Luckiest Bastard (Bastard #1.5)

by J. L. Perry

  I reach for the door handle and exit the car. “Indi,” Carter calls out, but I ignore him. I can’t even go up to our apartment, so I turn in the other direction and head towards the beach. I need space. I’m not even halfway across the road when Carter’s fingers wrap around my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Don’t run from me. Please, Indi. Talk to me. Scream at me. Anything.”

  I angrily tug my arm out of his grip before turning to face him. My temper has now reached boiling point. “Talk,” I scream as I push on his chest with all my might. “Fucking talk. It’s a little late for that, Carter, don’t you think? I thought this marriage was a partnership. Shouldn’t I have some say in whether we have more children?” I shove him again. The tears are falling freely now. I can no longer hold them in. If he hadn’t just confessed to having a vasectomy, I’d be going ninja on his nuts right now.

  To be honest, after what happened with Eve, I’m not sure if I could do it again. But now I don’t even have a choice. He stole that from me. Motherfucker.

  •

  Carter

  This whole situation is fucked up. The delusional part of me actually thought she wouldn’t react as bad as she did. I did say the delusional part. The common sense part of me though, knew she would be angry. What have I done?

  She turns to flee so I reach for her again, pulling her back against me. She’s not getting away from me until we hash this out. I wrap my arms around her waist, holding her back firmly against my chest. “Please hear me out, babe. Please,” I beg. I’m not sure if my explanation is going to cut it, but I need to do something to fix this.

  “There’s nothing you can say that will make this better, Carter,” she confesses, before placing her hands over her face, sobbing.

  I hate myself right now.

  Chapter Five

  Indiana

  The last time I shed this many tears was the day Carter left me behind when we were teenagers. I never thought a day would come that he would make me feel so broken again.

  I’m sure he had his reasons for doing what he did, nevertheless, I can’t help but feel betrayed and devastated by what he’s done. I will the tears to stop, but they don’t. I wish this wasn’t happening, but it is.

  Carter continues to hold me tightly from behind, all the while whispering, “I’m sorry … I’m so sorry,” in my ear as he strokes my hair. It’s comforting and annoying all at the same time. That’s because I’m pissed with him.

  If only he’d come to me first. We could’ve discussed this. We could’ve made a decision as a couple. That’s why I’m so upset. The fact that he felt so little of our union—of me. I thought we were a team. That’s how it’s always been, until now.

  Then the faces of my three beautiful children enter my mind, and the sobs start again. Never again will I feel a life grow inside me. Never again will I experience the pure joy of meeting my child for the first time. The pain of childbirth, now that is something I can definitely do without. The thought of never experiencing the rest though, breaks my heart even further.

  Carter turns me in his arms, hugging me tight to his chest. Part of me wants to push him away, but the other part needs his comfort. He’s my rock. The one who always picks up the pieces. I’ll always need him, love him, no matter what. That will never change. I’m just incredibly hurt by his decision right now.

  “Can we go upstairs and talk?” he asks. I can hear the apprehension in his voice. I’m not sure why I feel bad for him, but I do. He brought this on himself.

  I shrug my shoulders in reply. It’s the best I’ve got. I don’t want to listen to his explanation, but I need to hear his reasons for doing something so incredibly selfish and irresponsible. On the other hand though, it’s plain to see how much he adores his children, so I’m sure this wasn’t a decision he took lightly.

  Turning and tucking me under his arm, he leads me across the street. I know in time I’ll probably be able to get past this, but not right now. It’s too fresh.

  When we enter the apartment, he seats me on the sofa before kneeling down in front of me. I bow my head. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye at this moment. I know it’ll break me.

  “I’m sorry, Indi,” he says, stroking his hand gently over my hair before placing a soft kiss in its place. “I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t chance losing you again.” Hearing the desperation in his voice makes the tears rise to my eyes again. I can understand his way of thinking and I appreciate the sentiment behind his words, but it still doesn’t justify the way he went about it. “Please say something.”

  I have plenty to say, but the words don’t seem to come. “Just give me some time, Carter. I need to process all of this.” I go to stand, but he grabs my arm.

  “Please don’t walk away from me. I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us. The kids and I would be nothing without you. When I spoke with the doctor at the hospital, we had two options: you getting your tubes tied, or me getting the snip. There was no way I was going to let you go through another procedure.” My heart melts when he says that. I love how he cares for me, but there’s more to this, a hell of a lot more. I’ve been deceived by the person I trusted the most.

  Finally I make eye contact with him. The devastation I see on his face breaks my heart, but that’s exactly how I feel, broken. Fucking heartbroken. “It’s not necessarily what you did, Carter, it’s more the way you went about it.” With that I stand. I need some space. I need to wrap my head around this bullshit. “Just give me some time to digest this revelation of yours.” I’m sure the venom in my voice doesn’t go unnoticed.

  This time he lets me walk away, but I hear him sigh as I do. I hate that I’m upsetting him, but what did he expect … that I’d be thrilled? Ummm, no.

  I make my way into our bedroom. My head is pounding. I need to shower and lie down. When I open the top drawer of my dresser, tears rise to my eyes again. Sitting on top is the sexy lingerie I bought for tonight. I purchased it while he was away because I knew he’d love it. So much for our alone time. So much for our hot and heavy sex romp. I had such high hopes for tonight, but now, thanks to my butthead of a husband, it’s all ruined.

  I leave the lingerie where it is and grab a pair of pyjamas instead. Slamming the drawer shut, I head into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

  •

  Carter

  I can’t bear to see her like this. It’s fucking killing me. I wait a minute or so before I follow her into the bedroom. We rarely fight, so I can’t stand the fact she’s angry at me. Granted I deserve it, but I still don’t like it. I pray she can forgive me. I did this because I didn’t want to lose her. Now that very reason might backfire in my face.

  When I hear the shower running, I have to control the urge to go in there. She said she needed time, so I guess I need to give it to her. It’s the least I can do, I suppose. Stripping out of my clothes, I pull my pyjama bottoms on before climbing into bed to wait.

  It’s a good thirty minutes before Indiana exits the bathroom. She never takes that long. I guess she was stalling to avoid facing me. I fucking hate that. I smile at her when she approaches, but unfortunately it’s not reciprocated. I lift the blankets for her when she’s standing beside the bed, so she can climb in, but I’m taken aback when she snatches the pillow from her side and turns abruptly, leaving the room.

  Fuck. I’m in deep shit.

  I toss and turn for hours waiting for her to return, but logic tells me that’s not going to happen. She must be sleeping in one of the boys’ beds. Eventually I get tired of waiting, so I toss the blankets aside and go searching for her. She can ignore me all she wants, but regardless of whether she’s talking to me or not, she belongs in our bed beside me. Period.

  I find her curled up in Levi’s bed. My lips curve up as I stand there for a few minutes watching her sleep. Her beauty still overwhelms me. Bending over, I
pull back the blankets before scooping her into my arms.

  “Carter,” she murmurs as her eyes flutter open.

  “Shhh, baby,” I whisper, drawing her close to my chest. I smile to myself when she snuggles into me. In her sleepy haze, she’s obviously forgotten she’s not talking to me. After gently laying her down in our bed, I climb in beside her so we’re facing each other. My hand skims lightly over her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she mumbles back. I smile when she says that, even if she is half asleep and unaware she’s angry with me. Then one of her eyes opens. “I’m still pissed with you though.” Her statement makes me chuckle. I know it’s not funny, but I’m fucking relieved she’s actually aware and still loves me regardless.

  “I’ll call the doctor tomorrow and make an appointment. I can have the vasectomy reversed,” I inform her. Even though it’s not what I want, I’d do anything to make us okay again.

  “No you won’t,” she replies opening her eyes. “But know this, you have a lot of grovelling ahead of you to make up for what you’ve done.” I can’t fight the smile that spreads across my face. I’ll grovel for the rest of my fucking life if it means we’re going to be okay.

  I pull her body flush with mine. Having her so close makes my cock twitch. I need her so bad. Especially after everything that has happened tonight. I need confirmation we’re going to be okay. I need to connect with her again. Become one. It’s been far too long.

  “Can I start grovelling now?” I ask, leaning forward and nipping at her bottom lip. I can tell she’s trying to suppress her smile. Placing my hand behind her knee, I lift her leg and drape it over my hip. When she doesn’t protest, I thrust my pelvis forward so my growing cock rubs against her. She lets out a moan just as my lips capture hers.

  Chapter Six

  Indiana

  I did a lot of thinking when I was in the shower, and again as I lay in Levi’s bed afterwards. It was torture being separated from Carter. The three days he was away had me pining for him. I was giddy with excitement from the moment I opened my eyes this morning, knowing he was returning today and we’d be together again. Is it crazy that I feel like a piece of me is missing when we’re apart? Because that’s exactly how I feel.

  It was hard for me to take the pillow and walk out of our room. The look on his face almost had me caving, but the mistake he’s made is colossal. He needed to learn a lesson from it, and this was the only way I knew how. He can’t make huge decisions like that without me, no matter what the logic is behind it.

  As soon as his lips are on mine, every ounce of fight left in me dissolves. I need this. We need this. Despite everything, I love him. Sure I’m still hurt, still pissed, but you can be sure that I won’t be letting this go for a very long time.

  The thing is, when you’ve been through everything I have, you know how precious life is, and how quickly it can be taken away. Sometimes you need to put the anger and hurt aside and live every minute to the fullest, and love with everything you have, because none of us know what tomorrow will bring.

  Life is short.

  My fingers fist in Carter’s hair, pulling him closer when he deepens the kiss. My body trembles with anticipation. I know this is going to be explosive. Not just because of the weeks of abstaining, but because it’s make-up sex. We rarely argue, so we don’t get to experience make-up sex often. And this time he has a shitload of making up to do.

  Bring it on, Mr Reynolds. Bring. It. On!

  •

  Carter

  I’m not sure how long I’m going to last first time round. It’s been too long. I hope my wife isn’t tired because I have the rest of the night to get reacquainted with her luscious body, and that’s exactly what I plan to do. With three small children, who knows when we’ll get an opportunity like this again?

  She moans into my mouth when I slide my hand underneath her pyjama top and palm her breast. I love how big her tits get when she’s breastfeeding. Indi latches onto my rock hard cock through my pants, and unlike last time, there’s no guilt. I’m so glad my secret is out in the open. It’s such a weight off my shoulders. Rest assured, I won’t stop until I’ve made this up to her. That you can be fucking sure of.

  As soon as she starts to work me over, I slide my hand down the front of her pants. I’m desperate to be inside her again. I groan when I find her wet and ready for me. It only takes me a few seconds to rid her of her pyjamas before removing my own. She smiles up at me when I settle over the top of her. It’s a sight, I can tell you. Only a few hours ago, I was worried she’d never smile at me again. A calmness spreads through me. I know I fucked up, but in this moment I also know we’re going to be okay.

  Settling between her legs, I line myself up with her opening. I suppose the one up-side to the vasectomy is that we no longer have to worry about protection. Thank Christ the tests came back saying I have no swimmers left. Fuck I’ve missed seeing, touching and tasting her magnificent pussy. The tasting will have to come later. Right now I need to be inside her more than I need air.

  As soon as the tip of my dick enters her, I throw my head back and groan. She feels amazing. I’ll never tire of this feeling. Never. Reaching up, she threads her fingers through my hair. I look down at her and smile. My eyes roll back in my head as I slide all the way in.

  “Fuck I love you, Indiana. I’m so sorry for hurting you.” My eyes lock with hers as I brush her hair back off her forehead with my fingertips. A lump rises to my throat as I speak. “I promise I’ll never make a decision like that again without discussing it with you first.”

  “You better believe you won’t,” she sneers, and the threat in her voice is apparent. She doesn’t have to worry about that. I’ve learnt my lesson. Fuck have I learnt my lesson. She pulls my face down towards her. “I love you too,” she says as her legs wrap around my waist. “Enough talking. I need you, Carter.”

  I fucking need her too. I always will. We moan in unison when I pull back and push all the way in again. I’m home. Just where I belong.

  Fucking home.

  Chapter Seven

  One year later …

  Carter

  Today I’m filled with mixed emotions. My little champ, Jaxson, is starting his first day of big school, and my baby girl, Eve, turns one. She has come along in leaps and bounds since the uncertainties she faced at birth. She’s Daddy’s little girl, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I adore her.

  Jaxson seems excited to start school, and is up earlier than usual this morning. He insists that Indi dress him in his school uniform straight away. It makes me laugh. He looks so grown up, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Indiana and I have both come to terms with the fact there’ll be no more kids for us, yet it’s moments like today that have me second-guessing my decision. But I have the perfect little family. I couldn’t ask for more than that.

  When it’s time to leave, we pack the kids and LJ into the car. He’s part of the family too, so it wouldn’t be right not to bring him with us. He adores the kids. He has such a strong bond with them. He sleeps in his doggie bed on the floor of the boys’ bedroom, but I remember when we brought Eve home from the hospital, he spent the next few weeks lying next to her crib.

  It worried me for some reason. Maybe because when Indi was sick he stuck to her like glue. It made me wonder if he could sense that something was wrong with Eve. I was relieved when he moved back into the boys’ room a few weeks later. I felt like I could breathe easy again. Thankfully, all those worries were for nothing. She’s healthy and happy, with no side effects from the troubles she faced at birth.

  I have butterflies in my stomach when we arrive at the school. Jaxson seems okay, but I can’t help wondering how he’ll go when it’s time for us to leave. He’s such a sensitive kid. My parents and grandmother are here as well; it’s another milestone for the next generation of the Re
ynolds family, so they didn’t want to miss it. I love how my kids are surrounded by so much love.

  When the teacher tells the children it’s time to go to the classroom, Jaxson moves along the line kissing us all goodbye. Eve is in my arms where she always seems to be. When he reaches us, he no longer looks so sure of himself.

  I crouch down so he can kiss his sister. “Are you sure you’re okay, buddy?” I ask when his bottom lip starts to quiver. He doesn’t reply, but instead shakes his head. I knew it. I grab his small hand in mine, and walk with him towards the rest of the class. “We’ll be back to pick you up this afternoon,” I assure him when I’m standing next to his teacher. “We’re going to have a party when you get home, to celebrate Eve’s birthday and your first day of big school.”

  When the teacher reaches for his hand, he latches onto my leg and the crying starts. “Don’t leave me, Daddy,” he begs. Fuck. I see some of the other parents turn and walk away from their children. I can’t do that. I just can’t. It would kill me to walk away from him when he’s so upset.

  Jaxson’s teacher tries to pry him off my leg, but it only makes him hysterical. Jesus Christ. She kneels down in front of him, so they’re at eye level. “Would you like it if your father came and sat in the classroom for a while, Jaxson?” she offers in a sweet voice before making eye contact with me. I nod my head. I have a shitload of work to do this morning, but if it’s going to soothe him then I’m all for it.

  My family will always come first.

  I call Indi over, passing her Eve. “Dadda,” she cries, her chubby little arms reaching out for me. Fucking hell. My kids will be the death of me, I’m sure of it.

  “Daddy will be home soon, Princess,” I tell her, kissing her sweet cheek. The tears pooling in her big, green eyes tug at my heart. I know she’ll be okay though. She has the rest of the family with her. Poor Jaxson will be left on his own if I don’t stay. “I’m gonna hang here for a while,” I say, turning my attention back to Indiana. “The teacher said I can sit in the classroom until Jaxson settles in.”