Inhale, Exhale

by Sarah M. Ross

  “It’s JT. Listen, man, the information we’re getting is sketchy so far, but it’s bad. Just hurry.”

  That was all he said before he hung up, leaving me in a panic.

  Why the fuck did I leave her? I should have stayed last night—she asked me to stay. My fist slammed down the steering wheel as I screamed in frustration. I was helpless to do anything right now, and the feeling made me sick as guilt twisted in my gut. I did the only thing I could do: I drove faster and I prayed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The trip to the hospital was a blur. I was on autopilot and didn’t remember even getting in my car, let alone driving. My mind was in a fog, and the only clear image I could see was Jillian’s face. I had barely put my car in park near the entrance of the emergency room before I ran out of it. I left the keys in the ignition and didn’t even bother to close the front door. If they wanted to tow it, fine.

  I scanned the ER waiting room, hoping to see someone who could give me more information. When I didn’t see anyone I knew, I flew up the stairs, taking them two at a time, to check the waiting room near the surgical floor.

  Ava paced the hall, and I allowed my heart to drop out of my throat slightly. If she were pacing, it meant she was waiting. Which meant there was still hope. Trish was crying on JT’s shoulder, as he hugged and rocked her slightly in an attempt to comfort her. I found his presence odd but dropped it from my mind immediately. Jillian was my number one concern.

  “Please, tell me you know something more,” I begged, running up to them. Tears brimmed, but I blinked them away.

  “Her parents are in with the doctors and police now. We should know more soon,” Ava said.

  The next twenty minutes were my worst nightmare come to life. The entire situation conjured up so many memories of my mother and the agony of losing her. I remembered the doctors coming out, in their long white coats and solemn faces. My dad knew before they said a word. He crumbled to the ground and begged for it not to be true. I stood, stunned into silence, as the doctors gave us their sympathies and assured us they did everything they could. That everything wasn’t good enough. And now…If Jillian didn’t make it…

  My legs tapped incessantly. I leaned my head into my hands, pressing my thumbs against my eyes as a stress headache formed. I couldn’t sit; my body was too tightly wound, so I began to pace. As I wore a path in the carpet, I remembered it was only few weeks before, when I was trying to soothe an anxious Jillian as she awaited news. And now here I was, in the same predicament.

  Her parents came out from an adjoining room, both looking like they’d been run over by a truck. Mrs. Mayfield’s eyes were bloodshot with dark circles under them. She was clutching a tissue, slowly shredding it. Her husband looked pissed, like he wanted an outlet for his emotions.

  Ava, Trish, and I stood when they entered. I held my breath and waited for what they had to say.

  “She’s in surgery. The fall broke her leg, cracked several ribs, and punctured a lung. They’re going to look for any internal bleeding, too. We won’t know more until after they’ve gone in and had a look at the full extent of the damage.” Her bottom lip quivered, and she turned to her husband, burrowing into his side as she broke down again.

  “The police found evidence of a break in, but nothing was stolen. We think maybe she startled the burglar or something and tried to escape,” her dad said.

  “No, sir. It wasn’t a burglar.”

  We all turned at the sound of the new voice. It was Jillian’s ex-boyfriend, Christian. Someone had worked him over pretty bad. His arm was in a sling, and he had fresh bruises and cuts all over his face.

  “I’m afraid this is all my fault.”

  “Christian?” her mom questioned, leaning over to make sure she was seeing right. “What do you mean this was all your fault?”

  I growled, and JT stood next to me, ready to intervene. We’d talked several times over the last few weeks about him, and JT knew that I despised the prick already. And now this? I was out of mercy.

  “She was attacked because of me. It was a guy who I owed money to, and Jillian happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time last week. When he came to collect today, I tried to keep her name out of it. But he beat it out of me.”

  He gave this guy her name? Are you fucking kidding me? He basically fed her to the wolves, the fuckin’ coward. I didn’t think my opinion of him could be any less than it already was, but he just lowered that bar into the ground.

  I lost it. My hands fisted instantaneously, and I took a step forward, ready to attack. Since the drug dealer didn’t finish the job and kill Christian, now I was going to. My fist flew into his face, making contact. I could hear the bone in his nose crunch beneath my fist. I pulled back and punched him again, making contact with his jaw this time. Blood spilled onto the floor and I could hear Mrs. Mayfield cry out in surprise. JT grabbed at me, attempting to pull me off of Christian, who lay limp in the fetal position below me.

  “This is your fault, you stupid son-of-a-bitch!” I twisted out of the arms holding me back and rammed my fist in his face again, seeing nothing but red. My fists continued to pound the bastard’s face until I was once again pulled off him. “I swear to God, if you ever so much as even think about stepping in the same zip code as her again, I will rip out your spine and feed it to you before breaking every bone in your body.”

  The prick lay on the ground, his chest heaving as he tried to take a ragged breath. Red mucus-streaked blood dripped out of his mouth and down his chin. He spat out a tooth, spraying blood on the ground at my feet. He never bothered to try to stand back up. It was a smart decision on his part, because I’d just knock him back down.

  “Dude, enough!” JT tightened his grip on my arms as blood dripped from my knuckles.

  The fucker’s eyes held genuine remorse as he glanced around the room at each of us.

  “I had no idea this would happen. She wasn’t supposed to do that. They weren’t supposed to hurt her. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything,” he moaned.

  The words and his regret weren’t enough to make up for his actions, but before I could strike again he whispered, “Please, tell me she’s going to be okay. That she’s not…”

  The words broke me. My vision blurred behind the tears that welled in my eyes. Was she going to...? She couldn’t…? How did this happen? How did I let myself fail to protect her? She trusted me, and I let her down. I wanted to blame him, but really I had no one to blame but myself. I failed her.

  My shoulders slumped as all my anger turned to fear. Fear for her. Fear of a future without her in it. I needed to see her, needed to make sure she was okay. But that wasn’t possible now. The only thing I could do was wait. Sit and wait for whatever way this turned out.

  Because no matter what happened, by the end of tonight my life would never be the same again.

  The police arrived upon hearing the shouts of the fight. Two officers stepped between us, demanding to know what was going on. Christian sat still on the floor but didn’t say a word. It was JT who finally stepped up and began to fill them in.

  “This is Jillian’s ex-boyfriend. He’s the one who sent the guy to her house. He’s a drug dealer, and Jillian found his stash of product last week. When she flushed it, he hit her. Then this morning, like a little bitch, he told his supplier what she did, essentially sending the guy to go kill her. He’s the one you should be arresting.”

  The shorter of the two officers looked at Christian, battered and bloody, and then at me. “And where do you fit in?”

  Christian, Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield, and the officers turned to me, awaiting an answer. It was a complex answer. I wasn’t sure how I should reply, but it wasn’t necessary. JT stepped in again.

  “My boy here was outraged when he heard what this punk did to Jillian. He was just tellin’ Chris he needed to turn himself into the cops and tell you guys everything he knows, wasn’t he, Chris?”

  Christian nodded and slumped his shoulders. He k
new his fate was sealed. “Yes, that’s what happened.”

  The officers didn’t buy that I was totally innocent in this for a second, but no way would Christian press charges. After an awkward silence, the short officer leaned over and grabbed Christian by the arm, hoisting him up.

  “Son, seems like you have some information pertinent to this case. We’re going to need you to come with us to the station.”

  They paused as they passed by me. “And we’ll need you to be available in case we need to speak with you later as well.”

  I looked the officer in the eye. “I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere until I know Jillian’s going to be okay. No matter how long that takes.”

  The officer nodded in understanding and led Christian away. I sat back down and let out a breath.

  “I’m so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. I don’t usually go around starting fights, but I lost it when he showed up.”

  Mr. Mayfield scoffed. “Son, if you weren’t going to hit him, I was. And I don’t know if I would have had the willpower to stop.”

  Things quieted down after that, everyone reverting into their own thoughts and worries. For several hours, the room was silent save for the sounds of sniffing, pacing, and nervous drumming.

  The silence was deafening, and the lack of any news from the doctor was driving me absolutely fuckin’ insane. I needed a distraction. JT was on the couch, an arm slung comfortably around Trish. He caught me eyeing him, and I tilted my head in indication to follow me. He stood and followed me to the hallway, where I pretended to get a cup of water.

  “What’s up with you and Trish? You guys were all cuddly last night, but I didn’t realize it would last longer than that. Most of your relationships don’t.”

  JT smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know, man, I really like her. She’s got a wicked sense of humor, and she’s a lot of fun to be around.”

  “Well, I’m happy for you then. I was surprised, she’s not the type you usually go after.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. But the usual girl I go after hasn’t worked out for me so well.” He paused, looking over at Trish, who was sitting with Ava flipping through Cosmo. “But look at her. That lush little body has curves in all the right places. And God, can she work them. Did you see her on the dance floor? So fuckin’ hot.”

  I did see her. Trish exuded more self-confidence than most girls her age, and it looked great on her. But for me, Jillian outshined them all.

  “Just don’t hurt her. ‘Cause then that’ll hurt Jillian. And then I’ll be forced to kill you.”

  JT laughed. “Nah, I’m not letting this one get away so easily.”

  We filled a few cups to pass around and headed back. Just before we crossed the threshold, JT stepped in front of me.

  “You know she’s gonna be okay, right? That girl’s a fighter. And she just got her hooks into you. She won’t give that up so easily.”

  I smiled. “Damn right she’s not getting rid of me so easily.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  A while later, the doctors finally came out to give us news. Almost eight hours had passed since Jillian had been attacked, and I was going out of my mind. I needed some news, some update on her condition to wash away the worst-case scenarios.

  “She made it through surgery.” The doctor’s words were met with happy tears, hugging, and all around sighs of relief. “But she still has a long road ahead of her. She suffered a compound fracture of her tibia, six cracked ribs, and her clavicle was fractured. We went in and repaired the collapsed lung and had to remove her spleen. The MRI showed some slight swelling on her brain, so we’ll have to monitor her for several more days still.”

  “When can I see her?” Mrs. Mayfield asked.

  “She’s in recovery, but I’ll have a nurse come and get you as soon as she’s transferred to another room.”

  “Thank you, Doctor. Thank you so much.” Her mom and dad hugged each other tightly, and I sank to the floor, unable to hold back the tears.

  Most everyone left to get some sleep and some food, preparing for a long day again tomorrow. But I couldn’t leave her. Around three in the morning, a nurse came out and took mercy upon me.

  “Do you want to go in to see her? You can only stay for a minute, but I know your type. You won’t leave until you’ve laid eyes on her, held her hand. Am I right?”

  I nodded, standing as the nurse led me toward Jillian’s room. “Thanks. I won’t disturb her. I only want to talk to her for a few minutes.”

  “She’s a lucky girl to have someone who loves her so much.”

  “I—I don’t—” I started to object, but the nurse stopped me.

  “Darlin, you’re only foolin’ yourself if you deny it.” She stopped outside of one of the rooms in the CCU. “She’s in there. Go on in now. You’ve got ten minutes.”

  Do I? Is this love? Maybe, but I can’t be sure.

  I couldn’t even begin to process the nurse’s assessment of our relationship, so I stepped inside the room. The scent of antiseptic and chemicals was overwhelming, drowning out the beautiful coconutty aroma Jillian usually exuded. I walked toward her bed and stood in front of her. She had an IV in her hand, and her arm was in a sling. There was a cast on her foot, and she was covered in bruises.

  The sight broke my heart. I sat in the chair next to her bed, taking her hand in my own and kissing it gently.

  “I’m so sorry, Jillian. I didn’t protect you. I should have stayed. I promised that you’d be safe with Christian out of your life, and I failed.” I stroked her soft wrist with the pad of my thumb. For a long time I sat silently staring at her, watching her chest rise and fall and listening to the steady cadence of her heart.

  The nurse peeked her head in the door. “Time to go.”

  I bent and gently kissed her on the head. “I’ll be back in the morning, Cupcake.” I brushed the hair out of her eyes, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. Finally, with a loud sigh, I walked out the door.

  When I arrived the next morning, no one was in the waiting room. I diverted and walked down the hall to her room. JT and Trish were standing outside, holding hands.

  “Hey,” she greeted me. “Jillian’s awake. She’s been asking for you.”

  I swallowed hard as emotion flooded me. I started to walk inside, but JT grabbed my arm to stop me.

  “One more thing you should know. The police were here this morning to get her statement. They said her description matches the guy Christian gave them. They were on their way to pick him up. Jillian said she scratched the guy’s arm before she fell, and they were able to collect the skin from under her nails. As long as they find the guy, it should be a no-brainer to nail him.”

  “JT, I could kiss you. That’s the best news I’ve heard in a while.”

  “Why don’t you go kiss your girl instead?”

  “I think I’ll do just that.”

  When I went inside, Jillian was wide awake and sitting up in bed. I was surprised to see her looking so alert, but it thrilled me. She was flanked by her parents and drinking juice out of a small container like we used to have in elementary school. I stood by the door, taking in the sight of her smiling and laughing so soon after almost dying. Her resilient spirit never ceased to amaze me.

  Jillian paused as she eyed me watching her. “Grant,” she breathed.

  I lost all of my tough guy swagger at that one word, rushing to her side. Her mom and dad glanced between us and quietly stepped out of the room.

  I bent cupping my hands around her face and kissed her lips gently.

  “There has never been a more beautiful sight than your bright green eyes looking back at me. I was so afraid, Jillian. So afraid I’d never seen you again.”

  She cleared her throat. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  I sat in the chair next to her, and for several long minutes I leaned my forehead against hers. My hands fingered through her soft hair. I kissed every inch of her I could reach: her fingers,
her nose, her ear, the inside of her elbow.

  “The whole time I lay there after I fell out of the window, it was your face I saw. I couldn’t die, because we were supposed to have a date.”

  I laughed. “Oh, Cupcake, we’ll have that date. I promise you.” I brushed the tiny hairs from her forehead, watching her eyes fight to stay open. “Sleep now. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  “Promise?” she mumbled.

  “Je te promets.”

  My phone rang just after lunch. When I saw the 650 area code, my heart sank. I’d totally forgotten about the Google interview with everything that happened.

  “Who is it?” Jillian asked.

  I kissed her forehead and stood up. “I’ve got to take this. I’ll be right back.”

  “Grant, what’s going on?”

  “It’s nothing you need to worry about. I’ll tell you about it after I get off the phone.” I stepped out in the hall, and Ava and Trish (sans JT) took my place.

  I slid the phone to answer. “Hello, this is Grant.”

  “Mr. Hardwick? This is Nicki with Google, Inc. Your interview was to start a half hour ago, but our records show you never even made your flight.”

  I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and banged my head against the wall lightly. When I turned back around, JT was in front of me, eyes squinted in question. I ignored him and answered her. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Beck. I’m not going to be able to make the interview. Something came up and I’m unable to leave right now.”

  “Mr. Hardwick, you do understand this is the only opportunity we can give you? We will have to make a hiring decision by the weekend, and this was the only opening in the interview process we had.”

  “Yes, I understand. And I’m so sorry. Thank you for considering me.”

  “We’ll note on your application that you declined the interview. I hope whatever issue that came up gets resolved.”

  I glanced through the window at Jillian. Her eyes were closed, and Ava and Trish stepped away from her, talking in the corner while she rested. “Me too, Ms. Beck. Goodbye.”