Love Can Be Murder (boxed set of humorous mysteries)

by Stephanie Bond

  "Allyson? Do you know the chief personally?"

  "Everyone knows everyone in this town."

  Gloria shook her head, but after a few seconds, she acquiesced. "Okay, but if I interrupt, you have to do what I say."

  "Agreed."

  Gloria squinted. "Do you know you have glitter all over your face?"

  Penny rolled her eyes. "Yes. I may never wear makeup again."

  "This is against my better judgment," Gloria declared, then asked Allyson and Maynard to return. Soon they were all crowded around the table.

  "No recorder," Gloria said firmly.

  "It's for your client's protection as much as ours," Allyson said.

  "No recorder," Gloria repeated.

  Allyson frowned but nodded curtly. "Okay, Penny, let's start at the beginning."

  Penny shifted again—her rear end had gone to sleep sitting on the hard metal. "You mean when I arrived at the house?"

  "Let's go back further. How did you spend your evening?"

  "Friends gave me a party at Caskey's. I was there until about ten o'clock."

  "And what was the party for?"

  She clasped her hands around the water bottle, now speckled with glitter from her hands from touching her face. "To celebrate my divorce."

  "From Deke Black?"

  "Yes."

  "Did anything unusual happen at the party?"

  Penny thought of the voodoo doll episode, but it was just too, too ludicrous. "Not really. It was a small crowd. Everyone seemed to have a good time."

  "We'll need a list of everyone who attended. What did you do after you left the party?"

  Penny looked up to gather her thoughts. "I went back to my apartment and I had—let's see—four voice messages on my recorder from Deke that he needed to talk to me." Then she winced. "No, wait, I need to go back...before I left Caskey's, I ran into Sheena Linder and she told me that Deke was looking for something at the house and that he thought I might know where it was."

  "For the record, Sheena Linder is Deke's girlfriend?"

  "Yes."

  "And she's the woman he had an affair with that ended your marriage."

  Penny wet her lips. "That's correct."

  "Okay, so Sheena tells you Deke wants to talk to you. Did she tell you he was home?"

  Penny frowned. "I don't remember exactly. I guess I just assumed that he was home, since he wasn't with her."

  "Where is your apartment?"

  "Over the beignet shop, across from Caskey's, on the square."

  "Uh-huh. So why did you decide to go to see Deke?"

  "The phone was busy."

  "Why didn't you just keep calling? Or let him call you back if it was so important?"

  "Because I—" Penny stopped. B.J. She'd forgotten all about meeting him. A flush began to work its way up her neck. How long had he waited? "Because I...wanted to go back and enjoy the festival."

  Maynard pivoted his head to address Allyson. "Do you mind if I ask a few questions?"

  Allyson's mouth twitched. "Go ahead." Although it was clear that she did mind.

  "So, Ms. Francisco," he said, "you decide to walk to the house to see what your ex-husband wanted."

  "Right. It's only a three-block walk."

  "Do you have any idea of what he was looking for?"

  "None whatsoever."

  "Can you venture a guess?"

  "Knowing Deke, it was probably a cigar lighter, or something like that."

  "Mighty helpful of you to be so worried about what it was he needed."

  Penny took another drink from the bottle of water. "I've tried to remain cordial after our split."

  "You didn't have any animosity toward your ex-husband?"

  "No."

  "None at all? I should warn you that we'll be questioning your friends and employees."

  Penny swallowed hard. "Well, I wasn't pleased that he had the house we lived in painted pink."

  "That's all?"

  She wet her lips and glanced at Gloria—when they'd been alone, she should have told her attorney about the fact that Deke might have been hiding assets. Gloria must have seen something in Penny's expression, because she lunged forward in her seat.

  "My client already said that she endeavored to remain cordial. Move along or this interview is over."

  Maynard sighed. "Okay, tell me what happened when you arrived at the house."

  "I rang the doorbell, but no one answered. I assumed Deke was still on the phone, and when I leaned on the door, it opened."

  His eyebrows shot up. "So, let me get this straight—the door was open when you got there, and you didn't think it was strange?"

  "Not really. The front door swells—you have to apply a lot of pressure to close it. I just assumed whoever had closed it last didn't take the time."

  He leaned his chin on his hand. "So you just went into the house?"

  Penny bristled. "I announced myself."

  "Did Mr. Black answer?"

  "No."

  "Then what did you do?"

  She decided to skip the fact that she'd snooped a bit. "I heard the television in his office—the door was ajar, and I could see that the light was on. I yelled a couple of more times from the foyer, then I went up and I...found him."

  Maynard leaned back and crossed his arms. "Can you be more specific?"

  She moistened her dry lips. "I opened the door and he was lying on the floor, with that thing coming out of his chest."

  "The wire stake."

  She nodded.

  "We'll get back to the stake," he promised, "but tell me what happened next."

  "I knelt over him to see if I could find a pulse, but there wasn't one." She closed her eyes briefly. "And that's when I got sick...I was just so scared, and I'd had a few drinks at Caskey's." She grimaced. "I don't usually drink."

  Maynard sighed heavily. "So you threw up on the deceased. Then what? Did you call 911?"

  "No. I thought about it," she added quickly. "But then it occurred to me that whoever had killed Deke might still be in the house. I heard a noise downstairs, so I picked up a cane to defend myself."

  "But if you were afraid, why didn't you call 911?"

  Because I was more afraid that this would happen. "All I could think about was getting out of that house. Then I realized it was only Sheena coming home."

  "She said you were going to kill her with the cane."

  Penny sighed. "I thought she was an intruder—I was trying to protect myself."

  "Did you strike her?"

  "No, I didn't lay a hand on her." Not since she'd pushed her into traffic, that is.

  "So you're saying Mr. Black was already dead when you found him?"

  "Absolutely."

  "Are you willing to take a polygraph?"

  "Yes."

  "Strike that," Gloria interrupted. "It's too early in the case to discuss a polygraph."

  Maynard pressed his lips together. "Let's get back to the wire stake that was used to kill Mr. Black. Did you recognize the stake, Ms. Francisco?"

  She bit her lip. "Yes."

  "From where?"

  "It looked like the same kind I used to stake off a garden next to my health food store." Next to her, she felt Gloria stiffen.

  "And I understand that this garden was a bit of a contentious point between you and your ex?"

  Penny sighed and massaged her temples, which still pounded. "Deke was never in favor of me starting the health food store, and when I suggested the garden to expand business, he was against it, yes."

  "But you went ahead with your plans?"

  "As soon as the divorce papers were final, and the land was mine."

  "When was that?"

  "Earlier this week."

  "And do you have any idea why anyone would kill your ex-husband in such a bizarre manner?"

  "No."

  "Who had access to the wire stakes?"

  "I bought them at the local hardware store. And there are several in the ground next to my business—any
one could have gotten one."

  Maynard sighed. "Ms. Francisco, do you believe in voodoo?"

  She felt the blood drain from her face. "No."

  "But isn't your health food store called The Charm Farm?"

  "That's because it's on Charm Street," she explained. "And because I sell organic products."

  "We've heard a rumor about a voodoo doll at your divorce party."

  Penny's stomach rolled, emitting an untimely gurgle. "It was a gag gift. One of many I received."

  "Tell us about the doll," he encouraged.

  She gave a little laugh to hide her mounting fear. "It was supposed to represent Deke."

  "And what did you do to it?"

  "I..." She swallowed. "I...stabbed it with a pin. But it was all a joke."

  "Uh-huh. Where exactly did you stab it?"

  She closed her eyes briefly. "In the chest."

  "Uh-huh. And don't you find it coincidental that shortly after you stab a voodoo doll of your ex-husband in the chest with a pin, he's found dead with a stake sticking out of his chest? A stake from your garden?"

  Panic rose in her chest like a choking tide. "I know how it looks," she said, her voice squeaky, "but I didn't kill him! That's why I'm here telling you everything."

  "Who gave you the voodoo doll?"

  "I don't know—the gifts were anonymous."

  Allyson scoffed, clearly eager to jump back in. "That's convenient. Sheena told us you were really upset earlier today when you discovered she and Deke were engaged."

  Had Sheena told them that she'd pushed her into the street? Penny gripped the empty water bottle so hard it popped up in the air and landed on the floor. Maybe that polygraph wasn't such a good idea after all. She leaned over to scoop up the bottle. "I was surprised, but it didn't bother me." Another lie—God, she was pathological.

  Allyson leaned forward, her eyes hard. "I think you're lying, Penny. Sheena also told us she thinks you and Deke were fooling around behind her back." Allyson's anger was palpable, vibrating around the room.

  "That's simply not true," Penny said, pulling back slightly from Allyson's aggressive posture. The irony was downright humiliating—she and Deke hadn't had sex very often when they were married, much less after they'd split.

  "Chief Davis," Gloria said carefully, "since you were acquainted with the victim, perhaps Detective Maynard should handle the questioning."

  Allyson sat back and seemed to regain her composure. "I apologize. But this happened on my watch—I'm sure you can understand my eagerness to get to the truth."

  "Why aren't you questioning Ms. Linder?" Gloria asked. "She was the one who told Penny Deke was looking for her. Maybe she set Penny up."

  "Ms. Linder was at her place of business," Allyson said. "From there she went directly to Caskey's, and several people have vouched for her alibi." The chief looked back to Penny and took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself. "I think you killed him, Penny. I think it made you crazy to see Deke with another woman, so crazy you'd rather he be dead than with someone else."

  "That's not true," Penny said, exasperated. "If I were going to kill Deke, I certainly wouldn't have done it with a garden stake!"

  "Oh? How would you have killed him?"

  Penny opened her mouth to describe her fantasies but clamped it shut when she realized she'd been baited.

  Allyson smiled. "I think you were obsessed with him."

  Penny pressed her mouth together, suddenly close to tears. "I loved Deke, but when our relationship ended, I let it go."

  "Really?" Allyson gestured to Maynard, who reached into an inner jacket pocket and removed a plastic evidence bag. Inside was the lovebirds ornament emblazoned with Deke and Penny, forever. "Do you always carry this around in your purse?"

  Penny puffed out her cheeks in an exhale. "No. Deke gave it to me when we were first dating, and it was special to me. I forgot about it and left it in the house when I moved out."

  "And when did you get it back?"

  She bit down on the inside of her cheek. "Tonight."

  "When tonight—before you murdered Deke?"

  "Stop badgering my client," Gloria interjected.

  "Answer the question, Penny."

  She wiped her clammy palms on the thighs of her borrowed sweatpants and sighed. "When I got to the house, like I said, I thought Deke was still on the phone because he didn't answer when I called his name. I figured while I waited for him to finish his call, I might as well go to the attic and get the ornament."

  "Steal it, you mean."

  "It was mine," she countered. "Deke wouldn't have cared—it just wasn't worth bothering him."

  "But you didn't want him to know," Allyson said. "After all, he was engaged—you didn't want him to know you were still in love with him."

  "I wasn't in love with him, I just wanted the keepsake, that's all."

  Allyson crossed her arms. "There's blood on your clothes, Penny."

  She lifted her hands. "I must have gotten it when I leaned over him."

  "The CSI tech says they look like projected bloodstains, not transfer stains, which means you were standing in front of him or over him when the blood was spurting out of him."

  Penny winced and shook her head. "That's impossible. I didn't kill him. I wasn't there. He was already dead when I found him."

  Allyson held up her fingers, counting off. "You had motive, opportunity, and you just happened to be the one who found the body. From where I'm sitting, this is practically an open-and-shut case."

  Penny's stomach bottomed out. "But I didn't kill Deke."

  Allyson pounded her fist on the table. "Then who did?"

  Gloria stood abruptly. "Figuring that out is your job, Chief. Are you finished? My client is obviously exhausted from her ordeal."

  "I'm finished, all right." Allyson's hand hovered over the handcuffs at her side, but Maynard cleared his throat.

  "Give us a minute, Counselor." He looked at Allyson and nodded toward the hallway. She followed, looking none too pleased.

  When the door closed, Gloria collapsed into the chair. "Penny, this is serious, and I have to tell you, I'm in way over my head here. If they arrest you, you have to get another attorney."

  Penny bit her lip. "There's more."

  Gloria held up her hand. "Whatever it is, I don't want to know."

  "But this concerns you." Penny looked at the window. "Can they hear me?"

  "No. They're not allowed to listen in when a suspect talks to their attorney."

  Penny lifted her eyebrows. "I thought you knew nothing about criminal law."

  Gloria sighed. "That's about the extent of it. What is this thing that concerns me?"

  "Deke's paralegal told my employee Marie Gaston that Deke hid assets during the divorce settlement."

  Gloria closed her eyes. "Oh, this is bad. And when did Marie give you this information?"

  "During the party."

  "Before or after you stabbed the voodoo doll?"

  "Um...before."

  Gloria mouthed a curse word.

  The door opened and Maynard returned, alone. "Today's your lucky day, Ms. Francisco. We decided not to make an arrest until the crime scene evidence has been processed."

  Penny almost wet herself with relief.

  Then Maynard's eyebrows came together in a dark frown. "You're free to go, but don't take any trips. Oh, and a search warrant is being served on your apartment as we speak." He left the room, banging the door shut.

  Gloria melted into her chair. "Tell me you burned that voodoo doll."

  "It's at my apartment."

  "Oh, God, we're in deep shit."

  Penny winced. "More like deep voodoo."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Then stir things up again...

  "ARE YOU SURE YOU’LL BE OKAY?" Gloria asked.

  Penny tried her best to smile as she slid out of the passenger door of her attorney's car. "I'll be fine from here—my place is just around the corner. Thanks for the ride home."


  "I'll call you tomorrow."

  Penny closed the door and shivered against the lower temperatures. The police had confiscated her purse, releasing only her keys and driver's license. Without the flashlight, she felt vulnerable on the side street. She couldn't see her watch in the dim lighting, but she estimated the time to be about 3:00 a.m. The street was nearly empty, save for the people who were camped out for the night against the building, the tips of their cigarettes glowing in the dark. Hushed talk and low laughter floated out, along with the scent of incense and clove.

  Spooked from the pictures of Deke's murder scene now burned into her brain, she walked as quickly as the borrowed flip-flops would allow, eager to be in her own bed. Her body was wracked with exhaustion, but she doubted she'd get any sleep. She just wanted to put the covers over her head for a few hours and absorb the absurd reality that Deke was dead.

  And more absurd still, that the police thought she'd done it.

  She rounded the corner and entered the square, not surprised to see the ceremonial fires still burning and a knot of people still chanting and dancing. But the crowds had dispersed and the chirp of cicadas had replaced the drums. And thank goodness, the masked priestess who had rattled Penny was nowhere to be found.

  The giant revolving beignet had never looked so good to her. She stepped up to the outer door leading to her apartment, then inhaled sharply when she realized a man was sitting on the sidewalk, his head down, his back leaned against her door. Her startled cry made him stir. He lifted his head, raising his hand to shield his eyes from the street light.

  "B.J.?" she asked, incredulous. How desperate was the man to get laid that he'd waited four hours?

  "Hey," he croaked, pushing to his feet. "I heard what happened. Are you okay?"

  She was instantly suspicious. "How did you hear what happened?"

  "I was here when the police came—I guess they searched your place? One of the cops told me that your ex-husband was murdered."

  "That's right," she said, wondering what else the cop had told him.

  "So...did you kill him?"

  Indignance puckered her mouth. "No."

  He brushed off his backside. "Good. I usually can size up people pretty well, and I pegged you for a lover, not a fighter."

  In the daylight, he might have been charming, but at this hour and considering what she'd been through, she wasn't amused. "Look, it's been a very long night. I'm not up for company."