Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters: The Frightening New Normalcy of Hating Your Body
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understanding and reality, 255-59, 260
and starving daughters, 259, 260, 262
and substitute gods, 252-55
and success, 255, 262
and transcendence, 259-62, 265, 268
See also faith; religion; rituals
sports
and athletes as role model, 194-95
and attractiveness, 149
and beauty, 198
and being noticed, 193-94, 199, 203
characteristics associated with, 41
competition in, 196, 202-6, 207
and control, 198, 201
dedication to, 190-92, 197, 206-9
and deprivation as dedication, 196-201
and eating disorders, 192, 195, 198-201, 207-8, 252-53
and empowerment, 195-96, 203
and father-daughter
relationships, 72
and identity, 260
losing in, 206
and men, 197
and perfection, 196, 198, 202, 207
as performance, 193-95
and pressure, 196, 202-3
as religion, 253
slippery slope in, 206-9
and spirituality, 252-53
stopping, 208-9
and teammates, 196, 203-6
and thinness, 198, 200
Spurlock, Morgan, 173
starving daughters
black holes in, 21
and body as holy war, 265
characteristics of, 20-21
in college years, 214
and Daddy’s little girl, 62
and fat, 179, 181, 188
and father-daughter
relationship, 77
and new stories, 279-80
and obsession with perfect girl, 211
perfect girl compared with, 21
and perfection, 5
and spirituality, 259, 260, 262
and sports, 203
Steinem, Gloria, 36
Steiner-Adair, Catherine, 28
Stern, Robin, 60, 238, 244
Stonehill College, 212
stress, 50-51, 76, 110, 129
Striegel-Moore, Ruth, 29, 128-29
success, 223, 247, 255, 262
superwomen, 8, 35, 39-40, 50, 54, 55
Susan, 2, 181-83
tattoos, 188
Taylor, Mary, 268-69
teenagers
and boys, 91-93
coded communication among, 80
competition among, 86-91, 92
credit cards of, 92
dysfunctional, 53
fathers’ views about bodies of, 63-66
as “female impersonators,” 79
hyper-awareness of, 81
as just being a girl, 96-97
Manhattan, 81-82, 83, 85-87, 89, 91, 92, 93-95, 97
meanness of, 83-86, 87, 89
perfect-girl talk among, 79-97
perfection projection of, 93-96
power struggles among, 82-86
pregnancy of, 98, 101, 105n, 106
Santa Fe, 82-86, 87-88, 91-92, 93
sarcastic joking among, 89-90
therapy, group, 201
THIN (HBO), 201
thinness
and attractiveness, 160, 166
and being seen, 150
in college years, 218-19, 221
as desirable, 92
fantasies about, 180
and “father hunger,” 72
and hip-hop, 139
media emphasis on, 92
and media-literacy fatigue, 126, 127
negative perceptions of, 185-86
and new stories, 283
obsession about, 6-8
and perfect-girl talk among
teenagers, 92
and pop icons, 123
in post-college years, 232, 245
as prerequisite for perfection, 16
as prerequisite for success, 247
qualities associated with, 170
and self-talk about fat, 179
and spirituality, 255
and sports, 192, 198, 200
statistics about, 174
too much, 126, 181-83
See also diets; eating disorders; weight
Third Wave Foundation, 54
thyroid problems, 82
Title IX, 191-92, 194
Toledo, Luiz S., 248
“toxic triangle,” 110
transcendence, 259-62, 265, 268
Trice, Obie, 139
truth, 162-63, 164, 279-81
“truth talks,” 85, 86
tummy tucks, 131
Twenge, Jean, 44
vegetarianism, 182, 219
virgins, 105n, 121
vomiting. See bulimia nervosa
weight
emotional and psychological
aspects of, 176, 177
obsession about, 1-4, 16, 222, 262-66
and perfect-girl talk among teenagers, 81-88, 91-92, 95-96, 97
as in personal control, 16-17
See also diets; eating disorders;
fat; “freshman fifteen”; obesity;
thinness; specific person or topic
Weight Watchers, 176
Wendy, 190-91, 193, 197, 202, 204, 206-7, 209
White, Emily, 65
willpower, 17, 209, 217, 255, 260, 265, 286
Winfrey, Oprah, 122, 130, 177, 192
Winslet, Kate, 127
Wiseman, Rosalind, 80
Wolf, Naomi, 8, 64, 76, 211, 220
Women’s Institute for a Secure Retirement, 245
Women’s Sports Foundation, 41
Woodhull Institute, 242, 244
Woodman, Marion, 8, 17, 51, 77, 78, 250, 251
Woods, Brenda, 239
yoga, 256-57, 258
Zoe, Rachel, 123
Reader’s Guide
by Courtney and her mom, Jere E. Martin, MSW
1. Do you think food and fitness obsession is a normal part of being a woman?
2. Does the description of the perfect girl resonate with you?
3. How does the starving daughter part of you—your unspoken needs, fears, desire for comfort—get expressed? Are you comfortable with this part of you? Why or why not?
4. What do you see as the biggest losses of the epidemic of eating disorders and the larger culture of food and fitness obsession?
5. How do you differentiate between healthy ambition and unhealthy perfectionism? How did your mother and/or father influence your perspective? How do you think you might influence your daughter’s perspective?
6. How did your mother’s relationship with her body influence your relationship with yours? What was the talk about health and beauty in your family? Was there one person whose comments were particularly influential? If so, why do you think that was?
7. Courtney writes that feminists taught their daughters that they could be anything, and that their daughters, instead, decided that they had to be everything. What do you think about that interpretation? Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not? Do you think feminism means different things for different generations?
8. Courtney describes her relationship with her own father as a “walk in the park” compared to that with her mother, which resembles a “jungle hike.” Is this true for you? What are the benefits and losses of having less intimate but steadier relationships with our fathers? What kind of father-daughter relationship best supports a daughter’s healthy self-image?
9. What was your self-image like at age thirteen? Are the insecurities you felt then still with you in some way today? In what ways do they show up? Do you keep them hidden? If so, how?
10. Who was the perfect girl in your middle school or high school? What do you think she might be doing now?
11. Do you think of eating and fitness issues as a rich, white girl’s disease? Were you surprised that so many working-class girls and girls of color were affected by these issues?
12. Instead of developing an authentic sense of their own sexuality, Co
urtney and her friend Jen struggle within a society that still reduces young women to virgin/slut stereotypes. Did or do you experience this same dichotomy? How has it changed since the 1950s and in what ways is it still the same today? What do those women labeled as prudes lose in terms of options for expressing the full range of who they are? What about those labeled as easy?
13. In what ways do you think women’s appetites for sex mirrors their appetites for food? What would have to change about our culture in order for women to be more in touch with their authentic appetites?
14. Who do you see as healthy role models in pop culture for young women today? Why is there such a lack of contemporary heroines? Were there more in the past, and if so, why?
15. In what ways does hip-hop culture strengthen young women’s sense of self? In what ways does it stifle it?
16. As mass media provides us with a more diverse range of female images, in terms of body type and race, how does this affect your perspective of the ideal body?
17. How does a woman’s relationship with her own body affect her relationships with those she dates?
18. Were you surprised that the majority of the men Courtney interviewed emphasized how important humor was as opposed to a particular body type? Is this your experience? Do you think that porn socializes young men to have unrealistic expectations for women’s bodies? Why or why not?
19. Courtney writes about the difference between being noticed—cat-called, picked up in bars, etc.—and being truly seen. Does one form of getting attention make you feel more beautiful than the other? Why?
20. In what ways do you see the epidemics of obesity and eating disorders as related? Do you agree that we live in a “bulimic culture,” as Marya Hornbacher attests?
21. Courtney’s friend Gareth helps her become aware of her own inner judgment about other women’s bodies, particularly fat women. After reading that chapter, have you become aware of any subtle judgments in your own mind?
22. In what ways do you think involvement in sports has strengthened women’s sense of self and in what ways has it exacerbated body insecurities?
23. Whose responsibility is it to create a sports culture where young women are encouraged to maintain a healthy relationship with food, fitness, and their bodies? Whose responsibility is it to identify when athletes cross the line between dedication and disease?
24. Why is food and fitness obsession so rampant on college campuses?
25. In what ways do single-sex environments (all-women’s schools, sororities, etc.) help and/or hinder the development of positive relationships with food and fitness?
26. Do you have friends with disordered eating or fitness addiction? What have you done to help them? Looking back, do you have any regrets about your decisions to either confront or not confront friends in trouble?
27. What do your spiritual beliefs teach you about the body? Do these coincide with or contradict the views of Western medicine? What about Western beauty standards?
28. In what ways can religious dogma exacerbate women’s unhealthy relationship with their own appetites? In what ways can spirituality foster self-acceptance?
29. In what ways does the lack of ritual in our culture contribute to women’s antagonistic relationship with their bodies, especially when in transition (puberty, menopause, etc.)? In what ways could you reintroduce body-affirming rituals into your life or the life of your daughter?
30. When have you felt most and least healthy about your relationship with your body? What influenced you at these times?
31. What woman’s story in this book did you find most interesting, and how has that changed your understanding of these issues?
32. What is the ideal relationship for women to have with their bodies? Does it vary from woman to woman?
33. What is one small step you can commit to taking right now that will help end the culture of self-hatred for you and for other women?
About the Author
Courtney E. Martin, originally from Colorado Springs, Colorado, is a writer, filmmaker, and teacher.
Her work has appeared in The Village Voice, Poets & Writers, The Christian Science Monitor, Women’s eNews, Alternet, Metro, and BUST, among other national publications. She was awarded the Elie Wiesel Prize in Ethics in 2002 and became a Woodhull Institute for Ethical Leadership fellow in 2006. She has a B.A. from Barnard College in political science and sociology and an M.A. from New York University’s Gallatin School in writing and social change.
Courtney now teaches gender studies at Hunter College and lives in Brooklyn with her big brother, also a writer.
You can read more about her work at www.courtneyemartin.com.
† According to Rader Programs, a private company providing clinical programs for eating-disordered patients for over twenty years: “The misuse of ipecac syrup can cause significant and severe medical complications and even result in death. Karen Carpenter, the recording artist who suffered from an eating disorder, actually died from the misuse of ipecac syrup. The alkaloid emetine from the ipecac syrup had caused severe damage to her heart, which eventually led to her going into cardiac arrest and subsequently dying. Complications of the misuse of ipecac include but are not limited to cardiac arrhythmias, irreversible damage to the muscles of the heart, seizures, shock, hemorrhaging, blackouts, high blood pressure, respiratory complications, dehydration, electrolyte abnormalities, or death.”
† Many women, like Jen, tell me that the only reason they aren’t bulimic is that they are physically incapable of making themselves throw up.
† This is not to say, of course, that violent, straightforward rapes do not go on, or that the victim is at fault. It is simply to point out that rape can be as confusing for the rapist as it is for the victim and, further, that the confusion often stems from a lack of education, preparation, and sobriety.
† According to the Centers for Disease Control, the majority of Americans don’t walk across the graduation stage with their virginity intact regardless of the abstinence-only educators’ profoundly naive efforts. The Alan Guttmacher Institute (AGI), further, reports that the United States has more than 80 teen pregnancies per 1,000 girls, far higher than most Western European countries (”Teenagers’ Sexual and Reproductive Health: Developed Countries,” www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb_teens.html). As Ariel Levy reports in Female Chauvinist Pigs (p. 161), AGI’s website reads: “The primary reasons why U.S. teenagers have the highest rates of pregnancy, childbearing and abortion among developed countries is less overall contraceptive use and less use of the pill.”
† According to the Centers for Disease Control, at least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. HPV, short for human papillomavirus, is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than one hundred strains or types, some of which can cause cancer. An HPV vaccine has been developed by two different pharmaceutical companies, though experts predict that cost and Christian conservatives may prevent teenagers from benefiting from it. http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/STDFact-HPV.htm#Whatis.
† According to the FDA, Adderall is a central nervous system stimulant (amphetamine) designed to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). The FDA now warns that Adderall, like all amphetamines, has high abuse potential. http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/InfoSheets/patient/AdderallPatientSheet.pdf.
† The difference between “corporate rap” and “conscious hip-hop” may be subtle to an outsider but is fairly distinct for fans of the music. Conscious rappers, such as Mos Def and Talib Kweli, write more thoughtfully and critically of political and social issues than do 50 Cent or Cameron, for example. Conscious rappers usually have smaller releases of their albums, make less money, produce videos with story lines or a cinematic feel. Some artists cross over between the two subgenres, but that is more the exception than the rule.
† Lady Sovereign, a quick-tongued and side-ponytailed Brit from a working-class background, signed with Jay-Z’s Def Jam Recordings, one of
the largest labels in the business, in 2006.
† Nelly was referring to Halle Berry’s role in the 2001 film Monster’s Ball, where she plays a widow who gets involved with her late husband’s executioner.
† According to the Centers for Disease Control, obesity is defined as a body mass index (BMI) of more than 30.0 kilograms divided by meter of height over your recommended weight, and anything between 25.0 and 29.9 over means you are overweight. The BMI’s validity, however, is questioned by many authorities. As the critic Steven Shapin writes, “The B.M.I. net catches some surprising fish. At 6’6” and a playing weight of 216 pounds, Michael Jordan was ‘overweight’ (with a B.M.I. of 25)” (in “Eat and Run: Why We’re So Fat,” New Yorker, January 16, 2005).
† For a list of fat-activist resources, see the Resource Guide.
† Burlesque, a form of live entertainment usually including music, comedy, and sexuality on display, originated in the 1840s but has experienced a recent renaissance among young, mostly urban feminists.
† Knapp’s Appetites is one of the books that influenced me the most on this subject. Tragically, she died of cancer right after she finished writing it in 2002.
† Alcoholics who abstain from drinking are known in Alcoholics Anonymous slang by two different terms—either they are sober or they are dry. A “dry drunk” is an alcoholic who doesn’t technically drink alcohol any longer but still thinks like an alcoholic, still feels ravaged by addiction, still obsesses and plans rigidly, judges others harshly, and has an inflated sense of self. Sound familiar? It should, because these are some of the most common characteristics of an anorectic. She is capable of staying away from food in general but obsessed with it. She sees herself as above others, as a more evolved human being. She puts every ounce of her energy into avoiding calories and, as a result, often also avoids pleasure, camaraderie, spontaneity. Anorectics, like dry drunks, see their body as the enemy—a messy combination of needs and emotions too childish to be indulged. Both kinds of addicts strive to transcend the monotony of everyday life. See www.alco holicsanonymous.org.