Sand Glass

by A M Russell

‘Jared?’ I asked. He moved and turned towards the group that now came towards us. Two soldiers were being held quite firmly in a strange arm lock by two of the hunters, a third came forward directly to us. Those captured were unharmed. But then it wasn’t the way of the tribe to take life without reason.

  ‘Ah! The Chief of the Pale Tribe!’ the warrior held out his hand to Jared.

  ‘Maki?’ Jared asked as he stood.

  ‘We will speak of names when they are gone from here.’ Here the warrior indicated the two soldiers, and drew a knife from a leather sheath at his waist.

  ‘May I ask for a question to be answered before you sent them home?’ Jared was polite but firm.

  ‘As you wish?’ the one Jared had identified as Maki stood aside. I noticed he kept the knife in sight all the time.

  Jared went forward to the soldier nearest to us; he bent over and whispered something in the man’s ear. The soldier shook his head. He seemed angry but unafraid. Jared nodded and Maki moved swift as lightning. There was a drift of dust that dissolved into the air. I wasn’t quite sure but I thought he had marked his hand with the point of the knife. And the soldier had just vanished as I had seen the others do a while ago. Jared spoke quietly to the other, who seemed hesitant. He said something back to Jared, who stood for a moment contemplating the answer he had received. I thought it was high time we joined in the discussion so I went forward.

  ‘I have seen the Divided Man,’ said the soldier, ‘He’s here. Not far away. He wants a word with you!’ he seemed more confident then.

  Jared looked at me, ‘Tell him,’ Jared began, and turned back to the soldier, ‘that Jared Arden requires his compliance in one thing.’

  ‘Really?’ the soldier was almost sneering.

  ‘You see the woman?’ asked Jared.

  The soldier nodded.

  ‘She has certain powers. She can tear you into two people. And we can keep one of them here as insurance if you don’t do what we ask.’

  ‘Yes… yes of course....’ the man blanched, and his attitude became deferential and someone wheedling, ‘whatever you want of course I’ll do it. Just say it!’

  ‘Good,’ Jared told him, ‘So now you go back to Alexander and say that he must come to the jungle entrance at exactly six o’clock tomorrow. He will bring the drugs for all our team; that is thirteen people. And then I will go with him and do whatever he wishes.’

  The man seemed surprized. ‘That is all?’

  ‘Tell him exactly what I told you. Exactly, do you understand? And then we will send you home.’ The man was relieved then, perplexed even.

  ‘Release him now.’ Jared ordered.

  The hunter let the man go. He scurried into the trees as quickly as he could. A few minutes later we heard the distant roar of a desert vehicle.

  ‘Did you know he had a transport?’ I asked, ‘And what the hell is this plan? I wish you would share this with us first.’

  ‘David. Stop, please.’ Jared gave me that look I hadn’t seen for a long time, ‘I will ask just one thing of you.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘That you trust me.’

  I didn’t reply. I felt ashamed. Not for the first time, at my mouth being in gear before the rest of me. I thought of the fear that he had chased away at that distant shore. My cheeks were burning now with a sense of real impropriety. The tribesmen stood impassively by while this exchange took place.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I said, ‘I do trust you. I mean I will Chief.’

  The one called Maki smiled; ‘Mr Milnes. We were looking for you. And you have brought your Chief back. It is a good day.’

  They turned at once and began to stride swiftly through the tangles of grasses and bushes and then down to a river crossing.

  We waded across the stream and continued up quite a steep gradient for about 50 feet or so. Then it levelled out and opened into grassy area and forested patches. I struggled to keep up at this point; but the feeling of not wanting to let Jared down kept me going. I walked very fast on and on, way past the point when I would normally have needed rest. Janey kept her serious face on all the time. I thought it was because it was about what Jared had said. But it dawned on me a little while later that she was quickly arriving at a point that most people rarely actually arrive at… to meet with herself. She ignored me. Not because of anything really to do with me… but she was focusing inward, finding the words, the way of being that expressed the voice inside to reach out to the other; to the twin who really was that other self. Or like when you cannot make up your mind. Or when one thing is not decided, and you wait and wonder what you will eventually do. She glanced at me once. But it was only to see if I was catching back up when I lagged behind momentarily.

  We entered the landscape that I knew to be near the home of the tribe at about three o’clock. I still hadn’t got back into the days being the “normal” length again. I yawned as we stopped and looked about. Maki stood listening. Then we slipped into some bushes and followed a barely discernible path through this area of the forest. We came out near to the hollow drop of the great water fall. That background roar had been absent for some time and now it hummed with a familiar notes of watery comfort. I would soon be able to rest. We turned a sharp corner and entered a little maze of channels that were open to the air above. Then went through a little arch and entered the city underground, where the waterfall was the glass to the window in the wall of a deep pit. The sun slanted into the placed that housed those balconies where the weavers and spinners did their work. We were taken to rooms where the evening light would illuminate the place for one hour with a golden haze at the approach of the burning down of the day. And then lamps would be lit and, as Maki informed us, we would eat.

  Jared immediately found the water room. A little place he could wash and freshen up. Janey sat on a bench with her back against the wall. I thought it better just let her think, and I followed Jared to the small washrooms. Here water was directed into basins by a series of stops and plugs. I hadn’t quite mastered the art of this and it was some minutes before I had a bowl filled with the crystal liquid. I dipped my hands in the refreshing mineral coldness and splashed some onto my face and body. I wanted to keep myself hidden. I felt weirdly exposed at that moment in a way I could not justify to myself. I tried a slap with that invisible towel as recommended by Alex, but it didn’t really work. So I dunked my whole head into the bowl. I rose up dripping and gasping. Then I saw that Janey was standing just by the doorway. I wiped the water from my eyes.

  ‘Do you need to use the room? I thought there was another.’

  ‘Davey? What do you mean?’ she came forward. With a brain jingling shock I got it!

  ‘Janey! You’re here!’ My voice went up with that higher strangled sound. I was desperately trying to work out how to get her out of here without seeming rude, and without her bumping into the other Janey… the one I had just arrived with.

  ‘I heard you were back.’ She regarded me with that look of shyness that I really only ever saw in the eyes of people who were expressing pity rather than interest in me.

  ‘Yes.’ Dumb as ever I thought. Come on! Think what to say!

  ‘You seem so different.’ She said and came towards me and touched my bare chest. It was where a reddish mark that would eventually become a scar told the story of the sea shore. I felt a prickle in my skin. She took her hand away. She seemed puzzled.

  ‘I want to tell you what I found. But later. But now you need to see who is here with me. Please wait here a moment.’ I slipped the shirt back over my head without undoing the buttons first, and went straight into the larger room. She sat there still, not moving; her head bowed. Jared came back in.

  ‘You look like someone called you a name and stole your bicycle!’ he said with a big smile. His hair was wet, and his shirt was unbuttoned.

  ‘She’s here….’ I hissed, ‘Inside the washroom door.’

  ‘Who?’ Jared Calmly rubbed his hair with one of the large rough cloths.<
br />
  ‘Janey.’

  Jared glanced across the room.

  ‘Other Janey!’ I said.

  ‘Okay. Do calm down. You really should try to get gently drunk occasionally. I wouldn’t normally recommend it but you really need to relax.’

  ‘Okay.’ I said.

  ‘Okay.’ Jared smiled and disappeared back towards the washroom.

  A moment later I heard a little shriek. Then Jared came back in with the Janey from back home hanging onto his arm. Her face was rapt with the kind of expression that I was certain no one would ever use on looking at me. Sour grapes I guess. I mentally braced myself for what was coming. But at that moment we were interrupted by a delegation of Heelio, Andre, Maki, Leanna, and two other of the women. Just behind them, and holding back in and uncharacteristic way was Marcia. I saw Jared stiffen and look wary as he caught sight of Marcia. The room seemed full of people.

  ‘It is time….’ Heelio came to Jared; ‘for the words that the young one speaks to be make whole.’

  For the life of me I didn’t understand this at all. Leanna looked at me. They were all looked at me, even Marcia, who I would have thought, considering the situation to have eyes only for Jared. I looked to the Janey who sat, she looked up at me. She stood and came forward with a resigned kind of air to her. She came and stood next to me. She looked waif thin and there were shadows under her eyes. Janey from our world looked at her feet and then her eyes travelled up wards until their eyes met. The silence was complete. This woman who was worn and thin, who had travelled from the impossible sea at that end place, turned to me with a pleading expression in her eyes. The other looked at me with an expression of overtaxed wonder that could become panic or even anger at any moment. She still held onto Jared’s hand, and stood even closer to him. Her eyes narrowed, as one might do in bright sunlight

  ‘Heelio,’ I said, ‘tell me how these two can become one again?’

  ‘Ah!’ he sucked in a breath, ‘there is a way. It will not be to anyone’s liking. And we often let the other… whichever that would choose to be, dissolve into the earth. That way the spirit is free at last. And you would say… they can “Make up their mind”. It takes a time.’

  ‘How long?’ I asked trying to be as patient as I knew.

  ‘Two turns of the moon. Sometimes three.’ Heelio held out his hands in offering, ‘Only those who choose it may do so. Only those whose soul is truly divided may take this path. And then is nothing certain. For such things are not within the choice of our people. The Lady must take only the path she wants for her whole heart.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I said, ‘I….don’t know what you want. I don’t know what this means.’

  ‘I think we need to talk.’ Our Janey from the end place had spoken. The other frowned, and then nodded slowly.

  Just at that moment the first glow of late evening light started to transverse the room.

  Janey Amber (for now I must think of her) stepped nearer to the other.

  ‘Do you know who I am?’ she asked

  The other Janey (the one who had been living as “Harriet”) stared with a frozen expression as if there was something that she wished to do to remove this imposter from among their number.

  ‘This requires some moments of thought. We will understand this later.’ Heelio spoke in a simple way just as if this was quite a common place matter. All the tribespeople left the room except Leanna. Leanna took Janey Amber aside for a few moments. She then went to the other and spoke softly to her. She detached herself from Jared and moved away. They talked a little more; I saw this Janey (also Harriet) appear to relax slightly, and then in a gesture that was half an offhand shrug, half acquiescence she glanced at Marcia and mouthed something. Leanna and the two Janeys then left the room.

  Jared had stood all the while that this was happening with an expression of confusion, sadness, and bewilderment. He finally unfroze and blinked rather hard.

  I most definitely felt like the large green gooseberry that I was and moved away to the other end of the room. Jared followed me. ‘Oh Hell! What on earth is going on Davey?’ he had the startled look of a horse that isn’t used to explosions and is about to bolt. Marcia stood patiently waiting for us both to decide what happened next.

  ‘Maybe you need to spent some time catching up with the outside world.’ I rolled my eyes to Marcia.

  ‘But….but it’s complicated.’

  ‘So is Algebra. Just try to make sense of this. We’re all terribly confused.’ I tried not to sound petulant, and added: ‘well I’m confused. You have a go at sorting out reality, now we’ve got back this far.’

  ‘Okay, I will if you will.’ He smiled disarmingly and squeezed my shoulder.

  ‘See you later.’ I said.

  ‘Yes….absolutely.’ he looked at me, a question still in his eyes; but then turned and went to Marcia.

  ‘Dear Eve….’ He said softly, ‘please can we find a little place to talk now?’

  I didn’t know what the “Eve” reference meant to them. But they left the room together. It left me staring rather uncomfortably at the now empty room.

  I realised that there might be no answer to what we had entered into in this place. This Summerland allowed two versions of someone to meet. I remembered, or I thought I remembered about the ice fields, and about meeting yourself. Perhaps we were all haunted by something that was not a ghost, but a shadow of ourselves, trying to break through out of another place and time. Was this literally a doorway to other dimensions? Did I leave in one and return in another; or was it only myself and Marcia who remained unchanged while all the rest of the world changed around us? I considered possibilities and came to the simple conclusion that I did not know what I would do, if we could not fix this. And my perception of the experiment from my unscientific perspective, though not literally true, was in fact as good a representation of what existed as anything else. Jared’s plan, with no detail, although ominous sounding; could be the only way to achieve the result required in the time frame. I remembered the move the soldiers had made on this land and resolved to do what I could to speed things up to a conclusion. The meet that Jared had set up with Alexander for tomorrow was the craziest scheme I’d ever heard; after all he had managed to beat us last time!

  At that moment Janey returned. That is to say Janey who came with me and Marcia strolled back into the room and came straight to me. She seemed worried. I felt really sorry I had involved this woman in my life. The other was the girl I had first learned to love. There was no doubt in my mind that I would go with her, if it came down to a choice.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ she said.

  ‘Whatever for?’

  ‘For confusing you.’

  ‘It’s alright.’ I replied

  ‘You wanted me to be like her. I wish I was. As soon as the time is right tomorrow I’m going to go home. Marcia worked out that it’s not too far. She’ll drive me if it proves to be a short trip.’ And with this speech, she sat down as if looking for applause.

  ‘Please, don’t leave.’ I said. ‘You are just as much part of this as anyone. So stay. Heelio may have a way to permanently stop the diverging possibilities, and to rejoin the two into being one again.’

  ‘I don’t want that. I’ve not been happy.’ She looked at me in the eyes fully as if trying to weigh up what I was trying to do, ‘It’s always that tie; I didn’t think I would be here doing my best for the expedition if I liked wearing it all day.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You say that a lot don’t you. Always wondering aren’t you Milnes? Always waiting for an explanation so you can cleverly put all the pieces together! Is it any wonder that you are still waiting?’ Janey stood up then, her lips pressed together as if ready to deliver more.

  ‘Janey! Please… that’s not fair. I want to help you. Please let me!’ I reached out to her, but she shrugged me off, eyes blazing.

  ‘No! Don’t touch me! I saw how you looked at her! She’s nothing! Just an idea. A thought in my
mind that I hoped I had got rid of. It seems that you are so stuck on her…. You’ll be glad when I’m gone home. You can keep her…. I really think it was rotten to trick me like that!’

  ‘Janey…. I’d didn’t trick you. You came in here yourself. Jared and I were in the washroom. I didn’t know you were coming then…. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Yeah….sure.’ She looked down, ‘well, everyone’s sorry. I’ll leave you two in peace for the evening. If I could go back right now I would.’

  My mind was tumbling over itself with what to say. I felt suddenly very weak indeed. The light was crossing the long room and we stood alone in this place. I looked back at her face, so angry. I tried to see it differently and wasn’t sure how. Just one thought was clear.

  ‘What about Jared?’ I asked her.

  ‘Jared? Oh….. He’s here isn’t he? Nice try that was…. Classy touch too, Marcia and the whole gang romping in and interrupting at just the right moment. You really have it all worked out.’

  ‘You know that had nothing to do with me…’

  ‘It was true. It happened. I always have to wait in line.’ She seemed to calm a little then, ‘you will never know what it has been like to live in the shadow of your brother your entire life. Perhaps it’s better this way. Just as it is.’

  ‘You mean the way it is back at home? Do you mean that?’ I felt short of breath then, perhaps the adrenaline rush at the end of a long day. Janey was seriously freaking me out; I was getting more confused, and scared that if I said the wrong thing she would run off into the night and get lost out there. Objectively I knew that people would end up back home eventually but that wasn’t it at all. She would survive all this…. And at that moment she seemed to think it was enough. I felt beaten down. After all, I had no obligation I could press on her.

  ‘Look… if you are going tomorrow. Then please let one of the tribe be your guide and lead you back across the plains. I don’t know how long it would take but we will need the buggy. Jared needs it tomorrow…’

  ‘Well yes of course. Marcia will be taking you all to finish whatever curious business you have to attend to in this place.’ She turned as if to go then, ‘I know it’s terribly important. But perhaps you should simply just persuade them to all go home.’