When With Rome (Perfect Gentlemen Book 1)

by Natalie Gayle

She’s either very well trained or experienced, maybe both. I place a reassuring hand on her shoulder and squeeze. “You were amazing, Carlene. I can’t believe what you did. You saved that man’s life.”

  She tilts her head back, and I have a direct line of sight into those incredible green-hazel eyes of hers. “I just hope we got to him early enough.”

  I let out a huff. “There was no we, Oz. That was all you. Fuck, I wouldn’t have had a clue how to shut down a tractor let alone do CPR like that. Nor do I carry a fully stocked first aid kit, but I’m damned sure going to invest in one now. You had the foresight to tell me to grab your purse. Woman, you’re fucking amazing. I’m definitely good with being beside you in a crisis.”

  She tried to shrug it off. “You helped. I couldn’t have got him down off the tractor like you did. And you called the ambulance and helped out. It was a team effort.”

  I take her hands in mine across the table. “Take the credit, Oz. It was all you. I just took instruction. How did you know to do that stuff?”

  “I’ve lived in the bush nearly all my life. I can drive, ride, and operate just about any type of vehicle or farm equipment. It’s just something we all do and learn. You never know when you’ll have to move a dozer or jump on a dirt bike or something else like that.”

  “Let me get this right—you can operate a bulldozer?”

  She nods as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. “I could cut you out a pad for a shed, build you a dam, whatever. Dozers are okay but excavators…now they’re much more fun. There’s just something about digging holes.”

  I crack up laughing at her teasing. She’s just so refreshing, fun, and a little intimidating. “I’ll take your word for the moment, but for some reason, now I really want to find out for myself.”

  A knowing smile slowly lights up her face. “Messing around with heavy machinery can be addictive. It’s cool to spend a few hours then look back and go ‘wow’ at what you’ve built.”

  “Yeah, I can definitely see what you’re getting at.” Something has me curious. “Have you done anything like that before?”

  “Shut off a runaway tractor? No. Although there was this old ride-on mower we had that Phil rigged not to cut out. I’ve chased it a few times.”

  The stories and experiences she has to tell are just so different from what I know. Real, substantial, and totally addictive to me. “What about the CPR? You ever had to do that before for real?”

  A shadow falls in her eyes. “Yeah, unfortunately. It was a few years ago. The kids must have been about fourteen because they were home for the holidays. One of our jackeroos had a heart attack after dinner. I did CPR, but real help was too far away, and I couldn’t bring him back. After a battle with Phillip about the cost, I bought half a dozen portable defibrillators and made sure there was one in all the right places in case anything like that happened again. I’ve woken up more than once wondering if I’d had a defibrillator handy whether I’d have been able to save him. Again, it was the remoteness that certainly played a factor.”

  She’s talking about this stuff like a trained medical professional. “How did you learn it all? You’re not a closet doctor, are you?”

  “Hardly!” She snorts with good humor, and I’m pleased to see a smile back on her face. “Not a real doctor, maybe a horse doctor. I can stitch and dress a wound, give an injection, start an IV line, or do a nose drench probably as good as any vet. Again, necessity. You don’t get to call a vet who’s hours away when stuff happens. You learn to do it yourself.”

  She rattled it all off like it was nothing. One thing I now know for certain is just how capable and resilient Oz is with practical things.

  “The human medical stuff, I’ve done some advanced first-aid courses for. I did them before the kids were born. I was terrified about what could happen. After Bob, I did some refreshers.”

  “Well, it was a damned good thing we happened along but I think I lost about ten years off my life when I realized what you were going to try and do by climbing up onto that moving tractor.” I squeeze her hands, wanting to reassure her and, I guess, me.

  “It’s not something I’d recommend doing, but I couldn’t see any other way. If the tractor had gone into the irrigation channel, it would have likely flipped and crushed him. I was always planning on bailing out if I couldn’t shut it down, but I was confident I could.”

  “Definitely a ‘don’t try this at home, folks’ moment. Well, any way you look at it, Earl is very lucky we happened along and I just happened to have the equivalent of a real life farming superhero sitting beside me in the car.”

  Carlene drops her chin coyly, and I realize receiving compliments, even playful but heartfelt ones, is not something she’s comfortable with.

  “How about we get out of here,” I suggest as she finishes her drink.

  “Good plan. Let’s get back to our scheduled programming.”

  “Ha! Now who’s making TV jokes?” At least we were both laughing, and hopefully, Earl will be okay.

  Chapter 9

  Carlene

  Last night, Rome lavished another one of his incredible massages on me, only this time, it was somehow even more erotic than before and ended in not one but two mind-blowing orgasms for me.

  We’d been in the mood to celebrate after Rome got a call from Earl’s son to say the doctors had successfully managed to put in a stent and he’s resting comfortably and expected to make a full recovery. Which is great news and somehow helped make up a little for not being able to save Bob.

  Perhaps under the influence of a little too many bubbles (so not me!), I even danced around the hotel suite before Rome playfully tackled me to the bed. From there, things just well…escalated.

  “Mmm, you’re awake,” he says with a sleepy, sexy voice. His arm reaches across and hauls me back into him. “What are you doing way over there?”

  I move willingly, not quite sure what else to do.

  “Just waking up, and I didn’t want to disturb you,” I mumble into his neck, where I’ve landed.

  The next thing he says stuns me. “Is that something your husband didn’t like as well?” For the past few days, he’s carefully avoided mentioning anything that might have bought up memories with Phillip.

  “Because I really love to wake up with a woman in my arms. In fact, if we’re in bed together, I expect it and I get the feeling you’re thinking the opposite.” He starts to run his hand through my hair, and it feels so nice, soothing and comforting.

  I’m not sure whether he wants me to talk or not, but not knowing doesn’t work for me either. I’ve gone from waking up to awake in just the time it took for him to haul me across the bed.

  “I’m confused. I thought you wanted us to live in the moment. Do you want me to talk about my past or not?” I can’t be more honest than that. My life with Phillip is very much something that nobody really knows about, not the kids, not girlfriends, not even family. They know the outward stuff, but not what really being married to Phillip was like.

  “Generally, I prefer to keep things in the moment, Carlene, but I think you need to tell me about the past—particularly after yesterday. There’s a difference. I think you’re going to struggle with the future until you can make peace with the past, whatever it is.”

  His skin is warm and smells so good underneath me. It’s distracting me from the real problem—I’m so far out of my depth with Rome. He makes my stomach flutter, and my head is confused in so many crazy but good ways.

  “You’re so different to any man I’ve ever known, Rome.” I have no idea what he expects or how I should be with him. Not that I have much experience with men in general, to judge.

  “What do you mean? I want to make sure I understand, rather than connecting dots and missing the mark.”

  I sigh and roll away from him until I’m staring up at the ceiling and the only contact I have with Rome are his fingers lightly resting on mine. I can’t do this being so connected to him.

  How do I
go about sharing what my life has been like with Phil for twenty years, with another man? A stranger. Maybe it will be easier because he is a stranger?

  “You really want to hear this?”

  “I do, Oz. I want to know all of you. And to really know you, I need to understand what’s made you the woman you are today. I saw a bit of what you’re capable of yesterday. Now I need to know your story.”

  His words are enough to tip the balance. Unlike anyone else, he asked for it…

  “It’s hard to explain, Rome. Before you, the men I’ve always known were men from the land. They’re hard, practical, closed off, tough…both physically and emotionally. There’s no room for any softness there. It’s their way, and that’s the only way in everything. In life. They make a decision and that’s it.” I hazard a glance sideways, and I can see him chewing over my words, trying to understand what I’m telling him. Although, his eyes aren’t giving anything away as to what he’s feeling.

  “You have to understand, it’s all about survival out where I came from. We were carving out a living in some of the harshest conditions known to man. Phil would never have thought to ask me how I felt about anything other than something to do with the property or to make sure the household ran as it should. Colanara was our whole life. We lived for that property seven days a week, three hundred and sixty-five days a year. It’s all consuming. I thought how we were together as a couple was normal. Remember, I grew up that way.”

  There’s silence between us for a few seconds.

  “When did you realize it wasn’t normal? No, that’s not right,” he immediately corrects himself. “When did you realize there’s more than one type of normal?” he asks gently, and I’m touched that he’s open minded enough to accept my circumstance and is willing to listen.

  But how do I explain this? It was very much a case of what I didn’t know, I didn’t know.

  “Rome, it’s not so much that I realized it wasn’t normal. It was more a slow awakening that probably started when the kids went away to school. Them being away and how their lives changed, brought a restlessness to ours that seemed to keep escalating.”

  “Hang on! What do you mean by the kids went away to school?” I let out a sigh and a pang of guilt rushes through me.

  “Exactly that. From the time the kids were twelve they went to boarding school. Once they started secondary school, they had to go to the city, hours away. There just wasn’t the sort of education they needed available out at Colanara.”

  I saw his shock, and I wondered if he thought it was a callus thing to do.

  “Yup! It just about killed me taking my babies into the city the first time and leaving them there. I knew in my heart it was for the best, but I’d never been separated from them before, and well, it was…awful.” I could feel the tears threatening to fall, and I took a hasty breath to suppress them.

  Rome rolls onto his side to look at me closer. “I have to ask, Carlene, is that normal? It seems so young.”

  “It may seem surprising, but it’s the done thing with outback kids. There’s just not the education or the opportunities for them in the country. It’s just another sacrifice you have to make for living out there.” As hard as I try, I can’t keep the bitterness from my tone.

  “Wow, that must have been so hard on you and your husband, and of course, the kids.”

  “Was it hard on me—absolutely. I was lost in my own home for months without them there. Was it hard on Phillip? If it was, you’d have never known.” I watch his eyes go wide at that.

  “How could it not be?” he asks, still not getting it.

  “Rome, people in the outback, men in particular, never show emotion. They don’t cry, they don’t talk about their feelings or how they miss their kids. It’s some sort of unwritten code. The only thing that’s acceptable to whine about is the drought, the weather, and the price of feed. Everything else is off limits. Somehow, it’s a slight to everyone if you talk about how you really feel—makes you a lesser or weak person or something. Eventually, it’s just easier to turn off all the emotions. If you don’t let yourself feel emotions, you’re not tempted to feel the need to talk about them. And that just saves everyone a bucket load of discomfort.”

  He’s shaking his head no at what I’ve just told him. “That’s just so…wrong!” For the first time, I hear outrage in his tone, and I love the fact he’s feeling this on my behalf.

  “Right or wrong, it’s how we lived. I know it’s hard to understand, but I’m telling you the absolute truth. It’s just like this massive unwritten rule. We all grow up the same. It’s one of the reasons why, as much as it hurt me to lose them so young, I pushed for the kids to go to boarding school. They were still young enough not to have that sort of burden placed on them. I wanted them to be able to be free to live and explore other lives, besides a cattle station.”

  He’s shaking his head again and looking at me as if he can see to my very soul. “That’s a hell of a sacrifice, baby.”

  “They’re my children. How could I not want the best for them even if it hurt me for them to get it? I wanted them to have options and opportunities. I wanted them to experience the city and everything life has to offer. That wasn’t going to happen out at Colonara.”

  He rolls closer and kisses the point of my shoulder. “So strong, so stoic.”

  Stoic is correct. It’s the word often used to describe the outback folk of Australia. We’ve had to be stoic to survive.

  Things are different for me, now—I just have to remember it.

  Rome

  My admiration for her strength has been building the more I’ve got to know her, but this last revelation has me reeling inside. I know her well enough now to begin to fathom just how hard it’s been on her, but I admire her more for going with what she thought best for her kids. The price, I realize, is she’s been dealing with her pain alone.

  Rather than shoulder the load together, her husband dealt with his feelings of separation, if he’d even had them, and Carlene dealt with hers. I’ve never been married, but I damned well know this is not what it’s supposed to be about.

  We’ve drifted off the track I thought we were going to venture down, but it doesn’t matter. Carlene clearly needs to talk, and I need to listen and understand if I want to truly get to know her.

  “So you were telling me about what happened when the kids went away to school.” I bring her back to the place in her story where we digressed. Although, I’m glad we did. I needed to understand about her children to understand her.

  I watch her struggle to take a breath, and her voice hitches as she begins. “It went on for years, Rome. Every year was a little worse than the last. The kids became more ingrained and in love with their city school lives. And both are now in medical school.”

  “Wow,” I cut in. “You must be so proud of them.”

  I watch her eyes go soft with pride and admiration for them. “I am so proud of them. They’re such great kids, so much more than I could ever be.”

  “I think you’re selling yourself short, Oz.”

  “Maybe. Doesn’t really matter. You know, it was Bob’s death that influenced their decisions to be doctors. They were there on holidays when Bob had the heart attack. It didn’t take much to encourage them to take some first-aid courses after that, and from there, they got a real taste and interest in medicine.”

  She gets a little faraway look in her eyes, and I know she’s pouring over memories, more painful than good.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt but I couldn’t help it. I’m impressed by your kids and I haven’t even met them. Such a small percentage of kids get into medical school and both of yours have.” What I don’t add is the moment the words are out of my mouth, I realize I want to meet them.

  “It’s fine, and you can be impressed. I certainly am. Anyway, every year, things seemed to get worse and we became more distant. Phillip’s animosity rose higher in proportion to the more he realized the kids weren’t coming bac
k to the property. Plus, we’d been battling yet another drought for three years and money was getting tighter and tighter.

  Her hands fly up in exasperation. “We finally reached a crossroads in our lives, decisions needed to be made about our future. With the constant drought, the property was no longer viable. Phil and I drifted apart more and more. Looking back, I guess it started when the kids went to boarding school. And…” The struggle with what she wants to say is real. I can see it plainly on her face, in her eyes and through the tension in her body

  Lightly I stroke the back of her hand, trying to offer reassurance and support. “And what?”

  I watch her throat close up. And I can see the pain and anguish marring her face as she struggles to find the words to go on.

  “I’ve never told anybody this, and that’s what makes me feel awful.” Her voice trails off in a whisper, and I stroke a lock of hair back from her forehead. Not pushing, just waiting for her to go on.

  “Whatever your secret is, it’s safe with me. I’ll never breathe a word of anything that’s said or done between us. People say I’m a good listener, and I think you really need an ear. I have two available, all for you.”

  Gratefulness washes across her face, and she looks at me and kind of right through me at the same time.

  With a slow smile, she nods once. “I believe you, Rome. I’ve never had a man willing to hear my confessions before, nor have I ever felt the need to talk—but I do now. I think it’s time. New…weird but I appreciate you not judging. I feel so guilty because I wish I’d had the courage or even known how to say all these things to my husband. He’s the one who should have heard them and that really hurts me in so many ways. I feel like I failed him.”

  I’m honored she feels comfortable enough with me to accept my offer. It also pains me to hear of how she knows and regrets what was not said between her and her husband.

  “This is all going to sound so terrible and I’m sure you’ve already got a picture of Phillip being a monster. He wasn’t. He was just a very hard person because his environment had forged him that way in order to survive. I truly loved him with all my heart at the beginning. I loved him at the end because he was my husband, and I regret that I couldn’t reach him. And I’m beginning to realize a lot of that was on me. I love him now and always will because he gave me Chelsea and Jackson. But I’m not in-love with him anymore, and I don’t think I had been for a long time. Colanara and the red dirt sucked the love out of our marriage just as sure as the last drought sucked the moisture and life out of the ground.”