I hung up, slipping my phone back in my pocket. JT stared at me, waiting for me to explain. “C’mon. I only want to explain this once.”
We walked back into Jillian’s room. Ava went to the other side of the bed, and I sat in the seat closest to Jillian, taking her hand in my own. She stirred, yawning as she pushed the button on her bed to help her sit up.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to doze off. Have you been waiting long?”
I kissed her palm. “Nonsense. You sleep whenever you need for as long as you need.”
“So what was the mysterious phone call about? You seemed upset.”
I knew this was going to make her feel guilty, and I didn’t know how to prevent that. “I was supposed to have an interview today, and I was letting the girl on the phone know I’d need to cancel.” Jillian’s face fell. “Do not blame yourself, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“But you can reschedule, right?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck, this was going to devastate her. “Jillian, you need to understand. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth not being here right now.” I bent and kissed her lips. “There will be other internships.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “It was Google, wasn’t it?”
My lack of response told her everything she needed to know, and she burst into tears.
“Guys, can you give us a minute?”
“Yeah, of course,” Ava said, standing and following Trish and JT out of the room. When we were alone, I pulled the seat as close as I could get and cupped her face in my hands.
“Do not feel guilty about this. You are what’s important. You. Not a job.”
She sniffed. “But how can I not? It was everything you’d always wanted.”
I was quiet for a moment, rubbing the pad of my thumb over her cheek.
“When I was a kid and my mom was still alive, my dad use to say to me, ‘Son, when you find something worth holdin’ on for, your grip will become more solid than cement.’ For years, I thought his love for my mom was what crippled him. That it was a hindrance and made him less of a person. But I’m starting to see now just how wrong I was. His love for her didn’t make him less, it made him more.”
I brushed Jillian’s tears away and kissed the trail they left behind.
“And my grip is cemented in.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
I awoke to voices arguing in the hallway. They were muffled due to the closed door between us, but there was no mistaking Ava was upset with someone. Her voice always raised a few octaves when she was irritated. I glanced at my phone. It was nearly ten at night. My parents had taken my Gamma home just before my nap two hours ago, and visiting hours were supposed to be over.
“I can’t believe you’d show up here. You shouldn’t be anywhere near her. Hasn’t your family done enough damage? It’ll just upset her, so go home.”
“Please. I only want a few minutes. To apologize.”
My hand reached over and pressed the button to raise my bed so I was sitting up. My ribs hurt like hell, but my curiosity outweighed my pain. “Ava?” I called. “What’s going on?”
“Great, and now you’ve woken her up. She needs her rest. After everything she’s been through, she deserves to be able to rest and heal in peace.” Ava wasn’t backing down, and the opaque glassed allowed me to make out Grant’s back as he stood against the closed door, blocking whoever it was from entering.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset anyone, especially Jillian. Could you just please give her these?”
“Mrs. Kirkpatrick?” Now that I was awake, the voice was clearer. It was Christian’s mom. “Ava, let her in.”
My request was met by silence for several long minutes. Knowing Ava, she was giving Mrs. Kirkpatrick the evil eye and silently threatening her not to upset me in any way. I really loved how protective my friends were, but I didn’t need to be protected from her.
The door opened, and Grant stepped inside and closed it behind him before coming to my side. “You don’t have to see her. No one would blame you. There’s no reason to have anything to do with anyone in that family ever again.”
I took his hand and brought it to my cheek. “It’s okay, I promise. I’ve known Mrs. Kirkpatrick for years, and I want to see her. She is not her son. She’s not going to do anything to hurt me, but if it makes you feel better you and Ava can stay the whole time she’s here.”
Grant nodded. “I don’t want to see you hurt again. She may not do it physically, but even by defending that scum she calls her son she could bring you pain.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not made of glass. Grant, you’ve got to trust me and stop holding on like I’m a baby bird with a broken wing. She won’t blame me, or make me feel guilty. I’ve known her for four years. If anything, she blames no one but herself. So take a deep breath, and then take a step back. And trust me, okay?”
Grant squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you were helpless. It’s just…I couldn’t protect you from the attack. And now if there’s anything I can do to keep you from pain, I’m going to do it.” He blew out a breath. “You’re too important to me.”
He leaned over, pressing a lingering kiss to my lips which left me swooning. “I’ll show her in.”
I switched on the overhead light and smoothed my hair. I had no idea why I was so nervous all of a sudden. I had no reason to be, but now my stomach was fluttering like the first time I’d met her.
Mrs. Kirkpatrick entered my room carrying a large bouquet of white lilies. Her eyes were red and swollen like she’d been crying for a while. As soon as she saw me, she burst into tears again.
Ava’s face softened, and she handed Mrs. Kirkpatrick a tissue. She took it, dabbing her eyes as she pulled up a seat next to me.
“I’ll give you guys some time,” Ava said, closing the door behind her. She motioned for Grant to follow, but he shook his head no. He wasn’t going to leave my side, just in case.
“I would have come yesterday, but I wasn’t sure you’d even want to see me. I’m so, so sorry, Jillian. I can’t believe he did this to you. I should have seen the signs; I should have stopped him before it came to this.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. “If I didn’t see them, I don’t know how you were supposed to. This isn’t your fault. Christian chose this path.”
She pulled out a fresh tissue and blew her nose. “I’m so sorry you suffered the consequences of his actions.”
We sat for a few minutes, each of us crying quietly. “I’m so angry at him, Jillian. And hurt. And afraid for him.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “Jillian, I wanted to let you know Christian went to the police yesterday and told them everything he knew. Everything. Names of everyone he’d ever worked with or come across, locations of every place he’d seen drugs being sold. He feels absolutely horrible about what happened to you and is taking full responsibility.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. Grant shifted nervously in his seat. Mrs. Kirkpatrick swallowed hard and sat up a bit straighter. She twisted the tissue she clutched nervously, like she was preparing for bad news. I shifted my eyes to Grant. His jaw was set as the tendons in his neck bulged. He knew he wouldn’t like what she was about to say.
“When Christian was a boy, he thought Derrick could do no wrong. He followed his big brother everywhere.” She shook her head. “Derrick told me repeatedly that he never allowed Christian to go with him when he got high, and I believed him. But Christian told me yesterday that he used to follow Derrick anyway, and it was Derrick’s old buddies who first introduced the stuff to him.”
Grant scoffed. “So what, his brother who’s been locked up for years is to blame? Maybe we should tack on a few years to his sentence instead?”
Mrs. Kirkpatrick flinched at Grant’s bitter tone, but didn’t engage him. “Jillian, you’ve always been like a daughter to me. And I know he doesn’t deserve it, but I have to ask anyway. Please don’t press charges. He’s working with the p
olice, and they’re going to offer him a deal for rehab plus community service with no jail time. But it has a contingency. If he gets in any more trouble, including you pressing assault charges, the deal’s off and he serves time. Please, I don’t want this to ruin any chance for his future. Rehab really is what’s best for him.”
Grant shot out of his seat and pointed at the door. “Get out! Get out now. How dare you come in here and ask for this. Do you see what he’s done to her? Do you? How can you even stand there and be so selfish?”
Big, wet tears fell down Mrs. Kirkpatrick’s broken face. I could see how torn she was and hated that Christian did this to her. I knew it took a lot for her to even come here, but it was her son. How could she not?
“Mrs. Kirkpatrick, his actions almost killed me. I get that he’s sorry now, but it doesn’t negate that I’m lying in a hospital bed with several broken bones and a concussion.”
She began to sob next to me, hiding her face in her hands, and I hated Christian a little more. Grant squeezed my hand, and I turned my attention to him. He handed me a box of tissues, which I gave to Christian’s mom. Her tears slowed, and she faced me again.
“He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. I know that. But he needs help, not jail. If he goes to jail, I’m afraid he’ll just continue down the wrong path. If he gets the help he needs, he can be a better person. And I promise you, he’ll never contact you again if you don’t want.”
Grant scoffed. “Let him try. I’ve been waiting for my chance with the bastard. I know he’s your son, but I’d rather see him rot.”
I gave Grant The Eye—the one that said Seriously? She’s sitting right here. How about some tact? before taking Mrs. Kirkpatrick’s hand in my own.
“I have loved you like my own mother for as long as I’ve known you, but I don’t know if I can do this for you. But I will think about it. For you.”
She nodded. “I understand. And no matter what, you’ll always be a daughter to me. That will never change. No matter what you choose.”
I couldn’t say anything else or I’d start crying again. She walked away, and Grant closed the door behind her. He took my face in his hands, brushing away my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
“You owe her nothing. Do not let her guilt you into this.” He kissed each of my eyes. “But I will support whatever decision you make. One-hundred percent. If you want to press charges on the no-good son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t deserve the air in his lungs much less your forgiveness, I’ll stand behind you. If you’d be okay with him just going to rehab…” He paused, grinding his teeth. “I understand. It’s your call, Cupcake.”
“I know you want to see Christian either in a six-by-six cell or six feet under, but I haven’t made up my mind. If he goes to jail, he will have no future. None. Not as an ex-con. And I don’t know if I can live with myself if I’m the cause of that.”
“You’re not! In any way. It was his choices. His actions. Whatever happens to him he has no one to blame but himself. Not some older brother, not some drug dealer, and certainly not you.”
“I know.” I closed my eyes, suddenly exhausted. “I just need to think.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
It was finally discharge day and I couldn’t have been more thrilled to be getting out of this place. I was so sick of green Jell-O, chicken broth, and nurses coming in at three in the morning waking me up to see if I needed a sleeping pill. Seriously—they woke me up to ask me if I needed a sleeping pill. “Well, I do now!” I’d scoffed at the nurse.
The doctors considered releasing me a week ago, but the physical therapist had convinced them to let me stay since my house was two stories and I couldn’t get up and down the stairs in a wheelchair. Thank goodness for my dad’s amazing insurance.
“Knock, knock. You up, Cupcake?” Grant peeked his head in the door. I sat up in the bed, careful of my healing ribs.
He walked over to my bed and bent, kissing me ever-so-gently before pulling a chair close and taking a seat. Ever since I had woken up from surgery, he couldn’t seem to stop touching me. Sometimes it was as simple as holding my hand, while other times (when the nurses weren’t looking) he would climb into bed with me and tuck me into his side, lightly stroking a hand up and down my arm until I dozed off.
While Mom and Dad would come early in the day and stay until visiting hours were over, Grant would often get here after work and he wouldn’t leave until after I would pass out. I’d be conscious enough to feel him kiss me goodnight, whispering, “Goodnight, Cupcake” before he would go.
The nickname no longer bothered me. In fact, I really liked it. We talked about it one day, and he told me, “The thing is, Jillian, you’ll always be my Cupcake.”
“Ugh! Can’t you just call me hon or babe like every other guy?”
A low chuckle came from his mouth, and when I looked at his eyes, they were smoldering. Warmth spread through me with that one look, and desire made me forget how injured I was. I wanted him. But he didn’t move, just continued to devour me with his eyes.
“No, you will always be Cupcake because it describes you perfectly: You’re the thing I crave, the thing I push myself to earn, and the thing that no matter how satisfied I am, I will always want more of you.”
Before I got the chance to tell him how beautiful his words were, he crushed his mouth to mine, kissing me hard. He wrapped his hands on either side of my face and pulled me toward him. He didn’t have to pull, I would have gone willingly. I winced, my broken clavicle reminding me I couldn’t stretch myself too far to be closer to him. He released me immediately.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”
I shook my head at him. “Yes, you should always do that. I can never get enough when you do that.”
He laid the gentlest of kisses on my lips, barely brushing the surface. “Rest. Heal. And then we can kiss until your heart’s content.”
Now, four days after the new definition of his nickname for me, the doctor finally agreed I could go home. I couldn’t wait to be out of this place, but I was still nervous about what being in my own bed again might be like.
My heart fluttered a bit seeing him in the team crew jersey that clung to his body, displaying his perfect chest and arms. “Hey! How’d the race go today?”
“It was a great match. I rowed Sweep on an eight-man crew, which is my favorite kind of boat. Our Cox was amazing today, spot on with his calls from the aft. We crushed the other teams from UGA and GSU by almost a hundred feet. Poor Southern didn’t even make the qualifying. Now, our team is moving on to the semi-finals next month for the entire Southeast.”
I took a hold of his hand and squeezed. “I didn’t understand most of that, but congrats on winning! So now we both have good news today.”
He chuckled at my lack of rowing knowledge, but didn’t explain. “I heard. That’s why I’m here. Your parents asked if I wouldn’t mind driving you home. They’ve already taken off so much time from work between your grandmother’s stroke and now this, they were out of vacation days.”
“Well, what the hell are we waiting for? Let’s blow this popsicle stand! If I never see a hospital again it’ll be too soon.”
Grant pulled my hand up and kissed my palm. “All right, let me go see if I can sweet talk one of the nurses into getting us those discharge papers.”
“Just flash her those dimples. No way could she say no to you after seeing those things. She’ll be putty. Wait, on second thought don’t. I’m still incapacitated and can’t fight her off.”
He shook his head and smiled. “God, I love you.”
We both froze. Neither of us had said the words yet, and we’d barely been dating for three weeks. And I was unconscious for one of those days.
He pivoted slightly to catch my reaction, and I did my best to keep it neutral. It was really early for the words, and I couldn’t hold it against him if he didn’t mean it like that. If it was just a slip of the tongue, I would give him this out.
“Jilli
an, I—”
“It’s okay, Grant.”
He took three large steps and was back at my side. “No, I was about to say yes, I do love you. And I’m sorry if that scares you or if you’re not ready. My world fell apart the day I almost lost you, and I knew. I knew deep in my gut I could never let another day go by that you weren’t in it. So, you don’t have to say it back, but you do need to understand that it’s true. I love you, Jillian.”
I nodded, brushing away tears. He was right, I wasn’t ready, but I would accept his love.
“Grant, you are the most amazing person I’ve ever known. You get me in ways that most others don’t. I feel safe and protected when you’re with me. And I am falling for you too. But I just got out of a really horrible relationship, and I don’t want to tarnish those words by saying them too soon.” I scooted my body so his was flush with mine. “I hope you can understand, and that you can be patient with me. You are an amazing man, and I am the luckiest girl in the world that I get your love.”
Grant bent and captured my lips. “I’m not going anywhere, Cupcake. I’d wait for you forever. Cement, remember?”
After the discharge papers were signed, Grant pulled up the car and helped me inside. My body was still sore, but my surgery staples and been removed, and I was moving around a lot more on my own. The nurses made me walk the halls every day, and I was feeling so much better. I still had to be wary of my ribs, but even they no longer required being wrapped.
I had mixed emotions as we pulled up to the house. On one hand, it was my childhood home and full of happy memories. But every time I closed my eyes I could still feel the cold metal of the gun pressed against my face. Grant must have noticed my reaction, because he grabbed my hand, kissing it.
“He’s in jail. He can’t hurt you. Christian gave the police his name and they matched his fingerprints to items inside the house, remember? Bail was denied, so no one will hurt you now. Besides, I’m not leaving your side.”
Inhale, Exhale Page 17
