Our Song

by Savannah Kade

  He set her down before it could look like anything other than what he had shared with the kids. But it had already become so much more. “I’ll see you in eight days.”

  He looked at each of them, hoping his bland smile shaded the racing of his heart, and that the roaring in his head didn’t mask anything they were saying. He walked out the front door.

  Later, he didn’t remember fetching the guitars or the drive to the studio parking lot. But he was there and the guitars were in the backseat. He climbed onto the bus knowing that his promise to himself to catch up on sleep was now worth next to nothing. The others loaded on after him, each slinking into his room and closing the door firmly.

  JD threw his bag into the corner, and pulled out the acoustic guitar along with a pencil and a pile of blank pages. A melody had been rattling in his head for several days, but he hadn’t thought anything of it. Now it was congealing, and he could hear the specific notes of the guitar and the bass intertwined. And he had words.

  He finished playing it through for the third time as TJ emerged from his room. “That’s good. You just write that?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.” JD scribbled one last thing.

  “I’m too tired to make a comment on the power-ballad quality or the fact that you obviously wrote it for Kelsey.”

  “Good, then don’t.”

  TJ yawned, the movement of his jaw finally forcing his eyes all the way open. “Tonight’s too early, but we should be able to try it out by Wednesday’s show. Where the hell are we going to be Wednesday?”

  They practiced the piece on the bus that day, and played late at a concert of new and unknown artists. JD was pretty certain that Wilder fell into the second category more than the first. He wore himself out on stage, working for Kelsey’s photography studio.

  JD didn’t even remember where he was when he fell asleep that night. And he didn’t know where he was when his cell phone rang far too early the next morning.

  Without thinking he hit the ‘accept’ button and was immediately rewarded with a scream. His heart raced. “Kelse?”

  “Listen!” He heard noise getting louder in the background. But the volume kept cranking and he realized she was playing their single.

  “Huh?”

  “It’s on the radio!”

  “Oh!”

  Stunned, he stood up, the backs of his knees hitting the edge of the bed in the confined space and making him plop back down on the mattress. The support wires allowed for a little bounce, but, as always, it held.

  This was it. They’d been playing forever to get on the radio.

  He pushed back the door to his cubicle, and went down the hall rattling the accordion doors of his band mates. He heard several “huh”s and a loud “go away”.

  He laughed. “Say good morning to Kelsey!”

  TJ popped his head out, “Damn, from the look on your face, she gave you a BJ from all the way in Nashville.”

  JD ignored his baby brother, even the crass remark didn’t get past his smile. He heard Kelsey laugh on the other end of the line and say, “Better!”

  “We’re on the radio back home, guys.” Into the phone he said, “Crank it up, Kelse!”

  She obliged, likely holding the phone right in front of a speaker and turning the volume to a deafening level.

  By the time the song finished, all four of them were standing there, in the small bus hallway. The DJ’s voice came on in a honey smooth drawl, and she announced the title and their name, saying she’d heard their next single already and thought Nashville would be hearing a lot more from Wilder.

  The guys’ screaming probably deafened Kelsey as much as the radio had.

  But her laughter was what replaced the tinny sound of the radio as she turned the volume down. “Okay, I’ve got to get off the side of the freeway now.”

  “Oh, my God, Kelse. Go, get somewhere safe. Thank you.” He smiled and started to say something else, but TJ’s voice overrode him.

  “I love you, Kelsey!”

  Craig joined in, “I love you, too, Kelsey!”

  Alex whooped before adding his own, “I love you, too, but don’t tell my wife!”

  JD turned away from the expectant faces and spoke directly into the phone, “I love you, Kelsey.”

  “I love you guys.” Again, not what he’d wanted. But he’d take it.

  The bus rumbled into the studio parking lot the night before Christmas Eve. JD worked desperately to squash the nerves he was feeling. What would Kelsey say about that kiss?

  She probably wouldn’t say anything, they had talked on the phone every day, and nothing had come up. Maybe she was waiting to attack him in person. If she attacked him with her lips he’d be thrilled.

  Weary and loaded to the gills, each of the guys practically rolled down the steps of the bus, gear getting lugged into cars. They said beaten good-byes and drove off in slightly different directions.

  JD drove himself home and dragged himself into Kelsey’s arms. The kids would just have to wait while he got what he needed. She hugged him back like he was a soldier returning from a war. He only wished the soldier wasn’t her brother.

  For Christmas Santa went insane. Small toys dripped out of stockings, and piles of presents were stacked around the house. JD stole Kelsey’s stocking before they went to sleep and filled it before creeping back into his own bed.

  The kids woke them at six, running screaming into his and Kelsey’s rooms that Santa had come. JD couldn’t think of a better alarm clock than that. They tore into presents and squealed at things as silly as socks with frogs on them. JD’s heart stopped at a sixteen by twenty black-and-white framed photo of his and Andie’s faces nose to nose. Kelsey smiled a secret smile and wouldn’t reveal when she’d taken it.

  In turn, he insisted on fastening the locket he’d gotten her around her neck. He heard her small gasp when she saw it. Though he’d imagined several things she might say, what she actually did was better than what he had thought up.

  “How much did you spend on this? It’s beautiful.” She fingered the work on the front and opened the tiny clasp.

  He bordered on lying when he answered, “Not too much.”

  Within moments, she had him and the children gathered around for a photo, which she then printed in miniature. She let him fumble again with the clasp at her neck. Her nearness and the way his hands kept brushing the skin at the base of her throat turned him on far more than it should have. It wasn’t right, he knew, to be in lust like that, standing there in front of the children, on the holiest of days. He pulled out the tiny photo that came with the locket, and cut around the one she’d printed then went through the fabulous torture again after inserting the new photo in between the gold sides. Only then did Kelsey let them resume opening their presents.

  Later Craig, TJ, Alex and Bridget came over.

  Kelsey had begged a wedding photo out of Bridget earlier, and gave them a tasteful black and white that was hand tinted and framed. TJ got a Wilder Poster. But Kelsey had re-worked it so that TJ was the sexy front man. It looked like something a teenage girl would hang on her wall, and TJ thought it was the coolest thing he had ever seen. Craig got a pair of super faded jeans with a Celtic/tribal black tattoo down one leg. He liked them until he looked more closely and saw the band’s name worked into the design. “Holy shit. Thank you, Kelsey. Can I wear them onstage?”

  “Sure!” She was flattered by the praise, and her smile hid the tiniest flush in her cheeks. JD slipped just a little further in love with her. And felt just a little further away, his own framed photo seemed to pale a little in comparison. Simply because she had put that effort forth for everyone.

  Only much later that evening, when she was stuffing scraps of wrapping paper into a trash bag, she confessed to him. “It was easier getting stuff for the guys. To me, they are the band. You’re not. I mean you are, but you’re more. I just hope I did okay.”

  That alone was more than enough. “You did great.”

  They fell
asleep on the couch on New Year’s Eve. At eleven. A half-drunk bottle of champagne between them. JD had hoped for other effects of the alcohol, but had no such luck.

  Six days later, when the band was rolling out again, JD offered a repeat performance. He grabbed each of the kids for a hug and a kiss. This time Kelsey lined up, an elfish grin on her face as she waited her turn. “Mom, you’re next!” Daniel warned her.

  “It’s Kelsey’s turn?” JD looked at the little boy, thanking him for helping out, even if he didn’t know it.

  “You can’t forget Mommy!” Bless little Allie, too.

  He mocked a heavy sigh. “All right.”

  Kelsey was giggling when he wrapped his arms around her ribs. Lifting her straight off her feet, he held her close, her laugh catching in her throat. When he saw her eyes, he didn’t wait for comprehension. He just kissed her.

  Not the simple peck of last time.

  He lingered, kissing her softly while he let her body slide down his, slowly putting her back to her own feet. Then once more, the pressure of their lips together soft and sweet, before he broke it off.

  His brain rode herd on his breathing, fighting to keep it under control, “I’ll be back in seven days.”

  Turning, he walked out the front door, but he’d thought in that last look at her that her eyes had been wide and bright.

  Chapter 28

  For a moment, Kelsey simply stood there, just inside her front door, her fingertips touching her lips. The touch seemed to clarify that just maybe she hadn’t imagined the whole thing.

  “Mommy got the best kiss.” Allie was grinning.

  Kelsey blinked. There were still small children gathered around her, depending on her. “I did. Didn’t I?”

  But the kids didn’t answer. They scattered to get ready for church.

  Kelsey breathed deeply and shook her head. Whether the kiss meant anything or not, she had to get to church, and that meant getting dressed, and being sane.

  But she didn’t think sanity was going to be happening anytime too soon.

  Once the kids’ story at the front of the church was finished, and they wandered off to their respective classrooms, her mind took off like a race car. That had been a real kiss. Was it because he could? Was it because he wanted to? Was it because he had a kid and figured a single mom, the one next door even, was the easiest target? The questions rattled in her brain throughout the sermon, and by the time the last hymn was sung, Kelsey was no closer to God or to an answer. But she had about thirty theories floating through her head.

  Like a robot, she took the kids to the store and smiled at the baker. Andie almost got pecked hand-feeding a greedy duck because Kelsey wasn’t paying enough attention. She changed them into thick clothes when she got home, and sent them all into the back yard, praying they would be fine, and that God would hear her prayers even though she hadn’t been very attentive today in church.

  Her brain turned to its new task. She dug out the itinerary that JD had left for her. An hour and a half later she had searched every airline for flights to every destination on their tour. She could make St. Paul on Wednesday night. She called Bethany, knowing only deep disappointment when she got the sitter’s voicemail.

  She was chasing that kiss.

  It was the best thing she had felt in years, maybe ever. And she had to follow it. The money was worth knowing if there was anything more behind it, if it was a momentary whim or just an appeal to scratch two itches.

  She clearly couldn’t answer the question on her own. If Bethany could keep the kids overnight, then she could find out.

  She had served lunches and played a game of almost-badminton when Bethany called. Kelsey took a deep breath hoping that the sitter could cover her. She answered the phone, pressing it tightly to her ear. “Hello.”

  “Hey Kelsey, what did you need?”

  She almost laughed out loud. What she needed was to know if there was any emotion behind the kiss her best friend had given her, and if she could get it again, with tongue please. But she asked Bethany about watching the kids.

  Bethany, of course, couldn’t commit. She had to check her calendar. Kelsey was afraid her ‘cheap’ last minute plane ticket would go away. But she hung up, agreeing to wait out Bethany’s schedule, if not to do it patiently. So she watched the kids play and tried to find some Zen.

  The steel bands constricting her chest were pretty anti-Zen. She was uptight, the way she’d always felt while Andy was spending one of his storms. She just had to wait, and could do nothing about it. Desperately, she tried to convince herself that if it didn’t come together, then it wasn’t meant to be. But that was painful to accept. She knew if JD told her that it wasn’t meant to be, she could accept it. If he told her in words or if she got there and he was with his girlfriend, then she’d know.

  If she sat here all week, she wasn’t sure she could do anything when he got back. It was different having guts when you’d spent money you didn’t have, when you chased a tour bus across several states. But if he just walked in the door, would she have the guts to ask him what he meant?

  She played with the kids, set them in front of a movie. Tried to work and couldn’t get a single thing done. She checked her email, but reading it was strain enough. JD had seriously messed with her head.

  She’d thought he’d sent her into a tailspin last time. She told herself it was just a peck and it was no more than any of the kids had gotten. He’d thrown both of those arguments out the window this morning.

  At seven, her cell phone played her a Wilder tune that she’d downloaded as the sitter’s ringtone. Please have good news.

  “Hello, Bethany?”

  “I have good news.” The girl’s voice was cheerful, and Kelsey smiled.

  In fifteen minutes, she had a ticket for Wednesday afternoon. She would arrive in St. Paul just in time to get to the venue and get in. They weren’t opening for anybody big, and she prayed she could find someone selling a ticket out front. She booked herself a hotel room there for the night, and she’d fly back the next morning.

  For a moment she just sat there, thinking. The plane ticket, the hotel room, the scalped concert ticket, the babysitter, the rental car—she was running up a hefty tab. But when she closed her eyes, and let her sense memory take her back to when he’d kissed her, she knew it was worth it. She might just get her heart broken, with a very expensive blow. But she might come out all the better. Her smile was huge for the rest of the evening.

  The kids asked her about it. She told them she was going on a short trip, and no, they couldn’t go. But she didn’t tell them where or why.

  The kids played games, and watched a few educationally appropriate shows. Kelsey tried to read a book. She downgraded to a fashion magazine and still couldn’t stay focused. Her brain was running circles and thinking in swirls. Every thought began with if and she couldn’t control the speed of her breathing. The song bursting forth from her pocket only made her jump sky high.

  It took half a second to realize that Wilder was not, in fact, having a concert in her jeans, but that her cell was ringing. She looked at it: JD. That made her breathing more erratic. But she forced herself to calm down, or at least to do her best imitation of it, and she answered. “Hey.”

  “Hey, it’s getting near bedtime so I just thought I’d check in.”

  Her mouth pulled up at the corners, and there was nothing she could do about it. Just the sound of his voice made her smile. Her brain ignored the fact that he seemed to be calling about the kids and not to profess undying love. The call wasn’t over yet. “We hit church and the duck pond as usual. The kids played in the backyard and got red noses.”

  He laughed. “Can you put them on?”

  “Sure.”

  Then one by one the kids passed around the phone, telling JD the same thing, only with halting English and digressions about the spider they saw or the dog they felt they needed to get. Allie began every sentence with ‘because.’ She often started the same sentence
five times, the exact same way, but JD’s responses were positive and patient.

  Kelsey felt her heart swell.

  Allie said good-bye into the phone, and Kelsey took it from her, only to find that her daughter had turned it off.

  JD didn’t call back.

  Oh, well. Maybe the kiss was nothing. But the way her fevered brain was working she would have to make the trip to know for certain. When he called the next afternoon on the walk back from school she didn’t tell him either.

  Tuesday she had to practically bite her tongue not to say anything. Snow came that night, but it was only a light dusting. She had Bethany come over and bestowed on her the keys and instructions, although mostly Bethany already knew where everything was.

  The kids all squealed with glee at the thought of having Bethany over. Kelsey was pretty certain that Bethany didn’t follow her instructions to the letter. But, then, as a child neither had her favorite sitters. A late bedtime here or there never killed anyone.

  She had purposely waited until after JD called to have Bethany over, she couldn’t let one of the kids spoil the surprise by blurting out that she was going to go visit him. And thankfully they hadn’t on Sunday; after that, they’d seemed to forget about it. Kelsey disentangled Allie from Bethany’s leg, and broached the subject of Bethany driving the minivan.

  “Sure.” Bethany shrugged and smiled. It took people a while to realize that the girl was really quite intelligent. She was simply fairly agreeable. “I don’t know how I’d get all those car-seats into my coupe.”

  “Exactly. Plus, if it snows, I’ll feel safer having the kids in the heavier car.”

  “That makes sense. And you can take my car to the airport. No sense taking a shuttle or anything.” Bethany smiled again, and played a quick game of Go-Fish before she went home.

  That evening, Kelsey felt her adrenaline kicking in, and she wasn’t sure if she could stand another twenty-four hours of this. She could feel her heart beating inside her ribcage, and far too often her brain had to take over total control of her breathing. But she felt like she had to do this. She was scared and excited and nervous, and had no idea what she’d find.