? This is not your normal style. Your normal style is carefully planned. This is impulsive enough I’m concerned there’s more than your fair share of your father’s genes in your blood.”
“Gail’s been a pest, and I’ve decided to do extensive RPS training. She might find some way to interfere.”
“That was foolish of you, leaving her an opening.”
“I wasn’t feeling all that well when I came up with the idea,” I confessed.
“It’s all right, Kel. Now, if your daddy had the sense to call for help, he wouldn’t have gotten beaten so bad when he faced off against his brothers. Don’t you worry about that ex of yours. I’ll make sure she won’t bother you. I’ve a few boys in mind who can keep her busy. With that out of the way, tell me about this lady you’re interested in.”
“Lady is a bit of a stretch.”
“Commoner, then?”
“Don’t know, don’t care.”
She chuckled. “That’s my boy. Is she pretty?'
“She’s too strong to be traditionally pretty. Mother won’t approve.”
“Ignore your mother. You’d be miserable if you had to defend your lady from those ruffian relatives of yours. Get me all the details while I handle things here.” My grandmother’s exasperated sigh warned me of trouble. “Kel, baby, your uncle wants a word.”
“I didn’t do anything this time, I swear.”
She snickered. “Here, sonny. Don’t you go talking the poor boy’s ear off. He’s not feeling well.”
The phone exchanged hands, and my uncle laughed. “Hey, kiddo,” His Royal Majesty of South Dakota greeted. “I hear you decked your old man for annoying you. Good job. Any luck on convincing your old man to retire so he’ll stop bothering me?”
“Not yet, sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You father had a rough go of it, too. Your aunt’s been pestering me about helping you find a woman you might actually like, so I’m under threat of death to offer any help you might want.”
“I’m trying something new this year, but if it’s a miserable failure, sure. It can’t hurt at this point.”
“I’m so glad you opted against hiring prostitutes.”
“Unlike the rest of my family, I have standards.”
>
“It’ll be a shock to the entirety of Illinois when they learn they’ll one day have a sensible monarch.”
My uncle liked the direct truth, and all denying it would do was earn me an extra dose of reality. “Out of familial obligation, I’m required to say Dad’s not that bad.”
“Oh, he’s that bad. He’s a cat. He can’t help it. I’ll let your aunt know she gets her turn next year. Expect insanity. She’s just like your mother.”
What had I done? My aunt might be worse than my mother, but I wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone that. “Please no marooning me on a deserted island. I’m spoiled.”
My uncle laughed. “I’ll make sure to inform any planners of next year’s activities that you are not to be marooned anywhere. Your grandmother ran off cackling, so I’ll let you get back to catching up. If you need to escape, give me a call. I’ll whip together a relocation scenario with Christian so you can get some peace and quiet.”
Given a month, I’d appreciate the offer. “On the off-chance things go well, let’s say I wanted a relocation with specific company…”
“Give me her details. I’m game.”
“If needed, I will.”
“Good on you for taking a page out of your mother’s book. Just expect your lady to be pretty cranky afterwards if you don’t tell her about the relocation prior to it happening.”
“Well, let’s just say she’d be in a position where I’d be doing it to see her in action.”
“Dare I ask?”
“If I need help, I’ll fill you in,” I promised.
“Remember, outside of planned scenarios with mostly willing participations, kidnapping is illegal and bad. If you want your lady involved with the relocation, she needs warned there’s an RPS scenario going on and that she may become involved.”
“Not going to be an issue.”
“Good. Go get some rest, Kel. You sound like hell.” My uncle hung up, and I wondered how I’d survive my family’s matchmaking ways.
With the issue of Princess Abigail’s grandmother-in-waiting handled, I had a mountain of other work to contend with before I could give Evangeline my undivided attention. To pull off my crazy scheme, I’d have to live two lives. The observant agents would figure out who I was because of my voice and build unless I used magic.
An illuminator might be able to help disguise me for a while.
The problem was handling my royal duties while training with the RPS. If I spent every waking minute catching up, I might be able to delegate enough I only had to work a few hours a day. On the days I didn’t train with the RPS, I’d catch up instead of resting. I’d have to work with the trainers to situate the schedule so I, as the prince, wouldn’t be involved for several weeks.
At best, I’d have a month before my ruse was exposed—and that was only if I got enough work done before the interview process began. I camped in my office to make the most of every minute. Within forty-eight hours, I’d plowed through most of my to-do list. My cold lingered, but I’d expected that. If I could get more rest, I’d conquer it faster, but time wasn’t on my side.
I had one chance to catch my huntress’s attention, and I couldn’t afford to waste it.
Sometime after I should have gone to dinner, something I’d missed two nights in a row, my phone rang. “Kelvin speaking,” I answered.
“You’re very casual for a Your Highness,” my huntress replied. “Who knew? Some dude in a suit gave me this phone and said I needed to talk to you about the interview.”
The dude in a suit needed a raise and an immediate promotion. “How can I help you, Evangeline?”
“Ugh. Eva, please.”
She was no flower, and I loved it. “All right, Eva. What do you need from me?”
“Your schedule, apparently. The dude in a suit doesn’t have it, and he needs it to plan your father’s beating.”
“Tell me when and where, and I’ll be there.”
“Hey, you! He wants to know when and where. I told you he wouldn’t be picky. Jesus Christ with a bucket of puppies. Get the man a secretary or a fucking calendar. Isn’t a Your Highness supposed to have lackeys? No wonder he’s scrawny and in need of a self-defense trainer. You probably work him half to death and forget to feed him.”
I laughed because it was true.
“Well, at least someone here has a sense of humor.”
Yep, I’d fallen in love with an irreverent, fearless woman with a foul mouth and an interest in inflicting bodily harm on members of my family. My father would be so proud when he found out. “Please tell them I’ll adjust my schedule as needed, Eva.”
“Hey, the Your Highness wants me to tell you dips he can adjust his schedule as needed.”
I bit my lip so I wouldn’t start chuckling.
“The dude in a suit wants to know if you can be in Chicago tomorrow at one.”
“Consider me there.” I’d head over first thing in the morning, work while I waited, and make certain my father showed up through a clever use of taunts and threats of running away.
“He says yes. Anything else I need to tell the Your Highness?” She sighed. “That’s such a dumb question. Hey, Your Highness? The dude in a suit wants to know if you could dress casually. I think he doesn’t want me to mess up your pretty suit.”
“I’ll bring sweats and expect a workout. I need the exercise.”
“There’s hope for you after all. Hey, dude. He says he needs the exercise. I told you it would be fine. Lord alive, you all act like he’s a girl. Just because he’s pretty doesn’t mean he’s a girl.”
I gave it less than ten minutes before the RPS hated everything about Eva. “Thank you, Eva.”
“Don’t hold your breath waiting for any other compliments, Your Highness. It’s never happening.”
My resolve to hold back my laughed cracked and one slipped out. “How good are you with a calendar?”
“I have a phone and can count up to thirty-one. That covers the basics.”
Whatever. I’d make it work, I’d just make sure I didn’t plan anything more than thirty-one days in advance ever again. “If you’re willing, I have something to ask of you. Not a favor; you’d be paid for the work.”
“What the fuck could you possibly want now?”
“Stick around, and once every twenty-eight days, you can beat my father, but you’ll have to add dates to a calendar, track his beatings, and when I need scheduling help, you’ll need to deal with it some.”
“Maybe. What’s the frequency of calendar additions for Your Highness?”
She might kill me, and at the rate I was going, I might let her. “Well, I did tell you I need exercise. How often would you recommend?”
“You’re pretty scrawny, so three days a week might work. Maybe.”
“You drive a hard bargain. Sold. Tell the dudes in a suit you’ll be partially managing my calendar as a part-time job in addition to any work you’re doing for them.”
“I’ll really get paid to schedule your beatings? Damn, that’s a nice perk.”
“We’re all about employee satisfaction here, Eva.”
“Nice. All right. I think the dudes in a suit are done wasting your time, Your Highness. Try not to eat lunch right before showtime. It’d be tragic if you were to vomit on my fucking shoes.” She hung up.
How the hell was I going to convince her I was good enough for her? That she didn’t care what others thought of her promised success on the political battlefield. Lies and rumors wouldn’t bother her like they bothered my mother. The first few curses she dropped would scandalize the court, but I didn’t care.
I needed a challenge, and she was that and so much more.
But how could I win her attention? That was the problem. I sighed and prayed I’d figure something out soon.
Chapter Seven
According to my computer, Armageddon began at five minutes after ten in the evening, and my father started it. My father storming into my office warned me I had trouble on my hands, but my mother’
s presence ensured I wouldn’t survive through the next fifteen minutes without an intervention.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” my father bellowed, slamming a file on my desk so hard my mouse bounced to the floor and broke into several pieces.
“Getting a new mouse, it seems. What did my mouse ever do to you?” I picked up the pieces, shook my head, and wondered how’d I get a replacement before I needed to get some sleep and head for Chicago in the morning. Damn it, I’d have to ask Christian to make arrangements.
Sending the appropriate email without a mouse would be a challenge.
My father spluttered. “That woman is a menace.”
As my mother glared at me, I assumed he wasn’t talking about her, which meant he’d found something out about Eva or had learned my grandmother would be paying him an extended visit. I picked up the folder, flipped it open, and discovered Eva’s background check had come in.
Her history as a law-abiding, no-kill bounty hunter didn’t surprise me. The long list of marksmanship championships did, and she held a black belt in jujitsu. The two-page summary of her martial arts exploits included several trips to Japan, and she’d emerged a regional champion once, an international champion three times, and had a rap sheet of fifteen counts of self-defense leading to arrest.
“Well, I certainly won’t be worried when she crosses the street. What’s the problem, Dad?”
“She’s a bounty hunter.”
“And? She has a good record, she’s law-abiding, and she’s obviously skilled. The no-kill clause on her contract is excellent. She has morals.”
“She curses worse than a sailor!”
I stared at him. “Are you serious? Deal with it, Dad. Mother, I already informed Eva she’ll have once-a-month sessions with Dad. I’ll need to know a good time to schedule him in. With this much practical experience, she’s priceless.”
“I told you,” Mom muttered. “Kelvin, do you really think it’s wise to bring someone like that into the castle?”
As a general rule, I never called my royal relatives on my cell to theirs, but I made an exception, and I thumbed through my contacts until I found my grandmother.
Huntress Page 7
