Yesterday Is Gone

by HJ Bellus

  I glance up to see Jules shading her eyes with that contagious smile still painting her face.

  “Hey, you.” I jerk my chin and then massage the back of my neck. I have to do something with my hand, so I don’t pull her into a heated kiss that wouldn’t stop with just kissing.

  “Came up here to check on Whit and, well, just stayed here. Hope you don’t mind.” Our knuckles brush as we saunter up to the porch.

  I glance over at her profile, admiring the tender tanned skin of her neck, wanting nothing more than to lick every square inch of the sweetness. “You should know the answer to that question.”

  When I’m just feet within the front porch, her MacBook comes into view on the table. My curiosity piques, but I find myself tamping it down and taking a seat on the first step instead. Jules glides up the steps, settling in the worn rocking chair in front of her laptop.

  “Mommy.” Whit skips up to the steps. “Do you have the lemonade done for my stand?”

  Whit scrambles up into my lap, lacing her arms around my neck and resting her chin on the top of my shoulder, facing her mom.

  “Honey, I told you I’d make lemonade for you. Nobody will be by here to buy it. We could do a lemonade party like a tea party.”

  “Momma,” she whines. “Please. Grandma helped me make a sign, and she said we could set up a table by the driveway.”

  Mom steps up to us with a worried look on her face. I know exactly how she’s feeling. This is all so new, and the last thing any of us want to do is overstep boundaries and spook Jules away.

  “Whit, lemonade stands only work in busy areas.”

  “Not in that book you read me last week. Remember the kids lived in the country and they made one hundred nineteen dollars.”

  “Whit, that was fiction.”

  Without turning around, I can hear the clicking of fingers on a keyboard and know Jules is multi-tasking right now. Whit isn’t giving up.

  “Hey.” I smooth down her hair. “Go get that sign set up and get your lemonade over there on the picnic table under the oak tree. But your mom is right. There isn’t much traffic on this road, so don’t get disappointed if you don’t sell any.”

  “Yes. Yes. Yes.” Whit hops off my lap and squeals all the way up the steps.

  Mom helps her pack out the large pitcher of lemonade. Whit buzzes up and down the sidewalk and porch bringing out the sign, cups, pens, papers, and a small wooden box.

  Whit clambers up the picnic table and plops on the top with her feet dangling on the part you’re supposed to sit on. Mom settles next to her feet and does her best to brush away the dried mud and dirt.

  “Grandma, thank you so much. This is my biggest dream ever come true.” Whit leans down, doing her version of whispering which, in all reality, is her normal voice.

  “Jessie.”

  I turn and kick my feet up on the porch, leaning back on the railing. Lengthening my spine and stretching my arms over my head relaxes all of my sore muscles. Growing older is kicking my ass. I do my best to workout with my team. I do everything they do, always believing that modeling is the best way to learn.

  “Yeah,” I respond, not missing the fact Jules’ vision lingered a bit too long on the sliver of my exposed abs. I decide to keep my hands high above my head.

  “You do realize one day that you’ll have to tell her no.”

  “Says who?” I smirk.

  Jules shakes her head and snaps the lid of her MacBook shut. “The universe. It’s part of being a parent.”

  “I’ve always been known to break a few rules and exceed all expectations.” I’m forced to drop my arms from the growing tingling in the tips of my fingers.

  “I’ll have a tissue and a case of beer ready for you when the day comes.” She stands up and walks over to me. I swing my legs back down to the steps and wait for her to take a seat.

  “Will you also rub my back and cuddle me until I feel better?” I bump her shoulder with mine.

  She snorts. And hell do I get throttled back into the past. Jules always hated her snort when she laughed, but I thought it was cute as hell.

  “I’m serious, Jessie.” She bumps my shoulder right back. “Parenting isn’t easy and really, really sucks when you have to be the bad guy. It won’t always be like this.”

  She waves her hand in front of her. I grab it and link our fingers together, doing my best to soothe the silent worry away. I get where she’s going with this, and by damn I do feel like it’s a small victory that we’re communicating about this. Also, I know her skeptical concerns and worry won’t diminish anytime soon.

  “I hear ya, Jules, and I’ve coached enough kids to know the heartache that goes with it. Will keep saying it and showing you until you believe it…I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this for the long haul. That means all of the yes and no moments.”

  “You were always a smooth talker, Jessie.”

  “Yeah, thinking our baby girl acquired the trait from me.” My shoulders loosen when Jules lays her head on top of them.

  “Daddy!” Whit shades her eyes and looks our direction then bounds our way. I don’t miss her vision raking over our interlocked hands. She doesn’t stumble over a word, though. “You want a lemonade?”

  “Sure do.” I wink at her.

  She climbs up the first step, places one hand on my knee, and then plops out her other palm. “That’ll be two dollars.”

  “Two dollars?” I scrunch my brows. “That’s a bit steep, and don’t I get the family discount?”

  “Nope.” She pops the “p” and stares me down. “Grandma said I can’t give anyone a break, and that’s damn good lemonade, well worth two dollars.”

  Mom clears her throat from behind Whit. Whit covers her mouth and giggles.

  “Oops…I wasn’t supposed to say that part.”

  I dig into the pockets of my gym shorts and pull out my worn leather wallet I’ve carried since high school, producing a five-dollar bill and handing it over to her. Jules clears her throat next to me, and I glance towards her. She spotted the picture in my wallet, the same one that’s been there for years. It’s worn, and its corners are tattered up a bit. But it’s her. It’s my favorite picture of her down at the pond with a fishing pole in her hand and a smile that could light up the darkest of days. It got me through so damn many of them.

  Whit plucks the bill from my hand. “One lemonade coming up.”

  She races off with my mom on her heels. The two chatter away and giggle the entire time. A thick wave of awkwardness drifts between Jules and me. She hasn’t pulled back from my body, but mentally I need to give her time. I pull my cell from my pocket and fire off a text to the guys telling them they’d better get their ass over here and buy some lemonade.

  “Here you go.” Whit hands me the clear plastic cup of lemonade with its contents sloshing over the sides. “Oh, and Grandma told me to tell you we don’t have change.”

  I shoot up an eyebrow. “A five-dollar lemonade? This better be delicious, little girl.”

  I poke at her ribs, hating missing the contact of Jules’ hand as I bring the cup to my lips. I’ve had this same lemonade for years. Not going to lie, Mom makes a mean one and even back in the day shared her recipe with Jules. But at this moment, it’s the sweetest and best goddamn lemonade I’ve ever had.

  Whit’s head whips around when she hears an engine.

  “Might be customers,” my mom hollers from the table holding the drinks.

  Whit buzzes off the steps, darting down the sidewalk.

  “Do not go outside of that gate,” Jules hollers from beside me.

  Whit stomps her foot but listens to her mom, all the while waving down the vehicle pulling in the front.

  Before Brady and Tessi can climb out of their vehicle, Whit is already giving them the pitch.

  “How?” Jules whispers.

  I drain the rest of the most expensive lemonade I’ve ever bought and turn to her. Without thinking, I lean over and kiss her temple, letting my lips linger
a bit too long on her sweet skin. “I called in the cavalry for my girl.”

  Tessi hollers out Jules’ name and waves. A long line of old beat-up trucks and cars pull in behind Brady.

  “How in the hell do you know this many people?” she asked, astonished, resting her head back on my shoulder.

  “They are my boys. Sent a group text telling them they’d better get their asses down here and buy lemonade.” I reach over, running the pad of my finger down her jawline, unable to help myself.

  “And they just hop when you snap?” she asks, her eyes fluttering shut. The long, thick eyelashes flicker on her tender skin.

  I back up, knowing we are about to be bombarded and I’m not ready to deal with inquisitive stares and a hundred questions. “Told them they didn’t have to run tomorrow if they did so.”

  The serenading of engines cutting off and doors slamming shut fill the front yard. Tessi grabs Jules from the front steps and wraps her up in a hug. Brady shoots me a look that I ignore. He’s been on my ass about me getting in too deep. It’s not that he doesn’t love Jules. It’s more of him not wanting to see his best friend, who’s more like a brother, hit rock bottom once again.

  The thing is I’m not losing this battle. I’m the underdog and will fight with everything I have to right all my wrongs even if it takes me under.

  “Coach!” Max Statton jogs up to me.

  The young boy won me over the day he walked to practice in a worn-out pair of tennis shoes, jeans, and a tank top. The rest of the team gave him hell. It was a battle to keep my arms crossed over my chest and watch the tryouts. Brinkley, the junior high gym teacher and basketball coach, showed up twenty minutes later with a pair of gym shorts for him.

  Max gave her a hug and changed into them, and from that moment on, he has shut up the entire team with drive and talent. I’m going to piss off the entire community when I slot him in as a starter as a freshman on the varsity team. He has no big name in this small, one-horse town. His mom is a drunk and hardly ever home. Talked to a few elementary teachers to only find out he’s had one shitty life but has never given up.

  A few juniors have taken him under their wing. I’m still skeptical if they’re genuine or setting him up for a prank.

  “Max.” I stand up and hold my arms open, giving him a man hug.

  “Heard they’re selling lemonade around here.” He steps back, running his hand through his hair.

  “Sure are.”

  “Whit?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Got paid today and pretty damn thirsty.” He smirks.

  “How’s it going over at Gravy Dave’s?” I ask, wishing more than hell he could have a better job. The kid would be a damn good farm hand. Jules’ Papa is the only man in these parts who would hire him. He never gave a damn about social classes and all that other shit.

  “It sucks.” He shrugs. “But I’m getting paid. Had enough this month to pay rent and get the power turned back on.”

  My teeth grind together, causing my jaw to cramp in a fucking rage. The longer I’ve known Max, the more he’s opened up to me. But this bit of information is about to throttle me over the fucking edge.

  “Hey,” Jules’ sweet voice interrupts. “I don’t think I’ve met you.”

  Max blushes right before me. I stifle a chuckle. The little shit is struck by her beauty.

  “I’m—uh…Max.”

  Jules holds out her hand, and he reacts in slow motion. “Nice to meet you. You play football for this fool here?”

  Max’s blush deepens. The poor boy is about to pass out any minute. “Yes, ma’am, but he isn’t a…”

  Jules throws her head back in laughter. “Oh, Max, you need to hang out with me a bit, and you can figure out this one.”

  “Oh-kay,” he responds.

  “My nana needs some extra help moving water and keeping up her place. Why don’t you stop by when you have time? I know you’re a busy kid, so let me know if you have time.” She taps his shoulder.

  Max nods. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “It’s Jules, Max.” She winks at him.

  He nods again, his hands shaking at his sides. “Gonna buy some lemonade now.”

  He rushes off to the group of his teammates swarmed around Whit’s stand. An arm wraps low around my waist, and the sweet, tender smell of lilac and grapefruit attacks my senses.

  “How did you know I was about to break?” I whisper.

  “Can read you like a book, Jessie, even after all these years.” She squeezes my side. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve made your daughter’s year.”

  We both watch the action over at the lemonade stand. My chest tightens when Max whips out his wallet and hands over a five-dollar bill then proceeds to wave off his change.

  “No, pretty sure she made my year,” I whisper to no one and everyone at the same time.

  Chapter 15

  Jules

  “Momma.” Whit waves the empty lemonade pitcher for the fifth time.

  “I’ll get it.” Jessie lays his hand on the top of my thigh as he gets up and jogs down to our daughter.

  Our daughter still sounds foreign on my tongue. I’m distracted watching those loose gym shorts flow around his thick thighs that lead up to his waist. His damn cut-off workout t-shirt only taunts me. It was the passion he showed when one of his players displayed a struggle that gutted me. Jessie has put his heart and soul into this team, all the time waiting for me to come back. I know beyond a doubt he’s been here waiting on me. It’s evident in his voice and from the stories Nana and Tessi have shared with me.

  The one thing I’m struggling to get over is the fact he was with Shayna. In the back of my head, I get it. I truly do. I’ve always known how this town shone a light on Jessie. They were encouraging his next step. He had no way of contacting me, and he let her go the moment he knew I was back. All of it sounds perfect. Except for that little reminder in the back of my head screaming at me and reminding me he dumped me the moment something bigger came by years ago as well.

  “Jules.” Someone shakes my shoulder.

  “What’s up?” I turn to Tessi, trying to act like I haven’t missed a beat of our conversation.

  “I’ve asked you what your plans are four times while you’ve stared out in the distance.”

  “Plans?” I pivot in the rocking chair to face her.

  She swallows hard before speaking. “Are you going back to California?”

  I shrug. And in all honesty, it’s the best damn answer I have. I know I can’t leave my nana, yet some hours of the day I want to run away from all the feelings, and California is that safe harbor for me.

  “I’m just taking it day by day, seeing how Nana is coping. I’m able to work from home for now.” I begin gently rocking.

  The front screen door swings open, and Jessie walks out with a pitcher of lemonade. He stops for a moment and kisses the top of my head before jutting off. The line of customers begins to dwindle with only a handful of players waiting on their lemonade.

  “What’s going on, Jules?” Genuine concern floats in each word of her question.

  I let out a long breath of air. “Honestly, Tessi, I have no damn idea. My anger is changing into something I’m not sure I’ll be able to digest. It’s a foreign feeling to have it all dissipate after years of living with it.”

  “Can I say something?” She reaches over and squeezes my hand, interrupting me. She doesn’t wait for me to say yes before going on. “You belong here. I have no idea what your life was like in California, but you and Whit are a part of this town. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to believe in happiness again or even try to, but you deserve it. And Jules, look at that girl. She’s so damn happy.”

  I nod, unable to speak a word. Tessi lightens the conversation, talking about her kids and that we need to have a playdate. Soon enough, the dusk of the evening settles and blesses us with a beautiful glow. The last truck pulls out of the drive, leaving only Brady’s rig behind.

  “Mom!” W
hit runs up to the steps, waving a Ziploc bag of cash in front of her. “Look at this.”

  She plops down on the porch, pinches open the bag with her tiny fingers, and begins stacking all the bills. Not a single one-dollar bill is in the mix. I shake my head at the ridiculousness. I don’t have the energy to scold Jessie over it, because quite frankly, I’m relaxed and enjoying the moment. Starting a new novel is never easy and seems to zap all of my energy and brainpower, so this is perfect right now.

  Jessie and Brady haul the table back to the shed while Jessie’s mom sits down next to Whit, helping her count the money.

  “I know how to count by fives, Grandma.” Whit brushes her bangs from her face.

  The men join us, coming from inside the house out on the porch. The red Solo cups in their hands make me shake my head. After dumping the table, they snuck in the back door to make a cocktail. It reminds me of the days we used to sneak into Jessie’s dad’s booze cabinet. Hell, all of our parents had their booze stolen by us in our high school years.

  Brady nudges Tessi up out of her seat, carefully balancing his drink in his hand, and then plops right down. Seconds later, he tugs her down in his lap. She curls right up into his chest. My heart pangs with hurt and longing. It had only been a fantasy to have that in my life the last several years, and now I’m sitting here faced with it possibly being a reality.

  Jessie squeezes the top of my shoulder, leans down, and hands me the cup. I don’t think twice about taking a drink. The sweet taste of Jack Daniels and Coke goes down easy, adding to my relaxed state.

  “One day that’ll be us,” he whispers in my ear.

  I take another drink, hoping it would ease the pressure building up in my core. My body is on fire for Jessie. It’s a burn that’s only increasing and not simmering out.

  “Ninety, one hundred.” Whit shakes her head. “Five…”

  “Here, sweet bug.” Carolyn grabs the stack of money that equals one hundred. “Now start back at five.”

  The two go back to it. Whit has to stop and start a few times because of her excitement.

  “I can’t believe she can count by fives already,” Tessi says.