The Trouble with Sexy

by Codi Gary

  “Oh good, you brought my sweater.” Oblivious to his pained expression, she grabbed the cardigan and slipped it over her arms and shoulders. She buttoned the sweater, covering the upper portion of bare skin he’d been admiring, and said, “While Cammie and Joel picked out the pictures they wanted, I offered to hold Dylan, and the little booger puked on me. I tried to just wipe it off, but apparently baby puke is toxic. I couldn’t get the smell to go away and it was making my stomach turn.”

  He tried to forget about what he’d seen under the dowdy black sweater, and choked out, “So is it just the puke you object to? Or is it the actual kid you find distasteful?”

  She shook her head and walked around him. “No, I love kids. I would love some of my own someday, lots of them, but the only puke I want to clean off me is theirs. Or my husband’s, depending on how much I love him.”

  He wasn’t sure he’d ever love anyone enough to let them puke on him. He tried imagining Ryan sitting in a rocking chair surrounded by a dozen little cherub faces, and the scene made him smile. She’d make a wonderful mother, being so patient with the kids who came into the studio.

  “So how many is a lot?”

  She smiled as she sat down at her computer. “I don’t know, maybe four? I always wanted a big family. My mom had complications when she had me so she could never have any more kids, and it was always kind of lonely by myself. We didn’t live in a neighborhood, so I didn’t really get to have friends until school, and I had a few really great ones but I was always a little . . . awkward.”

  Gregg knew that Ryan had a hard time talking to people outside of her job, and it always puzzled him. She had been a little nervous during her interview with him when she responded to his help wanted ad, but she warmed up quickly. Of course, they had been talking about photography, which Ryan was very passionate about, but after that he hadn’t had any trouble having a conversation with her. In fact, she was actually really funny and could give as good as she got.

  This wasn’t the first time Ryan had brought up her awkwardness, and for some reason, the thought that she couldn’t see herself the way he did bothered him. To him she was funny, sweet, and easy to talk to. Their constant banter was one of the things he looked forward to most days.

  He leaned over her shoulder and whispered, “Well I don’t know if it counts for anything, but I think that you have definitely grown out of your awkward stage.”

  She looked up at him. “You really don’t think I’m awkward?”

  He stared down at her, drowning in her eyes. “Not at all.”

  She swallowed a little. “Gregg, we’re friends right?”

  He cocked his head and gave her a small smile. “Of course.”

  She twisted her hands in her lap. “And you’ll be honest with me?”

  He sat on her desk and nodded. “Sure.”

  She cleared her throat and whispered, “Do you think I’m sexy?”

  He froze above her and his mind started searching for something to say.

  She turned away from him quickly. “I’m sorry, please forget I said anything.”

  He hadn’t liked the flash of hurt in her eyes, and blurted, “No! I mean, you just surprised me. I think you have a lot of really great qualities. You’re smart. You’re funny. You are really artistic. You’re attractive. You have a great work ethic. You’re a good person.” He paused and took in her blank expression. “Yes, you’re sexy.”

  He could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t believe him, so he continued, “The trouble with sexy is people have different tastes. Some guys like girls in flashy skimpy clothes with big hair and cowboy boots. Other guys think shy girls that are less obvious are more desirable. Some guys check out a woman’s body and others look at her face. It’s all about personal preference.”

  “What kind of girls do you like?”

  Was she kidding? He didn’t really have a type, unless you counted busty redheads with blue eyes that liked to wear a lot of wool, but he wasn’t about to say that. Besides accepting his kiss at New Years, Ryan had been nothing but professional, and a good friend. He wasn’t going to jeopardize that by opening his big fat mouth. “I like girls who are confident. They need to be funny and like the same things I do—”

  She interrupted him. “Yeah, but that’s not what makes you approach her right? Are you a leg man or a breast man?”

  “What?” He couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped.

  “It’s a simple question. Does a girl that walks into a bar wearing a miniskirt get you going or a low-cut top?”

  This conversation was leading into some very dangerous areas, but he answered her anyway. “Low-cut top.”

  She blushed at his quick reply, and at that moment he’d have given more than a penny to get a real good look at those thoughts.

  Chapter Two

  RYAN LOCKED UP the studio at five o’clock and gasped as a blast of frigid air hit her face. Maybe it would help to take her mind off the sting of humiliation she still felt from Gregg’s good-natured attempt to spare her feelings. Attractive? Great work ethic? Really? Funny how he’d almost choked when he tried to assure her she was sexy. She knew she wasn’t out-of-this-world gorgeous, but he could have done better than a gargled attempt to save her ego.

  Thank God Mr. Francini had come in to ask Gregg to take pictures of some vandalism he was sure had been perpetrated by Mr. Nelson. The two men had been involved in a vindictive feud for the last fifteen years, and were constantly blaming each other for phantom acts of theft and sabotage. Gregg and Mr. Francini had walked out of the studio, and she was left alone to dwell on her very big problem. If she didn’t make a change soon, she was going to end up being the lonely, bitter woman Gregg teased her about: eating ice cream every night, wondering why she couldn’t find someone to love her.

  She hadn’t exactly been honest with Gregg. She would have been excited about Valentine’s Day if she had a special someone to share it with. She was tired of being alone, and wanted to find someone. Someone who wanted to get married and have a family, someone who would love her for all her snark and insecurities. But that type of man was hard to come by. Especially when you had the sex appeal of a hermit crab.

  She smiled over the analogy and thought of her large cardigans and high-necked tops as her protective shells. Her mother had never thought clothes that were in style were appropriate for her little girl, being too short and too revealing, and she’d urged her to earn respect based on her mind rather than her looks. Ryan had learned the lesson too well. She continued to dress conservatively, even though she’d watched the girls in stylish dresses and boots longingly. She once tried on a tight black dress at Macy’s for a date, and loved the feel of the soft material hugging her body, but all she could think of as she stared at herself in the mirror was her mother’s voice: Guys like a little something left to the imagination. Those are the type of girls they want to bring home to their mothers. She’d put the dress back on the rack and walked out empty-handed.

  Her mother failed to mention that mothers might love conservatively dressed girls, but their sons sure didn’t.

  She walked toward her Rav4 in The Local Bean parking lot and noticed that Gracie was just coming out of the shop. She was dressed in a tight-fitting red sweater dress, black tights, and knee-high black suede boots. Her blond hair was perfectly flipped, and Ryan was sure that her face was just as perfect. She envied the confident way Gracie held herself, and thought if she just had a little bit of that, maybe Gregg would look at her differently.

  Girls like Gracie had always intimidated Ryan. It wasn’t even that they were prettier or that they always seemed to know what to say or do in any situation to have people hang on their every word. It had nothing to do with them and everything to do with how she felt around them. Tongue-tied. Quiet. Shy. She didn’t feel bullied, just never really noticed unless it had something to do with the color of her hair, which bothered her. Her hair seemed to draw teasing comments. More than once she had consi
dered dying the irritating strands, but could never spark the courage.

  She’d tried to cope through awkward encounters with other girls with her own sense of snark and humor, but most of them found her strange and off-putting. She’d had a few good girlfriends who understood her, but none of them could help her with her current dilemma. They weren’t exactly . . . sex kittens.

  Gracie must have heard her footsteps because she turned to see who was walking behind her. After surveying her, Gracie turned back around, apparently deciding Ryan wasn’t much of a threat. Ryan didn’t know what possessed her, but before Gracie got too far ahead, she blurted, “Excuse me, Gracie? Can I talk to you?”

  Gracie turned around, her brow furrowed in confusion. She was probably wondering why Ryan wanted to talk, since they’d hardly had a single conversation since she’d moved to Rock Canyon. “Hi Ryan,” the other girl said. “How are you?”

  Ryan felt a twinge of nervousness but pushed on. “I’m good, thanks. I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

  Gracie cocked her head. “Sure. Let’s walk and talk, though. It’s freaking cold out here.”

  It was on the tip of Ryan’s tongue to mention that if she was wearing more clothes she’d be less cold, but she decided it would defeat the purpose of her little impromptu powwow. “I was just wondering how you . . . well, you obviously . . .”

  Gracie stopped at her car and turned to her impatiently. “Spit it out, girlie.”

  Ryan felt a twitch of temper. Gracie wasn’t much older than her. “I want to learn how to be sexy. Can you teach me?”

  Gracie looked at her seriously, her eyes trailing up and down her outfit. Gracie’s face broke into a huge smile and she said, “Hop in; we can take a road trip.”

  Ryan started to stutter an excuse and Gracie raised an eyebrow. “Look, I hardly know you. You approached me and I am more than willing to answer your questions, but you’ve got to trust me. Deal?”

  Ryan stared at Gracie as if she had horns and a tail. She was supposed to just go with a woman she barely knew and do what she said, no questions asked?

  Gracie shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

  She started to open her car door, and Ryan cried, “Wait!”

  Gracie looked over her shoulder with exasperation. “Seriously, get in.”

  Ryan walked carefully to the passenger side and hopped in. “Where are we going?”

  Gracie smiled at her. “Well, sexy comes with a price tag. I figure it’s only five. We have enough time to head into Twin Falls for a little shopping and other beautifying experiences.”

  Ryan blushed. “I don’t know . . .”

  “You have your wallet?”

  Ryan blinked. “Yes.”

  Gracie’s smile flashed, lighting up her green eyes. “Great, let’s go.”

  Gracie pulled out of the parking lot and headed out of town toward Twin Falls. She glanced over at Ryan. “What made you ask me, anyway? I never really got the impression you liked me very much.”

  Ryan’s face was beat red at Gracie’s blunt assessment. “It’s not that I don’t like you. I just . . .” Her voice lowered an octave. “Gregg’s my friend. You hurt his feelings.”

  Gracie silently stared at the road for a while. “You know, I never meant to hurt Gregg. He’s a sweet guy but we just . . . weren’t compatible.”

  Ryan gave a bark of bitter laughter. “Yeah, I get that a lot too.”

  Gracie glanced over at her. “How’s that?”

  Ryan looked down at her hands. “I’ve been told I’m . . . boring. And not sexy at all.” She swallowed hard. “That’s why I thought I could get some advice from you. All the guys in town think you’re sexy.”

  Gracie looked positively feline. “And you want to hook a guy? Anyone I know?”

  Ryan looked away and muttered, “No.”

  Gracie made a left turn and said, “Well, girlie, I guarantee you, by the time we’re done, whoever you’re setting bait for will be good and hooked.”

  RYAN LOADED THE last of the shopping bags they’d purchased into the trunk and sighed in relief.

  Gracie had dragged her into the salon, and after a brief negotiation, Gracie convinced her stylist, Jessica, to squeeze Ryan in for a cut and style. While Jessica worked on Ryan’s hair, Gracie snagged Karen, whose five o’clock appointment hadn’t shown up, to give Ryan a mani/pedi before she left for the day. Gracie argued Ryan down when she’d tried for just clear polish on her nails and toes. Instead, she picked a vibrant red for Ryan’s toes and suggested French tips for her fingernails. When Jessica finished layering Ryan’s long red tresses, she took a fat curling iron to them, spiraling curls past Ryan’s shoulders. She had stared at the difference in her appearance in the mirror, turning left and right, and after paying both ladies, left a generous tip.

  Gracie rushed her from the salon to the car; all the while talking about how being sexy was all about feeling good about oneself. “If you think you look hot, other people are going to notice. It’s all about attitude, my friend.”

  Once they hit the mall, Gracie dragged her into Victoria Secret, where Ryan bought several sets of uncomfortable, overpriced panties and bras, one slinky nightie in black with a matching robe, and a white bustier with little red hearts on it. The corset was too tight, but when she’d said so, Gracie demanded that Ryan let her see. She’d protested from the safe side of the dressing room door, and Gracie merely scolded, “Dude, it’s not like I’m checking you out in a sexual way. I just think you don’t know what you’re talking about because you’ve never worn one.”

  Ryan reluctantly opened the door a crack, placing her hands over her overflowing chest. Gracie pushed the door open wider, grabbed her hands and gave her a once over. “Nope, it’s perfect,” she said. “Your boobs look awesome, and it’s super sexy. You’re buying it.” Ryan had been too astounded to argue.

  They’d hit several more stores afterward, and finally finished up at Macy’s, where Megan, the girl at the makeup counter, used a mineral type of makeup on her. She tried not to squirm or twitch when Megan brought the eyeliner and mascara toward her eyes. When she finished, Megan turned the mirror around to face her and asked, “What do you think?”

  Ryan had stared at the girl in the mirror. The darkly shadowed eyes seemed brighter than usual, and the line of freckles was nonexistent. Her lashes were long and full, her lips plump and glossy. “Wow.”

  Megan had put everything she’d used on the counter, and Ryan hardly blanched at the price. She never bought anything she didn’t absolutely need for herself and had built up quite a nest egg, so whatever she spent could just be replaced later. She’d smiled as she handed over her credit card, and when she left, fairly danced out the door.

  She was brought back to the present when Gracie stopped her from slamming the trunk closed. “There’s no sense in wasting that hair or face. Here.” She rifled through the bags, pulling out the midnight blue bra and panty set, telling Ryan, “Sexy starts from the skin out. There’s no way you’re giving off a sexy vibe in granny panties.”

  Ryan blushed and muttered, “They’re briefs and they’re comfortable.”

  Gracie snorted, “Yeah, and so is a muumuu, but guys don’t get turned on by those either.” She rifled some more and pulled out a clingy blue top with a low neckline, Ryan’s new boot-cut jeans, and the black ankle boots she had fallen in love with. Gracie shoved the clothes into her arms and said, “There.”

  Ryan took the bounty and asked, “Where do you want me to change?”

  Gracie rolled her eyes. “In the car, silly. Come on, it’s almost nine-thirty. I think we should head over to Buck’s Shot Bar for a little fun.”

  Ryan shook her head. “Gracie, I can’t change in the car. Someone might see me.”

  Gracie reached in and pulled out the slinky pinky dress she’d bought. “I’ll do it with you. Here, we’ll pull over to the dark part of the parking lot. No one will see.”

  Ryan didn’t protest again. She’d learned over the
last few hours that Gracie was pretty much used to getting her way and didn’t take well to the word no. She crawled into the backseat and started to change. Gracie climbed into the front and lifted up her sweater dress, tossing it into the back just as a truck drove by, honking. She continued to pull the pink number over her head and fluffed her hair, unfazed by the fact that someone had seen her nearly naked. Ryan shook her head at the woman’s confidence.

  When Ryan finally finished changing, she stepped out of the car, wiggling about. How did women find the scratchy lace and wedgie-causing boy shorts comfortable?

  “How do I look?”

  Gracie eyed her from the driver’s seat. “Damn girl, I think you went way past sexy.”

  Ryan’s face hurt all the way to Buck’s from smiling so hard. Gracie kept jabbering on and on, and Ryan turned to her in the seat. “Thank you, Gracie. For today. I . . . don’t have a lot of girlfriends. I’m a little awkward around other women especially . . .”

  Gracie gave her a look out of the corner of her eye, “Dumb ones?”

  Ryan gasped. “No. Popular types. Pretty ones.”

  Gracie burst out laughing. “Oh honey, I wasn’t ever popular. I was a drama girl in high school and I tended to say whatever I was thinking whenever I wanted. That doesn’t exactly endear you to people. I just love the spotlight so much that it just keeps following me.” She paused for a minute. “As for not feeling like you belong, I don’t think you’ll have a problem with that tonight. You’ll be the belle of the ball.”

  GREGG WAS GETTING a beer with his friend Michael Stevens, discussing the latest romantic setback with Mike’s friend Gemma, when Mike’s eyes caught something at the door. “Damn.”

  Gregg swiveled his head around to see what had caught Mike’s attention and his mouth dropped. He barely glanced at Gracie standing in the doorway in her bright pink clingy dress. His eyes devoured the curvy redhead in the tight jeans and low-cut blue top next to her. “Holy hell.”