Most of Me

by Mark Lumby

  Carl answered immediately as though he was anxiously waiting from behind the door. He was frail, more so that before. It was as if time away from the house had accelerated his cancer. For him, it was only a matter of time, and by the looks of him, it wasn’t going to be long. I contemplated allowing this old feeble man the privilege of dying, to look him in the eye one last time and tell him that I knew. Then walk away. Perhaps he would have the courage to take his own life, but I doubted that.

  I did look him in the eye. Carl said, “Hello, son.”

  I could kill him right now if I choose to. If I choose; it was my choice. I know what I wanted to do, but those reasons were selfish of me. I had others to think about now; I had children to take care of. I had dependants. So shouldn’t I let them decide his fate? After all, it was their punishment to give.

  I smiled. “Hi. Can I come in?”

  He shuffled aside. There was pain in his expression.

  I placed my hand on his elbow and guided him through into the lounge. This remorse, this comfort towards him was difficult to find, but I fought against every emotion, and buried the lie extremely well.

  “It’s surprising; you’re really quite solid so say that you’re not here.”

  I ignored the remark and said, “You’re not well, Carl.”

  “Won’t you call me Grandfather?” he inquired, his eyebrows raised.

  I didn’t answer the question because calling him my Grandfather left a nasty taste in my mouth, a taste left by visions of things I wanted to do to him. I sat him down in Moms chair.

  “Thank you, Daniel” He smiled as if he was forgiving me for not calling him the relation that he is. “Now, what honour do I have for this visit?”

  I returned his affection, but only because I had to, and smiled back. “I need one thing from you…a favour.”

  He shuffled in his chair, my Moms chair, and looked up at me as if his neck hurt. “Thats depends on what you ask.”

  “I need you to come home, just for a while and then I’ll bring you back.”

  “And why would you want me to do that?” He grabbed the arm of the chair and heaved himself up, emitting a deep sigh of pain.

  “There is just something…well, something I need to show you.”

  “Oh? And what would that be? I’m here and you should be there doing your duties. There is nothing that you should need me for, Daniel, see what is this about?”

  “I’m serious. You really need to see this before…”

  “Before its too late?” he finished.

  “Yes…yes, I suppose.”

  Carl shook his head in protest. “Daniel, I’m sorry, but I can’t. You know how it is. I only need to do the one thing…and that, die. You know that!”

  “But it won’t take long,” I cajoled.

  “That maybe so, but I’m here now, and I’m staying put. This is it for me, do you understand…me! I’m not going back to that house, not now…not ever.”

  “But…”

  “Enough!” he croaked. “Please don’t ask again, Daniel. Please don’t, because my answer will not move. In fact, if you ask me again, you and I will fall out.”

  “So, there is no way I can make you come back…not even for me?”

  He shrugged, and he didn’t need to think about his answer. “I am not going back to that place again, Daniel. I won’t do it for anyone.”

  He turned away, but I kept on staring at him, eyes unmoving, burning into the side of his head, thinking what an opportunity this would be. How easy it would be to kill him. He’s slow. I could grab a knife from the kitchen and plunge it in his neck. He couldn’t run. But that would be too easy, and not fair on the children. They needed their revenge, too.

  “Ok, Carl…ok,” I conceded.

  “Good…enough of that nonsense,” he said. “Cup of tea?”

  “Sure…don’t get up. I know where everything is.”

  “Of course you do.” He relaxed back in the arm chair. “I must say, I’m a little taken back.”

  “Well, I told you I was coming.”

  “No, not that.”

  “What?”

  He expelled a long breathe. “You didn’t ask.”

  I collected two cups from the cupboard and filled the kettle. “Ask what?”

  “Isn’t it obvious, boy?”

  Did he know why I was here? “I don’t know, is it?” He knows…he must.

  “I suppose you want to know why I’m in your home.”

  I sighed relief after holding my breath. “If you’d asked, Carl, I would’ve said yes, so it makes no difference to me. Your family.”

  “But you still won’t call me Grandfather.”

  I didn’t wait until the water was boiling. I made the tea and brought them over.

  “You don’t have too long, Daniel,” he warned. “You must be getting back to your other self.”

  “Yes, I must.” I sipped the tea and placed it down on the side table where Carl was sitting.

  I looked down on him as he brought the cup to his lips, steadying it with both hands. I thought about swiping it from his gentle hold; perhaps, with any luck, I would scald his skin; cause a little pain just for me. I told him, “But you’re coming, too.”

  The walls vibrated and dust rained from forming cracks in the ceiling. The light shade trembled just as cracks spread across the plaster like a freshly spun spider web. Carl gripped the arms of his chair, his fingers turning white, and the panic on his face was revenge in itself. He looked up in horror, and gasped, “Daniel, think about this carefully,” he said; and he knew exactly what was happening. “Any arrangement you may have with this thing should be approached with extreme caution. You cannot trust these demons!”

  “Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

  “I don’t understand,” he yelled. He tried to stand, but the vibration made it difficult, and he slumped back into his seat.

  “You should’ve just come with me,” I told him. “That’s all I asked of you.”

  “But, you know I can’t. I can’t go back to that house!”

  “Because if you go back, I may not be so kind as to allow you to leave?”

  “But I could leave, Daniel. You’ll be taking me by force; I will not volunteer myself to enter those walls otherwise. So, you see, I would be free to leave.”

  I shrugged. “Thats only if you could. You’re too weak, Carl. You have no fight left; there is nothing in your basement but the wish to die! That is all you have now; it’s the only thing that controls you, this urge you have to rest in peace!”

  Carl threw his head back and banged his wrist on the chair arm. He still had hold of the drink in the other hand and coated his wrist with hot liquid. “You know not what you say! You know nothing! You are a snotty nose fucker! I trusted you, Daniel. I relied on you; you are family. I see the house has had an effect on you.” He raised the cup and threw it at my head, but I blocked it with my arm. “I told you, didn’t I? I told you, but you didn’t listen, you dimwit!” he spat. “Just like your Mom! She was stupid, too!”

  “You told me nothing, Carl” I shouted back.

  “I warned you not to trust the children! And you did, didn’t you? You did!” The ceiling still leaked, spraying dust like a burst water pipe sprayed water. Carl started huffing deep breathes and gripped onto the chair arms. “I am not going, Daniel. No demon in the god damn world will take me. I am not leaving this apartment. You will leave me to die like we agreed!”

  “But things have changed, Carl.”

  “I didn’t tell you for good reason. I changed the letter for your own good.”

  “But I still had parts of the letter…the burnt parts. They didn’t match the copy you gave.”

  “I see…still…I’m not leaving. I can’t…and that final.”

  “You can, Carl, and you will.” The vibrations and showers of dust ceased, and was followed by a figure, six feet in height, dressed in black, emerging from the wall behind where Carl sat. It had no face as such,
only a mouth with sharp corroded teeth and a black smudge where its eyes and nose should’ve been. But the smudge was like a shadow, as if its head wasn’t really there.

  He didn’t turned around, but he knew it was there. “So you want to kill me?”

  I did, but that was too easy. “No…it will take you to the house. I’ll meet you there.”

  “I’ll be killed, Daniel! It’ll drag me through these wall and pull me out the other side a mangled mess.”

  I couldn’t help but smirk at the thought. I expressed, “no…it won’t. I’ve told it not to.”

  He laughed. “And you think this thing will listen to you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And what makes you think that?” he mocked. “Its born from hell; it’s not human with feelings, with sympathy. It’s a beast of the Devil. Its commanded by evil.”

  “Perhaps you’re right; but it does listen. Don’t know why; I just know that it does.”

  “Oh, really? How do you know this?”

  “Because it hasn’t killed you, yet,” I informed him. “It wants to tear your insides out and eat them, but I tell it not to. It listens.”

  He was about to argue, but decided against it. He closed his eyes and rubbed his stubbled cheek. “All right…get it over with. But you promise to bring me back here,” he pointed. “You…not it.”

  “I promise. It won’t take long.” I stared at the demon; I didn’t know what type it was or if it even had a name. It went through the chair as if it wasn’t there, and consumed Carl into its body. It turned and vanished into the walls, raining a quake of dust and plaster over my head.

  ***

  I opened my eyes; I bones ached and my skin was sensitive to touch. My throat was dry and felt like I was swallowing pins. Sam and Isabelle were at my side looking somewhat concerned; Isabelle squeezed my hand.

  She said, “It looked painful, what you were doing. You made some strange noises.”

  I swung my feet off the side of the bed and coughed. “I need water,” I demanded, wafting my hand erratically.” Sam passed a full glass I had left on the side before I slept. I drank the contents, although most of the liquid drenched my shirt. I gave the glass back to Sam. “How long was I gone?” I asked him.

  “We don’t know,” he told me, shrugging. “We came when we heard you calling out.”

  “I called out?” I was surprised. “What did I say?”

  Sam looked at Isabelle and they both nodded in agreement. Sam said, “Your Grandfather; you wanted to kill him. You sounded very angry.”

  “Carl?” I stood, but winced as my back cracked. I sucked in the pain. “Is he here?”

  “There’s someone downstairs; I guess it must be him,” Sam said as though it was a stupid question.

  “And the demon?”

  “I don’t like it,” said Isabelle.

  “I know you don’t; it was a necessity. But don’t you worry, I won’t used it again.” I stood and went over to the door. I looked back at the two children; I was concerned for them. “Stay here. You should be safe.”

  Isabelle pleaded, “I don’t want to see him. Please don’t bring him to us.”

  I reassured her, then went downstairs.

  The shuffle of footsteps from the stone kitchen floor were faint, laboured. A chair screeched, and there was a clatter as it was let go after being pulled back. I saw him sit down, laying his head on the table. I wondered I was being cruel, but then I guessed that compassion was getting in the way of justice. However, Carl did look frail. No doubt the mode of transportation I had chosen had taken its toll.

  I crept into the kitchen, collected a glass and made for the sink. I filled it with water and poured in a spoonful of sugar. I placed it onto the table, pushed it close to his rested head.

  Carl looked up at me as though his sleep had been disturbed. He didn’t look very happy with me.

  “Drink,” I told him. “It’ll treat the shock.”

  “All I can taste is damn dust,” Carl grimaced, and sipped the water. “What is all of this, Daniel?”

  I inhaled deeply. “You’re not going to die.”

  He sat up straight, his expression indicating that of a frail man. “I don’t understand,” he breathed, although his voice beginning to break. “I am dying, Daniel. I have Cancer.”

  “You’ve done some bad stuff, Carl. Stuff you didn’t tell me about.”

  “Stuff, what stuff? I know I lied about a few things on the letter, but I told you, that was for your protection.”

  “You touched my Mom, didn’t you?”

  He said, choking, “wha..what? No…no, I didn’t. Where did you here that?”

  “From the burnt pieces of the letter. Its like a puzzled, but when I thought about it, I really don’t know how I didn’t see it before now.” I reached inside my back pocket and pulled out the scorched piece of paper. I read it to him.

  I fell silent for a while. And then he started to laugh, then coughed. “That is ridiculous. It’s not even a whole sentence. How could you make out something like that?”

  “Naivety made me blind.” I gave a shrug. “I opened my eyes, and then some others confirmed I was right.”

  “Others…what others? Daniel, this is foolish of you.” Carl looked around the room. He frowned. “Where did you hide the mirror?”

  “Its safe…very safe,” I convinced him. “You need not worry about the mirror.”

  “Safe…right. In the basement?”

  “I told you that mirror isn’t your concern.”

  “It’s got you, hasn’t it? The damn thing has taken you and you have nothing left to fight back with. God damn it, Daniel. I told you…I warned to always hang on to something. Don’t allow to be consumed. But it’s too late for that, isn’t it?”

  Then I put in, “There are others in this house. I think you know this.”

  He shook his head and muttered, “Damn fool!”

  I repeated the question. “Don’t you, Carl?”

  “Oh…I do?” he queried, as if he knew but was just refusing to let on. “Where is the mirror, Daniel?”

  I yelled, “Shut up about the damn mirror. Get up…get up, now.” He didn’t so I dragged him out of the chair, and forced him towards the basement door. He looked at me wide eyed, dark and sunken, full of surprise and fear. The reactions from him made me laugh inside, but I just wish he knew how much I really enjoyed his fear. I twisted the basement door knob, pulled the light chord; the bulb buzzed. I pushed him inside and ushered him down.

  He wouldn’t, so I pulled him to his feet and was about to shove him down the steps when he pleaded, “Wait…Wait…I’ll go.” He threw his hands over his head as if to shield his skull. It was true…I did want to beat him. I wondered if he knew. “Just…” he gasped, “…my body hurts…the Cancer, so no more. I’ll do as you say. Just, no more…please.”

  I followed him down, watching his every movement. As frail as he looked, as old and decrepit as he was, my trust in him had abandoned me. I had been betrayed once. What else was he capable of? I felt as though he still has something in his basement, something just for him. I didn’t believe for one second that he was done with me.

  “Down the hole,” I told him.

  Carl glanced over his shoulder as if by protest, but began to climb down. I didn’t follow him in.

  I took pleasure in watching this pathetic old man struggle. “You disgust me, people like you,” I spat. “You’re perverted. You know that?”

  He reached the bottom and took a few laboured breathes. “I did nothing to your Mom, Daniel…I wouldn’t. I agree with you; it is perverted.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t believe you, Carl. I don’t believe you anymore. I wanted to kill you, and it would’ve been so easy, but I suppose that would not have been justice.”

  “Justice for who? You? Your Mom?”

  I smirked at him. “Sam and Isabelle?”

  He paused and looked to be studying for an escape. He chuckled to himself and said, “The chi
ldren…they’re getting into your head.” He wandered over to the chest the mirror had been removed from. He took a seat and gasped, “Okay…look, when I found the mirror, it changed me; I won’t deny that. And I did something that I can’t take back. I only hope that God forgives me.”

  “What did you do, Carl? Is this another one of your lies?”

  “No…no.” He heaved himself up with his hand on his knees, then support himself against the moist wall. Carl’s chin fell to his chest. His voice began to tremble as he spoke and as he fluttered a glance, I saw his eyes glisten. He wiped them dry, but more tears came. He swallowed hard. “I did touch her. I…I had raped her. And I am truly sorry. Please forgive me.”

  “There’s no forgiveness here, Carl,” I admitted.

  “But as soon as I had done the deed,” he protested, “I knew they needed to leave the house. It had gone too far…way too far…and I needed to do something good to rectify the horror, because I had changed and I didn’t want to hurt them anymore.” His hands were together as if he was praying, or begging. “Please forgive me.”

  “I didn’t bring you down here to speak forgiveness, you old fool!”

  “Then…what did you bring me down here for?”

  “It didn’t stop there, did it…the abuse. You carried on.”

  “No…no, there were no more, Daniel,” he begged.

  “Thats not what Sam and Isabelle have said.”

  “The children in the wall?” he frowned.

  “Yes,” I confirmed.

  “Don’t listen to them. They’re mischievous and they lie. They are an essence of what the mirror brings into this house. A residue…a side effect. They’re not real, not from this side anyway.”

  I laughed. “So they’re from hell?”

  “Perhaps, I don’t really know. Hell or some other place just as dark. My heart gave in to them also until something didn’t feel right about them. I didn’t know for sure what it was, and I still don’t. But I eventually chose to ignore them, and,” he shrugged, “they left me alone.”