Love Can Be Murder (boxed set of humorous mysteries)

by Stephanie Bond

  Roxann first suspected that she was being followed as she passed the Ferris wheel. Call it a hunch, but a set of heavy footsteps behind her were too measured, too purposeful. She stopped to buy a small fountain drink, and the footsteps she'd isolated stopped, too. All her defenses went on alert. She turned quickly and scanned the area over the top of her cup, but saw nothing suspicious. She exhaled in relief—her imagination was getting the better of her.

  The fairgrounds were thick with teenagers and the air smoky from firecrackers. Blinking colored lights on the rides cast a fluorescent glow on the faces of onlookers. Thrilling screams from the roller coaster overhead reached a crescendo, then faded as the machine roared past. The funnel-cake booth was doing a brisk business, emitting sticky-sweet aromas. A child's laugh pierced the air, and Roxann couldn't help but smile. When had she turned into a suspicious, cynical woman?

  She headed toward a group of picnic tables near the exit where the noise level would be low enough to make phone calls. She wanted to check in with her supervisor, and call her father again. And she'd been thinking that even Dreadful Dee deserved to know that Angora was safe. A couple of young rednecks walked by and whistled at her appreciatively. She didn't react, but at the ridiculous lift of her spirits, realized that she'd never, ever been whistled at. In fact, in college she probably would have belted the guys. Age changed a person's viewfinder.

  She selected an empty picnic table, used a napkin to brush off leftover popcorn, and sat down facing the crowd. The winner of the turkey-calling contest was announced, and Billy Conley's mother could pick him up at the Lost and Found tent at her earliest convenience, please. Roxann rummaged in her purse for her cell phone, dreading the call to her father. He would be—

  "Alone at last."

  Her heart froze at the menacing tone. She lifted her head slowly while moving her hand blindly in her purse in search of the pepper spray. The stranger was tall and wiry with thin blond hair that hung to the shoulders of his camouflage jacket. His face was raw-boned and gaunt, his eyes too close together. Frank Cape was not an attractive man.

  "Do I know you?" she asked, stalling.

  "No, but I know you," he said, wrapping his bony hand around her forearm like a vise. "Now don't get any ideas about bringing a weapon out of that purse. You tell me what I want to know, missy, and no one has to get hurt."

  Her wrist and fingers were already numb from the pressure. "I don't know what you're talking about." Her mind raced for an escape route—the bench seat attached to the table made her feel trapped.

  His laugh boomed out, and anyone close to them might have thought they were sharing a friendly chat. "Of course you do—you took Melissa and Renita away from me, and I mean to have them back."

  "I only dropped them off at the airport. I don't know where they are."

  "Liar." His grip tightened. "You'd better start talking. I want an address and a phone number."

  "The police are looking for you—they know you broke into my apartment," she bluffed.

  He scoffed. "Your crummy apartment was torn up when I got there. I figured somebody else got fed up with your meddling."

  She swallowed. "Did you leave the message on my computer?"

  "Do I look like Bill Gates?" Leaning closer, he revealed sharp eyeteeth. "Where are they?"

  "I can't help you."

  "Yes you can," he hissed. "Or the people around you will start dropping like flies."

  The blood drained from her face, leaving her lips cold.

  A lascivious smile made his eyes even smaller. "Maybe I'll just take you with me and make you talk."

  "That won't be necessary," a calm voice sounded behind him.

  Roxann looked up to see Detective Capistrano standing wide-legged, munching a caramel apple. As much as she hated to admit it, she was sort of happy to see the brute.

  "Let her go, Cape."

  "Who are you?"

  He took another bite. "The man who's going to shoot you if you don't let her go."

  Cape let her go. "This ain't none of your concern."

  "You're a suspect in a Biloxi armed robbery that put a friend of mine in a coma." He swallowed and angled his head at Cape. "Everything you do concerns me."

  Cape straightened. "You some kind of cop?"

  "Yep. The unpredictable kind." He tossed the apple into a nearby trash can and wiped his hand on his jeans. "Give me a reason to bury you."

  The hoodlum threw up his hands casually and produced a charming smile. "I was just leaving."

  Capistrano smiled back. "You'll find your piece-of-shit car in the city impound lot."

  The man's face darkened. "You had my car towed?"

  "Expired tags and missing taillight." Capistrano tsk-tsked. "Safety first."

  Cape's mouth tightened, but he remained silent. After he strode past Capistrano, though, he turned and made an air gun out of his thumb and forefinger, aimed it at Roxann, and pulled the trigger in a warning that couldn't be misinterpreted. She shivered and stood up, stumbling back in her haste to get away from the table. Capistrano was there for a steadying arm. She pulled away a little more vehemently than she intended.

  "You're welcome," he said dryly.

  "Where did you come from?"

  "Akens, a little swamp town south of Biloxi."

  She sighed. "How did you find me?"

  "Driving that eyesore of a death trap is like a beacon in the night."

  "But how did you know which direction I was going?"

  "Your father said you were going back to Biloxi, but knowing you, I just started driving in the opposite direction."

  What had he thought of her father? What had her father thought of him? "You don't know me."

  "Then your cousin started racking up charges on a stolen credit card—"

  "It isn't stolen."

  "It isn't hers."

  "Her fiancé gave it to her."

  "The guy who jilted her at the altar?"

  "How do you know about that?"

  "Your dad said according to you, the woman his neighbor saw was your cousin. I called your aunt to check your story. She filled in the details."

  She just bet she did.

  "No offense, but your aunt's a real bitch."

  Okay, so he nailed that one. "Who did you think I had with me?"

  "Melissa Cape."

  "That would be pretty stupid."

  He simply shrugged, which irked her beyond words.

  "When did you meet up with Cape?" she asked.

  "I spotted him at a gas station this morning. I figured he was following you, so I followed him."

  "So he spoke to my father, too?"

  "Your dad said he hadn't been there."

  "But Cape might have threatened him."

  He shrugged as if to say it was likely.

  She had to sit down again. The thought of Frank Cape bullying her father sent that corn dog spinning in her stomach. Rummaging for her phone gave her a few seconds to blink away quick tears. "I need to call him." She punched the power button, but nothing happened. "Dammit!" And to her mortification, the tears welled again. She gave her eyes a quick swipe.

  "Here."

  She glanced up and took the tiny phone he extended. "Thanks." After punching in the number, she breathed shallowly while the phone rang. His recorder picked up and the tone sounded. "Dad, it's me. Roxann." She tried to sound cheerful. "I was just checking in to make sure that you're...that everything is okay. I'm fine, and I'll call back soon." She disconnected the call with a heavy heart and handed the phone back.

  "He seemed like the kind of man who could take care of himself," Capistrano offered.

  "Did he look...healthy?"

  His thick eyebrows went up.

  "I don't get home very often."

  "He looked spry enough to me. We talked about fishing lures over a cup of coffee. He's worried about you."

  "He doesn't approve of my lifestyle."

  "He thinks you should do something with that diploma of yours he ha
s hanging on the wall."

  She grimaced. "I hope he didn't bore you."

  "Nope." Capistrano sat down opposite her. "You look different."

  Better? Worse? Heat flooded her face, and she tugged on a hank of hair extension. "It's my cousin's doing. I'm her project."

  "Where is your cousin?"

  Roxann gestured vaguely, then bolted upright. "Cape."

  He swung one leg over the bench. "Let's go."

  Fear hurried her feet. After stopping three vendors to ask for directions, they finally located the blue-and-white-striped tent where the Little Miss Something or Other pageant was being held. The contest appeared to be near an end, with all the coiffed little girls lined up on a makeshift stage—well, one rebel was lying on her back and spinning around. The seats were filled with overweight women wearing hopeful expressions, and lots of spectators stood around the perimeter. She scanned the judges' table, but Angora wasn't there. One chair was glaringly empty.

  "She's not here. Do you see Cape?"

  "No. She wouldn't just leave with him, would she?" he whispered.

  "I don't think so, unless he tricked her." Not a gargantuan feat.

  "You didn't warn her?"

  Roxann bristled. "I thought it would be better if she didn't know...anything." Like normal.

  He frowned. "What does she look like?"

  "Blond, pretty, curvy."

  "Hmm."

  At his tone, she cut her gaze to him. He'd probably fall head over heels for Angora and all her femaleness.

  At the sudden applause, Roxann looked to the stage, where to her surprise, Angora emerged, all smiles and holding a clipboard.

  "Is that your cousin?" he asked, staring.

  "Yes, that's Angora," she murmured.

  "She's pretty, all right."

  Roxann bit into her lower lip.

  He turned his head slightly. "She looks like you."

  Her pulse quickened and she studied his profile, oddly comforted by the sheer immobility of his features. But on the heels of the warm fuzzies came the awareness that immobility was not always a favorable characteristic, and she'd had her fill of domineering men. Besides, she knew little about this particular man. He could have a wife and eight kids. He certainly struck her as the kind of man who would want to replicate himself.

  "You don't have to stick around," she said cheerfully, and stuck out her hand. "But thanks for your help with Cape."

  He looked at her hand until she dropped it. "Where are you two headed?"

  "That's none of your business."

  He crossed his arms. "Fair enough. Just tell me where I can find Melissa Cape and you'll never have to see me again."

  "I'm supposed to be so grateful for what you did that I spill my guts?"

  He shrugged. "Whatever label you want to put on it."

  "Gee, and I thought you were just being nice."

  "Nobody ever accused me of being a nice guy."

  "Goodbye, Detective."

  He turned back to the stage. "I think I'll stick around to meet your cousin."

  Roxann poked her tongue into her cheek.

  Angora, in her element, proceeded to hold the audience captive while she announced Little Miss Photogenic, Little Miss Congeniality, Little Miss Talent, Little Miss Best Hair (the one rolling on the floor), and finally, Little Miss Little Rock Fall Festival. When the crowd began to break up, Roxann walked to the bottom of the stairs that Angora was descending.

  "Wasn't that fun?" she squealed, touching her crown.

  "Uh, yeah. Listen, something's come up—we need to get going."

  Angora's gaze landed somewhere behind Roxann's shoulder and her face went absolutely feline. "Hel-lo."

  "Hello," Capistrano said, then elbowed Roxann none too discreetly.

  She frowned. "Angora meet, um, Mr. Capistrano. And this is my cousin, Angora Ryder."

  Angora purred. "Do you have a first name, Mr. Capistrano?"

  He extended his hand, along with a dopey smile. "Joe."

  Joe. Roxann pursed her mouth. A nice enough name.

  "And it's Detective Capistrano."

  "Oooh, detective." Then Angora stopped. "Detective? Are we in trouble?"

  Roxann just hated to burst the bubble. "Detective Joe says you're using a stolen credit card."

  Angora jerked her hand back. "Trenton gave me that credit card."

  "Yeah, I know," he said sympathetically. "It's just sour grapes on his part. If you give me the card, I'll try to have this misunderstanding cleared up. Where are you headed?"

  "Sou—"

  "Angora," she cut in with a warning glare. "Give the detective the card."

  Angora found the card and handed it over with a long face. "Your name sounds familiar."

  He looked amused. "Your cousin must have been talking about me. We're working on a case together."

  Roxann rolled her eyes. "Let's go, Angora."

  "What happened? Why are you in such a hurry?"

  "A dangerous man is following the two of you," Capistrano said, "because your cousin won't cooperate with the police."

  Angora's eyes went round. "Is that true, Roxann?"

  She narrowed her eyes at Capistrano. "One person's cooperation is another person's sell-out."

  He scowled. "Look, I have to go back to Biloxi tonight. I can't protect you if Cape decides to follow you again. Go back with me and we'll talk about Melissa. I'll let you be involved in contacting her if it makes you feel better."

  Roxann hesitated.

  "My partner has a wife and two little girls," he added. "Cape deserves to pay for what he did to that family, and for what he did to his own family."

  She sighed and nodded slowly. "Okay...you've convinced me."

  He straightened. "Well. I'm glad to hear you've come to your senses."

  Gesturing for Angora to follow her, she turned in the direction of the exit and began weaving through the crowd.

  Angora leaned in close. "So we're not going to Sou—"

  "No," Roxann said with a jerk on her arm. "I'm sorry, but we'll have to finish our vacation some other time."

  "But what about Dr. Carl?"

  "Later, Angora."

  Capistrano stayed close at their heels as they tramped through the flattened grass. Fireworks started going off overhead, blue and purple and gold. Another time, she would have slowed to enjoy them. Instead, she just wanted to get on the road as soon as possible. But as they approached the concrete-block building that housed the restrooms, she turned to Capistrano. "Do you mind if we stop here before we hit the road?"

  He suddenly looked weary. "Fine. I'll wait here." He turned his back and leaned against a gate, reaching into his shirt to withdraw a crushed pack of cigarettes.

  Roxann grabbed Angora's elbow, waited to make sure he was occupied, then steered her around the side of the building and across the back through wet weeds.

  "What are you doing?" Angora whispered.

  "Be quiet and walk fast. No way I'm going back to Biloxi with that man."

  Angora squealed. "Oh, this is so exciting!"

  Roxann jogged all the way to the van, then vaulted into the driver's seat and slammed the door. Angora was a few seconds behind her, huffing and puffing.

  "It'll take him at least another five minutes to figure out that we're gone," Roxann said, then flipped on the lights and cranked the engine. Like a faithful servant, Goldie turned over.

  "Will he come after us?"

  "Maybe, maybe not," she said, finding a gear and sending the van lurching forward. "If he has to be in Biloxi tomorrow, he can't spend much time chasing us." She pulled out onto the paved road and nudged the speedometer needle up to the limit. "Angora, I think I should take you back to Baton Rouge."

  "No way, this is just starting to get good." She leaned closer. "Who's Frank Cape? And Melissa?"

  Roxann hesitated. "I don't want to involve you."

  Angora's bottom lip came out. "You don't think I can handle it."

  "I don't want to put
you in danger."

  "You think I'm dumb."

  "I don't want to put you in danger."

  She teared up. "Just because I'm not as smart as you, Roxann, doesn't mean I'm stupid."

  "I don't think you're stupid, Angora." Roxann sighed. "Melissa Cape is a woman I helped to relocate away from her ex-husband, Frank."

  The tears evaporated. "And Capistrano wants to send her back?"

  "He wants her to testify against her ex, who shot Capistrano's partner and put him in a coma. Meanwhile, Frank Cape is on my ass because he's trying to find her, too."

  "To prevent her from testifying."

  "Right"

  "Wowee. You're the only one who knows where she is?"

  "Yes."

  "Omigod, this is so much better than my job."

  Roxann glanced in the side mirror, perplexed to see no headlights behind her.

  Capistrano had given up the chase? "The story gets a little more complicated."

  "Okay, but talk slow."

  Roxann counted to three. "I left Biloxi because someone broke into my duplex and typed a threat on my computer screen."

  "So you weren't planning to come to my wedding all along?"

  All roads led back to Angora. "I only received the invitation that day."

  "Oh. Was it the freaky Cape guy who broke into your place?"

  "I thought so, but just now when he confronted me at the carnival—"

  "He was here? Did he hurt you?"

  She shook her head. "He was only trying to scare me. Capistrano got there before anything happened."

  "So Joe saved your life?"

  "I wouldn't go that far."

  "He's really dreamy."

  "Can I finish?"

  "Well, he is."

  "Anyway, when I accused Cape of breaking into my place, he denied it."

  "So he lied."