Our Song

by Savannah Kade

  Chapter 10

  Kelsey hadn’t seen either JD or Andie all weekend. Daniel had asked after his friend, but all Kelsey could say was that Andie and JD needed some time to be just a daddy and his little girl. They would be back Monday morning.

  Kelsey wondered if she was right. She wouldn’t be all that shocked if the two of them just didn’t show up tomorrow. But she would be disappointed.

  She had gone this long without seeing them before, so it took a while to place what was wrong this time: JD no longer needed her. Andie no longer needed her. She wouldn’t scream that Kelsey should be her mommy and JD wouldn’t look at her like she could save him.

  What was even more depressing was how lost she felt without that. All her life Andrew had needed her so much, and she couldn’t ‘fix’ anything for him. But she had ‘fixed’ JD and Andie. She should be happy.

  She almost laughed out loud and looked around, glad that the kids wouldn’t see her getting so maudlin. Who knew if she had ‘fixed’ a damn thing for JD and Andie?

  Maybe she’d sleep a little better tonight.

  That was disturbing, too. She was far too tangled up in other people’s lives. Despite her efforts, she didn’t seem to be able to find any balance. She was either wound up in taking care of Andrew, or her grief, or Andie and JD. And Andie and JD were just people she had been nice to at Target.

  It had certainly turned into more than that. She was watching JD’s child on a regular basis. JD had thrown her the best birthday party she’d ever had. Andrew and her mother had never gone all out for her. They had been far too busy living in their world of ‘everything’s fine’ to look up and see what anyone around them might need. And she had spent all her time making sure that world stayed fine for them.

  Kelsey sat down at the table with her head in her hands. Good lord, she was an enabler! It stuck in her throat, and she swallowed hard to get it down. She’d told herself that the shrinks were full of it, but there it was. And in the end there had been no real solution, only the one Andrew had found for himself.

  Kelsey took a gulp of air. Maybe she had enabled her mother’s alcoholism. But if she had enabled Andy at all, she had enabled him to live—longer and happier.

  She shoved the whole thing aside and went out into the backyard to play with her kids. Allie yelled at Daniel a few times, but he didn’t yell back. Daniel still needed work in the getting-worked-up department. It was surely leftovers from Andrew. And even possibly genetics, also from Andrew.

  If environment did play a part in Andrew’s disease, then Kelsey had her job: make absolutely certain that Daniel’s environment was safer, better, more open. Andrew had taken hold of Daniel’s formative years, but she still had a few left to work with.

  She had never confronted Andy about Daniel. Because Andrew had simply disappeared one day, then showed up years later with baby Daniel. Kelsey had always been afraid that if she tipped him the wrong way, he would just take Daniel and disappear again. For years it had woken her from sleep, ripping the covers away, and racing down the hall to be certain that her Daniel still lay sleeping in his crib.

  Maybe that was why she’d had Allie. To have a child that Andrew’s disease couldn’t steal from her.

  But Andrew had let them all go. Daniel was hers now, and hers alone to undo what had been done.

  She called the kids inside and set them to brushing their teeth and putting on their jammies. Kelsey straightened the house while they were at it. After they were read to, and kissed, and tucked in, she settled in with a soda and a TV show. Her restless nights had left her tired and she passed out in the middle of the program.

  “Kelsey?” JD’s voice swam through the fog to her brain. Light pushed against her eyelids like hot fingers. Somewhere beyond her haze, JD spoke to her again. “Are you all right?”

  “Mmmmmm.”

  To her left the bed sank and she rolled a little toward the weight, unable to stop herself. A warm hand lay against her cheek and, with the tiniest sigh, she leaned into it.

  “Wake up, Kelse.” This time the hand was less friendly and rattled her head until she blinked at him, letting the light in to sear her eyeballs.

  “JD, go ’way.” She pushed weakly at his hands, and tried to roll over.

  But the hands stopped her again. Somewhere in her brain, she knew it was JD and that he was trying to wake her. Somewhere else in her brain was the firm belief that he was Satan incarnate, sent to earth to steal her precious sleep.

  He rattled her again. “Kelse, I need to know that you’re okay. You’re scaring me here.”

  “Damnit!” Even while trying to fend him off, her brain reacted to the idea that she was scaring him. How many times had she stood over Andrew wondering if this would be the time that he wouldn’t wake up? She couldn’t do that to JD, even if he was waking her in the middle of the night. She threw back the sheet and slung her legs, less than gracefully, over the side of the bed and forced her eyes open. “I’m up. All right? What do you want, waking me up so damned early-”

  The alarm clock glared ugly red numbers at her. 9:47. She rubbed her eyes with her fists and only after she had done it did she realize that she must look like a cartoon. And when had she crawled into bed?

  “Okay.” JD inhaled sharply, and she felt as well as saw him stand up and head out of the room. “As long as you’re okay, I’m going to go now.”

  A second later she heard the door click behind him. Only a second after that did she realize that she was in a short t-shirt and underwear and nothing else.

  Good move, Kelse, good move. She’d scared off her hot younger neighbor friend. Oooops.

  It only took a minute to decide that her best course of action was to get dressed and act as though she flashed her undies to her neighbors every day. She grimaced, realizing the ones she was wearing said ‘little devil’.

  She threw on a pair of cotton knit pants and a new t-shirt, this time with a bra, and quickly brushed her teeth and splashed water on her face. The trip down the hall had seemed interminable, but at last she was face to face with JD, who was sitting on the couch while the kids watched their favorite cartoon.

  She punctuated the whole thing with a wide yawn.

  “The kids let me in when I got here. They said you wouldn’t wake up.”

  “Oh, lord. Were they upset?” She flopped down on the couch beside him, ignoring her embarrassment.

  “No, but I was.” His hands searched for something, then found each other.

  Well, maybe the embarrassment wasn’t going to go away quite as fast as she had hoped. “I just hadn’t been sleeping well, and I guess last night I caught up.”

  “Why weren’t you sleeping?” His brown eyes filled with concern, only partially obscured by the hair that just kept growing longer.

  She was not going to answer that one—not out loud anyway. So she shrugged.

  Changing topics had usually worked well with Andy. Of course, Andrew had been emotionally impaired, and JD was nothing of the sort, but, hey, it was worth a shot. “How are things working out with Andie?”

  He grinned. “Not perfect, but better.”

  “You weren’t expecting perfect, were you? Because if you were-”

  His hand came up, stopping her prattles and her worries. And instantly reminding her of the warm feel of it against her cheek, trying to wake her.

  “No, I don’t expect perfect. She speaks to me now, she just doesn’t trust me or think I can do anything right. But it’s a huge improvement. You should have been a lawyer.”

  She only nodded, blinking back the thoughts that she had once had serious designs on Law School. It was hard to hear now that she would have been good at it.

  Again, he redirected her. “So how did you know to pull out her birth certificate? I’m still not sure I understand all of it.”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it, realizing that three little pairs of ears were tuned to the TV, but who knew what they might hear. “Are you guys okay?”

 
; They all nodded like good little TV zombies, and she stood and motioned for JD to follow her into the kitchen. Reaching into the fridge, she grabbed herself a can of coke, loving the icy feel and enjoying the pop and fizz as she opened it. Only after her first relieving sip did she remember to offer one to JD.

  “No thanks.” His eyebrows went up a few notches. “You’re hitting that stuff pretty early today.”

  “I need the caffeine.” She wasn’t about to tell him she had a coke before ten a.m. just about every day. What was he, caffeine police? She propped herself against the counter, waiting for the fizz and sugar to support her from the inside. “I just remembered what you’d said about her mom possibly being sexually abused.”

  He nodded, the light going on.

  Kelsey took another sip before she continued. “If there’s one thing I learned from Andy, it’s that we pass a lot of unexpected things on to our kids. I guess Stephanie passed on her wariness of men.”

  “That does fit pretty neatly with the way Andie’s been acting.” He shook his head. “She just doesn’t quite trust me any further than she can throw me. But at least now she’ll say so rather than screaming and kicking things.”

  Kelsey smiled. “We can work a trade.”

  JD groaned. “Not another trade. I can’t ever pay you back for all your trades. I owe you so many babysitting hours that I should just adopt your kids.” His eyes rolled.

  “This won’t be like that. Besides, I don’t need to be paid back, but you could remember me when you’re big and famous. I’d like to be remembered with a classic Ford Mustang. Teal, please. Leather interior. I can be patient.”

  He was laughing full out when he asked her about her latest trade scheme.

  “I’ll help you show Andie that you can be trusted. Kids learn by watching, and I’m female and therefore trustable. If I show that I trust you, she may come around. Like what do you most need her to do?”

  “Take a bath.”

  Her mouth popped open. “Oh, I am so not demonstrating that one. Pick something else.”

  He nodded, “I figured as much. I really need her to let me brush her hair.”

  “She did it herself this morning, huh?” It was all gathered on one side with clumps sticking out.

  His tone was droll. “You could tell, could you?”

  She nodded. “That we can fix. I’ll be sure and ask your opinion, and defer to you, obviously, several times a day.”

  He grinned, “I’m trying to find an argument with this. What’s my role?”

  Her shoulders lifted in a shrug. “We never knew what would set Andrew off, so we learned to tip-toe around and not raise our voices. Allie has come around, but Daniel got several more years of it. I need to show him that people can argue and they won’t go off on a tear if they get startled or upset.”

  “So . . . we argue?”

  She shrugged. “Clearly I hadn’t really thought that one all the way out.”

  “I guess, if we concede and compromise at the end.” His head tilted. “How off the handle are you going to get?”

  “As off the handle as I feel like!” She mocked shoving him in the chest and trying to ignore the hard feel of it beneath her fingertips. “I have years of built-up resentments and tamped-down feelings.”

  But he couldn’t keep a straight face. “Oh yeah, this is going to work out very well. Our kids are going to think we are insane.”

  “Well, we both have a good excuse. Meet me in the living room.” Back in her own bathroom she grabbed her shell brush and came back, holding it out to JD who was seated on the couch now. “Will you brush my hair for me?”

  The children were too involved in the tv program; she didn’t think any of them had heard her. But as Kelsey settled herself on the floor in front of JD, Andie glanced over her shoulder. She sent Kelsey a look of pure sympathy. “He’s not very good at it.”

  One only had to look at Andie’s own hair to wonder how bad JD could be. Kelsey yelped. “Ouch!”

  “Sorry.” He put the brush back at the crown of her head and started to stroke downward.

  Kelsey flinched.

  JD leaned over her, whispering in her ear. “You’re supposed to be deferring to me. Show her that it’s a good idea to let me brush her hair.”

  “I’m not actually sure that it is. She’s right, you’re bad at this.”

  Indignant, he sat up straight, even as Andie tossed the line over her shoulder. “I told you,” she said without ever taking her eyes off the TV.

  A growl of frustration found its way out of JD and he held the brush down in her line of sight. “Here, then, you do it.”

  He started to stand up, lifting one leg over her, but Kelsey grabbed at it, nearly pulling him back down.

  Kelsey gave him a moment to get settled. “You’ve never brushed long hair before, have you?”

  Leaning over her again, he glared. “Do I look like a stylist?”

  “No.” She grinned and held the brush back up, “Then you’ll learn-”

  “I don’t really want to-”

  “Shh! Watch.” She held her palm against her head, and started at the bottom of a hank of hair, and using small strokes she worked out little tangles one at a time. “If you start at the top, you gather all the little tangles into a bigger knot that will never come out. Now you try.”

  He took the proffered brush from her, placed his palm against her head, and pulled the brush downward through a section of hair. She flinched, but just put her hands over his, indicating that he needed a little more pressure against her head, and smaller strokes at the bottom of the hair. After a moment, she was more aware of her hands over his than of her hair being brushed, so she let go.

  He let out a small huff and worked on another piece of hair.

  Within three minutes she had turned to pudding at his feet. She groaned.

  “What?”

  “No, don’t stop. That feels good. I can’t remember the last time anyone brushed my hair for me.”

  “That’s taking it a little far, don’t you think?” He whispered again. “I just need her to let me do it.”

  “Shhh! Brush!” She tipped her head back and waited. Within a minute she wasn’t able to hold back any longer and she sighed.

  “Oh my god. You really do like this.” He stopped brushing.

  “Shhh! Brush!”

  He laughed. “Okay, but-”

  “Shhh!” She leaned her head back again, exposing her throat.

  He brushed it for her until the end of the kids’ TV program. By then, she had become butter, tilting her head from side to side, to give him better access. She had become so boneless that she simply rested her cheek against his knee, enjoying the feel of soft old denim under her skin.

  He skimmed his palm down her hair. “It gleams. You’re done. My arms are tired.”

  She thought about protesting, but realized there was a better tactic. “You’ll be back tomorrow to brush it again.” She didn’t really ask.

  He changed tacks. “I’m going to take the kids today.”

  “What?” She perked up.

  “You need the day off, you already overslept. I owe you a bazillion hours. I’ll take them.”

  “Are you sure?” As soon as she said it, she wished she could swallow it back. While she had asked that question of everyone else in her life for years, it was insulting to an emotional adult.

  “Yes, I’m sure.” By the tone in his voice it had clearly been insulting to JD.

  Damn.

  “All right, then.” Kelsey threw in a grin, hoping to cover for her gaffe, “Kids, you’re spending the day with JD!”

  Allie and Daniel hopped up and gave happy shouts. Andie simply didn’t protest.

  They worked together to get her kids dressed, and she walked them to the front door. “I don’t really think the idea of letting you brush hair has soaked in.” She spoke that line just to him, but the next one she put at overhearing decibels. “You’ll be back tomorrow morning to brush it again, right
? It gets lots of tangles at night.” She smiled a false, but expectant grin.

  “Dream on. Wednesday maybe. What am I, your hairbrush slave?”

  “Yes!”

  Chapter 11

  Wednesday morning Kelsey set her can of coke out of sight before answering JD’s knock. When she opened the door it revealed a dressed and smiling Andie, with a new shoulder length bob.

  “You cut her-” She didn’t get the word hair out of her mouth. “You cut your hair, too. Andie, I like that new cut. Did your daddy brush it this morning? Because he’s going to brush mine, too.”

  “Nope!” And that was the end of Andie’s conversation. She pushed past them and went off to search out Daniel and Allie.

  Kelsey looked up to find JD glaring at her. “She’s gone, you can just brush it yourself and tell her I did it.”

  Damn. “Please. We wouldn’t want her to discover we were lying to her, that would destroy everything we’ve worked for.”

  That cracked his false glower. “You sound like a super-villain.” He followed her inside, closing the door behind him. “Okay, but only for a few minutes. Get your brush.”

  “Whoo hoo.” She practically ran out of the room, ignoring the voice at the back of her head asking her how sad was it that she was getting more gratification from cajoling her hot younger neighbor into brushing her hair than she had from any of the sex she’d had in recent years. She ignored the voice, handed the brush over to JD and curled up against his leg in front of him.

  She realized, just after she had done it, that it was way too familiar a position for someone who wasn’t her boyfriend at least.

  She was going to examine that problem, but then he put his palm against her head and the brush into her hair, and she lost all train of thought.

  She sat still like a rabbit, as though, if she didn’t make any sudden moves, he would just keep going. It was the stupidest theory ever. He brushed her hair for about ten minutes, then handed the brush back to her.

  He stood and stretched. “I have appointments today.”

  Not long after that, he was out the door. Kelsey was happy for him. ‘Appointments’ would be good. Maybe the band would get signed; that would turn things around. He seemed a little itchier every day about his financial situation. What was laugh-out-loud funny was that she was the financially stable one.